


Unknown number is calling

by redhoody



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (is so hard on the knees), Alternate Universe - College/University, Bad Flirting, Bad Puns, Dorks, Falling In Love, Flirting, M/M, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Slow Burn, Texting, Wrong Number AU, incorrect use of emojis by the author, like the slowest of slow burns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2018-12-05 01:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 113,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11567889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redhoody/pseuds/redhoody
Summary: „Smartass.“„Nah. more like a nice ass.“„Well, I guess you were nice to help me out here, so...“„No, I mean my ass, you should see it sometime.“Steve lets out a snort. „You are a horrible person. Thanks however.“„Anytime.“ The guy singsongs and hangs up for a second time. Steve just shakes his head.Or: Steve calls the wrong number and a new friendship is born.But maybe friendship isn't the right word, considering how badly Steve wants to meet the guy. Maybe even kiss him.Problem: He doesn't even know his name yet.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is honestly just me being very self indulgent about my headcanons.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

„Hey man, my phone just died because of you, AGAIN. Could you please stop stealing my charger? ... Maybe I’ll get important texts, like, maybe the cute guy from last Friday night decides to call me, who knows? I don’t, because my phone is dead.” Steve rumbles.

„…“ Nothing from the other line.

„Sam?“

„Uh, no, pal, I think you got the wrong number.” A gravelly voice that‘s definately not Sam answeres.

Steve automatically looks at his interphone display checking the number he called, did he mix up some digits? He slowly puts the speaker back to his ear.

„I-I am sorry… uh.” he manages, when he hears the guy on the other side let out a puff of laughter.

„No worries. But since I’m not Sam I don’t think I can help you out, sooo… bye.“ And without another word he hangs up.

Steve sits there listening to the phone beep a few seconds feeling embarrassed. Then he tries recalling the right number and this time around Sam is luckily the one picking up. He promises to come to his dormitory by six and bring the charger, but only if Steve cooks dinner for him, which, honestly, is all kind of unfair since it was Sam’s fault he has to come over.

However by six the meal is ready and Sam knocks at the door.

„Yo, Steve, I am sorry.” He says as a greeting tossing him the charger.

„Yeah sure you are.”

„I am! I thought it was mine. You know how it is, I practically live here, so i just assume everything that looks familiar is mine.“ He shrugs with one arm.

„With that logic it would mean that everything is yours if you practically live here. Please eat your food.“ Steve hands him the plate over with a dramatic sigh.

Steve met Sam at the beginning of his freshman year when they had a class of history together. They both were obligated to take it and bonded over their mutual hatred for Professor Pierce and the agonizingly late hours the class took place. Since then they are inseparable and meet up almost every day to go for a run together in the morning bevor class starts, if their schedule makes it possible.

„Why is this so good, Steve?“ Sam muffles, his mouth stuffed with spaghetti.

„Everybody can cook pasta, it just tastes so good to you because you are the only moron who can’t.“ he answeres with a smirk.

„Hey! You know i am an excellent cook! Pasta is hard, every noodle needs a different cooking time. That’s fucked up man!“

It is true. Sam is a good cook. He just isn’t so skilled when it comes to Italian food it seems.  
  
They talk a bit about their day and the upcoming papers they have to do (studies in Steve’s case since he is majoring in art). And around nine Sam has to go, luckily leaving Steve’s charger this time.  
After doing the dishes Steve finally charges his phone, having forgotten about it with Sam being Sam, hoping he got a message from Brock Rumlow. They went on a date last week on a Friday night, Steve thought it had gone pretty well but Rumlow hasn’t messaged him after and he didn’t get his number, just gave him his. So his heart jumps a bit when he unlocks his phone that comes to life right this second. A message from an unknown number. Steve feels nervousness washing over him as he accesses the text.

**673834680:** So i had a good time last night next Friday same time same place? ;)

This has to be Brock. Steve grins to himself as he answers the message.  
  
**You:** I had, too (smilie emoji)

**You:** So it’s a yes.

***

A few weeks later, it’s Wednesday night and Steve is at home. In the bathroom to be specific. Since he is a smart guy he has his phone in his back pocket. But somebody is calling him and since he is also a moron he pulls it out while standing directly in front of the toiletseat. Brock's name flashes up on the screen and not expecting it he lets his phone fall. Directly. Into the toilet.

„No!“

But it’s too late. The phone meets the water with a splash. The ringing stops.

„NO!“ Steve shouts again pulling the phone out immediately with a slightly disgusted look on his face. He smashes some buttons but nothing, the display stays dark. Swearing under his breath he washes his hands. Then he grabs his interphone and dials Sam’s number panicking.

„Shit, Sam, my phone fell into the toilet, it’s not working what do i do, fix it!“

An expected laugh from an unexpected but slightly familiar voice meets him from the other line.

“Dude, i feel sorry for Sam. Do you call them for everything that happens to you?”

“Wha-?”

„How do you even manage to let your phone fall into the toilet, how are you alive?“

„Hey!“

„However, even if I am not Sam, I think i _can_ help you this time. You’re lucky you called an electrical engineering major. So, what exactly is your phone doing?“

„Nothing, that’s the thing“. Steve answeres hesitating. He is still confused about having the same guy from last time on the other line. And why would he even help him? Maybe he expects payment for it?

A little sigh. „Like is it just the screen or is nothing working anymore?“

After turning the sound up and hearing that the buttons still make a sound he gives the information to the guy on the phone.

„Ok good, then take a screwdriver and oben it up first, i can talk you through the rest of it if you tell me which model you got there.“

After some struggle on Steve’s side and a lot of walkthrough from the guy on the phone he thought he made a pretty good job with it. The phone guy (who he had started calling not-Sam in his head) was actually pretty nice about it and understood Steve’s reluctance to start the job but patiently explained everything to him probably like three times and encouraged him until he finally managed. Steve’s face was burnig from embarassment the whole time, which probably wasn’t too good for his blood pressure but he couldn’t help but feel like a complete idiot. When the act is finally done he is staring at the phone in his hands doubtingly. At least not-Sam seemed to know what he was talking about.

„So it should work now?“ Steve asks feebly.

„Turn it on. It should be fine, even if you are possibly the clumsiest person on this planet, with my splendid explanations it should be as good as new.“

„Fuck you.“ Steve whines turning his phone on.

„Why, you wanna listen?“

He can hear the grin in the guys’ voice like saying something like that to a total stranger was a normal thing to do.

„Siriously, fuck you. It turned on tho..“

He could hear a laugh on the other end. „Still got your messages?“

„I guess. At least i’ve go a few notifications but those were there before.“ And a missed call from Brock. Wonderful. He’d forgotten about that.

„Okay then.“ A short hesitation. „You want me to give it a call just to be sure then?“

„That would be nice, yeah.“ Steve says surprising himself, but gives not-Sam his number anyways even if he’s feeling a bit strange about it. Obviously not-Sam just wants to make sure the phone works, so what about it?

„Good I’ll try calling you then. If it doesn’t work feel free to recall with the phone you’re on now.“ And again he hangs up saying nothing else.  
  
After a few seconds his mobile rings and he pickes it up.

„Thanks, it works.“ Steve answers grinning.

„Nice. So try to keep it save next time. Maybe tie your charger around it just to be sure. At least it can bungee jump if it happenes again.“

„Smartass.“

„Nah. more like a nice ass.“

„Well, I guess you were nice to help me out here, so...“

„No, I mean my ass, you should see it sometime.“

Steve lets out a snort. „You are a horrible person. Thanks however.“

„Anytime.“ The guy singsongs and hangs up for a second time. Steve just shakes his head.

***

A few exhausting hours later Steve falls into his bed. He grabs the phone once more letting out a silent prayer that it’s still working and checks if Sam has left him a message weather the running date in the morning is still on. There is no message from Sam, though, but once more a text from an unknown number. He slides to access to the message.

**66352886:** So hot guy from Friday night a few weeks ago called u? (Innuendo emoji)

**You** : Brock? Seriously I just told you to get lost. I thought you finally got the message. Texting me under a new number won’t help you either.

**66352886:** Ok i guess thats a no and also first im sam then im brock? i am offended is what i am

**66352886:** u didnt even save my number like i wasted 3 hours to help u fix ur phone and thats how u thank me

Steve furrows his brow in confusion.

**66352886:** now its on dont even try telling me your name i will call you blue ivy if i want to

**66352886:** also i dont wanna know it ud ruin the magic

**66352886:** still there?

**You:** Sorry I just wasn’t expecting you texting me

Steve types lamely and sends it. But he really hasn’t expected not-Sam to text him.

**You:** But no it didn’t work out with the cute guy. Brock. He is a massive asshole. And i just made it clear to him like ten minutes ago so i was confused seeing an unknown number talking about him...

**You:** Because punching him in the face once didn’t get my point through apparently.

**You:** What magic are you talking about, tho?

**66352886:** omg what did he do to have the privilege to get punched by you? (laughing emoji)

**66352886:** well, being called by the same moron TWICE by mistake thats magic ok so dont ruin it

Steve can’t fight off a huge grin anymore.

**You:** How are you the one calling me a moron?

**You:** He touched a lady when he really shouldn’t. She didn’t want it and I was on a date with him, so yeah.

**66352886:** shit

**66352886:** he deserved getting punched

**66352886:** what an ass

**66352886:** he had to be really hot for u to not realize it immediately

**66352886:** also how do you even have the audicity to call me a moron when you let your phone fall into a toilet srsly pal

**66352886:** amazing

**You:** yeah and he thought I was just angry because he flirted with the girl while we were on a date. He didn’t even understand what his mistake was, doesn’t matter how hot he is

**You:** if I say fuck you again will you be normal about it?

**66352886:** true

**66352886:** i can try

**You:** fuck you

**66352886:** ok ill send pics

Steve laughes out loud. Not-Sam is really something else it seems.  
He sets his alarm and goes to sleep.

***

When he wakes up as usual at 5:30 to get ready for his morning run he checks his phone to see that there are 6 new messages. The one from Sam he was expecting. He wouldn’t make it to the morning run today but then again he practically never does on Thursdays, since he has classes in the evening and prefers to visit his close friend Riley in the morning. Riley had an accident and is currently in the hospital. It had been pretty bad at first but he is recovering really fast and well. All Steve knows is that his hiking vacation didn’t go as planned and he fell down a pretty high cliff.  
  
Then there is a message from Sharon saying she wants a seat reseved next to him in modern art studies since she missed last lesson and Steve is always so prepared all he time. That makes Steve smile. Sharon is good enough by herself, but he loves her company so he agrees to show her his notes.  
  
The remaining 4 texts are from not-Sam.

**66352886:** did i scare u away?

**66352886:** sorry if i said something wrong i was just joking

**66352886:** i swear im not as much of an asshole as that brock guy (monkey emoji)

And half an hour later:

**66352886:** good night blue-ivy

Steve is now _not_ smiling at his phone like the moron he discovered he was last night.

**You:** Good Morning (smilie face)

**You:** Don’t worry you said nothing wrong i just went to sleep

**You:** but as much as i appreaciate it, please don’t call me blue ivy

He shuts his phone and changes into his workout pants, eats a banana and drinks some orange juce. Lastly he puts on his running shoes puts his music on shuffle and runs.

***

After his shower there is just enough time to eat breakfast before heading to campus. He checks his phone and feels a little disappointmed, there is only a text from Sharon saying she’ll look forward to class. Steve isn’t a guy who dicks around with his phone much, normally he just checks it when he wakes up and before going to sleep. It’s not that he doesn’t have many friends, in fact he has quite a few, it’s just that he prefers calling them up and meeting them in person instead of texting. But now there is a person he can’t just call up.  
He can’t lie to himself, he kinda hoped to talk to not-Sam. It is relaxing talking to someone without a face, there is no being afraid of judgement. Spinning his mobile in his hands he unlocks it again and finally saves the strangers numer.

New contact: Not-Sam

Modern art studies passed by pretty uneventful. He talked to Sharon and explained to her what they did last time. They listened to the professor and made a few sketches.

„So you had a nice evening last night?“ She asks on their way to the cafeteria like she does every day. Due to them both mayoring in the same subject they always walk there together to meet some of their friends depending on the day and how everybody's schedule fits into it.

„Yeah, actually I..“ he surprises himself with his hesitation but somehow he doesn’t want to tell anybody about Not-Sam just yet. Maybe he’ll never answer again and it was one day of communication, so why should he mention it to anybody? For now he’ll keep his secret. He decides to focus on another truth. „I finally managed to make it clear to Brock that I don’t ever wanna see him again. So that was freeing.“

Sharon rises her eyebrows. Of course she knows everything about Brock and what happened on their so-called date. „It was about time.“

Steve nods and they open the doors to the cafeteria walking straight to their usual table at the centre of the room next to the big window. As per usual on a Thursday Thor, Jane and Darcy are already sitting there drinking their coffee.

„I had a really stressfull conversation with him yesterday but it’s fine now.“

Darcy is in the middle of telling a story as they put their bags down, Sharon already searching for her wallet to get a coffee for herself.

„I’ll bring one for you, too.“ She smiles at Steve making her way to the counter.

Steve thanks her and pulls out his phone. So what? Darcy is still telling her story and he doesn’t know what it’s about so it’s okay to check his phone once...

The betraying feeling of relief he gets when seeing the little number next to his notifications leaves a sour taste in his mouth, but it’s whatever. He slides to unlock.

**Not-Sam:** ok good i didnt wanna leave the wrong impression

**Not-Sam:** omg i just saw on what time u sent me that message what is wrong with u y r u awake at such unholy hours i get tired again just by looking at the time i woke up at 9 and i am dying holy fuck (shitton of panic emojis)

**Not-Sam:** that about making a good impression well…

**Not-Sam:** I assume u saved my number by now? (Innuendo emoji)

Steve finds himself staring at his screen with a grin for the second time this morning. He’s transforming into a lunatic.

**You:** I like to go for a run every morning is all

**You:** Are you one of those lazy bums who wakes up at midday when there’s nothing to wake you up?

He makes a screenshot of the history captioning it with „got you a name (smilie face)“

To Steve’s surprise there is an immediate answer.

**Not-Sam:** don’t make fun of me blue ivy

**Not-Sam:** is2g ur probably a towser arent u? like going to the gym every day only eating true fruits and shit like that?

**Not-Sam:** shit

**Not-Sam:** and i just got the pic r u srs????? I am OFFENDED of course i am not ur samantha fuck u

He laughes and looks up. Thor and Jane are talking but Darcy is looking at him with a pointed smile and a knowing eyebrow raised to her hairline.

„What?“ Steve mouths squirreling away the phone in his back pocket where he retrieved it from. Darcys smile widens and Sharon returns with two tall, steaming cups in her hands.

„There you go.“ She says handing one cup over to Steve smiling.

„Thank you.“ He grabs the cup and takes a deep breath smelling the coffee. „I already feel better.“ He takes a gulp.

They spent the remaining time exchanging stories about their last classes and making fun of some of the professors. Steve’s fingers itch to take his phone out again but he doesn’t dare under Darcys stare. So he occupies them with his now empty coffecup.

When it’s time to get to go Jane kisses Thor goodbye and then he follows Steve outside into the corridor. It is Steve’s last thing on schedule for the day and it’s where he met Thor at the beginning of the year. It’s actually an extra activity where they prepare the stages for the drama club, draging the props from place to place until the actors are satisfied with the positioning. Thor is a nice guy, even if he looks a bit intimidating at first because of his build. His parents are Norwegian and he looks it. To be completely honest they started talking because Steve tried to hit on him. It was mortifying, because it took Thor some time to understand that he was being hit on so Steve only found out he was seeing Jane days later. But it didn’t take long until Steve was able to move past his initial embarassment. Thor and he are good friends and Jane is an amazing and brilliant woman, and since Thor’s a bit rough around the edges those two complete each other perfectly. Also that’s how he was introduced to Darcy, who is Jane’s best friend and is always the life of the party, even when the party ends up to be everybody sitting in the cafeteria. Steve is happy he met them all.

As they arrive at the carpentry, where all the scenery is built, Steve steals out his phone.

**Not-Sam:** You’ve got the audacity  
  
he had written sending a screenshot of Steve’s contact as well. Steve felt heat running up his face. „Eargasm moron“, it read.

**You:** You’ll stop making fun of me when you’ll get problems with your blood pressure. Sleeping too much isn’t healthy.

**You:** What is up with that contact name, tho? Did I affect you that much? (innuendo emoji)

**You:** also fyi Sam’s a guy

He stores his phone away feeling ridiculous. Normally he is a flirty guy but right now he flushes at stupid texts. Maybe it is because the stranger seems to have interest in talking to him without knowing what he looks like. Considering the sickly body he had as a child, which everybody loved to pick on and was the reason he had a lonely childhood. So maybe it is understandable, but it still makes him feel like a loon. It isn’t important, just stupid texting via mobile, it means nothing.

***

They stayed a bit longer than usual. In only five weeks there is going to be an act that is always wildly popular this time of the year, since none oft he students have to pay for this particular performance. It is „The Canterville Ghost“ and nobody’s sure why it is treated differently but every broke student is happy about it so noone starts questioning it either. It is performed every semester and the scenery has to be perfect, ultimatly it is the biggest event for drama class. The overseeing professor is really picky about it every damn year and Thor and Steve were already bracing each other to not dick around too much today. Unfortunately Thor accidentally smashed one of the set decorations when he laughed so hard about Steve dancing in front of a ghost replica that he ended up putting a fist through it.

The professor was really unhappy about it and they had to rebuild it immediately. It was good teamwork tho, Thor is good with tools and had already used a buzzsaw once or twice. And Steve's obviously good with colors, so he painted it. Having it done a few times for the drama club already it didn’t end up to be that much of a hazard, they just lost some time over it. In the end they were pretty proud about the tree though, and fondly called it the Captain Hammer Tree. They even carved their initials into it.

It happenend early when they met each other but Darcy just started calling them Captain (Steve) and Hammerman (Thor) respectively. When they asked her why she just vagualy stated that it fits their personality. Since then it was kind of a running gag for the gang.

Right now Steve is opening the door to his appartment, it‘s only two in the afternoon and he wants to get something done for his finals. The task is to draw five portraits fitting a theme. Steve has had the idea to draw people who were about to do something, he thought it was pretty creative since he had never seen an approach like that and he always thought people looked their best when they were about to display emotions. Until now he had just settet on drawing Sam before he was sneezing. It was the best face his best friend could pull off in Steve’s opinion and he had made an amazing shot of it the last time they went to a party. He couldn’t wish for a better reference really.

But first of all he opens his fridge. There are some leftovers of the potato mash he had with Sam the day before, so he warms it up and eats sitting on the kitchen counter. He decides that having a quick look at his cellular won’t kill him.

**Not-Sam** : yeah thanks health guru i think i will manage

**Not-Sam:** course u did

**Not-Sam:** ur voice makes dreams come true pal

**Not-Sam:** whyd u think id ask for ur number surely not cause u impressed me with ur toilet skills

**Not-Sam:** so sam also a hot guy u met on a Friday night?

Those texts all came in pretty much as Steve left for the carpentry. Then there are a few sent seemingly at random.

**Not-Sam:** jesus this lecture is so boring (snoring emoji)

**Not-Sam:** what u majoring at? At least i guess ur in uni if u live in a dormitory??

These were followed by a picture showing some tools and a crude sketch of what seemed to be a robotic arm. Not-Sam captured it with „this projects gonna be lit af“ and Steve is reminded that the guy majors in engeneering mechanics.

**You:** Well you should be impressed by my "toilet skills", I did some stuff there I am really proud of (inuendo emojis)

**You:** I am majoring in arts tho not toilet skills

**You:** What’s your project about? Looks interesting. You building a robot or anything?

**You:** Shit, thanks for reminding me, I really should get started with my own project as well.

And with that Steve reluctantly lays the phone on the counter sitting down in front of his easel. He pulls out Sam’s picture and snorts at the sight of it. He is motivated at sight by that beautiful face about to sneeze. Since he is so practiced in drawing Sam’s face he doesn’t need much of a warm up but just pulls out his colors and starts working.

***

After a few hours Steve thinks he’s got the outlines and basic color template about right and decides to call it quits for today. He stocks his drawing utensils away and washes his hands as good as possible. This stupid acrylic paint never wants to go off entirely, it may look artsy but it’s actually just pretty annoying. Then he lays down in his bed and starts reading a text required for class tomorrow. He doesn’t seem to be able to concentrate and after reading the same paragraph for what feels like the fifth time he gives up with a huff and goes to take his phone from the counter in the kitchen where he left it before. It was not the reason he couldn’t concentrate, not really, he just wants to check it before continuing his reading.

His mobile safely wrapped in his hands he lets himself fall into the bed again, full dropping on his stomach. He lazily unlocks the phone looking forward to reading not-Sam’s texts. If there are any. But, well, there are.

**Not-Sam:** Ur just making fun of me cause i couldnt think of an eloquent word for ‚dropping ur phone into the toilet‘ u realize thats not fair

**Not-Sam:** also i hope u dont mean a big dump

**Not-Sam:** Nah not a robot pal  
i’m tying to build a cybernetic prosthesis u kno for people who lose a limb or r born without one..  
like one thats connected to the brain so u can still use it and shit so its not just hanging there to look ‚normal‘ like who cares about that if it doesnt work properly idk  
i mean its just gonna be a prototype but who knows maybe in a few years it will be possible to build and it will help people and stuff

**Not-Sam:** however u a art ho!!! (heart eyes emoji)

**Not-Sam:** thats so great i thought u were like idk majoring in sports or healthcare or something but this just keeps getting better

**Not-Sam:** that sounded offensive ugh... i swear im just pumped to hear about this like i dont even know how to hold a pencil

**Not-Sam:** now i feel self concious about showing u my sketch oh god

**Not-Sam:** What about ur project? Hope u got work done

Hearing about not-Sam’s project made Steve feel warm all over. He had been such a sick kid himself and thinking that some other kid who could be treated badly for having a body that doesn’t correspond with the person behind it could have a much happier childhood than him because of a student project. Well, it just makes him feel a bit mushy, is all. He knows it is just an idea but maybe it will be possible in a few years and for Steve that sounds amazing.

**You:** Wow, that’s much better than a robot. You could actually help people! Kids could feel like superheroes, did you think of that? Like there could be different themed ones, ones that do not look like an actual limp (i mean those, too), but like really colorfull ones and all.

**You:** Under all your cocky exterior you’re pretty altruistic, aren’t you? (smilie face)

**You:** I did do some work on my project yeah, thanks

Steve was just about to put his phone on the nightstand to continue his reading as he feels it vibrating in his hand.

**Not-Sam:** im the complete deal, pal

**Not-Sam:** no no no i just told u about my project in detail i am expecting the same from u

Steve rolls his eyes.

**You:** Just a portrait study. Like, we need five in total but I just started the first, so... They all have to be under the same theme, and I wanted to capture emotions, (like every boring artist I know). But I’m trying to capture them when they are about to happen, not when they are already happening. Like, when someone‘s about to laugh or cry or whatever, that’s the moment I want to bring to live.

Again the next message arrives immediately.

**Not-Sam:** thats super cool! Whats the first one you started on?

**You:**  ...well, it’s someone about to sneeze...

This time the answer takes a little longer

**Not-Sam:** u wouldnt know but i just dropped my phone from laughing so hard

**Not-Sam:** not that i dont appreciate the handsome looks of someone about to sneeze but isnt it like a BIT uneasthetic?

**Not-Sam:** (shitton of laughing emojis)

**You:** I just think it looks genuine and on top of that it’s an original idea

Steve types defensively, he is smiling though.

**Not-Sam:** well tru i never saw somebody paint it (laughing emojis)

**Not-Sam:** can i see it?

**You:** It’s not done yet

**Not-Sam:** i don’t care (smilie face)

A queezy feeling cramps up Steve’s stomach. He doesn’t really like people looking at his work, especially when it’s still in the making. He decides on telling the truth.

**You:** I actually don’t feel comfortable sharing my art. I only show it to Sam and not even all of it.

**You:** Sorry.

**Not-Sam:** no need to apologize

**Not-Sam:** even if i would have loved to see it no need to lie

**Not-Sam:** but if the boyfriend cant even see it i shouldnt complain (grin emoji)

**You:** What? Sam?

Again, the answer takes a bit longer to come in.

**Not-Sam:** Uhm. Well u didnt answer before so i just assumed actually?

**You:** Well, you shouldn’t. He’s my best friend.

**You:** Like why would I go on a date with a guy like Brock if I had a boyfriend?

**Not-Sam:** yeah... i didn’t think that through

**Not-Sam:** sorry

Again a little pause.

**Not-Sam:** u r gay tho, right?

**You:** No.

**Not-Sam:** shit i fucked up

**Not-Sam:** sorry

**Not-Sam:** i really am

**Not-Sam:** nat tells me i assume too fast i know shes right shes always right

**Not-Sam:** im sorry

**Not-Sam:** ill back off if u want me to

Steve’s brow is furrowd. He doesn’t like it, when people assume things without knowing for sure, but the guy seriously seems to be sorry. So he takes pitty on him and sighs.

**You:** Well, I guess you weren’t totally wrong

**You:** I am bisexual

**You:** No wait

**You:** Actually I am panromantic and demisexual

Steve found that out about himself not such a long time ago and only a few people know about it. But he feels like it’s an important thing about himself, so he should get it right from the start.  
This time the answer comes quickly.

**Not-Sam:** sorry i am bad with new people

**Not-Sam:** sorry i am not gonna bother u about that anymore

**Not-Sam:** no sorry except i am because i have no idea what those words mean

A snort escapes Steve’s nose.

**You:** You’re unbelievable (sad smilie face u know the one)

**You:** Panromantic means i could fall in love with any gender, you know, not just male and female

**You:** Demisexual just means i can only start to feel sexual attraction to somebody when i know them for a bit and have already a deep or intimate bond with them

**You:** Also stop saying you’re sorry i kinda got that

**Not-Sam:** well i am sorry tho...

**Not-Sam:** and thanks for explaining

**Not-Sam:** if i say i am bisexual now it feels really basic doesnt it? (smile emoji with the drop)

**Not-Sam:** I think i could be that pan thing tho like idk

He’s glad not-Sam accepts it with no further questions. He knows so many people who would react weird about it and not take him serious.

**You:** educate yourself and if you relate to it and you feel like it describes you, you can always change how you label yourself, don’t stress about it (smilie face)

**Not-Sam:** How r u so kind when i just fucked up big time??

**You:** Because i am a nice person

**Not-Sam:** i wanna make it up to u

**Not-Sam:** what about movie night? Like at 8 ill text u a movie and ur gonna put it on and well text through it?

**Not-Sam:** i am good at movie nights it will be my second chance does it sound good? 

**Not-Sam:** U got netflix?

**You:** Who says you’ll get a second chance?

**You:** I got netflix don’t worry

**You:** which student doesn’t??

**Not-Sam:** You since u just agreed to it (hands up emoji)

**Not-Sam:** text u at 8

With this Steve finally puts his phone aside, this took a lot longer than he initially thought. If this movie night is really gonna be good maybe he could start call not-Sam his friend, who knew? Was it weird to think about him as someone who could be his friend after having talked to him only twice (if you could call those phone calls having a conversation was doubtfull though) and texted with for a day? Steve doesn’t know. All he knows, is that even if the whole gay thing bugged him a little, he really had fun texting with the guy and he seemes like a kind person.

It’s six o’clock now, so still two hours left until movie night. Steve returns to his text, this time paying more attention to it. He has to get this done first.

 


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is a protective mother bird and the dorks get to know each other a little better.

Around half past seven Steve is done with his homework and changed into more comfortable clothes. He doesn’t know what to do with himself, so he goes to check his phone again.

**Sam:** Ready to taste my dust tomorrow? (Running guy emoji, dust emojis)

**You:** In your dreams. You’re slow, Sam.

**Sam:** And you’re an ass (peach emoji)

**You:** (running guy emoji, peach emoji, eyes emoji)

**Sam:** Why are we friends?

**You** : because of my (peach emoji)

**Sam:** Yeah, sure, see you tomorrow (peach emoji, waving hand emoji).

Steve laughs out loud and goes to check his other messages. To his surprise there are a few from not-Sam. He expected like one, in half an hour, so what was that about?

**Not-Sam:** ok i kno i said 8 but like maybe ill need more time

**Not-Sam:** this is so hard idek what u like

And for the 5th time today Steve finds himself grinning at his phone like a lunatic because of this guy. Another message 20 minutes later than the ones before.

**Not-Sam:** i have settled for a disney movie bc if u dont like those i dont want my second chance

**Not-Sam:** but there are like 5000 of them (panic emoji)

Again a few minutes gap between the textmessages.

**Not-Sam:** what u even like the cliche princess movie the classics the new ones ??????????

**Not-Sam:** no say nothing

And one text was just coming in.

**Not-Sam:** GOT THE ONE! (innuendo emoji)

Steve is starting to get really excited what the guy chose, if he had to pick a movie he would have messed up big time probably. And the guy honestly hit the nail on the head suggesting a Disney movie, at least in Steve’s book.

**You:** I love Disney movies! I am already sure you picked one I like, because I like ALL of them

**Not-Sam:** i hope u arent saying that to impress me

**Not-Sam:** because we are gonna have to watch all of them and it will bite u in the ass

**You:** Aren’t you the one who has to get on my good side here?

**Not-Sam:** you are not wrong!

**Not-Sam:** 15 minutes left! Go pee! (dont break ur phone u gonna need it) and make urself comfortable! Open netflix!

**You:** You are so funny, harhar, incredibly funny wow

But he does how he is told and opens the browser.

**You:** I’m gonna have to blankly stare at my netflix feed fort he next 13 minutes, am I right?

**Not-Sam:** yes

**Not-Sam** : or u could tell me what ur currently watching

Steve shifts on his seat. He is curious, too, though.

**You:** I’ll show you mine if you show me yours? (innuendo emoji)

**Not-Sam:** (innuendo emojis)

**Not-Sam:** i am watching band of brothers and the unbreakable kimmy schmidt

**Not-Sam:** the last movie i watched is gone girl

**You:** That gives me confidence in the movie you chose. Those are good things.

**You:** Currently i am binge watching Dexter and i finished the second season of Daredevil before that

**You:** The last movie i saw is Lilo and Stitch

He gives as much information as he got. That seems fair.

**Not-Sam:** good thing i didnt pick that one then (smilie face)

**Not-Sam:** the last 5 minutes bevore our big revelation r u excited?

**You:** i am falling off my chair

**Not-Sam:** no need to be sarcastic

**Not-Sam:** i will blow you

**Not Sam:** *away

**Not-Sam:** with the movie i picked

**You** : Yeah, sure, that was a typo

**Not-Sam:** (innuendo emojis)

**Not-Sam:** u started it

**Not-Sam:** OK ONE MINUTE GET READY

Not-Sam is being so cute about it, Steve is really glad he agreed to this. Otherwise he would have just dicked around on his laptop the whole night and watched Dexter like the lonely bachelor he is. I mean, he’s still gonna watch some movie alone in his room, but this time he has great company, even if it isn’t a physical one.  
8 o clock on the dot.

**Not-Sam:** MULAN!!!!

**Not-Sam:** were gonna watch mulan (grinning emoji)

**You:** Ok i love you, that’s a great pick, it is probably one of my favourites

**Not-Sam:** dont u think its a bit early to say the l word my dear?

Steve rolls his eyes fondly.

**Not-Sam:** but i passed the test didnt i? (angel emoji)

**You:** Yeah yeah you did let’s watch mulan now

**You:** can i start it??!?

**Not-Sam:** u were srs about being crazy over disney right

**Not-Sam:** like u forgot to write properly over it this is great

**Not-Sam:** ok click on it

**Not-Sam:** and start it in 3

**Not-Sam:** you ready?

Steve selects it and immediately presses pause.

**You:** got it.

**Not-Sam:** good

**Not-Sam:** 2

**Not-Sam:** NOW

Steve hits he start button. He hasn’t seen Mulan in a while and is genuenly excited to watch it. He tells not-Sam.

**Not-Sam:** good i am so glad u love it u have no idea

From that on they text in irregular time intervals pointing out details or just state their opinion about whatever is happening on the screen. At first it’s a bit awkward since Steve has never done anything similiar. But not-Sam has immediately started non-stop texting about how much he loves Mushu and how forward he is looking to see his first appereance, because he thinks that it’s his best scene. So Steve has to disagree, since the best part about Mushu is how he introduces himself to Mulan. Then there is a lot of gushing over the beautiful animation on Steve’s part and the other guy seems really interested in listening to all the details Steve knows about. They both agree that the battle in the snow against all those huns is the best part of the movie and Steve even confesses that as a kid Mulan was probably his biggest role model and he wanted to be her so badly, one halloween he dressed up as her. Not-Sam is such a nerd himself that he texts almost every line Mushu has in the movie perfectly quoting him before he even does speak the lines out loud. It’s such a dork move that Steve can’t help but find it adorable. Halfway through the movie he is so weirded out by it and finds it so endeering that he has to change the contact name. Steve has so much fun tonight and when the movie ends he can’t but feel a little disappointed.  
With a huge grin plastered on his face he sends a screenshot.

**You:** Contact name changed: Mushu

The answer comes faster then the texting throughout the film.

**Mushu** : I DO NOT DESERVE THIS

**Mushu send a picture:** Contact changed: Cri-kee

**Mushu:** if i am going down i am dragging u down with me

**You:** You quoted him the whole night, you’re probably a closet dragon!

**Mushu:** i see how that is

**Mushu:** well, u bring urself as much misfortune as that cricket so thats what u get

**You:** i don’t mind, i love Cri-kee, and he is a fortune bringer don’t turn it around!!

**Mushu:** u saw the movie right?

**Mushu:** ((also i appreciate how u called mushu a dragon))

**Mushu:** ((i went as a dragon at halloween once))

**You:** we should have dressed up together, you could have been the Mushu to my Mulan

**You:** You could have had an amazing nickname since pre-school

**Mushu:** yeah bc i wouldnt know what that feels like

**You:** ??

**Mushu:** dude u saved me as mushu in ur contacts

**You:** Says the man who saved me as a cricket

**Mushu:** shut up

**You:** You know what, we should do this every week, i had fun

**Mushu:** sounds great i am always free on Thursdays anyway

**You:**  (smilie face)

They end up texting until Steve has to physically strain himself to stay awake to the point he can’t think straight enough to complete a normal sentence.

**You:** Goodnight, dragon man.

**Mushu:** Goodnight, ghost in the machine (heart emoji)

**You:** Hey, I’m no cockroach

But he falls asleep bevore his phone buzzes again, announcing a new message coming in.

***

 

5:30, Friday. Steve’s alarm goes off. He grunts and hits the snooze button. Although he has a happy feeling in his gut he is also tired as hell. He had roughly 3 hours of sleep and he is already regretting it. He has 25 minutes to get ready and meet with Sam. He slowly grabs his cell seeing he received quite a few messages over night. Ignoring the sudden burst of warmth that grows in his stomach, he makes himself get out of bed before checking any of them. He goes through his morning routine and steps out of the door. It is a five minute walk to his meeting point with Sam, he can still make it in time.

„Hey, you look like hell!“ Sam shouts as a greeting while he streches on the spot.

„You always know what to say to make me feel better.“ Steve sighs stepping up to him and mimicing his pose to warm up his own muscles.

Sam gives a snort. „Seriously Steve, you alright?“

„Yeah, no, I just didn’t sleep much.“ Steve hurridly explains hoping Sam would just leave it be. He knows he would tell Sam about not-Sam (no, it was Mushu now) if he asked questions and he still wasn’t sure if he wanted to share. But Steve isn’t a lucky man, maybe Cri-kee was a fitting name.

„Something happened?“ Sam asks, stopping the stretching with a concerned look on his face.

Steve feels his face heat up for no reason. „No, don’t worry, I was just... You know, watching a movie, talked to a friend.“ It doesn’t even surprise him he called him that, but he acknowledges the easy way he defined Mushu as exactly that.

„A friend.“ There is some disbelief in Sam’s voice and his eyebrows are rised so high Steve thinks they’re gonna escape from his face if he keeps it going. His reaction came naturally though, he knows all of Steve’s friends, so why not just say the name.

„Well,yeah, I… we? He fixed my phone, we started talking. I mean, texting, it was movie night.“ He rambles, avoiding looking Sam in the eyes and staring at his eyebrows instead, which actually manage to rise a bit higher. „Uh.“ Steve finishes eloquently.

„It was movie night.“ Steve wishes Sam would stop repeating his own words. He sighes.

„I made a new acquaintance, is it so weird?“

„No, what’s weird is you not wanting to talk about him.“ Sam quips with a grin.

Steve sighs again, louder this time. He drops his eyes back to Sam’s. „I’m honestly not sure. Maybe it’s because i haven’t even seen the guy yet. We talked on the phone twice because i called the wrong number and he just helped me fix my phone. Then we started texting, is all. So no need to worry.“

„And then you just had a movie night? …Via text message?“ The last part comes out in disbelief.

„Could you stop finding it that unbelievable? It was fun, ok?“

„No need to get defensive.“ Sam’s grin widens. „I am not worried, just curious that you’d stay awake that long for a stranger.“

„I talked to him first, so technically he is not a stranger.“

Sam nods and evidently exasperated he goes back to his streching. „I don’t judge you, you know that, right? You’re just being dense.“

Steve doesn’t know what to reply to that, Sam is the one who’s being weird. However he still wants to keep Mushu a secret from the others, he just really doesn’t know why. Maybe, dispite of it all, he just agreed with Mushu that it would take the magic away.

„I know, Sam, thank you. I guess.“ He frowns. „ Just.. can you keep it to yourself for a bit?“

„Of course, man,“ Sam smiles again, genuinely this time. „Now come on, or your perfect peachy ass will actually have to eat my dust.“ And with that he sprints forward leaving Steve to catch up with him and starting their morning run for the day.

When they come to a stop (Sam breathing a lot heavier than Steve, who slowed down the last meters so they could finish the run together), Sam grabs his shoulder.

„I’ll come over tonight and you’re gonna tell me about the guy okay? I need to know who you picked up this time.“ Steve shakes his head fondly but agrees to the terms without reacting to the jab.

„But this time you’ll get the food.“ He says, claps Sam’s hand and turns to go home to take a well-deserved shower.

***

 

Friday is the worst day in Steve’s book, because he has just one class with Sharon and he doesn’t even get to see his other friends because he has no breaks whatsoever during the day. He takes a medical class (internal medicine) to fullfill his credit points, and it’s honestly the most interesting choice to make. Sharon had chosen something about administrative law that Steve couldn’t even hear about without getting bored. As much as he enjoyes the internal medicine class, though, it is really hard and since everybody who apparently took this class is either majoring in science, physics or medicine he never bonded very much with anyone. To his luck after a month they had to do a paper in pairs and he ended up with Bruce Banner as his partner. Bruce is a double physics and medicine major, looks tired always, and is infinitely kind. Steve likes him well enough and would even call him a friend, they just don’t do much together out of this class.

However, the worst part about Friday is that Steve never comes home before eight because internal medicine always takes place as a 4 hour block in the evening. And Steve is so tired. He already checked his phone way too much today, too an extend that even Sharon asked him if there was something going on with him. After that Steve tried to be reasonable about it and didn’t take out his phone as much. He just enjoyed talking to Mushu, that wasn’t a bad thing, and he has made his exhausting Friday a lot easier, too. He wished people would just stop bugging him about his newfound phone-habits.

Steve sits down on his usual spot waiting for Bruce to arrive. Internal medicine is so hard, though, he doesn’t think he would manage to text with Mushu during anyway. So he writes him just that.

**Mushu:** No worries big guy im heading out at like six so i cant text before coming back either (smilie face)

Steve wonderes if he would have told him beforehand or if he would have just let him wait forever to get a response, if he hadn’t texted him himself about it first. Wow, Steve lets his head drop on the table. He is ridiculous. He has plans with Sam anyway and wouldn’t rather stare at his phonescreen a whole night, so what is his problem?

„Are you okay?“

Steve makes a noise something between a groan and a whine. „You are the third person asking me today. I’m just a bit out of it, I swear. I’m tired.“ He rises his head again and smiles at Bruce.

That one shrugs and drops down on the chair next to Steve taking a big gulp out of the portable teacup he carries around with himself all the time wherever he goes. „Me, too.“ He sighs and continues. „There is this guy, Brams or something, and he just aproached me in the hallway wanting to know really specific stuff about craniotomy and when I told him I had class now and needed to hurry, he just said he would text me then, he had my number anyway. I am one hundred precent sure this is Tony’s fault, i hate the guy, he always gets me in troublesome situations.“ He massages his temples and closes his eyes.

Steve gives a sympathetic laugh. „Didn’t you say he’s your friend and that you trust him?“

„I do not anymore.“ Bruce laughs with him this time, even if it still sounds somewhat miserable.

Steve has heard a little about Tony Stark himself, but then again everybody at NYU has, probably. He’s a rich kid, son of Howard Stark, who ownes the biggest technology company in America; Stark Industries. He studies electrical engeenering and physics and is best friends with Bruce Banner. Steve has never seen the guy, but considering the stories he has heard, he sometimes wonders how him and Bruce have such a close relationship. Even if he does complain about him to Steve every Friday. Steve guesses that that’s just how being friends works sometimes.

The class is honestly so difficult today that Steve thanks God that Bruce likes him enough to explain everything he didn’t understand a second time during the brakes and after classes. The guy is an angel on earth, without him Steve probably would have failed at least two times already. He somehow manages to survive the lesson anyway and is also thankfull for having Sam, who texted him ten minutes ago that he would bring sandwiches and donuts. He says goodbye to Bruce when they leave campus and wishes him luck with the guy Tony had imposed on him.

When he arrives at his dorm, Sam is already waiting outside sitting on the stairs. He holds a plasticbag in his hands and Steve is so hungry he just stares at that instead of looking up to Sam’s face.

„You know i have class late but you’re still always early on Fridays, I will never understand you.“

„Eyes up here, Rogers. I know you’re hungry so I want to be here early enough to not have your broke ass complain about it.“ He informs him and Steve lets them in trying to get a peek of the delicious food in the bag as if he doesn’t already know what is in it.

When he unlocks the door Sam unpacks the boxes he carried in the bag and opens them with a pointed look at Steve.

„This is what high society food looks like.“

„Sure Sam.“ Steve agrees easily looking at the basic looking sandwiches. But his grumbling stomach is a traitor, so he can’t deny anything. He grabs one and bites into it before even falling into the soft couch. Sam sits down next to him and grabs a sandwich himself.

„So. Tell me about him.“

Steve looks at his friend pretending he doesn’t have the slightest idea what Sam is on about.

„Come on, Steve.“ Sam growls around a bite of food. „The movie night guy, I wanna hear about him, you have a crush?“

Steve’s narrows his eyes but continues eating his sandwich without saying a word.

Sam rolls his eyes. „Sorry.“ He streches the word out so much Steve knows he isn’t being honest. „I know I pushed it. Will you now, oh Lord Steve, be so kind to tell me your secret shaningans.“

Steve rises his own eyes to the ceiling once with a sigh but he really can’t expect much more from Sam.

„I already told you all you have to know, though.“

„I know nothing.“

„I told you, I called the wrong number and he picked up. I just panicked about my phone because I... uh, it had water damage and the guy knew how to fix it so he walked me through the process.“ He did not want to tell Sam that he let his phone fall into the toilet, he would never hear the end of it. (Not that Mushu was kind enough to stop reminding him from time to time either way.)

„And you got his number exactly how?“

„I really have to tell you everything, right?“

Sam nods and Steve sighs once more.

„He wanted my number so he could call my phone and see if we managed to fix it and it actually worked.“

Sam starts laughing now. „The guy is smooth.“

„Shut up.“ Steve feels his cheeks heat up a little. „It was nice of him.“

„Sure was.“ Sam is still laughing at him.

„It was.“ He throws a pillow at Sam and hits him direktly in the nose. It is very satisfying. „Then we just kinda started texting and he suggested to do a movie night. We watched the same movie and texted through it, and that’s it. It’s just been a few days, i don’t even know his name.“

„What? How?“ Sam squaks sitting up a little in his seat.

„He didn’t wanna say his name. So i didn’t tell him mine.“

Sam’s eyebrows rise again, Steve is actually concerned about them climbing up so high on Sam’s face all the time.

„That’s odd. How did you save his contact on your phone?“

This time Steve tries to fight off a full blush. This is going to be embarassing. „Mushu.“ He says with as much confidence as he can fey looking at the wall in front of him as if it holds the secret to the universe.

„What?“ he can hear the grin in Sam’s voice. Steve continues looking at that really interesting part of white wall. „Like the dragon in Mulan?“

„We watched Mulan last night. He kept saying his lines.“

Sam’s starts laughing again, going full belly laugh this time. Steve is mortified.

„Rogers, this is amazing, does he know that?“

Steve decides to take an attempt to look at Sam. „He started it.“ It was true. He was the first to give him a stupid nickname. He tries really hard not to blush harder just remembering that.

„Well, maybe you found a compatible soul then.“ Sam is still laughing a bit and shaking his head but Steve thinks he’s right. He takes another sandwich and bites into it to stop himself from saying that out loud. There is a moment of silence before Sam asks another question.

„Is that why you don’t want me to tell anyone? Cause you don’t know who he is?“

Steve contemplates a bit over it. It’s not exactly true. Of course he doesn’t want everybody guessing who the mistery man is to the point where he would feel obligated to ask him for his identity. But on the other hand he likes what they have, it’s nice talking to somebody without a face from time to time and still knowing they are real. Also they just started talking a few days ago, they could stop texting as fast as it started so there was no reason to get attached too soon.

„Yeah, i guess.“ He says instead of all the things running through his mind. He doesn’t want to explain all that to Sam. Not that he doesn’t trust him, the contrary, but he doesn’t want to make Sam feel like he didn‘t know he could tell him everything. Maybe that was contradictory, but it was just a different feeling, he wasn’t even totally sure about it. But Sam just nods. They’re done talking about it and Steve is pretty relieved if he is honest to himself. He is thankfull however that Sam just accepted it, Sam has always been a good friend.

They share the last sandwich before eating all the donuts and talk about their day while doing so. Then Sam reveals that Riley is doing much better and will be transfered into the rehability station next week if everything goes well. Steve is happy to hear that. Sam and Riley have been friends since they were little kids and it has been such a big shock for Sam when he heared about the incident. The doctors even said that he would be able to walk again and Sam’s face was so full of hope as he told it to Steve that Steve couldn’t but think that Riley must be the luckiest person having someone like Sam by his side.

The night ended with them watching a few episodes of Dexter and talking about everything and nothing until it was almost midnight and Sam left or he would have ended up crashing on Steve’s couch, he said. Not that Steve would have minded, but apparently his couch wasn’t comfortable enough for Sam, the diva. So he sees him off to the door and thanks him for the food.

Steve yawns and rubs at his eyes before falling back onto the couch. He starts the new Dexter episode and hesitantly pulls out his phone. There are a few messages from around eleven pm and they’re all from Mushu.

**Mushu:** Shit the funniest thing happened to me i need to tell u when i get home

**Mushu:** (laughing emojis)

**Mushu:** blind dates are horrible (more laughing emojis)

Oh. Mushu seemed to have been on a date. Steve bites the inside of his cheek and flips the phone in his hand once before typing.

**You:** now i am curious (grinning emoji)

To Steve’s surprise the answer comes in almost immediately.

**Mushu:** is2g i just finished telling the story to my roomie and lied down

**Mushu:** u wont believe me but it was amazing

**Mushu:** so two weeks ago nat set me up on a blind date with a guy she knows from wherever she goes to work out

**Mushu:** Nat’s my roomie btw

**Mushu:** however the guy had to cancel the first date we set on a week ago so we decided on today

**Mushu:** and i didnt even feel like going on a date much but well u know how it is the nice thing to just go and also who knows it could always be the right choice yadda yadda

**Mushu:** but when i saw him well he just gave a weird vibe

**Mushu:** i dont like to go by appearance tho no matter what nat says!!! So i still went up to him

**Mushu:** so first we sat down on a bench in the park since the weather was p great today and we just talked a bit about ourselves

**Mushu:** so far so good

**Mushu:** but then the guy is2g he just takes out a box full of collectible cards about comic fugures

**Mushu:** and i mean its alright everybody should enjoy what they enjoy i have some weird hobbies too i guess but he honest to god starts explaining every card to me one by one

**Mushu:** and who brings something like that to a blind date honestly

**Mushu:** we sat there for at least an hour but i couldnt even say anything i didnt know what to so i tried to make him talk about something else but he just went on about those cards

Reading the messages Steve’s mood swings up again and he is now genuinely curious about how that date went on. Mushu has really been unlucky with this one it seems.

**Mushu:** well so after some time i suggested to go get some food bc at least if he was eating he couldnt talk u kno

**Mushu:** well and he wanted to go to a diner

**Mushu:** but he was super serious about not going to have a burger

**Mushu:** i didnt kno if i should take him srs or not

**Mushu:** but he was like eating burgers looks shit bc it doesnt fit in your whole mouth so ist not sexy or something bc stuff that was in ur mouth falls out again and that’s disgusting

**Mushu:** ((has the guy ever sucked sb off im so confused??)

**Mushu:** but i am quoting now „you should never eat burgers on a date insert my name“

**Mushu:** i laughed so hard it was horrible

Steve can’t help but chuckle a little himself. He can feel Mushus embarassment through text alone.

**Mushu:** i think i hurt him im still so sorry

**Mushu:** but i bought the food to make it right oh god it was ok after that we just talked but it was still weird

**Mushu:** but he probably wasnt much into it himself in the end sooo

**You:** You dodged a bullet there my friend

**You:** I think nat wanted to mess with you

**Mushu:** thank you! I think so too! She just wants me to get out of the appartment more often

**You:** Why would she want that? Are you that annoying?

**Mushu:** i am a delight. But she and my best friend got together a month ago and i am suddenly interrupting them all the time even if a day before their big day it was fine enough for me to be around whatever they were doing

**Mushu:** i am offended i even helped them get together

**Mushu:** u never saw that much pining it physically hurt me so i had to intervene

**Mushu:** and now i am all alone while my so called best friends are smooching

**Steve:** Well, you got me (winking emoji)

**Mushu:** will u smooch with me? (Heart eyes emoji)

**Steve:** Nah, but i’ll keep you company so you won’t feel alone

**Mushu:** (sad emoji)

**Mushu:** so how was your day? Class went by ok?

**You:** Yeah, it was okay i’m just super tired because of a ceRTAIN SOMEONE

**Mushu:** sorry (heart emoji)

**You:** Actually I told Sam about you

**Mushu:** oh what did he say?

**Mushu** : when i told nat about u she said it was great and she couldnt believe how i didnt fuck it up yet

**Mushu:** but she doesnt know i actually did fuck up once so

**You:** I can see how much faith she has in you (grin emoji)

**You:** Sam was cool about it, maybe too curious, but it’s not like i could have told him much

**Mushu:** ur right…

**Mushu:** we r gonna play 10 qestions hit me creeki

Steve has to take a moment to understand that that’s Mushus way of saying he wants to know more about Steve. It makes that warm feeling in his stomach return full force and he wishes he could ignore it better than he does. Bute well, 10 questions, Steve is so in.

**You:** It sounds weird with that kind of name

**You:** 1.favourite color

**Mushu:** blue yours?

**You:** Red probably but I’m never sure. Your turn

**Mushu:** of course u wouldnt ur an artist

**Mushu:** im sursprised u just said red and not something like blood orange

**You:** Don’t be pretentious it’s fucking red

Steve laughes silently and stops the forgotten TV, he didn’t hear a word anyway.

**Mushu:** 2\. How old r u

**You:** 22

**Mushu:** 21 ha u r old

**You:** Yeah, cause you’re that much younger

**Mushu:** (arm emojis)

**You:** 3\. Siblings?

**Mushu:** a sister how about u?

**You:** Nope

**Mushu:** 4\. favourite food

**You:** idk but apple pie makes everywhere feel like home. My mom makes the best one in all of Brooklyn

**Mushu:** u r from brooklyn too??? How do i not know u???

**You:** I have absolutely no idea, pal

**Mushu:** i dont have a favourite food tho i eat everything i can not answer this it’s too hard

**You:** You’re ridiculous but i forgive you

**You:** 5\. Hair color

**Mushu:** brown

**You:** Blonde

**Mushu:** 6\. I kinda wanna ask ur name but simutaneously i dont wanna know soooo some place u wanna travel to

Steve runs his fingers through his hair. He kinda wants to know, too, really badly if he is honest to himself, but that’s not how they’re playing this game.

**You** :I think I’d love to go to France once. I’d love to go to the Louvre.

**Mushu:** ah that was good

**Mushu:** russia just bc thats where Nat’s from and she talks so much about it

**Mushu:** 7\. Best childhood memory

Steve doesn’t even have to think about it.

**You:** I was ill once and it was my sixth birthday. You have to know that my birthday is the 4th of July but i was still young enough to not really know what was happening outside. Well, we never had much when i was little and my mom didn’t have a birthday present for me. She just made the apple pie I just told you about like always but also like always it had been enough. However, that time around I had been lying in bed for like a week, it was pretty rough, and I wanted to go outside so badly to see the fireworks and eat the birthday pie on the roof and, well, my mom tried to be reasonable and tell me that it was a shitty idea. I was six tho so I could not have cared less and started screaming and eventually she obliged.

**You:** We sat on the rooftop how i asked her to and ate the pie right off the container watching the fireworks. It was beautiful. But you know what my mom did? She threw a third blanket over me and told me to really look at the fireworks. She hugged me while I was staring at all those lights in the sky and then she told me that the reason why they lit up the sky every year was my birthday. She told me every firework was just for me.

**You:** It sounds ridiculous maybe, but for a guy that had nothing, this was the world. It was my best birthday by far.

He isn’t ashamed of getting emotional over it. His mother is an amazing woman and Mushu should know that if he wants to know Steve better. He asked about it and he was getting the truth. But Steve couldn’t even imagine a scenario in which he would make fun of him because of it so he wasn’t nervous at all. He just smiles at the memory and decides to call his mother the next day.

**Mushu:** i wanted to make fun of ur birthday but there is no way now thats such a beautiful story i think i have a trunk in my eye fuck u

**You:** your turn now

**Mushu:** yeah sorry let me recover

Steve smiles. Mushu‘s such a dork but he is being as honest as Steve is, he is sure about it. So he waits.

**Mushu:** ok so, i think that’s a story only nat knows the details about but i want u to know, u just shared something important too

**Mushu:** story time (smilie face)

**Mushu:** my dad was an army guy. When i was 12 he died in service. The colonel told my mom in a letter, and being the sincere and strong woman she is, she didn’t wait to tell me and Becca.

**Mushu:** Becca is my sister

**Mushu:** She told us how he died and that there was nothing from him coming home again, his coffin was gonna be empty. They would ship all the possesions he had on him back when the tour was over and all the other guys would come home. That’s when the funeral would be held, too.

**Mushu:** It was a hard time, i had to help my mom more than ever, Becca was still very young she didn’t even understand it at first. I had a really strong bond with my dad, he was my idol and i wanted to be like him when i was older, fighting the good fight and protecting the innocent and all that. But after what happened i never wished to go to the army ever again, not when i had seen what happened to my mother.

**Mushu:** i swear this is a good story, just wait for it (drop emoji)

**Mushu** : It was like two months before the date of the funeral. My mom just completely crumbeld, there were days i had to be Beccas mom and my own mom, because my actual mom wasn’t able to. I did everything i could for her and Becca and when it was time to go to the funeral i had to drag my mom out of bed because she wasn’t strong enough to do it herself. It was probably the hardest months of my life, i like remembering them when i go through finals. Sorry. Yeah, so we went to the funeral. The colonel went to my mom to talk to her but she just wasn’t receptive so i stepped in. The colonel told me the details about my fathers’ death, he was a honarable man who died to save his friend. He gave me his uniform, his dogtags and a dirty half-demolished letter. It was all they found.

**Mushu:** When we went home again i took my sister to bed and then i went to my mothers’ room to see her. I brought all the stuff the colonel gave me and told her what he told me. And then she just kind of snapped, i think she just realized that i was doing her job and she could not take it anymore, she became a completey different woman than the minute before. She hugged me and excused herself for her behaviour and we read the letter together. Then she took the dogtags and she put them aroung my neck and kissed me on the head. It was just the most comforting thing, you know. It felt like i had both my parents back again. She was so strong, the day right after she was the mother she had always been and was back on her feet, even if she cried sometimes and i saw her reading the letter every night before she went to sleep. It was just such a big turning point, i finally felt hopefull again. I hope that makes sense.

**Mushu:** I still wear the dogtags.

Steve reads everythings twice, feeling the pain his friend had to feel remembering all that, but also getting a glimpse oft he hope he was talking about. He had never heard such a beautiful story, tragic it may be.

**You:** I am sorry for what happened to your dad. And mom. But you’re an amazing person, i’m proud of you.

Maybe it’s weird to write that, but it’s what Steve feels, so it has to be right.

**Mushu:** its okay it happened ages ago and thanks...

**Mushu:** sorry that was a downer right?

**Mushu:** but it’s your fault i expected something in the lines of 'i had a fuckton of icecream and then watched 40498247 disney movies'

**You:** You asked the question, Mushu

**Mushu:** you know what

**Mushu send you a picture:** changed contact name: all american

**Mushu:** see i still managed to make fun of your birthday (grin emoji)

Steve thinks for a second then then eagerly types away.

**You send a picture:** changed contact name: weener soldier

**Weener Soldier:** ur so funny its amazing (snoring emoji)

**You:** So you don’t like me calling you soldier?

**Weener Soldier:** …no i do like that (innuendo emoji)

**You:**  8. Favourite Shakespeare play

**Weener Soldier:** hamlet

**You:** Romeo and Juliet

**Weener Soldier:** aww a romantic (heart emoji)

**Weener Soldier:** you know a lot of people died just because of stupid teenagers

**You:** Fuck you, it is super romantic and you have no heart... I wish I could have a love story like that

**Weener Soldier:** i wish i hadnt changed ur contact a minute ago bc u could be my romeo now

**You:** But you’re playing

**Weener Soldier:** am i (innuendo emoji)

**Weener Soldier:** 9\. Hmm u said u watched lilo and stitch so lilo OR stitch?

**You:** You are a terrible person

**You:** But I’m probably a Lilo guy

**Weener Soldier:** nah stitch 4 life bro

**You:** 10\. Something you look forward to?

**Weener Soldier:** yeah actually! The canterville ghost play in two weeks

**Weener Soldier:** that’s always great

Steve is flabbergasted for a moment. When he composes himself he types faster than he thought he could.

**You:** Me too, but like, since right now. You’re gonna go? I’ll be on stage actually…

**Weener Soldier:** shit! Really?? Ok ok tell me nothing i have an idea

**Weener Soldier:** if u agree to it

**You:** I am listening

**Weener Soldier:** ok so i love what we have got going here and as much as i want to know who you are and what your name is and how you look like i also kind of dont

**Weener Soldier:** please dont get this the wrong way

**You:** I don’t, I get it. I feel the same way

**Weener Soldier:** okay so what if we leave it to chance

**Weener Soldier:** i know ur gonna be on stage

**Weener Soldier:** so what if we say that... if i guess who u r we meet after the play

**Weener Soldier:** like i get one shot when the play ends and if i get it right we’ll meet at the beverage stand or somehting and if i get it wrong well then we have to meet another time

Steve’s heart makes an embarassing jump, he’s so in. He agrees to the terms as fast as his fingers are able to type the message. He pictures meeting the Weener Soldier after the play, not being sure who he has to expect and his imagination paints a silhouette with brown hair and dog tags hanging on its neck. He is so excited, he starts chewing at his lip. Is it going to be weird? How will the other guy react to seeing him in person?

**You:** I’m probably getting my hopes way too high. With your stupidity you’ll never get it right

It’s a jab more than anything else. He just wants to see the guy, he doesn’t care about probability right now.

**Weener Soldier:** a little bit of faith

**Weener Soldier:** wait

**Weener Soldier:** you gotta have faith faith

Steve snorts out loud.

**You:** Are you seriously singing Goerge Michael to me?

**Weener Soldier:** yeah as alullaby

**Weener Soldier:** i really had an awesome night, thanks for letting this day end in a good way

**Weener Soldier:** it was nice to learn new stuff about you (smilie face)

**Weener Soldier:** so im sorry to bail on u now but i am super tired

**You:** Same, thanks for sharing with me (smilie face)

**You:** And I intended to bail on you as well soonish so (winking emoji)

**Weener Soldier:** ok good (grinning emoji)

**Weener Soldier:** Good night sweetheart (kissing emoji)

**You:** Good night soldier boy (heart emoji)

**Weener Soldier:** (heart eyes emojis)

Steve drags himself into his bedroom and quickly changes before falling on the matrass. He curls into a ball and falls asleep with a ridiculously wide smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were wondering what the innuendo emoji is  
> 


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peggy knows Steve best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I was on holiday.  
> And as always: enjoy :)

Steve carefully opens the door.

„Hello Steve.“ A surprised but fragile voice replies. „It’s nice seeing you again, it’s been some time.“

Steve smiles and goes in with much more confidence. Today is a good day then. He closes the door and steps to the bed in question shuffeling a chair next to it and sitting down.

„Hey, Peggy.“

Margeret Elizabeth Carter is an old friend of Steve’s mother and by extention of Steve himself. When he was little Peggy always watched out for him when he was ill and Sarah had to work. She is a lovely, amazingly strong woman, who worked for a secret organization Steve doesn’t know much about. Just that sometimes she disappeared for weeks, sometimes month, and came back showing off some injuries. It was never too bad, you just knew she had been in a fight. Steve always looked up to her in a way you don’t look up to your parents no matter how much they mean to you.

Nowadays she lives in the hospital, her health isn’t the best anymore with 95 years on her back and she forgets things easily. Her husband died a few years ago and they never had kids, so Steve comes to visit her almost every Saturday, at least twice a moth, to keep her company. Sometimes she remembers him, sometimes she doesn’t, but he always stays. She always lets him stay. When she doesn’t feel like talking Steve entertains her with stories of his life and when she has good days she usually talks more than him and enjoys remembering her loved ones and the amazing stories of her past adventures. Steve prefers listening to her because she looks so alive then. But occasionally when they both decide to stay silent he likes drawing her and then gives the finished piece to her before he leaves. The smile she gets on her face on those days alone are worth Steve’s visits. Today he comes with a purpose however and Peggy having a good day is certainly a grant bonus. But first he has to make sure that his best girl is doing well.

„How was your day?“

„Boring. They never make me do nothing.“ She huffs indignantly.

Steve can’t help but smile, she’s always been a woman of action. But her answering like that proves that she’s doing just fine so Steve is at peace.

„Today I came with the intention of ambushing you.“ He tells her with an easy grin.

Her eyebrows rise and she looks at him like she did when he ate cookies before having dinner.

„I want to draw you for my art project, if you are okay with it.“ He takes out his camara. „I need to take pictures, though.“

Her smile looks genuine now. „Of course you can, you always draw me anyway, kid.“

Steve turns his chair around and presses his face to Peggys. „Smile.“ he says before pushing down the shutter release. He chuckles a little as he looks at the selfie. It looks good, though, even if a little funny. He shows it to Peggy and Steve can see the fondness in her eyes.

„Tell me about a job you had.“ Steve encourages her, leaning back and waiting for her to remember a mission so he can take the shot. When Peggy is about to do just so her eyes look so young and full of life and how could Steve resist to draw that?

 

***

 

The next week passes by pretty fast, Steve is cought up in academic work, especially his art project, which is going on pretty well. He finished Sam’s portrait and started on Peggy’s. He even got forwaded a few pictures of Peter (the annoyingly cute kid living next to his mom) by Sarah herself. To Steve’s unbelieveble luck there is one picture in which Peter is about to cry, so he immedeatley asked Peter's aunt if it was okay for him to use it for the project. So now he has three subjects down, so far so good.

He meets up with Sam whenever they can, mostly for dinner, but also for their morning runs. On weekdays he’s now always busy with helping the drama club together with Thor, even after hours, but it’s fun most of the time. After one especially exhausting evening Thor, Jane, Darcy and him sat down on the meadow on campus eating junkfood and enjoying the nice weather. Saturdays are reserved for Peggy.

And every night he chats with the Weener Sodier. (It’s Eugene now. They were watching Rapunzel on their last movie night and Steve wouldn’t have it to be saved as ‚Chameleon‘.

**Maximus:** u saved me as a fucking crazy horse but its a bad thing being the cute little chameleon???

**You:** he has a name, it’s Pascal!! Use that at least.

**Maximus:** no

**You:** then change it

**Maximus:** no

**You:** do it!

**Maximus:** ok

**Maximus:** Ill save u under rapunzel if i can be flynn

And well, maybe Steve didn’t keep his promise entirely.)

It’s amazing how much Steve tells him already, but he gets as much as he gives. Sometimes they even text during the day but that’s mostly just random messages; when they had to think about something they laughed about the night before, or some crude pictures of their surrounding maybe, or if something especially funny was happening. But late in the evening, when Steve is done with his work and chilling lazily in bed before heading to sleep, that’s when they really start talking. Well, it’s just stuff, but it has something intimate to it. Steve tells him everything then; what the best part of his day was, when Sam embarassed himself again by being himself, what his other friends were about, even when he was upset, too. It’s weird maybe, but it feels just right.

They are careful, though. They never tell too many names or specifics. Somehow Eugene seems to have a hard time talking about one person especially. He is so cautious about it, Steve’s getting paranoid if maybe he already knows who Steve is. But the guy just explained that it was not that, but if Steve knew who he was talking about, he would certainly find out who he is, if Steve tried hard enough to get the information. And Steve believed him, they shared too many personal details for him to lie about something like that. So he never asks for more information about that person. For Steve, this late hours easily become the best part of his day.

Right now, though, he is pretty much freaking out. He saw Peggy again today and among other things he showed her his progress for her portrait, which she was really happy about. After that he continued on his work, then messaged with Eugene. They told each other good night 5 minutes ago and Steve just realized that maybe, just maybe, in a week on this exact same time he could already know Eugenes real name, have seen his face. His heart is beating like crazy, and yeah, he is aware that he has a crush. A tiny one. Maybe. You can’t really crush on somebody you’ve never seen, right? And what if they meet and he scares Eugene away? He wears his heart on his sleeve, he knows that, but he doesn’t want to come off too strong. And he’s also pretty sure it is one sided, as much as they flirt, Eugene is always happy to share when he just saw an attractive girl or guy. Steve thinks Eugene just flirts with everybody. And that’s alright, so does Steve, he is just being pathetic right now.

And what if they don’t even get to meet? What if Eugene guesses wrong? Steve doesn’t know if he could stand knowing he missed the chance. He breathes out of his nose in frustration and messes up his hair. He needs to chill. It’s still a week and everything can happen in a week.

 

***

 

What actually does happen this next week isn’t much of anything. The days still pass by pretty fast. Steve still has to do so much for uni, but most times when he comes home he is so tired he doesn’t get to do much, he even skips out on the established movie night because he is super sure he will just fall asleep halfway through the movie. Eugene isn’t angry at all, they just chat that evening (and Steve does eventually fall asleep with no warning). The reason he’s so tired is drama class. It occupies most of his time. He and Thor aren’t even really a big part of it, but they are probably as invested as the actors. They watch all the rehearsals and help with the stage setting as always, but they also help the actors change their costumes and are determined to keep them hydrated. They also have to do the final touch on stage and coordinate the light. Steve honestly doesn’t know how he ended up that deep in, but he doesn’t complain. He has a lot of fun with Thor and the actors are amazing. Everybody is looking forward to Saturday. Naturally, Steve has his own reason why he is a bit more on edge than he should be, but that’s his problem.

On Wednesday when class was getting by really slowly and Steve wasn’t listening to one word the Professor said his phone suddenly started buzzing like it was possessed. If he jumped because of it Sharon looked like she had been scared out of her body. To be fair, the poor girl was painting her nails relaxed like a cat, dozy by the soothing sound of the Professor’s voice when the atrocious device pulled her out of her hazy state. “I’m sorry.” Steve mouthed. She just looked at his phone and then at his face again, eyes wide, and returned to paint her nails not even wanting an explaination. The better for Steve, who still hasn’t told a soul about Eugene, exept for Sam. And who else would binge text him in the middle of class.

“LOOKIT!!!!” the caption said, and Steve needed some time to understand what exactly the subject of the picture was. There were lots of wires and cables in different colors screwed together and a lot of other stuff Steve didn’t even know what it was, really. It looked metallic and intricate and ...technicy. After some time he slowly understood that this had to be Eugene’s project. This was going to become the prosthetic arm he saw as a crude sketch a while ago.

Under the picture followed a few messages:

**Eugene:** its so pretty

**Eugene:** my baby

**Eugene:** it will be so pretty

**Eugene:** I am honestly tearing up

**Eugene:** even that one person I cant tell u the name of says its looking good

**Eugene:** ((im gonna refer to him as shellhead from now on dont ask)))

**Eugene:** BUT DO YOU SEE HOW PRETTY MY BABY IS

Another picture followed: a bunch of metallic plates. Steve doesn’t know what those are for but Eugene seemed excited about them.

**Eugene:** so shiny

**Eugene:** it will be the prettiest arm

**Eugene:** I want it

Steve tried really hard not to laugh at the last statement and made a sound between a snort and a cough. Sharon turned to him for a second, but seeing how hard Steve was trying to not lose his shit, she quickly occupied herself with her nails again shaking her head in exasperation.

**You:** You wanna loose your arm? (laughing emojis)

**Eugene:** I could loose it by accident u know people fall from trains all the time

Steve doesn’t know how he didn’t suffocate right there but somehow he managed.

**You:** you are an idiot (laughing emojis)

**You:** What are the odds even of someone falling off a train these days?

**Eugene:** you really should be complimenting me not laughing at my pain

**You:** Don’t worry, babe, it’s amazing you did a great job

It sounded like a joke, but it wasn’t really. Sure, Steve maybe doesn’t know much about what he saw on that picture, but he is fascinated by the handiwork and admires the intelligence and capable hands that have to stand behind it. Also it did look shiny. And derivated by Eugene’s enthusiasm the project has to develop nicely, so Steve is happy for him.

**Eugene:** (hands on mouth monkey emojis)

**Eugene:** ok sorry shellhead is threatening to steal my phone and send u a selfie of us if I dont put it away

**Eugene:** c u later

When Steve’s phone was savely in his backpocket again Sharon leaned over to him. “So, why you aways on your phone lately?” she whispered in a slightly conspiring tone. Steve never really wanted to lie to her, but he did it anyway: “It’s just Sam.”

And that’s the most action Steve got this week. All in all he’s been a fucking mess, though. As much as he was distracted by all the work he had and still has to do, he couldn’t block the excitement that thinking about Saturday brought with. When he feels nervous, he just has way too much enegery and since he doesn’t know what to do with it, he becomes clumsy as fuck and earlier today he almost broke another scenery. Luckily he didn’t but it was a close call. The butterflies in his stomach do not help either. If you can even call them that. He doesn’t. It’s moths.

And now is Friday, and Steve is in the lecture hall, waiting for Bruce and loosing his shit for the 100th time today. A bit longer than 24 hours to the big day. His system is working like crazy. Maybe he can take a sip of Bruce’s tea to calm himself down? That’s ridiculous. He’s being ridiculous. He takes a few deep breaths and in that moment Bruce enters the hall, looking as irritated as Steve has ever seen him.

“What’s up, buddy?” his tone is concerened when Bruce slumps in the seat next to his. Steve allows himself to put a hand on Bruce’s shoulder. “You alright?”

Bruce groans and massages his temples. “Yeah, sorry, that weird guy Tony sent to me is just really annoying today. Like, it isn’t enough to text me almost every day, no, he has to wait for me in the hallway, too. Does he think I’m a walking encyclopedia? I have to look up things, too.”

Steve has never seen Bruce getting that worked up about anything. He pats his shoulder a few times not knowing what to say.

“He is a good kid, his project is actually excellent.” There is a pause. “But I’m not a doctor. I’m not the right person to ask about those things. I don’t have the temperament.” He turns to Steve helplessly as if he has a solution to his problem.

“You should tell him that.” Is all Steve comes up with.

“I’m trying.” There is desperation in his voice and Steve sympathizes but really doesn’t know how to help him out. “I’m really sorry.” He pats Bruce’s shoulder once more and that one places his head on the table and lets out another miserable groan. Steve makes a mental note to buy him some of his favourite tea for the next lesson.

 

***

 

Walking home, Steve is lost in thoughts. Class had been worse than ever, since he didn’t manage to concentrate at all. Even Bruce gave up on explaining him a difficult part of an equation after the third time Steve just zoned out of it. He feels horrible for it, Bruce had already been in a bad mood and Steve didn’t help him at all. But his thoughts are either a swirl of a hazy mess or it feels like his brain is stuffed with cotton wool. On the steps to his door, though, he’s finally startled out of his thoughts.

“Surprise!”

Steve looks up wide eyed and there is Sam and he relaxes. He feels his mouth shaping into a grin.

“Hey, I didn’t know you’d come around.” He is actually super greatfull. Nothing better to keep his mind busy than hanging out with Sam. Sam is grinning from ear to ear holding pizzaboxes in his arms.

“That’s why I said surprise. Brought something as peace offering, though. I know you don’t like unannounced guests.” He lifts the boxes a bit to emphasize his point.

The delicious smell reaches Steve’s nose when Sam’s almost standing next to him. His stomach gives a loud grumble. To be fair, Steve only had breakfast, his stomach having formed into a knot making him forget about hunger all together. “Sam, you are my hero.” He says truthfully.

“I know.”

They walk up the stairs and Steve opens the door to his dorm. When they sit on their usual spot in the kitchen Sam hands him one of the boxes. “Pepperoni.” Steve takes it gratefully and bites heartedly into the steaming slice, the cheese and paste tastes like heaven in his mouth. Sam just looks at him.

“You haven’t really praised me as your lord and savior yet for this amazing pizza and you’re holding yourself weird since Monday, so what happened?”

“Nothing.” Steve says with a bit of irritation. Sam just continues to stare at him until Steve rolls his eyes. Of course Sam wouldn’t come over like this without having a motive. At least not if he was bringing pizza.

“Sometimes you’re just annoying.” He sets his slice down into the carton while Sam opens his own and takes a genuine bite grinning at Steve like the little shit he is. Steve narrows his eyes at the so called peace offering. “Sometimes I think you have a radar or something.” He sighs.

Finally. “It’s nothing, really.” His glance wanders to his shoes while Sam blows air out of his nose in exasperation. “No, really, it’s stupid.” He pauses. “And embarrassing.” He can feel heat crawling up his neck and pointedly stares at the sole of his shoe. He doesn’t have to look to know Sam is now dying to listen to his problem. Steve sighs again, gathering up the courage to make a fool out of himself in front of his best friend.

“The guy I’m texting with, you know the one. Well, maybe I’ll see him tomorrow after the play.” Steve waits for Sam to say something. “Maybe I won’t.” he reasons when Sam doesn’t. _Very eloquent, Steve._ He looks up and Sam is trying to hold back a laugh, which, really, is offensive. Steve is already suffering since opening his mouth in the firt place because of him, so he should show some manners in the least. Steve decides to angrily look out of the window behind him instead.

“If he figures out who I am. I told him I’m on stage.” He continues nonetheless.

Now Sam is fullout laughing and Steve doesn’t know if he should get angry at him or continue to die of embarrassment. He definitely feels like doing both. He compromises and throws a pizza crust at Sam’s stupid laughing head.

“What?” he snaps eventually when Sam calms down. His brows are furrowed, but he can still feel the warmth on his face.

Sam shakes his head still grinning. Asshole. “You do realize that that’s a stupid idea, right? He probably thinks you’re one of the actors now. You can’t be seen on stage ‘til the very end when the whole team takes a bow, or you’d be a shitty scenic assistant.”

“I know, I don’t want it to be too easy.” Sam looks like he wants to laugh again, but doesn’t. There’s also a pitiful look mixed in there somewhere.

“Really, man? You clearly want to see him very badly, just fucking ask him to meet you. How does that sound?”

A part of Steve knows that Sam is right. But he doesn’t understand, that’s not how his and Eugenes relationship works.

“A good friend would just wish me luck, you know, Sam.” But his irritation is gone and a smile quips at his lips.

“No. A good friends tells you when you are being stupid. Which is what I am doing. A lot. You do a lot of stupid shit, Steve.”

Steve shrugs and doesn’t hold back the smile this time. “It’s my decision.”

Sam smiles back. “That, it is.”

 

***

 

Sam is gone, they polished off the meal (even if Steve had to struggle because his stomach decided to get all worked up again after the first two slices and he had to stuff himself to keep up the appeareance) and it’s getting pretty late. Tomorrow Steve has to be at uni before midday, he has to go for a run and visit Peggy before that. He really should go to sleep. So he changes into his pijamas and brushes his teeth. When he lays down, though, he ends up staring at the ceiling feeling more awake than ever instead of doing what is good for him and falling asleep. He rubs at his eyes and grabs the phone next to the lamp on the nightstand.

**Eugene:** is it weird that i spent almost an hour picking an outfit? (monkey emoji)

**Eugene:** i really want to meet u dude

**Eugene:** give me a hint? (angel emoji)

And then there is one coming in right now.

**Eugene:** FUCK I AM SO EXCITED

Steve’s smile softens. At least he isn’t the only one feeling foolish.

**You:** I’ll give u a hint

**You:** it’s super hard to guess it’s me

**You:** I know, it doesn’t sound like a good hint but it is I promise!!

**Eugene:**  ... 

**You:** I’m actually freaking out the whole week if you wanna know what’s weird

**Eugene:** well maybe its not

**Eugene:** maybe ive been freaking out too

**Eugene:** im just trying to be cool

**Eugene:** nat would tell u I am doing a poor job tho

**Eugene:** but since u cant see me I think I am doing ok

**You:** Sam scolded me, too.

**You:** I think we’re both just extremely pathetic.

He adds after a moment.

**Eugene:** pathetic is a bit strong dont u think?

Steve doesn’t. He’s been extremely pathetic this week. He doesn’t have to share, though.

**You:** What outfit did you pick?

**Eugene:** (innuendo emoji)

Eugene send you a picture: It’s a black jeans and a grey t-shirt drapped on a black office chair, that still looks comfortable but also like it’s been in use for at least 30 years.

**Eugene:** It doesn’t look like much, but I promise these are the infamous jeans my ass loks amazing in

**You:** (peach emoji, eyes emoji)

**You:** Tryna impress me?

**Eugene:** what if i am?

**Eugene:** how bout u? what will u wear?

**You:** It’s cheating if I tell you.

Thor and him have to wear black either way, like the guys who take care of the technology. Steve wants to spray ‘Rapunzel’ on his shirt.

**Eugene:** (sad emoji)

**Eugene:** no ur right

**Eugene:** sorry

**Eugene:** i just wanna see u really badly

It’s the second time in 10 minutes he wrote this and Steve can feel his heart in his throat. He licks his lips and goes for it.

**You:** You know

**You:** we could just meet up afterwards anyway

**You:** I mean

**You:** I know why we’re doing it like this

**You:** I just really want to see you, too

It takes a minute before Eugene answers and Steve almost starts panicking. He probably said something wrong. He’s just… pathetic is the first word that comes to mind. Again. To his relief his phone buzzes not too long after.

**Eugene:** I wanna say yes

**Eugene:** but that’s not how we work, right?

The use of proper grammar is what assures Steve that he’s being serious. He groans into the pillow before going back to the conversation.

**You:** I guess not

**Eugene:** then it’s settled?

**You:** I guess yes

**Eugene:** u dork

**Eugene:** u made me snort, idiot

Steve smiles. He takes this as a win. His eyes dart to the little readout of the time. It’s almost 1 am, shit.

**You:** I should really head to bed

**You:** Good Night, Eugene (heart emoji)

**Eugene:** (kissing emoji, heart emoji)

Steve throws his phone to the other side of the bed and presses his face into the pillow. He tosses around and it feels like hours pass by, but his mind is running and his stomach hurts and he can’t leave his eyes closed for more than a few seconds. After what feels like forever his phone buzzes again. He startles for a second, thinking this is his alarm already. He grabs the vibrating phone. 2:12 am. Just a message, not the alarm. His phone buzzes in his hand for a second time. Two messages. He unlocks his phone.

**Eugene:** Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your haaaaair.

**Eugene:** sorry i cant sleep..

Steve quietly chuckles to himself, then his fingers fly over the keypad.

**You:** Me neither.

**You:** Tell me something? A good night story? (angel emoji)

**Eugene:** shit

**Eugene:** im so glad ur awake

**Eugene:** i started feeling pathetic too

 

***

 

There is a horrible sound in his ears. His arm is shaking, his mouth dry. A pained sound leaves his lips and he curls into a ball. But the agonizing judder doesn’t stop and the ringing in his ears doesn’t either. He opens his eyes with a gasp. There he is. Steve is lying in his bed covers all over the place and his phone still in his hand, which is ringing like crazy, telling him it’s time to wake up. Steve groans again but finally silences the alarm. He hits a fast massage to Eugene and gets up immediately.

It’s 10 am now, Steve had a good morning run and a shower and is now entering Peggys room with a smile, even if his stomach is still on rebellion and he can’t stop thinking about Eugene. But seeing Peggy smile at him, eyes crinkling, makes him feel a little bit more at ease on the spot.

He sit’s down on the chair next to her bed, like he always does, legs crossed, his hand on hers. “How is my best girl doing?” he asks returning the smile.

“You know I’m doing well, I’m still here.” Steve’s smile freezes for a second, sometimes Peggy gets like this. He assumes it is normal with her age and how she has to live in a hospital room and all but it still leaves a bitter taste in his mouth thinking that she could be gone the next time he comes around. It always reminds him of calling his Ma, too. Maybe next weekend he’ll pay Sarah a visit, it has been a while.

“But enough about me, it’s always about me here. How are you doing, Steve? Today you have to… there is something… something... on your schedule?” she manages and frowns. Steve told her about the play, it had been nothing big the last time, not like it is now because of Eugene, but Peggy always loves to hear about his activities no matter what it is and she even made him write it down for her this time. She wanted to wish him luck, no matter if Steve thought it wasn’t a big deal. She is frustrated now however because she can’t recall exactly what it is Steve has to do, but he doesn’t mind one bit.

He smiles at her, so she knows it’s alright, and nods. “You’re right. Today is the Canterville Ghost play at my uni. I help with the scenery. Most off the school will be there, so I can’t stay too long today.”

Peggy nods her head in unision, looking a little pleased with herself finally. She probably remembered the details when Steve started talking, and hey, Steve is proud of her, too. He thinks about all the people who will be there, the auditorium will be stuffed with students, more than for any other play or class that will follow for the rest of the semester, and it’s the first time of three that Steve doesn’t get stage fright because of it. The only person who matters will be Eugene. He wants to see him. He needs to see him. He is scared of forming a picture in his head and if he doesn’t get to see his stupid face soon, he will start imagining something and that’s gonna be weird for a lot of reasons. His stomach spasms on cue remembering the texting from last night.

“Are you alright, dear?” Peggy’s voice yanks him back to the present and he realizes he is squeezing Peggys hand in his and immediately lets go of it.

“Sorry.” He breathes. Peggy’s skin is thin and soft, like it becomes when you’re old, and Steve would rather fly a plane into ice cold water than hurt her and leave a mark on her.

“Don’t worry, son, I’m not made of glass.” She laughes a bit, bit Steve is still a little shocked. “Tell me what’s on your mind. Come on.” She takes Steve’s hand back in hers and places them on the exact same spot they had them intervined before.

Steve huffs a laugh he doesn’t really feel and shakes his head. “Sorry.” He says again. “I’m just nervous… but it’s not stage fright.” Peggy looks at him, brows rised with a knowing smile on her lips.

Steve rubs his neck. “It’s not. It’s. He is…not. I am just gonna meet a friend for the fist time, is all.” He stammers and feels like an idiot for what feels like the 500th time this last few days alone. But Peggy’s smile doesn’t weaver and there is a spark in her eyes. Steve feels like he’s being scanned under her scrutiny. He starts telling her a bit about Eugene and Peggy listens.

“So you have a crush.” She says at last, like it’s just the reasonable result to come up with after having heard Steve’s story.

“I. What?” he blinks. “No. I don’t.” There is color in his cheecks again and technically he knows he is lying to her and himself. Well, is he? He doesn’t know. How could he know, really, he never met the guy? But Peggy laughes and her eyes crinkle again.

“If there is one thing I know, it’s how little Steve Rogers acts around his crush. I am the one who had to watch out for you when you were raving about sweet Linda Shutterhorn in second grade, I haven’t forgotten about that.”

Sreve ducks his head, there is nothing he can really say, is there?

 

***

 

The past hours have been a haze and Steve floated through them trying to keep his shit together. His palms are sweaty, his stomach feels like there’re fucking stones in it and his body doesn’t want to work properly all together. He is looking past the curtains into the crowd of what looks like a million students and he is finally starting to have some stage fright mixed with everything else he’s feeling after all. Wonderful. He is just glad he never signed up to be an actor at this point. All the people sitting excitedly in the hall are chatting and waving friends to their group to sit together and laughing and looking at the timetable, maybe checking who will play which character this time. They move uncontrolled and in every direction and in this tremendously agitated sea of people Steve is trying to make out one single person.

Someone with brown hair, in tight black jeans, a grey shirt and dogtags clicking together on their chest. Someone without a name. Steve barks a laugh, bitter and unamused. It’s like looking for a ghost, he thinks. Seems appropriate considering everybody in this room is, in some way.

Suddenly there is a huge hand on his shoulder and Steve startles around and is confronted by Thor’s wide, smiling face and he loosens up if only a little.

“Here you are. They want us backstage.” Thor explains, and his voice is always kind of potent but right now he’s trying to drown out the crowd behind the curtains and Steve feels like he’s been struck by thunder. He nods either way and follows his friend to the rest of the group.

They already built up the set and had a final rehearsal. Steve brought over the beverages and helped Ronny (the equipment guy) to wire up most actors. Now the drama class president is holding her usual speech, reminding everybody about their jobs and to exeed their performance from rehersal. Steve actually likes her passion and how determined she is for everybody to do their best, but right now he would love for something that keeps his mind a bit more busy than her talking that doesn’t concern him that much. He is starting to shift his weight from one foot to the other since he has all this energy stocked up but it would be impolite to just start pacing now. This has to have cought Thor’s attention who furrows his brow slightly in concern and hands him a bottle of water. Steve takes it gratefully and emties it in one go. He hasn’t even realized how dry his mouth has been. Thor looks kind of impressed and Steve bites his lip to hold back a grin.

“Is it stage fright? You had the same job during the last two performances, what changed?” he whispers and he looks so sincere about it Steve feels bad about lying.

“I’m just... maybe gonna meet a friend after the play. Just maybe. And I haven’t seen him before yet.” He shrugs with one arm.

Thor’s laugh is loud and echoes in the room. The president throws him a stinky eye and Steve ducks his head and apologizes. But Thor just crashes his big hand on Steve’s back a few times. “That makes more sense. I wish you good luck, my friend.” He booms. Thor is always so simple about things. He doesn’t ask for more information because he knows Steve would have told him if he wanted to tell more, and also they don’t have the time right now. But he just accepts it and smiles down at Steve so sincerely Steve feels gratitude oozing from himself.

“Thanks, bro.” he murmurs and they fistbumb once before taking their allotted places on each side of the stage. The play has seven acts and the scenery has to be changed as many times. In the fifth act the ghost will appear and Thor and he are responsible to make it fly across the stage safely. It’s quarter to two pm, which means the event will start in 15 minutes. And since Steve is now again left alone with his thoughts he feels like he is 12 again and walking up the stairs makes his lungs seize up. And it is ridiculous, he knows, because he will not have a panic attack right now if his life depends on it. He needs to calm down. The worst that could happen is that they don’t see each other.

Then nothing will change, so what is his problem?  
Except he really doesn’t want that to happen at all and the actual worse way for this day to end would be for him having the chance to meet Eugene and fuck it up anyway. What if Eugene decides to call it quits and never wants to talk to Steve again? He has become such a big part of his life, Steve doesn’t think he could handle that.

Maybe they should have met up sooner. Maybe waiting so long just gave them false expectations. What if he isn’t what Eugene expects after all? What if Eugene isn’t what Steve expects? What is he even expecting?  
Steve doesn’t know. He’s actually pretty positive he will be ok with Eugene being whatever, as long as it’s him.  
But you never know for sure, do you?

He is worrying the inside of his cheek feeling anxious and excited at once. He risks another look past the curtains and foolishly tries staring down every single person one after the other in the crowd but doesn’t come very far. It hits him then, though. It hits him like a fucking truck and Steve doesn’t know how he hasn’t noticed before. It was honking with the indicators flashing right in his face and he still managed to miss it. Of course there is some uncertainty about how they will feel about each other, but Steve trusts Eugene, they shared too many stories to not mean it and Steve is pretty sure he wouldn’t drop him just like that either. His worries always take the best of him, but worrying never gets you really far. They built a friendship. It's not gonna be knocked over that easily.

But what if they don’t get to meet today? And what if they don’t get to meet in a week or even two weeks? Sam was right, Steve is dying to finally just see his face. And if they always make up rules and they always fail to get it right then Steve will never get his chance. What then? He doesn’t want that to happen. He doesn’t want to wait a second longer if he is honest with himself. Impulse taking over, he has the urge to just walk on the stage take the awaiting mic in his hands and to shout for Eugene to get his ass up there. He thinks about it, tasting blood when he bites down on his cheek a bit too hard and has almost build up the nerves to go through with it when the phone in his backpocket buzzes. It’s like he’s shaken out of tunnel vision and he automatically takes his phone in hand before consciously sliding to unlock.

**Eugene:** i want to run backstage and look for u (monkey emoji)

**Eugene:** but its much better if i can get it right like this

**Eugene:** its like earning the right to finally meet u or something

It feels like someone let out all the air of a balloon wearing Steve’s name. But then he jerks his neck once and lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, it almost sounds amused. He knows better than doing something as stupid as embarrassing himself in front of most of the uni. He is an idiot, he will see Eugene, and if not today then one day for sure. A smile settles on his face and he types a response.

**You:** I am rooting for you (kissing emoji)


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A school play and the aftermath :)

The moment he sets his phone back safely in his backpocket, the lights dim and the drama club president walks onto the stage grabbing the microphone. She clears her throat once and the sound crackles through the hall.

“Sorry.” She says a bit awkwardly but catches herself quite easily even when some laughter rises in the audience. She welcomes all the guests and wishes them a lot of fun before announcing the start of the show.

Steve has to pay attention now, and he is happy he got through his meltdown before this because he is a lot calmer, even if his hands shake a little and he can feel his heartbeat in his throat. He is back in control now.

Everything goes by pretty much according to plan until intermission after the fourth act. The second time they had to change the scenery however, Steve was again lost too deep in his own thoughts and almost missed his cue and stumbled over his own feet like the moron he is. At least like this maybe Eugene will actually notice him. His ears burn and after that he focusses on his work a lot better.

Now they’re in intermission and he and Thor watch out for the cast to get enough water down and maybe even eat a few snacks. After holding consultation with Ronny Thor grabs four hot dogs, two for each of them, and they sit down in some corner next to the speaker.

“Kate is really good.” Thor says in conversation. Kate Bishop is the newbie in the drama club but she has amazing talent and she took on the leading role for todays play. Steve thinks they couldn’t have picked a better person for it.

“She is.” He agrees. “Andy is doing much better as the duke.” Last time he had been the lead but he was still too shy to do the part justice when there were so many people around watching him. Steve’s phone buzzes again and he takes it out throwing an apologizing glance towards Thor. But he just takes a big bite of his hotdog and asks through the food. “Your friend?”

**Eugene:** i didnt see anyone who gave me the vibe of being u yet so i guess ur coming in later???

**Eugene:** and id be scared bout bein rude but i know ur voice and I havent heared it yet

“Yeah, it’s him.” He says facing Thor, feeling a burning in his chest bloom just because of Eugene’s words. It’s nice to know that he isn’t mixing him up, as frustrating as it is that he hasn’t notcied him at all. Steve thinks hard about ways to make himself more present without disturbing the show but cannot think of anything.

**You:** You’re kind of right

**You:** I am extremely happy you didn’t guess wrong tho

**Eugene:** well i know u aren’t Kate (grinning emoji)

Steve is curious but he’s being impolite towards Thor right now so he makes his phone disappear and they spend the rest of the intermission stuffing their faces with hot dogs and chatting to one another, sometimes being disturbed by actors running past them and asking for help. Before the next act starts, though, he throws Eugene a quick text.

**You:** You know Kate?

The actors walk back to the stage.

**Eugene:** shes Clint’s buddy

**Eugene:** my best friend, Nat’s bf

**Eugene:** now let me watch this play its really good

**You:** Sorry Mr. I-started-this-conversation

**Eugene:** shut up

Steve puts his phone away and continues watching the play, too. There are a few actors in this scene so maybe it was stupid to text Eugene right now, since he knows now he can’t be one of those. But to be honest, Eugene already knew, at least if you believed his last messages, and Steve wants him to find out either way, so he doesn’t mind making it easier for him at all.

It’s time for the ghost to appear and Steve jumps to his mark and takes the rope in his hands, moving his hands neatly, so the ghost flies over the stage a few times in big circles before stopping in front of the protagonists, hovering a few centimeters over the wooden floor. Thor throws him a thumbs up and Steve grins back at him. A second after he feels his phone vibrate but he ignores it. The actors say their lines and move around the stage. Steve carefully moves the ghost to the right position and Thor winds and unwounds the rope depending on how much Steve needs at the moment. They are an efficient duo, Steve thinks, and honestly, this is his favourite part of the show. But eventually the ghost disappeares again and will stay hidden until the very last act.

Steve goes back to the right corner of the stage and it’s time to change scenery again. Thor and Steve work their magic and the actors recite their lines with confidence infront of the right setting. Steve spears a moment to watch at the crowd, who gasps, laughs and holds their breath, always at the right times. It’s amazing to see and Steve pulls at his phone a smile playing at his lips.

**Eugene:** u r the ghost (grin emoji tounge out emoji)

**You:** I thought you were watching the show?

**Eugene:** fuck u casper

Steve knows he is joking. But Eugene doesn’t know that he is right, too, in some way. Of course Steve is aware that this doesn’t count, but he doesn’t feel like laughing at all, he wants to scream instead.

The rest of the show plays out just fine and when it ends there is a huge applause coming from the audience, some howls and whistles are thrown in there as well. The actors are glowing at each other and they have the right to be proud, it was an amazing performance. The club’s president walks into the middle of the stage again, when the applause dies down a little and all the actors have returned backstage chatting happily with one another and complimenting each other on their work. Steve high fives most of them and so does Thor. After a while the voice of the president invokes the actors one by one and they bow down infront of the audience holding each other’s hands. The crowd goes wild again and Steve is grinning from ear to ear. After a few moments Ronny, the two light guys Steve didn’t catch the name from, Thor and he walk under the headlights as well when the president calls ‘the handimen’ up.They stand at the edge, the actors in the middle of them, and bow down once, too. Steve waves into the crowd in the end hoping to catch Eugene’s attention with this ridiculously small attempt and walks back with the others when the president thanks the cheering mass once again and wishes everybody a nice evening.

He has to stay and remove the scenery, which means waiting 'til everybody is gone and he pulls out his phone again. The excitement, the fear, everything that made him nervous and was washed away during most of the play through adrenaline and participation hits him at once when he makes to unlock his cell. His heart feels like it wants to beat right out of his chest and Steve is sweating like crazy and he is wearing a simple black shirt and his hair is all messed up and still, all he wants is to do is meet Eugene. His hands are back to shaking and he somehow manages to send the typo-less message after an annoyingly amount of time.

**You:** So?? Please tell me you know who I am

He has his phone in a death grip trapped between both his hands and is probably staring down at the screen like a maniac. He doesn’t care, though. All he is interested in are the tiny letters on the screen ‘Eugene is typing.’

**Eugene:** Fuck.

Is what he gets. And what should Steve do with this kind of message?? He waits a bit longer but nothing. Then his phone starts ringing. He picks it up on the spot.

“Hey.” He breathes into the phone impatiently a hand fisted in his hair. He’s probably being a bit dramatic here, but he always wore his heart on his sleeve and he just wants this so badly.

“Hey.” The pleasant voice he heared the first time almost three weeks ago greets him back. But the tone is wary and unsure and irrationally now there is a lump in Steve’s throat.“I.. I’m sorry.” The voice continues. “You weren’t on that stage. You are not one of the actos. I-I’m sure of it. At least I think??? I have no idea who you are...” there is a pitifull sounding huff of laugh on the other end. "I almost called you Rapunzel, this is messed up.”

Steve grins despite of himself. “Well, you’re right, I’m not one of the actors.” Steve hears himself explain, his voice crude even to his own ears but some hope mixed in there, too. “C’mon, you have one guess.”

There are a few seconds of silence. “I don’t… shit I didn’t pay attention to any of the other guys, fuck. Ok, just... Maybe the blond guy handling the light.” It’s more a question than a statement and the grin on Steve face crumbles at once, the lump in his throat getting thicker. He is not going to cry over this, he is not.

His eyes are closed and he loses the grip on his hair. “Ding dong, you’re wrong.” He declares trying to sound light hearted but the disappointment is heavy on his tounge and he can’t ban it out of his voice completely. He stands there for a while, phone still at his ear and most of the people already left the room and Thor is probably waiting for him but he can’t move right now.

“Fuck.” A breathy sound coming from the speaker, he almost forgot Eugene was still on the line. “I’m sorry.” He means it. The regret in his voice hits Steve right in the lungs and he just stands there taking long breaths.

“Can I see you anyway?”

The question is everything to Steve and he opens his eyes and leans against a wall. A sigh passes his lips and he manages a little smile even.

“But it wouldn’t be right. You said it yourself. Where would the magic go?”

There is a low chuckle on the other side, it sounds sad but also understanding. “No, you’re right.” Eugene admits. “It’s my fault, I fucked up. Let’s hope for next time then?” Steve can hear the smile there and it finally loosens the solid lump in his throat.

“Next time for sure.” He nods to himself.

“I did enjoy the show though, so, hey, whatever you did there, you did great.” There is a real laugh now and Steve’s stomach flops at the genuine sound.

“Thanks. You did a great job sitting there and clapping, too.”

“Har har.”

“I need to go... gotta clean up this mess here. I’ll text you later?” Steve really doesn’t wanna hang up but then again he really has to, if he doesn’t want to get roasted by whoever finds him standing here by himself like a loon first.

“Please do. Bye, blondie.” He chirps and hangs up.

Steve listens to the first beep before shutting his phone and catching up with Thor. To his luck they haven’t started the wrap up already but the whole team is sitting in a circle eating the leftover food. Everybody is still riding the afterglow of the show and as much as Steve wants to go back to that state, too, there is still a little bit of disappointment pooling in his stomach. Sure, he did the right thing, and he will meet Eugene sooner or later and he is definitely texting with him tonight until they fall asleep. But still, there is a difference. He still doesn’t have a name or a face to pin on his friend and despite the odds he was counting on seeing him today. He nibbles on a leftover hot dog while the others are still talking and Thor sits down next to him, probably sensing that his meeting didn’t go as planned, and places a big hand on his shoulder. He says nothing and Steve is so gratefull for his friend.

 

***

 

The next day Steve is painting. Working on his project as much as he can and he’s just now adding the final touch to Peggy’s portrait. Maybe he’ll start on Peter's later. He has to keep his hands and his mind working or he’ll continue recapping the events of last evening. After cleaning up the hall and taking all the equipment back to the carpentry and the costumes to the drama lecture hall there was a get-together on campus where he and Thor joined all their friends who saw the play. When Sam realized Steve’s presence he knew what happened, since Steve wouldn’t have been there on other terms. He naturally squaked in a really annoying I-told-you-so kind of way and Steve ended up telling the story to all of them.

It was weird in a way, because Steve knew Eugene would be on campus somewhere, too. Or at least there was high probability for him to be there, and if Steve looked out for Kate maybe she was even chatting with him, who knew? But he tried not to think about that and had fun with his friends.

He got home pretty late but he did text Eugene then, as promised. It was a bit awkward at first but they got the hang of it pretty easily and went back to normal like it was second nature. They didn’t mention the muffed meeting even once. They were both still a bit embarrassed about that phone call, too many emotions coming through, or at least, that’s how Steve feels. But it bothered him and it still bothers him now.

He angrily strokes on the canvas, before snapping out of it and working more warily, he shouldn’t ruin the painting over this. He sighs and puts down the paintbrush rubbing at his eyes. He should call it quits for today, it’s six pm already and he didn’t even get lunch yet. He washes out the brushes but doesn’t get all the paint off his hands, like always. The grittiest part caked under his fingernails stubbornly withstanding water and soap. He leaves the piece he is working at on the easel but goes to cover up the finished paintings lying on the table.

Sam’s and Peggy’s face, both in heavy strokes, one about to sneeze the other remembering, the colors blending in with the expressions. Steve stands over them a cloth ready in his hands but instead of covering the paintings to protect them from the sunlight he just stands there. Fingering at the cloth he looks first at one then the other portrait, lets his eyes wander over the canvas before staring through them at something that isn’t there at all. He lays down the cloth next to his brush set and goes to take his mobile. When he enters his painting room again, he hesitates a second before stepping back up to the table where the paintings lie.

**You: send a picture:** “You couldn’t see me, but you’ve unlocked a friendship state. So I want you to see these (smilie emoji)”

It takes some time before he sends the message but he wants Eugene to see his work. He does. And maybe it’s strange since the only people allowed to see his art are his mother, Peggy and from time to time Sam. Ok, his professors obviously need to see it, too, but that’s it. He takes a deep breath and waits for his friend to answer while finally putting the cloth on top of the paintings. And a few minutes later when he checks his phone he isn’t disappointed.

**Eugene:** shit!!!

**Eugene:** first of all I am like super honored ure letting me see these i remember what u said about that being special

**Eugene:** they look fucking stunning wtf

**Eugene:** u sure u did them

**Eugene:** im p sure its still called plagiarism to use someone elses work as ur own

Awkwardly Steve scratches at his nose.

**Eugene:** wow fuck

**Eugene:** u r amazing i hate u

**Eugene: send a picture:** changed contact name: Michelangelo

**You:** Ok now you’re overdoing it

He types rolling his eyes.

**Eugene:** i am very clearly not ur just fucking modest appearently

**Eugene:** pls be proud of these they r amazing

**You:** I’ll try

**You:** Thank you, tho

Steve hates talking about his art. People always say he’s good, and sure, he doesn’t think he totally sucks at it. But sometimes people just say stuff to be nice. And that often happens when it’s about art and Steve doesn’t trust a lot of people. He trusts Eugene, though, or well, not Eugene because that’s not his name, but he trusts him none the less. And that’s even worse because if the guy isn’t lying Steve doesn’t know how to react to it either. He can’t deal with compliments, really. So he just flushes and sounds like an asshole who doesn’t appreaciate kind words.

**Eugene:** damn

**Eugene:** they r real good

**Eugene:** thanks for showing me

**You:** Thanks for making me trust you

**Eugene:** aww (tounge out emoji)

**You:** I mean it

**Eugene:** i know

**Eugene:** and i do feel honored

**You:** Good, you should

**Eugene:** ass

**You:** (peach emoji)

After a thought he sends another picture.

**You: send a picture:** changed contact name: Tesla

**Tesla:** u kno thats not accurate (laughing emojis)

**You:** Shut up, I do what I want

**Tesla:** ok mike (grinning emoji)

Steve almost shuts his phone then but another message comes in.

**Tesla:** i know what sam looks like now

**Tesla:** but i still dont know about ur ugly mug

**Tesla:** this sucks

Steve forgets to breathe for a second. He thinks about texting Tesla his name and his address just like that, right now this moment, but he can’t do it after what happened yesterday, can he?   
So he just sucks it up with a frown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is fucked.

He’s such a fucking loser. It’s amazing. He hides his head under a pillow and gives a pitiful whine before risking a glance from under it. His room is dark, the only light coming in from the rusty lantern in front of his window. No matter how hard he pulls the curtains, there is no way of blocking all the glow. The desk looks gloomy in the dim light, papers stacked over more papers, tools scattered around them and the lamp sprawled on top of everything, since he didn’t bother picking it up again after it fell. Bucky is used to this sight. He is used to every messy detail of his room, the smell of his overused sheets and even the shitty half dimness covering the room at nights.   
What he is less used to is the feeling in his gut. Want, need and something too similar to doubt for his taste mixed in there together like a martini.

It’s 2 am. It’s 2 am and amazingly pathetic James Buchanan Barnes lies awake, sprawled over his bed and taking turns with hiding under the covers and ogle at two unbelievable paintings he has saved on his phone. One displaying a handsome dark man, making a less-handsome impression because he’s about to sneeze, and nobody looks good while sneezing honestly. The other shows an old Lady, clearly about to remember something. The reason Bucky is looking at them for what feels like an hour is, well, simply put, because he is so fucked he can feel it to his toes.

Of course the paintings are amazing and they deserve to be gazed at by lots of people, but no matter how skillfull the paint is spread over the canvas, he would not be looking at them that much if it wasn’t a certain person forwarding them to him. Bucky doesn’t know his name, but at this moment he calls him Mike or Michael, sometimes Michelangelo, in his head and that has to be enough for now.

It doesn’t feel like enough. Which is why, he is fucking looking at these paintings at two in the morning.   
To be fair, he just stopped texting with Mike like 20 minutes ago, so it could be worse. He rubs his temple and doesn’t dare unlocking his phone, that dimed by the time he had his little nervous breakdown.

It’s been a little more over a month now since the phone incident happened and he ended wasting all his life on a person he hasn’t even seen yet. That’s how he met Michael, or whatever his name may be. Over that idiot dialing the wrong number. Sometimes he can’t believe how something so stupid could be the best thing that has happened to him. It’s embarrassing maybe how far gone he managed to be in that little time, but he doesn’t care. Well, most of the times. Right now, he definitely does. He is like 90% sure that it is one sided and he fucked up way too many times already to make that change. Also he is losing way too much sleep over this. He runs a hand trough his hair and sighs at the offending street light behind the window.   
Yeah, he is a fucking loser, alright.

 

 

“Wake up, James.” Someone pulls at his blanket with force, leaving him exposed to the cold air in the room.

“Hnghf” he answers eloquently before turning to the other side and tucking in his limbs as close as possible as if trying to transform into a turtle. His matrass dips in, something warm at his back.

“Noooo… Nat, my alarm didn’t start yet so it’s too early, please leave.” He croaks.

But of fucking course she doesn’t listen and pulls away the pillow from under his head as well before hitting him across the head with it. Bucky groans and sits up. “Anyone ever told you, you are a horrible person and the worst roomie ever?”

“You say it from time to time.” She says sweetly shrugging with one arm. “You look like hell, Barnes.”

“Thanks.” Bucky deadpans.

The side of her lip quirks up into a little grin. Everybody who doesn’t know her would miss it, but never Bucky and he feels the traitorous fondness he has for her pulling at his own lips.

“So what you want? Why wake me up at these unholy hours?”

She rolls her eyes so quickly Bucky almost misses it. “It’s almost noon. I jus-“

Bucky gapes at her before almost throwing her off the bed while looking for his phone. He finds it soon enough. 9:30 am. What the fuck? He throws Nat the stink eye.

“Fuck you.”

Now she is definetly grinning. Smugly. Bucky wants to strangle her.

“However I wanted to ask if you’re free tonight. Clint wants you to come over, too.”

“And you have to wake me up for that?”

He actually is super excited to hear that. It’s been almost two weeks of them sitting on each other’s back and going places without asking Bucky to come with. And he understands why, they probably have to make up for the last year they pined for each other with disgustingly long make out sessions. And, well, if he’s being honest, he wouldn’t even care too much seeing that happen in front of his face. But they meet up at least once a week since they know each other, all three of them, and he can’t help but feel a bit left out these past weeks. He’d rather eat his shoe than admit to it, though.

“I was afraid you’d start to get moldy.”

“I hate you.”

“You love me.” She replies lightly. “You’ve been drowning in self pity since Saturday. And that’s not much like you.”

“I have not.” Bucky is offended.

She rolls her eyes again, fondly this time. She can read him like a book. Bucky looks away.

“What are the plans for tonight?” he much rather continue talking about this.

“Ping Pong. It’s been a while.”

“’Kay, I’m game.” He shrugs.

She gets up from his bed. “At seven.” She hesitates for a second, wich in return isn’t much like her and Bucky frowns up to her in the splitsecond she needs to continue talking. “Please take a shower.”

Bucky throws the pillow at her but it just flops against the closed door uselessly, Natasha already out by the time the pillow drops to the floor. Then there is a click when Nat leaves the apartment all together, heading to uni. Bucky has still a few hours left before he needs to go so he looks around the room a bit lost, there’s no sense in trying to go back to sleep now that he is awake.

Finally he gets up and makes himself a bowl of cheerios, scratching at his stomach under the shirt while walking to the kitchen. He sends Michael a text.

**You:** its early and i am awake (arm emoji)

After he washes off the grime of his bowl and heads for the shower there is a message coming in.

**Michelangelo:** A miracle happened. I am proud of you.

Bucky smiles at his phone contently.

 

***

 

“Sorry I’m late” he shouts over to Nat and Clint, who don’t seem to care much. The little white ball between them moves in an incredible speed, neither of them leaving it out of sight. So Bucky just sits down on the bench near the ping pong table. This park, and especially this extraordinary ping pong table is their usual meeting place when it’s not freezing outside. It actually isn’t that special, it just holds emotional value to all of them; it’s where they met Clint for the first time.

Bucky remembers it pretty clearly.   
He and Nat share a dorm since they started at NYU. They were the only two people who didn’t know any other student here at the time it seemed like. A lot of people would have hated it to share a little scrawny apartment with a stranger but if you asked Bucky and Nat, they hit the jackpot. They just feel at ease with each other and are compatible in every way possible. Sometimes Clint is jealous of how good they understand each other, which is stupid, because he fits perfectly into their little family just like that.

Nat just came from Russia and Bucky had transferred from Brooklyn and this park was their favourite place because it was calmer than the rest of campus. So they spent most of their time here, studying and learning more about each other every passing day. And well enough, their favourite spot was the infamous ping pong table Clint and Nat are having their great match right now.   
They were just enjoying the sunlight that day when Clint came over hitting on Nat with a shitty line about her ass being as perfect as the apple he held in his hand or something, it was horrible really. Clint shouldn’t be allowed to ‘flirt’ full stop. However as Bucky tried not to laugh at him too obnoxiously, Nat’s face transformed into that beautiful one that means touble. It’s a slight movement but her left eyebrow rises just a little and her nostrils flare minimally. She took the apple from Clint and bit into it before saying “Nah, mine is firmer.” Well, both Clint and Bucky lost it then and Clint even managed to apologize stumbling over his own words later the day. He sat down with them after all, though, and they kinda hit it off from there.

Bucky sucks at the straw of his frappucino swallowing the deliciously sweet ice-coffee following the ball with his eyes. This is gonna take some time, he thinks.

“Points?” he inquires.

“7 to 6 for me.” Clint answers but misses the tiny ball bouncing to his left.

“Shit, Barnes! You disturbed my concentration!”

Bucky laughs. “Nah, you’re just shit, Barton.”

They continue their game after Clint fishes the ball from the bushes and glares at Bucky with playfull anger. Bucky just grins back and takes another gulp of his drink.

He decides to send Michael a text, because he is bored after a while of watching the match, like always. Normally he brings a book, but well, his poor mind already planned to do something else today with his sparetime it seems.

He snaps a picture of his frappucino, being carefull about his name scribbled on it not showing but Nat and Clint playing in the background. He sends it and types “20 minutes late with starbucks” under it.

**You:** also ive seen sam so it seems right for u to see my besties too

**You:** the redhead is nat

**You:** the shitface losing the match is clint

To his surprise there is an answer pretty soon. Normally it takes Michael some time to answer during the day. And sure seven is already evening, but it’s still early for him to have the time. Bucky shakes his head about his knowledge of that particular detail, as if he didn’t know exactly when it’s best to start a convo with his artist friend.

**Michelangelo:** You’re always so kind to your friends (smilie face)

**Michelangelo:** But at least you’re spending this nice day in the right way

**Michelangelo:** You any good at ping pong?

**You:** u stuck at home? Was kinda surprised u r texting back now

**You:** sure I am the best (innuendo emoji)

**Mechelangelo: send a picture:** There are paintstained hands in front of an almost untouched canvas with the caption “only at the warmup (sad face)”

Another message follows.

**Michelangelo:** Then win the trophy, Tesla!!

Bucky would be grinning like an idiot at the second text if his eyes weren’t so hung up on the photo above. Those are real nice hands. Those are big and strong hands and a toned underarm is showing, too and Bucky knows those hands are capable and he feels his mouth going dry. The paint is dribbled over long fingers and smooth skin, dryed a little on the fine hairs. Shit, Bucky is fucking ridiculous, he feels his face burn and takes another sip of his iced coffee to rehydrate his mouth. He takes a moment to rub at his forehead before answering.

**You:** looking good (innuendo emoji)

**You:** I will win it for u (winking emoji)

He wishes he was that smug in real life and he swears to god he normally is but fucking Michael just brings him completely out of his depth. Fuck him and his shitty artist hands for fucks sake. Bucky has to take a grip.

Suddenly there is Clint on one side of him while Nat presses against him fron the other side of the bench.

“Lover boy got your heartrate up again?” Clint grins at him and Bucky regrets having told him about his shitty crush. Well, it’s not really that he told him but Nat practically knew from the start and after his freak out before the Canterville Ghost play she just let him in on the secret with Bucky trying to defend himself uselessly.

“Since when are you done playing?” his face heats up a little bit more, which is just great, but how could he not realize they ended the game?

“No worries, James, we just finished. I won by the way.” And suddenly Bucky’s phone is in Nat’s hands. Bucky swears she’s some kind of special agent with how you never notice her movements and actions before it’s too late. “Can I see?”

Bucky groans slumping on the bench. She’d never look without his permission but he’d probably end up telling them anyway since he can’t get that dumb hands out of his head anyway.

“He got nice arms ok.” Bucky accepts his fate and stares at the sky ignoring Clint’s shit eating grin at his side. But then there is a low whistle that peaques his interest and he glances at Nat from the corner of his eye. Her left eyebrow is rised and Bucky knows she is actually impressed by what she sees.

“Those are nice arms.” She states and is looking at Bucky now.

He shrugs in an I’ve-told-you-so kind of way and is the one wearing a smile now while Clint dropped his on the spot taking the phone from Nat in a rush. He eyes the picture suspiciously but drops the act in the end.

“Ok, you’re right.” His voice sounds defeated and Bucky barks a laugh.

“So you done making fun of me?” Clint gives him his phone back and nods miserably.

Nat is not done though. “You found yourself someone who actually likes your shitty humour and probably looks like a model. James, listen, will you just ask him to meet you? Please? Do something good for yourself once in a while.” it sounds like a question, but it is not. Nat has a way to persuade people. But Bucky knows her long enough to fight against it. She doesn’t understand Mikes and his way of handling the situation. He can’t just come up with something that big after the Canterville Ghost disaster, especially because he was the one who fucked it up.

“Sure I will. But when the time’s right.”

Clint’s sighs and shakes his head and Nat just looks at him unimpressed.

“Come on Clint, I gotta defeat you, too!” So Bucky stands up heading to the table dribbling the ball a few times on his racket.

The match is pretty long and in fact he does end up beating Clint, even if just barely with one point in the lead. It ends with Clint throwing his racket at Bucky’s arm, and unfortunately he never misses so Bucky is now rubbing at a point that will surely become a nice bruise later. It’s what he gets for teasing his friend so much, he guesses.

In the end he loses against Nat though, which, contrary to what he told Michael, happens most of the time. Clint and Bucky are pretty easily on the same level but Nat has that something more that makes her unbeatable. She also looks so beautiful when she is concentrated and all her movents are fluid and elegant, which is extreamly unfair because Bucky will have monster creases on his forehead by the time he is thirty considering how much he frowns when he’s focused.

The ritual says that the winner (Nat) has to choose the meal the others have to treat her to, so the boys are looking at her expectantly while she still smiles victoriously taking her time to think about her prize even when it’s obvious what she’s going to choose.

“I want pizza.” She says decisively (as predicted) and puts the ball and the rackets back into her bag. Bucky only then remembers his now melted starbucks coffe and chucks down the forgotten residual. It does taste as unsatisfactory as his defeat, so, well done, karma. He throws the cup into the bin and together they make their way to “Fury’s Pizza Palast”. It’s where Clint’s side job is at and since he knows the owner they always get some discount on the food. Looking at the man, Nicholas J. Fury, Bucky never thought he would be that nice to them. He always wears black, shaves his head and has only one eye. Simply put, he looks like someone who could fuck you up with his little finger and Bucky would be scared to meet him alone at nighttime. But well, he is sometimes wrong about people, drawing to conclusions way too easily in his head.   
Still, as nice as Fury is about that food sale, he is never actually friendly to be around and Bucky has made it a point to call him Mad-Eye Fury in his head. Just because. It makes him more approachable in Bucky’s book.

On the way over he pulls out his phone, since he feels a little like a third wheel with Nat and Clint holding hands next to him. There are a few texts waiting for him.

**Shellhead:** I almost got the thing ready for you! We’ll talk on Wednesday.

Bucky’s eyebrows rise to the ceiling, if those aren’t excellent news.

**You:** thanks tony (smilie face)

He sends it even if he knows that Tony Stark hates hearing those words. It is why he always makes way too flashy and embarrassing presents, so nobody feels the need (aka is too embarrassed) to talk about them with him. But now he’s actually doing Bucky a favour, and if it works out, Bucky will never stop thanking him. But he has to wait for Wednesday to know more. For now, there is another message waiting for him.

**Michelangelo:** So did you win? Will I get my trophy? (angel emoji)

**You:** no sorry i got in second (sad face)

**You:** u managed to do some stuff?

Michelangelo answers right away, since now is normally the time they text every night after all.

**Michelangelo:** aww man (sad face)

**Michelangelo:** Yes, thanks, I finished what I wanted to do

**You:** sorry

**You:** I will give u a consolation prize

**You:** tell me what u want and ill give it to u

**You:** u got time til tomorrow night!

**You:**  also glad u managed

**Michelangelo:** (monkey emoji)

**Michelangelo:** deal

**You:** ill be at home later today so ill text u then

He tucks his phone away smiling lazily as they enter Fury’s. Sometimes he is a genius. These games he always comes up with make everything a little more exciting and they distract him a bit, too. Also he is curious what Michael wants. He can choose whatever and Bucky secretly hopes he’ll ask to meet up. It’s what he would ask for sure.

 

***

 

Classes pass by really slowly, like, even slower than normal. Bucky just wants it to be eight pm, text with Mike and finally hear him say that he wants to see him. Or, well, see him text it. Bucky takes a breath. He shouldn’t have so high expectations it will only end up with him being disappointed again. But why wouldn’t he ask for it? Deducing from their call after the play he wanted to see him pretty badly, too, so it’s not that far fetched. At least Bucky thinks so.

“Mr. Barnes, will you answer my question please?” a professional female voice interrupts his thoughts.

Some of the students around him laugh and he is suddenly snaps out of it. Professor Hill looks at him expectantly and Bucky’s eyes snap to the slide projected in the front trying to understand what she’s trying to teach them and acting like he was listening all along.

“Uhm…” he starts very convincingly.

“She wants you to explain the time dependence of a quantum mechanical system. Schrödingers equation. ”T’Challa whisperes and Bucky mouths him a fast thank you before answering the question mostly reading it from his notes. Hill looks unimpressed but continues the lesson. Bucky slumps a bit in his seat and turns to T’Challa to his right.

“Thanks, man, I would have been completely swamped.” He smiles lazily.

“Don’t worry, happens to all of us.” He smiles back and then continues writing down the most important parts of the slide now displayed in front of them. T’Challa is a straight A student and probably the most brilliant mind Bucky’s ever met, Tony Stark included. They sit together at lunch sometimes and have Hill’s physics class together but they don’t do much outside of uni.

T’Challa is a reserved guy and he also has like 10 extra activities Bucky knows of. His parents expect a lot from him, being prosperous rulers of a small city in Africa and T’Challa wants to be a smart and caring successor, so he does everything to make his parents proud. Bucky has seen them once, when they came to meet his son and he thinks he’s never encountered so warm-hearted people. Bucky is really glad he met T’Challa, he even told him about this extremely rare and hard metal Bucky wants to use for his prosthetic arm project. Of course he won’t use it here in uni, but it will be documented and maybe some day when it’s really relevant people will do the right thing.

Bucky manages to semi-listen to the rest of class and heads to his next one right after, waving T’Challa goodbye before entering the room. Somehow he survives even this one and is now free to go home. It’s 5 pm. 3 hours left, Bucky can handle this. And he really needs to stop getting worked up over everything that has to do with Mike, for fucks sake. They texted a little during frst class today and he seems to be so careless about his wish even when Bucky tried teasing him a little, so why can’t he be careless about it, too? He kicks himself mentally and walks into his dorm being kinda surprised to see Nat lounging on the couch all by herself, for the exception of a book and a steaming cup of coffee in her hand.

“I thought you’d be at Clint’s again tonight?” he tosses his keys on the counter.

Nat looks up, closing the book with one finger between the pages so she won’t lose the page. “He’s at work.”

“That explains it.” He murmors roaming around in the fridge trying to find something to eat.

“Don’t be like that, James” Bucky can hear a dull thud when Nat puts down the book on the table.

He sighs straightening his back, still looking inside the fridge. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. Just.” He hesitates a second. “You can still come over here, you know, I can still leave the room if you two want to be alone.”

Suddenly next to him, Nat intervenes their fingers and Bucky looks down into her impassive face.

“You are a moron.” His eyebrow twitches in irritation, but she continues without further notice. “We’re not thinking that you’re bothering us. We just don’t want to be bothering _you_.” There is a mischivious smile on her face now, and okay, Bucky did not have to know about that.

“Natalia. You are disgusting.”

She chuckles lightly and he squeezes her fingers once before letting go with a grin. She goes back to her spot on the couch, movements like a cat, and opens her book again. Bucky decides on just makng a sandwich and sits down next to her with his full plate. She steals a slide, not looking up from her book and Bucky would be annoyed if it wasn’t Nat. He steals his feet under her back and eats in peace analyzing her features as she reads the lines in her book.

When he’s polished the plate he still sits there for at least 30 minutes, too lazy to get up and do some work, he has time tomorrow. He yawns and slides down into the cushions a bit more comfortably. His gaze wanders lazily around the room, until they land on Nat’s face again and he does a double take as she’s already staring back at him.

“You gave me a heartache!” he squaks cluching a hand on his chest where he feels his heart beating rapidly.

She gives him her little tinge of a smile before answering. “How was your day?”

He gapes at her incredulously for a moment. “Good.” He says unsure. “Yours?”

“Pretty good as well.” She looks at him for a few seconds longer without blinking once. “Something you need to do tonight?”

“Nah I could start on that paper for Philipps but I’ll probably do it tomorrow.”

“No other plans?”

He narrows his eyes. “No, why?” he doesn’t know if it’s the truth yet but why tell Natasha?

“Don’t bullshit me. You’re wearing your so called magic pants, I did not miss your beautiful rear when you were bending down in front of the fridge.”

“That why you came over?” he smiles his meanest smile, but of course it has no effect on Nat.

“You wish. So, why are you wearing them? You don’t do that without purpose.” Her left eyebrow moves a little, she is actually interested in it. Bucky snorts a laugh.

“It’s just pants, Nat.”

She continues looking at him, unimpressed, her left eyebrow rising a bit higher. She’s still not blinking, it freaks Bucky out, if he’s honest.

“Maybe I’m going on a date later. I don’t know yet.” She bites her lip to hide the grin and he gets up then, Nat’s scrutinity is too much for him on his good days, so today he would rather not do this. So,‘having a date’ was definitely a lie, but Nat doesn’t have to know everything. He stretches out on his bed and logs into his laptop, maybe he will start the paper then.

 

***

 

It’s almost eight und Bucky is halfway done with the paper. He doesn’t mind though, and closes off his laptop without even finishing the sentence and takes the phone from his desk, where he ignored it for the last hours trying to be a sane human being. He answers messages from Clint, Tony and Kate before opening Mike’s history.

**Michelangelo:** I can’t concentrate on drawing because I still don’t know what I want to wish for myself.

**Michelangelo:** It’s your fault if I fail class

Bucky snorts, this message came in like two hours ago and three others followed.

**Michelangelo:** I have an idea but it’s probably too much, I can’t ask you to do that

_Try me_ , Bucky thinks.

**Michelangelo:** Ok, I know now!

**Michelangelo:** Can’t wait!

So can’t Bucky, he really hopes he was right with his assumptions.

**You:** u wont fail ur class i promise u that ur art could be displayed in a museum already

**You:** No matter how much i try to distract u

**You:** so u r telling me ur wish now? (monkey hands emoji)

**Michelangelo:** I was just waiting for you to text back (smilie face)

**Michelangelo:** You say that but you don’t know how much you are distracting me

Bucky smiles bitterly, because, really? If there is someone distracting it’s not him.

**Michelangelo:** But you have to tell me if it’s too much!!

**You:** no worries sweetheart ill give u whatever u ask for (kissing emoji)

**Michelangelo:** No, be serious for a second here, I mean it.

**Michelangelo:** If I am overstepping you have to tell me.

Bucky furrows his brow. For one, he is being very serious and secondly he doesn’t think Mike would say anything he wouldn’t be comfortable with. He is interested now if he wasn’t already, though.

**You:** shoot

**Michelangelo:** I want to see you

Bucky’s heart is racing, he can hear it beating in his throat. He can’t believe his luck, he can’t believe he is reading this. That’s all he wanted to hear.  
A smile is slowly forming on his face growing so big he feels like his head is going to split in two.

**Michelangelo:** send me a selfie

Bucky’s smile crumbles at once and the phone in his hand sinks a little as he folds his hands in his lap. What? His heart just dropped down to his feet, of course he got his hopes way too high.

What was he even thinking?

He stares at the door in front of him. He needs a moment to take it in, he won’t see Mike today. He won’t see Mike today. He licks over his lip once.

He won’t see Mike today.

Wait. No.   
He will see Mike today. Maybe not like he imagined and not in person, but he will see him. The relief hits him so hard he forgets to breathe for a few seconds. Then he grapples his phone again. Looks like he left Mike hanging a bit too long, oopsie.

**Michelangelo:** you don’t have to!!!

**Michelangelo:** sorry, I knew it was too much!

**Michelangelo:** Please, I don’t care I’ll think of something else!

**Michelangelo:** you don’t have to…

**You:** ok because i wont

Bucky bites his tongue, he is being difficult again like his mother always says.

**You:** if u dont send one urself after

**You:** (tounge out emoji)

**Michelangelo:** Fuck, I hate you!!!

**Michelangelo** : You really scared me, you ass.

**Michelangelo:** But sure, I was planning on doing that either way

**You:** good

**Michelangelo:** So? I am waiting

Bucky is glad he put on these pants today. He opens the front camera but is a bit insecure. Like, this is big. This will be the first impression Mike gets of him, or at least, of his looks. Bucky knows for a fact that he doesn’t look bad but he is also aware of the fact that his bedroom looks like a huge dump.

He moves to the window, where he sometimes reads on the window sill on lazy days. He sits down there then, Mike doesn’t have to know how messy his room is, right? Also the lightning here is a lot better, a few rays of light are still coming through the dusk. He lifts the camera again flashing that smile, which makes most people flush, hoping it’ll work on Mike, too. He chews at his lip and runs his fingers through his short hair for a second before deciding that the selfie will have to do.

That’s his face, there’s nothing much he can change about it. Redoing the selfie over and over will just make him even more insecure. He sends it putting a shitton of monkey emojis beneath it.

He is jittery. Is Mike even gonna say anything? He feels like when he was ten and cute Penny from next door hold his hand when they went up the stairs together on the day the electricity didn’t work that one time. “What did it mean?” He asked himself for some time before confronting her, but she snubbed him on the spot and he went home tail between the legs.

Now is different though. He isn’t ten anymore and he knows when people just hold hands because they’re scared. He doesn’t know what it means texting with a guy for over a month and only seeing their face then over a mobile pic for the first time, though. So he hopes he’ll just get something. It takes Mike some time to type that something out and Bucky patiently looks at the small screen in his hands.

**Michelangelo:** You own one pair of pants? (grinning emoji)

So that’s not exactly what he hoped for, but well, he takes what he gets.

**You:** i look great in them and i can wear them if I wanna

**Michelangelo:** You’d look good without them, too, don’t worry

This is more the kind of text he hoped for.

**You:** Are you asking for nudes? (innuendo emoji)

**Michelangelo:** Oh, come on! That’s not what I meant!

Bucky chuckels to himself. Of course it wasn’t.

**You:** Enough about me I wanna see u too

**Michelangelo:** Easy, Cowboy

Bucky thinks maybe he could get used to Mike calling him Cowboy but shakes the thought as a selfie from Mike comes in.

Holy shit. Bucky grips one hand at the window sill and stares at the picture in disbelief. What the? Bucky is not overreacting, he is not. The guy is fucking handsome, it’s not fair. Bucky already has a shitty crush couldn’t he have like one good thing and have Mike be ugly? No, of course fucking not, he looks amazing.

His hair is short and blonde, but Bucky knew that by now. His nose is a little big and aquiline but it looks just right on his face and his eyes are blue, eyelashes long. Such pretty, honest eyes, but Bucky can imagine seeing the mischief behind them just because he knows the guy by now. Mike is smiling, his lip stretched over the upper row of theeth that shows a little and his eyes crinkle at the sides. And as a cherry on top the guy is fucking build. Mike is not only handsome, _he is hot_. Bucky feels like dying on the spot would be a nice occourrence right about now. Nat was right, he does look like a model.

**You:** Shit, ur hot

What else is he supposed to type, really?

He looks at the selfie again, feeling ridiculously flustered about the fact that he texted with this guy for over a month.   
Like, this is Mike, this is _Rapunzel_. For fucks sake he called this guy Cree-kri for at least a week. He laughs a bit at the thought.

Mike is so pretty.

In turn, Bucky is so fucked.

He goes back to his bed and lies on his back, phone still in his hand and groaning to the ceiling. The phone buzzes announcing a new message.

**Michelangelo** : (a few fire emojis) <\- me

Bucky rolls his eyes but can’t disagree, if he’s being honest.

**Michelangelo:** No, but really, thank you

**Michelangelo:** And not for saying I’m hot

**Michelangelo:** I mean, that’s nice, too

**Michelangelo:** Whatever

**Michelangelo:** I’m really glad I got to see your face (monkey emoji)

Bucky feels warm all over. That’s what Mike does to him. He is extremely glad, too, though. He makes another selfie of himself lying on the bed like this, just his face and pouting a little, then sends it.

**You:** I am too (smilie face)

**You:** I will annoy u with my face forever now

**Michelangelo: send a picture:** It’s him, grinning into the camera like an idiot and Bucky can’t help but laugh a little.

He still looks hot like that, though. Bucky hates him.

**Michelangelo:** Please do. I don’t think I will get tired of it (kissing emoji)

Bucky flushes, one side of his mouth quirking up to a little smile. This guy will be the death of him for sure.

They text for a little longer but then Mike heads to bed pretty early, since he is crazy and wakes up before six am every day. Bucky will never understand that. He sheds his socks and knocks at Nat’s door.

“Can I come in?” he asks warily.

“Sure.” Comes the easy answer from behind the door.

So Bucky lets himself in and sits on the floor next to her bed, where she’s sprawled over the sheets one earbud in and sorting some files for her class tomorrow Bucky guesses. He miserably lays his head next to her and makes a sound something between a whine and a squeal. She puts a hand in his hair and loses the earbud stopping the player on her phone.

“No date then?”

He shakes his head and she begins petting him lightly.

“Naaat. He send me a selfie.” He looks up to her miserably. Her eyebrows rise but she shakes her head slightly making him understand that he needs to be more specific.

“Mike. He sent me a selfie.” He continues sulking. “it’s not fair.”

“Ah, that’s Rapunzel? Right, he’s Mike now.”

Bucky nods, pushes his jaw forward and furrows his brow.

“Why is it not fair? Isn’t that a good thing? You know what he looks like now.” She’s so patient with him, Nat deserves the world.

Bucky burrows his head in her blanket and shoves his phone in her hands. He feels her move a little as she unlocks the phone and views the pictures.

“I don’t see how that’s a bad thing.” She sounds amused. Bucky looks up at her again.

“No, he is fucking hot, Natalia. He is _so hot_ , it isn’t fair. Why is this happening to me?” he is pleading now and Natasha snorts a laugh.

“You’re such a crybaby, come on. You know you look good, too. You’d make a nice couple.”

He narrows his eyes at her now. “That’s just mean, Nat. He doesn’t _fancy_ me and you know it.”

Nat rolls her eyes a little exasperated. “He told you he wouldn’t get tired of your face. Like, you've read that, right? You’re flirting since day one, James, are you really that dense?”

Bucky steals his phone back and lies down next to Natasha. “He doesn’t mean it.”

“Yeah, and you don’t mean it either.”

They look at each other for a while before Bucky curls closer to her.

She sighs once before speaking again. “I wish Clint was that hot.”

“Don’t let him hear you.” They both laugh.

“I wouldn’t. He was jealous enough just seeing those arms of his.”

Bucky laughs again. “You both are good tho?” he then asks, voice meekly. “Sorry if I haven’t been that supporting these last weeks, guess I was a little jealous, too.”

“You want me to kiss you, James?”

He smiles his dazzling smile. “Always, beautiful.”

She rolls her eyes again but a smile of her own is is tugging on the corner of her lip. “No, it’s okay. We’re doing real well. And we know you support us. As much as I hate admitting it, without you he probably would never have had the guts to actually ask me out.” She looks at him from the corner of her eye, smile visivble now.

“You’re welcome.” He replies and she slaps him on the arm, exactly on the spot Clint got him with the racket a day ago.

“Ouch!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand here are Bucky's thoughts.
> 
> I felt like this fic needed a change of POV.   
> If Steve can't see Bucky at least we can :P


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A truth, a lie, some misunderstandings and a revelation.

_Bzzzz_

“What the?!” he jumps away sucking at his index finger angrily. It got burned, fuck. He inspects it for a second but luckily it isn't blistered and so he puts it into his mouth again. The metal arm is on the desk, emitting light fumes from somewhere near the elbow. Just great. He waves about with his hands diffusing the smoke into the air before taking the faulty object into his hands and taking a closer look to the damage. He just intended to allow the thumb to be more flexible but it looks like he wired something together that shouldn’t have been wired together.  
Happens to the best of us, Bucky thinks irritatedly. To his displeasure the wire at hand got burned so badly he needs to change it out completely. He puts the soon-to-be prosthesis down a little more vigorously than intended and turns around with his chair to get a replacement wire but is confronted with Tony Stark’s ass.

“You know, as much as I like eating ass I would appreciate to get to it in a less public place…” Bucky leans back in his chair to get more distance between him and Tony’s private place while his friend turns around one pair of goggles over his eyes while another pair is pushed up in his hair.

“You want me to get you dinner first?”

“I still wouldn’t do it in class. Come on Stark, take a step aside so I can get a new wire.”

“So maybe later? You could come over.” he does go around the table though, so Bucky stoops down to get the right widget out of the box filled with spare pieces.

“I’ll think about it.” He shrugs once even if Tony can’t see him from where he is standing now. “Depends if you got me that consultation thing done.”

“Oh, I forgot to tell you.” Tony actually seems surprised about it as if he wouldn’t forget about passing news he already knows all the time. In Tony Stark’s world everything he knows has to be an established fact for everybody if you want to hold a normal conversation with him. “Well, it’s looking good. Howard is impressed by the project, or, well he is interested. I still gotta pull some strings but I think you can be in for a luxurious and shiny Stark Expo Week just for you, Mr. Barnes.”

Bucky wants to roll his eyes but is too happy to. After Tony saw the draft of his project almost two months ago, when Bucky still struggled to be content with the thought of just building a dummy, he not only gave him Bruce’s contact to help with all the medical stuff involved but also offered to get Bucky a week with his dad, Howard Stark. Like, to actually have a look into the works of Stark industries and ask the most brilliant mind of this century for help on his shitty uni project.  
It’s big if not heavy and Bucky agreed immediately. He can wait for Howard to make his decision, he understands it’s not something you can do that easily when you are as busy as Bucky supposes he is. Bucky rises his head to look Tony in the eyes and make a smart remark but hits the tabletop with his head instead. He howls in pain before curling his hands over the throbbing bump already forming on his scalp.

Tony huffs a laugh, that asshole. “But maybe I should tell him that you aren’t as smart as your project makes you out to be.”

Bucky throws him the stink eye as he straightens more carefully on his chair, right hand still rubbing at the pain on the top of his head.

“So, what you do?” Tony is now leaning over Bucky’s project oogling over the elbow that’s still smelling burned. He changes subject faster than any other person Bucky knows, because not many things can hold Tony’s interest for too long. Sometimes it’s annoying.  
Tony pushes his goggles up to look at the arm in more detail und drops the pair already in his hair by doing so.

“What were so saying about my intellect?” Bucky quips but Tony just picks up the goggles dignified.

Bucky rolls over with his chair but still without that stupid wire. “Nah, I just made a mistake with the wireing, nothing big.”

Tony makes an uncommitted sound before inspecting the burned strands closer. “Should have picked the red one.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Bucky answers brusquely. Tony is now starting to pick at some of the demolished pieces to do who knows what and Bucky swats his hands away. “Don’t you have your own project to take care of?”

“But Jarvis is almost done.” Tony whines, fingers wiggling at his sides.

Bucky’s kinda dumbstruck. “What, already?” Tony waves with one hand as if to say ‘it’s nothing’ and Bucky sighs exasperately. “Show me.”

He kinda regrets saying so as Tony begins rambling about the functions his AI has and is going to be programmed with and what he can do already. Bucky almost loses him because he tends to speak way too fast once he gets going.

“So, what do you think?” Tony asks when he’s finished turning to Bucky and holding his hands up pointing at the computer he is working on for the AI.

“There’s nothing on the screen, Tony.”

Tony shakes himself once and looks at him eyes wide. “Did you even listen to me? You have to speak to it!”

Bucky knew that, he just expected Tony to give it at least a face since it appearently already got a name. But that would be way too much for Mr. Emotionally Constipated it seems, so Bucky keeps his mouth shut.

“Hey?” he tries unsure.

“Hello, Sir.” A virtual voice answers. It sounds polite and friendly, Bucky is impressed it sounds so much like a person.

“How you doing?”

“I m doing great, thank you, Sir. Can I do anything for you?”

“You want it to be your butler?” Bucky asks Tony but the AI answers instead.

“Please refrain to calling me ‘it’, my name is Jarvis.”

Bucky’s eyebrows rise even higher and he looks from Tony to the computer a few times. “Uhm. I’m sorry… Jarvis.” He finishes awkwardly.

“It’s alright. Thank you, Sir.”

Bucky blows out air from his nose and looks back to Tony. “It was nice making your aquaintence.” He tells the AI. Jarvis.

“The feeling is mutual.”

Tony shrugs once. “Jarvis, you can leave us now. But thank you.”

“Always, Sir.” The voice says again before the sceen changes back to the desktop version.

“That’s amazing, Tony. He actually understands you.”

“Sure he does, I made him.”

Bucky claps on Tony’s shoulder shaking his head before going back to look for the right wire for his own project. After what seems like an unreasonable amount of time Bucky finally finds what he is looking for and starts moulding the arm to what it’s suppost to look like in the end. Tony dogs him for the rest of the class making unnecessary comments about Bucky’s work and telling him more about Jarvis.  
Sometimes Bucky wants to strangle him. He tries really hard to ignore the annoying voice trailing him and works on his project best as he can. In the end it looks like he managed to make the thumb opposable and strong. He mobs the sweat from his brow with his sleeve and pushes a few different buttons of the controller wired to the arm to see how the whole thing but especially the mentioned finger reacts to it. He recalibrates a few sections before he is satisfied, 20 minutes of class left.

Tony whirls around him, which is even more annoying than his constant babbling until he finally sits down on the desk next to the arm pushing a few buttons himself. The hand is now set on a beautiful “thumbs up” pose and Bucky snorts a laugh.

“Brilliant ideas of a brilliant mind.” Tony declares and Bucky laughs for real this time.

“You’re an idiot.” Bucky grabs the controller for himself while Tony lets out an undignified squawk.

“I am a genius.”

“Tell yourself that.” Buck answers distractedly as he pushes a few buttons before getting the gesture he planned on.

“And what do you call this?” Tony demands pointing at the metal hand on the desk now flipping the bird.

Bucky laughs a dirty but proud laugh. He pulls out his phone and takes a selfie with his project in plain sight before sending it to Nat and Clint. As an afterthought he forwards it to Mike, too. Tony who has never heard of personal space is scrutinizing Bucky’s and Michelangelo’s history before opening his big mouth.

“Why is this the first time I’m seeing this, I assume, underwear model?”

Bucky can’t help but breathe out a long sigh. “The movie-night-guy, I told you about him.”

“Ah. Your soon-to-be-husband?”

“Can people stop saying that?” Bucky grates, a lot more on edge than the comment should make him.

“Well, you’re free to do whatever you want, Barnes, but, I mean, I’m straight, but even I would hit that.”

“I know he’s hot.” Bucky answers harshly. That’s not all, though. He is also kind and funny and understanding and kind of a bullethead and stubborn as fuck. Bucky hates everything abut him.

“Good. My doubts about your intelligence would just increase if not. So, did you meet him finally?”

“No.” It’s unusual for Tony to ask personal questions and Bucky is weary. “But I will.”

“Good.” Tony says again then starts talking about something Pepper told him last night that confused him for some reason. And well, who would have thought that Anthony Edward Stark of all people would be the one handling this situation better than any other of Bucky’s friends?

 

***

 

**Michelangelo:** I don’t know if that selfie means you want me to fuck off or not

Bucky is finally at home and done with his paper when he reads the message.

**You:** I would never (angel emoji)

**Michelangelo: send a picture:** it’s him, sticking out his tounge to the camera.

**You:** ew

He types, but Mike’s still looking cute. Unfair.

**Michelangelo:** sorry

Bucky snorts and opens a bag of chips and lays down on his bed.

**Michelangelo:** You making good progress with that arm tho?

**You:** (thumbs up emojis)

**You:** sure

**You:** (middlefinger emoji)

**Michelangelo:** You doofus 

**You:** says the moron who dropped his phone into the toilet

**Michelangelo:** Dude! It’s been months!!

**You:** not even two

**Michelangelo:** I hate you.

**You:** No you don’t (heart emoji)

**Michelangelo:** No, I don’t.

Bucky smiles at the text bitterly. What the fuck is wrong with him? He’s on edge since the Canterville Ghost play and can’t even handle his friends teasing him about a crush like it was expected of them. He feels pretty shitty about his reactions, too and he feels selfish about being jealous about Clint and Nat spending more time together. Like what is even his deal? Of course they want to do stuff on their own, he even _wants_ them to do more stuff on their own. He wanted them to get their shit together since almost a year, so why is he so fucked now?  
He rubs at his eyes, he is so tired. He doesn’t want to blame Michelangelo, because really? It’s his own fault he’s so messed up. But it all started with him it’s just…fuck. He can’t say it. He can’t even think it, it’s too much. But it’s been some time since he felt like this and he’s scared. And he wants to see him. Like, not in a picture, but really actually in the flesh meet him. He does.

**Michelangelo:** You okay?

It’s a simple question but Bucky feels like Mike knows something’s up and isn’t that just fucked up on another level? Bucky wants to answer but after he typed out a ‘yes’ he can’t quite make himself send it. He gazes at the little letters on his screen but doesn’t move his fingers.

**Michelangelo:** You still there?

Bucky can almost hear the concern in this text and he can’t lie to him. He deletes the affirmative.

**You:** Sorry im just in a really bad mood these weeks

**You:** idk

**You:** feel like shit

**Michelangelo:** You wanna talk?

And isn’t that just sweet? Bucky sighs. Maybe being honest wasn’t such a good idea after all.

**You:** idk? No??

Suddenly there is a call coming in. Obviously, it’s Michelangelo and Bucky’s heart skips a beat. What the fuck? He hesitates a second before picking up, because, let’s be honest, he would never _not_ talk to him if he has the choice.

“Hi.” he croaks into the phone wincing over how miserable his voice sounds to his own ears.

“Hey there.” There is a sad smile in Mike’s voice, he really needs to stop being such a nice person. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I always find it’s good to talk to friends when you’re feeling low.” He follows it up with a nervous laugh and Bucky’s stomach flips at the sound.

“Okay.” Now he’s smiling a little, too. “It’s nice to hear your voice.” He says truthfully.

“Yours, too. You know, I don’t think I’ve told you yet but you have a really pleasant voice.”

Bucky snorts. “Yeah I should be a professional reader. My sister used to tell me.”

“Well, that’s sweet.”

“And not a real job.”

This time Mike giggles a little and Bucky can’t believe he’s such a huge dork.

“So, you sure you don’t wanna talk about it?”

Bucky humms. Obviously he can’t talk about his crush with him but he can definitely tell about the other situation. “Remember when I told you about Nat and Clint being together? And that they spend so much time just the two of them?”

“Of course.” Comes the answer, incredibly fast like it’s nothing that he remembers something so trivial. Bucky is so fucked, God help him. He sighs deeply.

“And I’m being like the biggest asshole about it. I know it’s wrong I just... I don’t know.” His voice is really whiny at the end and he would be embarrassed but he feels so bad it’s really not his priority right now. He laughs bitterly. “Think ‘m jealous.”

Mike is silent for a bit and Bucky thinks he has to be a little more concrete. “Like, not of one of them. Like I said, I set them up, I wanted them to be together since they met. It’s not even about them doing things without me, we still do enough stuff together anyway.” Bucky just realizes now that the last part is the truth. But what is his problem then? Oh. Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit. This is bad. “I just...” He trails off, he’s not going to say it, this is forbidden territory in this conversation.

“You’re jealous of their relationship because you want one yourself.” Bullseye. Bucky can hear metaphorical sirens going off in the room. This is so bad.

“Ugh.” He yammers rubbing at his eye. “Okay. This is embarrassing…” he trails of again.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I just realized.”

Mike huffs a laugh. “See, that’s why it was good you talked about it.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “You want me to be grateful now, or what?”

“You should be.” Comes the lighthearted answer and Bucky smiles a tad. “Your last relationship long ago?”

“Ugh.” Bucky repeats. “Yeah, some time. Like, well. Probably like five years ago. It was’t even that longlasting, I’m more of the casual guy, you know. Uh.” Bucky still has to wrap his head around it. Gosh, he is such an idiot.

Mike sounds amused. “Looks like it’s time then. Man, who would have known I ended up giving consultations about the heart.”

Bucky snorts. “Fuck you, Dr. Strangelove.” Mike laughs with him. “How about you?”

“Oh.” There’s a rustling on the other end for a moment. “Had my first girlfriend when I was 18, we dated for like a year. Her Name is Emma.” Of course it would be important to him, gosh. “After that I had two other relationships, but they didn’t last that long. Ain’t seeing anybody since… oh god, too long, don’t make me think about it.” They laugh again. “Maybe it’s time for me, too.”

Bucky’s heart is beating against his chest at the last comment. He needs to know. “Someone you like?” he makes himself say as casual as he manages. Bucky bites his lip.

“I’m not-. I don’t th-.” Mike stumbles over himself before what sounds like him blowing air out of his nose in a self-mocking way. “No. No, there isn’t.”

Bucky sucks at the inside of his cheek, he can’t be too dissappointed, can he? He already knew.

“How about you?” Mike asks and Bucky needs to take a deep breath. His chest hurts and he doesn’t know if he should lie or not.

“Yeah, I think there might be someone.” He surprises himself by admitting to it. Progress, he guesses?

“Well, good luck, then.” Mike says, voice sounding a little more reserved to Bucky’s ears but that’s probably wishfull thinking.

“Thanks, pal.” This is so ironic, Bucky doesn’t know how he’s holding in the maniac laughter pressing against his throat. He lays down on his back the forgotten and untouched bag of chips rustling next to his head. He folds it shut and puts it on the bedside table.

After that they still phone for two hours. Mike tells him about his art project; he has to finish the third painting but doesn’t know what to draw next which is bothering him a lot. Bucky tells him about his mishap at uni today. Even talks about Jarvis, trying really hard to make sure Mike doesn’t guess Tony is 'shellhead' but gets enthusiastic about the genius idea a bit too much so that he gets carried away in the end. He doesn’t spill it, though, and it doesn’t look like Mike guessed it, so Bucky is okay. Mike tells him about his mom, he called her today and she will send him an apple pie even if Mike tried to refuse. He says he’d love for Bucky to eat it with him and Bucky smiles. But then it’s getting late and they decide to hang up for the day.

“Thank you for the call.” Bucky tells him eventually. “I feel somewhat better.”

“It’s nothing.” He answers, but it is something for Bucky. “We should do this more often actually. Talk like this.”

“Maybe instead of texting through the movie tomorrow we could just talk?” Bucky suggests then.

“Sounds good.”

“Nice.” He smiles. “Good night then, Mike.” He says sweetly.

“Good night, Tesla.” Comes the answer, equally sweet.

Bucky scrunches his nose, then hangs up. He stretches his limbs and sighs to the ceiling. So Mike doesn’t like him. That’s okay, he knew that. Bucky is okay. He just needs to accept it and get over him. That shouldn’t be too hard, right?

 

***

 

Thursday after uni Bucky comes home and he finds Nat and Clint snuggling on the couch making out to a TV show they were definitely not watching. Bucky clears his throat and rises an eyebrow amused as they still go at each other without taking any notice of Bucky’s presence at all. Clint is really good for Nat, he thinks and throws his keys on the counter like he always does. Only then they part from each other startled and looking up to Bucky, Clint sheepishly, Nat rather annoyed, probably at both him for interrupting and herself for not noticing. Bucky grins sharply.

“Sorry for disturbing your little love queries. You want pizza? I was gonna get some at Fury’s after taking a shower.”

“For your movie-date tonight?” Natasha asks him before Clint can respond. He is still leaning over her, face red and confused. Nat probably wants to get back at Bucky for startling her.

“Exactly.” He grins and sees her eyebrow rise slightly, as much as the left corner of her mouth.

“Wha-?” Clint starts but she passes over him again.

“Oh, look. He is back.”

Bucky takes a bow. Now even Clint seems to realize.

“Sorry for being such a pain before.” Bucky says looking away. “I worked through it.” Kinda. But he can be normal about this stuff again. It’s not the end of the world.  He clears his throat again. “So, Pizza?”

Both of them tell him the usual and Bucky grabs some clothes to change in from the wardrobe before heading into the shower and leaving them back to it. They are so kind as to let go from one another as Bucky passes the living room once more to leave the apartment. He is thankful dispite his resolve. Once he is downstairs he grabs his bike and pedals to Fury’s place where he gives the order and waits for the pies to be ready. In the meantime he takes a selfie and sends it to Mike.

“Getting food for our date (kissing emoji)” he captions it, mimicking Nat’s words from before.

**Michelangelo:** YOU’RE AT FURY’S???!?!?!!!!

Comes a message, all caps just like that and Bucky has to stifle a dull laugh.

**You:** you know the place?

**Michelangelo:** I LOVE the place!!!

**You:** i can tell (laughing emoji)

**Michelangelo:** Fuck, I could run over and catch you.

**Michelangelo:** But Sam’s still gonna be here for a bit and I don’t wanna be rude.

**You:** dont say things youre not gonna do (sad emoji)

He would do about anything for Mike to come meet him here right now. He doesn’t care that his hair is still a little damp and neither that he’s wearing sweatpants. He is a college student for fucks sake.

**Michelangelo: send a picture:** It’s him looking at the camera with an over-sulky look, behind him, a lot smaller, is Sam turned away from the camera doing whatever he is doing. “Sorry” says the text underneath the picture.

And Bucky can’t even be too upset when seeing that ridiculous face, can he? He’s so fucked still and it infuriates him a little but even if he decided to get over it, of course he didn’t expect it to go away over night, so he has to deal.

Suddenly there is a shadow and Bucky looks up. Over him towers no one less than Mad-Eye Fury himself.

“Hey?” Bucky tries.

Fury looks down on him in a really patronizing way and Bucky is bugged by it but he has too much respect for this man to let it show on his face. Too much.

“Hello, son.” He grunts after a while. “You got three pizzas right?”

“Uhm, yeah.” Bucky answers unsure about what to do with himself and trying really hard to look at everything except for Fury’s bad eye. He still isn’t very good at it no matter how many times he’s seen the man in person yet.

“The third one’s on the house.” He then says noncommitting before leaving Bucky by himself again, mouth ajar. Bucky follows him with his eyes and sees him talk to one of the waiters before pointing at him briefly. The waiter nods and Fury leaves the saloon in four big steps.

Ten minutes later the same waiter comes to Bucky’s stool, three boxes in hands and gives him the receipt with a smile. Bucky pays and leaves a big tip that almost makes up for the third pizza, he always feels bad for the sale when Clint isn’t around. He steps outside, cartons in his arms now and attaches them on his bike with a rubber rope. Then he jumps on the saddle and heads home. The smell of the food flies into his nose all the way back and Bucky’s stomach grumbles in protest. He still enjoys the ride, though, going by bike always makes him feel so free.  
He never bothered to get a license, Brooklyn was best to cross by bike due to all the small alleys and shortcuts he knows like the back of his hand anyway. And now in New York, well, people always seem to be stuck in jams and he doesn’t have the money either way. A motorcycle would be sweet, he thinks, but again, no money.

He arrives at the frontdoor and hooks up his bike at the usual spot before taking the pizzaboxes in hand and heading upstairs. Coming in he sees Nat and Clint have decided to be civilized and are playing a boardgame now. He sets Nat’s and Clint’s pizza beside them and cradels his own box lovingly at his still complaining tummy.

“Fury made me pay less again.” He informs them.

“Yeah, he has memorized your ugly mug. Of course he would.” Clint grumbles, not leaving the game with his eyes even once.

Bucky awkwardly shifts from one foot to the other. “I don’t like it when he does it when you’re not around. Feels wrong.”

Now Clint looks up. “You know, it’s not just ‘cause you’re friends with me. He does it ‘cause you’re a regular. And Fury appreciates loyalty.”

Bucky snorts but is pretty dumbstruck.

“You’re really dense sometimes.” Clint laughs at him and opens the carton. “Sweet Jesus.” He moans and takes an enormous bite of the pizza.

“Thank you, James.” Nat tells him before digging in as well.

“Enjoy your meal.” Bucky singsongs and heads to his room taking a photo of the delicious pizza and sending it to Mike before taking a slice and satisfying his poor stomach. _Sweet Jesus, indeed_ , he thinks.

**Michelangelo:** I am jealous (crying emojis)

Bucky calls him then, Mike picks up at the second ring.

“You should be.” He greets him with a full mouth.

“You have no manners, Tesla.”

“Not sorry.”

“So, what we watching?” Mike asks. “Because I have an idea.”

Bucky grins around his food, Mike is doing it on purpose. He has to choose the movie for the night, so he knows exactly what he wants to watch with Bucky tonight. He just likes making a show.

“What is it?” he humors him.

“Drum roll please!” Mike announces and Bucky huffs a laugh. “Ladys and gentleman, on first we have Mad Max: Fury Road!” Bucky can hear the capital letters in Mike’s voice. “But it’s not on Netflix so-“

Bucky interrupts him. “Dude, I've got the movie, I’m not crazy. It’s a fucking masterpiece.”

He hears Michael giggle before he speaks. And, seriously, how can a fucking muscleman be so cutesy, it drives him crazy. “Very good. I would be real disappointed if not. But looks like I can still put my hopes in you.”

“Looks like.” Bucky agrees searching for the DVD in the mess of what he calls his cupboard. “Give me a sec.” he tells him putting the remaining crust of the slice between his teeth and the phone jammied between his shoulder and ear. He searches through the cupboard throwing out some stuff he doesn’t need and sometimes wonders how it even got there. After knocking over what feels like most of his DVD collection he finally finds the one he’s looking for. “Aha!” he gleams around the crust.

“What took you so long?” Mike asks finally, and Bucky feels like he meant to ask since the moment he put him on hold.

Bucky readjusts his grip on the phone and swallows last of the slice before shrugging with one arm even if Mike can’t see. “Need to tidy up real soon.”

Mike snorts and Bucky puts in the DVD. “You ready?”

“I’ve been waiting for you so don’t try to act all smug now.” Bucky loves when he’s being difficult, he doesn’t know why, he just likes it. Something about him standing up for himself. “I am ready, though.” He adds quietly then and Bucky loves this even more.

“On three?” he asks like they don’t do it like this all the time.

“Sure. One. Two. Three.” He hits the ‘start movie’ option and by the sound coming from his phone he guesses so did Mike.

They watch the movie and talk through most of it, besides the times they shush each other to watch a scene more carefully and picking up the conversation where they left of after. Mike swoons a lot about the cinematography and how beautiful the colors look and all that stuff Bucky knows nothing about. It’s amazing to hear him talk about it, Bucky can feel the passion in his words and voice and can almost imagine his face, all lit up and big eyes, rambling about the little details of the visuals.  
Mike always gets crazy for those kind of things when they watch movies and Bucky is used to it and as much as he adores listening to him in these moments, this time he had some geekery to do himself eyeing all the beautiful cars,weapons and machines that appear in the movie. Furiosa’s arm alone made him talk for five minutes straight and he got a bit self conscious about it, but Mike reassured him that it was alright and he should go on. It’s nice to feel like he appreciates Bucky’s rumbling as much as he does with Mike’s.

“I think I need to change your name to Furiosa after we hang up.” He informs Bucky while the endcredids roll on the screen.

“Oh, yeah? How come?”

“The arm. Not just cause you talked about it for so long. Just. When I picked the movie I already wanted to change your name. Her arm just made me think of you.” Bucky feels warm all over, this really isn’t fair. “Because of your project and all, you know?”

“I’ll call you Capable then!” Bucky says.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.” He nods to himself. “She reminds me of you.”

He takes out the DVD and shuts off the TV. “I’m not tired.” He tells Mike, no wait, CAPABLE, because usually he goes to sleep quite soon after they finish the movie. And Mad Max is a long movie and Bucky doesn’t want him to hang up yet. Listening to his voice makes him feel so at ease and he also, truthfully, isn’t tired yet.

“Me neither.” Comes the answer and Bucky almost doesn’t believe his ears. There is a low laugh. “I think you finally managed to fuck up my sleeping schedule. Well done, Furiosa.”

Bucky ducks his head. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright.” His voice is warm. “I like talking to you. I don’t mind that you did.”

“You don’t mind me fucking you up?” Bucky grins sharply. He can still flirt with him, that’s no taboo, he does so with all his friends. It doesn’t have to mean a thing.

Capable makes a pained noise. “Unbelievable. I was being nice.”

“And then I fucked it up, as I do. And as you like it. I have a reputation to do that to sleeping schedules.”

“I hate you so much.”

“I can keep you up all night.” Bucky continues.

“Not over the phone, though. That’s too impersonal. I'm not into that.”

 “Ah, see who’s finally come down to my level, I knew you could do it.”

“I can go down on a lot of things.” His voice is low now and Bucky’s stomach does a little flip without him ever having agreed to it.

“Maybe you’ll show me someday.” There’s a wink missing here, but he won’t do it to an empty room.

“Maybe I will.” Capable agrees, easily, like it’s not taking away the air in Bucky’s lungs at all.

Bucky clears his throat because he can’t keep going down this road if he wants to be sane. “So, any plans? For now, I mean.”

“We could watch something else?” Capable asks.

“Hmm don’t know if that’ll end up taking too long, though.” Bucky thinks out loud.

“I thought you wanted to keep me up all night?”

Bucky rolls his eyes fondly. “You didn’t want me to do it over phone. Come to a decision, will you.” He argues, voice deliberately whiny.

“Touché.” Capable allows. “Then maybe a TV show?”

“Yeah…” Bucky thinks for a moment. Then a grin spreads over his face as he has an enlightment. “You like F.R.I.E.N.D.S.?”

There is a gasp. “Furiosa. This is the most brilliant idea you ever had.”

“I know, right?” Bucky agrees. “So let’s start from the pilot?”

“Where else?” Capable squawks and Bucky thinks he likes him even more than before if that’s even possible.

It takes some time before they’re both set up with their laptop but they eventually start the first episode after arguing a bit over which is the best season. It’s the third one of fucking course but Capable has to be a pain in the ass and pick the fifth. Moron.

Halfway through the second episode Capable breaks the comfortable silence that has settled since a few minutes with a gasp. “Shit, Furiosa, I need to change your name again. You’re Rachel.”

“What the fuck?” Bucky is offended. “No.” he hopes he is getting all the resentment across he is feeling right now.

Capable has the audacity to actually fucking laugh at him. Unbelievable. “I was kidding, but now I actually wanna do it.” He sounds amused, Bucky wants to smash in his head a few times with his fist. Just because.

“You are a fucking asshole. I hate you, I hate her. I don’t wanna be her.” His hostility fading at the end makes it sound much more like a plea than a curse.

That makes Capable laugh even harder. The sound really needs to stop making Bucky’s skin tingle.

“I see how it is. Mhm. Well, joke’s on you, my dear. I’ll change your name into Ross then. You happy?”

Ross’ laugh stops at once, now he’s whining, too. “Nooo. Don’t do this to me, Rach.”

“The bitter taste of your own medicine.”

Bucky feels superior for like two seconds before he gets wary as there’s amusement in Ross voice now. “I just had to think about it for a sec but I am okay with it now.”

“Is this some kind of reverse psychology thing? Because this isn’t gonna work on me, Geller.”

“Nah, I just realized something.”

“And you’re gonna let me in on this big secret?”

Ross sounds smug and confidence is a bad thing on him, Bucky thinks while his stomach has the presumption to make another flip. “It just means we’re gonna get together at the end, babe.”

It’s a shitty sentence Ross just put out there like that. And it’s just not fair because it makes Bucky feel like gravity just tilted up 90 degrees. Before he can answer, though, there is a knock on his door. “Wait a second.” He tells Ross before calling Nat in.

“Don’t say my name!” He hurridly reminds her before she can open her mouth.

She rolls her eyes and says. “That’s Michelangelo?”

“Ross now.” Bucky says nodding and pointing at the screen before pressing on speaker phone and holding up the cell. “Say ‘hi’.” He tells Ross.

“Uh?”

“Hello. I am Natasha, I have the tragic fortune to live with your trashcan here.” She smiles up to Bucky who has his eyebrows drawn together in disapprovement. “Nice to, well, hear from you.”

“Oh, hi.” Ross says, a little dumbstruck. “Nice to hear from you, too.”

Nat turns back to him now. “Clint went home right now, I just wanted to say Goodnight.”

Bucky’s face softens and he smiles up to her now. “Sleep well.”

“You, too.” She smiles back taking his outstretched hand and squeezing it shortly. “And you as well.” She tells Ross before leaving again and closing the door behind her.

“That’s sweet of her.” Ross says.

“Yeah, she’s amazing.” Bucky agrees in awe.

Ultimately they would have been done earlier if they just watched a movie because they ended up watching half the season in just one go before deciding they really had enough of it and were too tired to continue. They still talk a little after Bucky has shut off his laptop. But he can hear he’s starting to slur and thinks this has to be it for the day before he says something he’s gonna regret.

“Yeah, you’re right I am tired, too now. Thanks for the evening, though.”

“Thank you.” Bucky says. “Good night, you fossil.”

“Good night, babe. Sleep tight.”

They hang up and Bucky burrows himself under the blankets. He quickly changes the contact to “Dinosaur Guy” and sets his alarm. His phone buzzes in his hands and he opens the message.

**Dinosaur guy: send a picture:** It’s his contact. He changed it to “Babe”.

Bucky really doesn’t know what to think about it and he looks at the screenshot for some time before deciding that this has to be a problem for his future self. He locks the phone and allows the warmth to wash over him, a smile tugging at his lips before drawing the blanket over his head and falling asleep on the spot.

 

***

 

Okay looks like he hasn’t thought this completely through. If he really uses metall plates for the arm prosthesis it is gonna be way too heavy. Even if it will be possible to somehow connect it to the brain and spine it would just rip it out with this kind of weight, and Bucky does definitely _not_ want that to happen. Of couse he doesn’t know all of the properties of vibranium, T’Challa just told him it’s light and strong… but it has to be feather light to actually work. And, of course it, doesn’t matter for his prototype, but he really wants to be thorough.  
Also, this is just an arm, a leg would be even heavier. Hmm, looks like he has to give Bruce Banner a visit again. He scratches the back of his head and winces as he touches the bulge he got himself on Wednesday. Bruce never seems to be very pleased to meet him. Actually he thinks it’s even worse then when he texts him but he isn’t patient enough to wait for him to answer anyway, since it takes him _days_ sometimes. And of course Bucky understands that he has other things to do, but Bucky needs the information. Wanda touches his arm and Bucky startles having been so deep in his thoughts.

“We can leave.” She tells him with a smile before catching up with her friends and Bucky looks around realizing the room is almost empty. He whips his head back to her direction.

“Thanks.” He calls and she waves at him before leaving the auditorium.

He scambles his things together craming papers with scribbles of ugly looking arms, wires and loads of notes on the side in his bag. Dino guy would probably laugh at his drawing skills. He chastises himself for thinking about him and hurries to leave the room, he really needs to catch Bruce. He runs down the halls taking turns and running up stairs until he finally finds him. The guy is opening the door to his lecture hall and Bucky really doesn’t want to follow him inside just to have everybody look at him stupidly while he’s asking his questions, so he takes a sprint and calls up to Bruce to wait for a second. Bruce, thank the angel watching over Bucky, turns around and Bucky comes to a scittering halt before him.

“Hey.” He greets him grabbing him by the shoulders and dragging him a few meters away from the door to allow other students to come and go as they please, breathing somewhat heavily. He’s really out of shape.

Bruce seems so unhappy Bucky almost takes pitty on him. “Sorry.” He tells him.

Bruce just sighs. “Hi.” He murmurs then, tiredly. “What is your problem now?”

Bucky chews at his lips. “Okay so, you know, the arm. If I actually make it metall and wire it to the spine and brain how heavy can it be at a max so it doesn’t rip out everything? Like, could I just reinforce the vertebral spine with some metal, too? Or would that make it worse? Should I just take the functions down a notch?” He is aware he’s rambling, but it’s better to voice everything at once than taking up too much of Bruce’s time, he believes.

“You could reinforce the spine probably.” He humms.“But I don’t know if it makes so much sense. It’s easier to use lighter material. Coming to the question how much it should weigh.” He sighs. “It depends on the person. The prosthesis will be personalized either way, am I right? So you’d have to calculate first which weightiness would be adequate for the patient.” His voice is monotone but he nods once to himself when he’s done talking.

Bucky beams. “Thank you so much, Bruce! That’s the best advice I’ve gotten yet!” He shakes his hand in excitement.

Even Bruce smiles a little at that. “You know, you stress me out so much a friend actually bought me my favourite tea to help me get through it.” He lifts the portable mug in his hands a little to demonstrate his point and Bucky resumes to bite down his lip awkwardly. At least he has nice friends, he thinks. Before he can apologize again Bruce adds. “I like helping you, though. You have a good project going there, make the best out of it.” Then he sees himself off and leaves him to stand there feeling a little embarrassed, people walking past him before he snaps out of it with a smile and leaves for home.

 

***

 

The next week passes by in a rush. Bucky makes amazing progress with his project and the documentation for it. He continues to text with Ross every day, send him stupid selfies and most nights they actually make a habit of calling each other before going to bed. They kinda even started to continue watching friends whenever they’re on the phone and are currently on season three. He also manages to meet up with Nat and Clint, who are still disgustingly affectionate with each other, but most of his hours are spent with Ross.  
As a matter of fact he changed the name to 'Ugly Naked Guy' because it is still better than calling him Ross in his head. Honestly, who the fuck likes Ross Geller, ew. Ugly Naked Guy though, didn’t even consider to change Bucky’s contact and calls him ‘babe’ regularly. Meanwhile Bucky continues to ignore this fact stubbornly and how it makes him feel anytime he does, but all in all none of that is helping him get over anyone. It’s still a good week, though, and Bucky just doesn’t have to think about certain things and appreciate the time he spends with his friends.

The week after that goes by even better. The arm has finally taken shape and everything Bucky misses is to apply all the metal plates and calibrate a few things, make some tests. On Friday when he’s concentrated about applying the first plates on the part of the shoulder, Tony decides to visit lessons again. He was missing for two weeks now, and honesty if Bucky was done with his project he wouldn’t bother to come either. Especially if he was a rich kid whose brain is cherished in the whole NYU.

However, he comes around this time and gives Bucky a start as he walks into the classroom with open arms walking straight to him with proposition in his steps.

“Barnes.” He says and Bucky gives him a questioning look. “You are the chosen one.”

If Bucky was confused before he is now completely puzzled. “Okay?” He tries.

Tony huffs in frustration. “Do I have to spell everything out for you?”

Bucky suppresses an eyeroll and makes a go-on-gesture with his hand instead.

“You’re gonna meet my Dad. Howard Stark himself. Next week on Monday your trip begins. You’ll stay until Sunday morning. I’ll come with.”

Bucky’s face makes a transformation he wasn’t aware it was capable off. His confused expressions turns into bewilderment, to being stunned before he glows up to Tony who seems kinda scared of his escalation as well. He stands up lightning fast and hugs Tony in the midde of the room before he has time to escape. He could kiss him really. “Thank you.” He repeats over and over while Tony tries to get him off of him. Then Bucky decides this is worth kissing him and gives him a noisy peck on the cheek. Tony makes a disapproving sound but endures it.

“Just don’t forget the arm please.” Tony says with annoyment pointing at the dismissed object on the table once he’s free of Bucky’s embrace. Bucky makes a ridiculous salute and Tony rolls his eyes in annoyment, but Bucky can see right through his façade, Tony cares, no matter how hard he tries to hide it.

Being careful on the way home to make sure he doesn’t accidentlly break something off of the metal prosthesis he still somehow manages to skip all the way up to his and Nat’s apartment and doesn’t care the least about passangers looking at him funny. When he lets himself in he waltzes around the room making Nat laugh at him.

“Tony got me that internshippy thingy.” He announces putting the project away and taking Natasha in his arms instead, kissing her on the forehead.

“Hands off.” a voice that is definitely Clint says and Bucky hears a flushing coming from the bathroom.

“Well, that’s anticlimactic.” When he turns around there is Clint, wearing what Bucky knows are _very_ old and consumed clothes, grinning at him like an idiot.

“I’m happy for you, James.” Nat tells him and gives him a peck on the cheek before covering the spot with her hand. He knows she’s partly doing this to see Clint’s unbelieving bewildered face, but to Bucky that’s worth it, too. However he lets go of her a second later and makes to tackle Clint, who runs away legs in his hands. But he is too slow (and the apartment too small) and Bucky easily catches up to him throwing himself at his back and together they slam against the wall.

“Compliment me, Bartoooon.”

“Yeah, yeah, well done, Bucky.” Clint manages to verbalize with his left cheeck pressed against the wall.

Bucky decides that it’s a good idea to kiss him between his shoulderblades once, and a second time, too, for good measure. Clint makes a disgusted sound and Bucky laughs at him until Nat chooses to hold his phone screen up to his eyelevel, an entertined sly look on her face.

Bucky grabs the phone and looks at her making. She somehow snug a picture of Bucky pressing Clint to the wall in a bearhug und send it to Ugly Naked Guy. Underneath she wrote “Your boyfriend is cheating on you with my boyfriend.” Bucky is actually more concerned about the fact that she somehow stole the phone from his backpocket without him noticing. She’s getting better.

“Har har. You are hilarious, Natalia. Amazing.” He deadpans and Clint leans over his shoulder to see and has the nerve to laugh.

“It is funny.” He says and Nat complacently twirls a red lock of her hair around her finger.

To Bucky’s misfortune the phone buzzes in his hands. Even the last person he could count on betrays him.

**Ugly Naked Guy:** (laughing emojis)

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Honestly, babe, how could you? I am so disappointed.

“He calls you _‘babe’_?” Nat asks rising both her eyebrows in surprise stopping the twirl.

“Yeah, you jelous?” he grins back at her sharply tugging the phone away from where she can see before sending a text.

**You:** natalia is being stupid ignore her.

**Ugly Naked Guy:** No, she’s funny

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Tell her I think she’s brilliant (laughing emojis)

**You:** traitor

“Nat, he thinks you’re brilliant.” Clint laughs still reading over Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky indignantly darkens the screen and pockets the phone.

He sighs. “So, you guys have any plans? I wanna celebrate.” He beams even if he feels a bit like sulking and looks expectantly from one to the other.

“Don’t be mad, James.” Natasha says and Bucky’s smile drops a little but it’s okay. “We’ve got plans with Kate and Wade tonight.”

“A double date actually.” Clint helps her out.

Bucky shrugs. “It’s okay, guys. I mean, I would have loved to hang out with you but you’re not my only friends.” He smiles at them. “I’ll ask someone else.”

“Maybe Ugly Naked Guy’s free?” Natasha remaks nonchalantly. “It pains me a bit to call him that after seeing the selfie, tho.” She says like it’s an afterthought scrunching up her nose.

Bucky huffs and shakes his head. He would like to see him naked though, he thinks. Wait, what, no, he doesn’t. “Maybe I’ll even try.” He shrugs with one arm and Nat smiles at him warmly. “I’ll be in my room then. Have fun, lovebirds.”

Clint throws a pencil he got from who knows where after Bucky’s head.

Once he’s in his room he falls down on his chair and pulls out the phone once more.

**Ugly Naked Guy:** You’re calling me that after cheating on me?

**You:** u and nat really are one of a kind

**Ugly Naked Guy:** So how did it happen? And don’t you dare telling me you fell on him.

**You:** i honestly hate u so much

**You:** but i will overlook it because i am in an amazingly good mood

**You:** and i absolutely wanna tell you but id have to tell you who shellhead is and Im scared ull guess who i am

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Oh

**Ugly Naked Guy:** I really wanna know now, tho (drop emoji)

Bucky worries at his upper lip. Everybody in NYU knows Tony Stark there’s no way around it but Bucky Barnes isn’t that popular or well known. Sure, he’s close with Tony but most people only ever know about him and Bruce being best friends, so it would be a far fetch for Ugly to know his name by that information alone.

**You:** u have to promise u wont seek out my name tho

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Cross my heart

**You:** ok so u know about my project for my mayor and well my friend shellhead who has most of the same classes as me is actually tony stark

**You** : i bet uve heared of him

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Yes, I have. But I’ve never even seen him since the faculties are pretty far away, so no need to worry. I am impressed he’s such a close friend of yours, tho (monkey emoji)

**You:** yeah guess we just understand each other

**You:** however

**You:** he took interest in my project

**You:** (which i am pretty proud of tbh)

**You:** and somehow he proposed if id like to consult with his dad

**You:** he asked that like it was nothing

**You:** i mean i know he hates his das but

**You:** OF COURSE I SAID YES omg

**You:** and today he told me that i will be at stark industries for a week starting on monday

**You:** like I will meet howard stark

**You:** i cant fucking believe it im so happy

**You:** !!!!!!!!!!!!

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Babe!!

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Shit, that’s amazing!

**Ugly Naked Guy:** I am kinda jealous, I’ve always wanted to see the insides of Stark Industries

**Ugly Naked Guy:** You are one lucky egg, my friend

**Ugly Naked Guy:** You deserve it, tho. I’m proud of you!

Bucky feels heat crawling up his neck for no reason at all.

**You:** Thank you

**You:** well and thats why all my friends r getting kisses mjust exited (smilie face)

Bucky gets up to take his project that he forgot in the kitchen. He needs to put it somewhere save before Clint tries to destroy it with his clumsines. When he passes Nat’s room he sees her frowning in front of a half naked Clint and Bucky almost wants to tell them to at least shut the door before he realizes that Nat’s trying to find something for Clint to wear. Once the arm is deposited savely in the messes of his room he grabs a black shirt from his wardrobe and knocks at Nat’s open door.

“Take this.” He tosses the shirt to a perplexed looking Clint, still in just his underwear.

“Thank you, James. You are a lifesavior.” Nat calls after him and he closes his door with a grin before heading back to his phone and taking a picture of the prosthesis.

**You:** **send a picture**

**You:** Im real glad its almost done it would be painful to walk in there with nothing in hands

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Seriously though, it looks stunning. Babe, you are a genius.

Bucky awkwardly scratches his nose. All these compliments are getting to his head. He really needs to change the subject.

**You:** What about your paintings?

**Ugly Naked Guy:** God, don’t ask I have an art block (sad emoji)

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Like, I know I want to draw someone about to laugh next but I just can’t find the right face.

**Ugly Naked Guy:** it’s horrible really. You’d think with all my pretty friends I’d find someone who’d inspire me but no.

**You:** im sorry

He sympathises. It must be really annoying, especially if it’s for uni.

**You:** ull find someone give it some time

**Ugly Naked Guy:** yeah, you’re right…

Bucky has a thought.

**You:** how u texting all the time? Aren’t u in class?

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Wellllll, yeah, I am actually, it’s just less interesting than talking to you.

He really needs to stop, Bucky’s head is starting to spin. And it’s not even that much of a thing to say, Bucky is _so fucked_ , damn.

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Bruce is already chastising me. I’m afraid he won’t help me recap the topics of the lesson this time (drop emoji)

Bucky indeed drops his jaw then. Like, could it be?

**You:** Bruce?? Banner?????

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Uh, yeah?

His jaw probably dislocates right there and then and his eyes go huge. He could have seen Ugly foretite week if he had just followed Bruce into that lecture hall. He could have seen Ugly a fucking thousand times if he had followed Bruce into that lecture hall just once. He can’t fucking believe it, he wants to slam his head against a wall repeatedly.

**Ugly Naked Guy:** OMG

**Ugly Naked Guy:** I’m so fucking stupid

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Bruce is helping you with your project, am I right? You were sent to him by Tony Stark. How am I just realizing it now???

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Shit

**You:** Shit

**You:** r u the friend who bought him tea????

**Ugly Naked Guy:** yes!!!

**You:** no

**Ugly Naked Guy:** YES

**You:** shit

Bucky feels incredibly stupid. He scatches at the fine hairs at the nape of his neck and doesn’t know what else to say. Then a thought hits him and he feels his face heat up again for a completely differet reason.

**You:** shit he hates me u have to think so badly of me

**Ugly Naked Guy:** He did complain about you since day one

He swallows audibly. There goes his last crumpled shred of hope.

**Ugly Naked Guy:** But that’s just another reason I should have known it was you

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Don’t worry, I already know how annoying you are (winking emoji)

**Ugly Naked Guy:** He didn’t say anything worse

There is a relived sigh shaked with laughter.

**You:** fuck u

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Only if you watch (innuendo emoji)

**You:** deal (innuendo emoji)

**Ugly Naked Guy:** You’re such a handful, honestly I think Bruce always underestimated how annoying you really are

**Ugly Naked Guy:** he always followed it up by telling me that you’re smart

**Ugly Naked Guy:** at the time I thought it was nice of him but now I just think he needs to remind himself to keep from strangling you

**You:** say what u want u just indirectly complemented me so whatever

He does feel a little at awe knowing Bruce thinks that about him, though.

**Ugly Naked Guy** : Just ‘cause I know you’re smart doesn’t mean you aren’t still a moron

**You:** i could start about that toilet thing again if i wanted

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Aw, come on it’s getting old.

**You:** is not

He is grinning like a moron right now, though, so maybe that makes him a hypocrite.

**You:** do u know my name then? Like he must have mentioned it

There is another thought and he doesn’t know what to wish for if he is honest. Because if he does know his name maybe it’s a good enough excuse to finally meet up. But he kinda wants to tell him himself, in person, now that they managed to keep it going for that long and there is a hint of disappointment forming in the depth of his stomach by the thought that this last information isn’t a secret anymore.

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Uh, I don’t actually. I think maybe he doesn’t know your name tbh.

Bucky has to laugh at that, that’s definitely not what he did expect.

**You:** i aint even mad

**You:** pls dont ask him

**Ugly Naked Guy:** I wouldn’t (angel emoji)

Bucky bites his lip then and gatheres up all his courage. Now or never he thinks.

**You:** i want to ask you something

**You:** i really need to celebrate tonight

**You:** and nat and clint r going on a double date those dipshits

**You:** so idk if u wanna we could meet up?

**You:** it seems like enough of an occasion?

His heart is beating erratically in his chest, he can feel the rush of blood in his ears while his mouth goes dry and he helplessly licks over his lips waiting for Ugly to answer.

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Man, don’t ask me that when I have to say no

That’s a downer, Bucky thinks while ignoring the feeling of his heart breaking in his chest. Why does he always have to keep his hopes that high?

**Ugly Naked Guy:** I really want to but there’s no way I can get out of this thing

**Ugly Naked Guy:** after the lecture I’m just going home to change and meet up with sam immedialtey after that

**Ugly Naked Guy:** we’re gonna visit his friend, he’s in hospital and there’s a charity event we’re helping out with

**Ugly Naked Guy:** I’m sorry

**You:** its alright if u cant then u cant thats it

He doesn’t want to sound as pissed so he rummages his brain for something that sounds lighter.

**You:** does it change ur mind if I promise a kiss? I mean all my friends got one today (innuendo emoji)

The only problem is that he kinda means it. He really needs to get his shit together rather sooner than later.

**Ugly Naked Guy:** I already thought about that but it just makes it harder to cancel on you (sad emoji)

Looks like he’ll still need some time before actually managing that, though because reading the last message alone makes his heart skip a beat. What is he even supposed to do? He would ask for Saturday or Sunday but he kinda does want for Ugly Naked Guy to ask him this time, it never comes though.

**You:** i hope ull have fun tonight then (smilie emoji)

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Thanks you, too

**Ugly Naked Guy:** You’ll find someone who’s got time I know it

**Ugly Naked Guy:** But don’t forget about me (kissing emoji)

**You:** I’ll try (tongue out emoji)

He types. _I couldn’t if I tried_ , is what he thinks.

After that he texts Tony, but as expected he is also busy. It’s Friday night so he is taking Pepper out, Bucky really hopes they finally end up together tonight because she’s the only person who can keep him at bay. Tony reassures him that they can celebrate on Sunday though. Bucky can come to his house early and then they drink until morning before having to leave on Monday. It does sound pretty amazing so he agrees, mood shifting to something better. He sighs, who elese is there? He could call T’Challa or the Maximoff twins, but they aren’t as close as that he’d want to celebrate that kind of thing with any of them. Kate and Wade are already no option since they’re with Clint and Nat. Well, fuck. Bucky thinks about just going to any party and chat up someone or hang out with other people he knows briefly from uni like he would do on other occasions, but he just doesn’t feel like it.

After a while he leaves his room and jogs to the kitchen to make himself some smores. His plan is to sit down with them on the couch and play video games for the rest of the night, he deserves it. While he searches for marshmallows in the cupboards Clint walks in and gives him a clap on the ass to catch his attention.

“You gonna cook for your guy?” he asks in a tone that he thinks is sly probably but comes off a little bit stoned.

“I am cooking for me” he answers.

Nat follows into the kitchen, looking breathtaking in her slim black dress and painted lips.

“You didn’t even ask him, did you?”

“Why are you people so nosy?” he demands while dropping the found treasure of marshmallows on the counter lowering both hands in exasperation. “I did ask him, but he’s busy.” He follows up meekly. He didn’t want to get upset about this again, he needs to calm down. He takes a deep breath and counts down from 10 in his head, Bucky just needs to concentrate on the upcoming Stark expedition. He starts making his smores before Nat’s voice makes him turn once more.

“Sorry.” She says in a tone that could be more apologizing in Bucky’s opinion. “We’re heading out now.”

“You both look amazing.” Bucky tells them still sheepishly. “Have fun.”

“Are you just saying that ‘cause I’m wearing your shirt?” Clint asks pointedly.

“You got me” Bucky shrugs and grins.

Nat and Clint leave after that and he finishes up his smores before sitting down infront of the TV playing video games until two am before calling it a night and heading to sleep. All in all he had a pretty good evening, it sure counts as celebration, he thinks.

 

***

 

Saturday is a lazy day. Bucky wakes up around one pm and has a big breakfast with Nat who woke up like half an hour before him. She still looks stunning but the hazy look in her eyes tells Bucky she’s somewhat hungover even if she’d never admit it. She tells him about their night out and it looks like they had loads of fun, Bucky is happy for them. They ate in a fine restaurant before heading to karaoke and Natasha shows him the best video of a drunken Clint swaying on a stage and croaking and howling into a microphone miserably failing on hitting any notes on 'Mamma Mia!'.

Almost an hour later Clint crawls out of Nat’s room, looking way more hangover than her and Bucky can’t resist but laugh at him. They both bawl at him to be quiet immediately, though, so he leaves them with a low chuckle, deciding to get his project done for Stark Industries and let them sober up in peace.

Before he does, though, he grabs his phone, which he had shut down the night before not wanting to be tempted to drown in misery in front of it waiting for messages that wouldn’t come. To his surprise there are a few and he tips on the notification.

**Ugly Naked Guy:** It’s great here, Sam’s friend is getting better by the minute (smilie emoji)

**Ugly Naked Guy:** A part of me still wishes to be with you tho

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Sorry

And one some hours later.

**Ugly Naked Guy:** I hope you’re having fun too (smilie emoji)

Followed by a few around one am.

**Ugly Naked Guy:** You did forget about me (sad emoji)

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Good Night, babe.

Bucky is so weak. He sighs before answering. He doesn’t mention that he spent most of the time shooting fictional soldiers in the head, though.  
Then there are a few messages from Tony.

**Shellhead:** I am hiding in the bathroom I don’t know if she wants me to kiss her

**Shellhead:** SOS

**Shellhead:** help me barnes!!!

It’s amazing how Tony Stark can be the most confident person in front of everybody, including people like the Queen probably, but when it comes to a girl he likes he is so intimidated he doesn’t even dare to hold hands before being explicitly told he is allowed to. It makes Bucky snort and shake his head. He tries to call him but he doesn’t pick up, so he just leaves him to it. Who knows, maybe he is still with Pepper right now.

He stands up and grabs his tools and the prothstesis before putting on some music to keep him company. He is carefull to keep the volume low so Nat and Clint won’t plot his murder. Hours go by and finally the last plates are attached on the arm, from shoulder to the very fingertip of all five digits. He smiles down on it being pretty proud of the object in his hands. He follows it up by doing some tests with the controls and calibrates a few wires before starting the tests.  
He examines the grip and the flexibility using a few objects and accidently breaking his favourite mug by doing so. He sighs before turning down the strength of the hold. He is so absorbed in his work he would have forgotten about eating if Nat didn’t come in around eight pm to bring him sandwiches for dinner. He is greatfull and uses the pause he’s getting out of stuffing sandwich after sandwich into his empty stomach to clean off the shards of his mug. He throws them away reluctantly. It was a nice mug.

At nine thirty he is finally satisfied with the arm and ready to show it to Howard Stark. He takes a pic and sends it to most of his friends.

**Shellhead:** throw some hotrod red in there somewhere

**You:** yes that should help keeping a low profile

**You:** its a prosthesis i want it to be discreet

**Shellhead:** hey i would like it

**Shellhead:** paint it

Bucky rolls his eyes but goes to find some colors. He is surprised to actually find some in the depth of his desk, he’s pretty sure he hasn’t used them in years. He takes some time considering and contemplating what exactly to paint on it. If he ruins this he needs to get some new metal plates and redo all the heavy work, so he takes his time. In the end he chooses to draw a little red star on the shoulder. He carefully applys the color and is meticulous to make it smooth. When he’s done he gapes at the arm wiping some sweat from his brow. The arm looks dashing as hell, if he may say so himself.  
He takes another pic with his cell and sends it around with a smile. After a second he adds on Ugly Naked Guys chat only “u should be proud of me I even arted”, feeling a bit shitty about ignoring him for so long.

He continues to clean up his room and puts the tools back on their usual spot. Okay, not really, it feels like it’s tidier now than it was this past months, he hasn’t cleaned up like this in a while. Almost exactly when he’s done there is a knock on the door. Nat’s going to sleep and it looks like she’s more hangover than she lets on because it is eleven pm on a Saturday and nothing like Natasha to go to bed early on such a night. She tells him goonight but stops when she sees the arm prosthesis lying on the table.

“That looks great, James.” She sound impressed and Bucky’s ears turn somewhat red. “It also looks a bit like soviet Russia, though.” She finishes having walked over to Bucky’s project and trailing her fingers over the freshly painted star.

“I like it.” Bucky says repeating Tony’s words not even having considered the connection. He does like it though, he isn’t gonna change it anymore.

Nat gives him a little smile. “Then it’s perfect like that.” she says and hugs him once before heading to her bedroom with a yawn. Bucky feels a lump in his throat, Natasha is probably the best thing that has happened to him.

He isn’t tired in the least and starts packing his bag for next week feeling excitement bubbling up in his chest once more. When he is currently indecisive about which of his black shirts to take with his phone buzzes.

**Shellhead:** change of plans!

**Shellhead:** we’re heading off tomorrow at 11 am I’ll pick you up 30 min earlier.

**You:** how come?

**Shellhead:** Because the suit my dad booked for us is ready to settle in starting tomorrow and I want us to get drunk on top of the world

**You:** hell yeah!!!

Bucky’s excitement is now hitting him with full force. He’s getting giddy and starts packing with new found energy. He decides to just take both shirts, who cares, and is finished packing in the early morning hours. He doesn’t know what else to do with himself after taking a shower, being way too awake to try shutting his eyes right now.

A little belatedly he realizes Ugly Naked Guy hasn’t even texted him back since morning, not even about the pictures he send him. Bucky really doesn’t know what to think about that, maybe now that they’re so close to actually meet he decided that Bucky isn’t worth it all together.  
What if it was just a game to him?  
Okay, that’s stupid, who’d waste this many hours on a joke. He shakes off the trail of thought not wanting to ruin his mood and deems it correct to try to sleep at least, before he starts overthinking this.

The moment he shuts off the lights his phone starts ringing. He takes it in hand in the dark, expecting it to be Tony and is ready to hang up when he notices that it’s Ugly Naked Guy calling. He hesitates only for a second before picking up.

“Heeeeey, babe!” Ugly definitely sounds… drunk. There is loud music playing in the background and people talking, he has to shout into the speaker for Bucky to hear him. Despite of his earlier thoughts he feels warm all over hearing his voice (to his defense it’s been a few days) and has to grin about his momentary state of sobriety.

“Someone’s drunk.” He says amused.

“Aww, come on I’m not that drunk.” There is a _bang_  that sounds like a door being shut and the background noise is dull now, his voice a bit lower.

Bucky chuckles lightly. “So, how do I deserve this call?” there’s still a smile in his voice.

“Missed you.” Comes a mumble and Bucky tries to breath normally. “Sorry I didn’t text back today I was super busy and then Thor dragged me to this party...” He’s slurring lightly but he was right, he isn’t too drunk.

“I’ve been busy, too. Don’t wo-“

Ugly Naked Guy cuts him off. “Yeah you were! I saw the arm! It looks amazing! It’s so shiny.” Bucky straightout laughs at that and Ugly joins him. Nat was right, he can not continue calling this guy ‘ugly’ when his laugh alone makes Bucky feel like every single shitty thing he has ever had to endure was worth it as long as he could witness the sound. “And you did a nice job with that star, stars are hard.” He sounds like he’s pouting and Bucky doesn’t want anything more than to see that.

“Please, continue complimenting me.” Bucky purrs.

“I could.” Ugly sounds so earnest Bucky almost loses it again if it wasn’t for the color crawling up his neck. “But that’s not why I am calling.”

Bucky is patient. “Why are you calling?”

“I am a moron.”

Bucky’s grin widens again. “I know that.”

There’s a frustrated noise. “Let me finish.” Bucky stifles a giggle. “I am a moron,” he repeats. “Because I didn’t ask you to come with to this party. I didn’t lie when I said I wanted to see you, yesterday was just bad timing. But I’m asking you now, even if it’s belated.”

Bucky looks at the time. Two thirty am. Eight hours until Tony will pick him up. He bites at his lower lip, he could go. But he’s also kinda petty and doesn’t want to go because he was turned down the day before. But most of all he just really wants to see him. He thinks it over in his head. It’s late and Ugly is already a bit drunk, there will be a hundred people Bucky doesn’t know and no way they’ll manage to exchange some words in private. He’s waited too long for this to be their first meeting, he thinks reluctantly and tells Ugly so.

There’s a low hum on the other side. “No, you’re right, sorry that was a stupid idea.”

“I appreciate the offer.” Bucky means it.

“Then tomorrow?” Ugly sounds so hopefull Bucky wants to say yes a thousand times. There’s no way, though.

“Sorry, I’m heading to Stark Industries pretty early tomorrow already.”

“Uh, okay.” He sounds dumbfounded.

“What about next week? When I come back. Monday in a week.” Bucky winces at the eagerness in his voice.

“It’s the last month of uni then. I have a rule to dedicate that time to just my uni stuff bu-“

It’s Bucky’s turn to interrupt him then. He doesn’t want to hear that he isn’t important enough to Ugly to make an exeption. “Then when the semester is over. Do we have a deal?”

“We do.” Ugly’s voice is warm and Bucky can imagine the sappy smile on his face.

“Good.”

“It is. I should head back now, though.”

“Yeah, have fun!”

“Thanks, babe. Sleep well.” He hangs up then and Bucky falls down on his bed staring at the ceiling before scrambling to get under the blankets. He tries to banish the shitty images of Ugly’s body pressed to another one in a sweaty club and focuses on the promise of their meeting and the thought of seeing Stark Industries in just a few days. People would kill for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the longest chapter i've posted for now... the beginning of the subplot really! Or middleplot, idek, that's not a word.
> 
> If you haven't relized i love Tony with all my heart!  
> Also everybody is a movie nerd because i say so. I hope you all appreciate my movies/shows of choice lol.
> 
> And at last we finally found out who was pestering Bruce (it was probably really obvious sorry)! The poor guy, honestly, to have to endure Bucky's never ending questions... at least he's got Steve.
> 
> I hope you're having as much fun reading this chapter as i had writing it :)


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to L.A. and family issues.

He moans at the sound of the alarm going off and smashes the snooze button for the fifth time this morning, he really needs to get up. He turns on his stomach and rubs at his eyes. Birds are chirping outside and Bucky groans again. It’s way too eary for him. He grabs his phone to wake up a bit before he actually has to put a foot out of bed.

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Morning, sunshine (smilie emoji)

And with that a selfie of him in sports clothes, obviously ready to take his run. Bucky’s mouth waters, what the hell, does this guy even know how to go shopping? He probably didn’t go in years because his shirt is way, _way_ too tight, clinging to his body like a second skin and Bucky can make out every single muscle on this guy.

He groans for a third time, it’s just unfair to wake up to something like that. Obscene really, Bucky thinks. Ugly Naked Guy shouldn’t be allowed to go outside, at least not while wearing that.

Then there is a message almost two hours later.

**Ugly Naked Guy:** still sleeping?

**Ugly Naked Guy:** I thought you had to head out early today?

**Ugly Naked Guy:** Sorry for last nights call, I hope it didn’t make you uncomfortable or anything…

**You:** early for me my friend not for u

He actually yawns while still typing it out.

**You:** and I appreciated the call.. ur cute when ur tipsy

He decides to ignore his selfie because, no. No. He can not handle that right now. He checks his other messages.

**Shellhead:** rise and shine

**You:** (middlefinger emojis)

He procedes to get up and is ready to go in no time. Almost an hour later he waits outside for Tony to pick him up. He didn’t get a chance to tell Nat goodbye, she was already gone and left him a note that she had to go to an emergency dance practice. Her team apparently had underestimated the rival team they have to face next month. Bucky sends her a text.

“Yooo, Barnes!” comes a familiar voice.

To his left he sees a car waiting for him, engine still roaring. It’s black and Bucky almost mistakens it for a limousine but he knows Howard doesn’t allow Tony to ride around with one of those. However it’s a pretty big car and a driver is sitting behind the steering wheel, so it makes the same to Bucky really. Tony is looking at him from the back, face and one arm out of the window, sunglasses on his nose. Bucky walks over and Tony scrambles to the other side so Bucky can sit down on the seat he was previously on.

“Hey.” He says and turns to the driver. “Good morning, Sir.” He says a bit louder and the driver touches his hat once.

Tony snorts at him. “Sir.” He repeats mockingly.

Bucky just rolls his eyes and buckles up. He is being polite, that’s a good thing.

“So, how did it go with Pepper? You never said anything.”

“You never asked” Tony raises a brow.

“I’m asking now.”

Tony turns his head to the front and the cars engine starts. “Going good, I got her wrapped around my finger. She only tossed her drink in my face this time before going home.”

Bucky suppresses a laugh and looks at him impassively.

“I can hear you looking at me.” Tony grumbles deciding to look back at him and finally taking his sunglasses off in the dark car. “Last time she slapped me.”

“What did you even do, man? I thought you were freaking out about weather you should kiss her or not. Did you try and she didn’t want you to?”

“More like she didn’t want me to kiss another girl.”

Bucky takes his head in hands. “You are amazing you know that. How can you be such a moron?”

Tony just shrugs. “The girl was hot.”

Bucky shakes his head. Tony seems like such an ass, but he knows he doesn’t mean it. He’s just really bad at handling people and emotions all together. It’s easier for him to just fuck up. Bucky lays a hand on his shoulder and shakes it which makes Tony grin a tad.

“Come here.” He tells Tony who shuffles over. Bucky takes out his phone and takes a selfie that shows the two boys grinning stupidly and the exquisite interior of the wannabe-limo.

“Who the fuck you sending that to? I’m on that, too. I don’t want some ugly guy to see my beautiful face. Really Barnes, why are you even talking to someone you’ve seen naked and is so ugly you had to make it his contact name?” Tony will never learn about personal space and sounds so shocked Bucky can’t help but laugh so hard his stomach starts hurting.

“Don’t worry, Tony. I’d never show your so called beautiful face to someone that ugly. Here, look.” He holds up Uglys selfie from this morning. “I told you about him, you remember?”

“Shit, yeah, I wouldn’t forget that face. Bucky, you got yourself a fucking lumberjack, how did you land someone like that?” Bucky sunches up his nose but lets the comment go. “So, Barnes, you’re into this guy?”

Bucky shuffles his feet, but Tony doesn’t notice he is still gaping at Ugly in his running clothes. “Nah, but I’d really like to be in him.” He shrugs with one arm, grinning sharply. It’s not the complete truth but it’s something Tony understands and it’s easier than thinking about how far gone Bucky is for this guy.

“Can’t blame you.” Tony says toneless.

Bucky steals his phone back and changes the name to Lumberjack. It’s very fitting and if Tony is good at something it’s finding nicknames. His phone vibrates.

**Lumberjack:** Omg, I have a picture of Tony Stark on my phone!

**You:** wtf im the interesting part here!!!

**Lumberjack:** Sorry, babe (kissing emoji)

**You:** sorry my ass

**Lumberjack:** Aww, come on

Bucky has no right whatsoever to react that pissy but he’s not above it. He goes to ignore Lumberjack and puts his phone away but it buzzes again in his hand.

**Lumberjack:** Dramaqueen

**Lumberjack:** However, I found a new subject for my art project

**Lumberjack:** It’s amazing, look at it.

He follows it up with a picture. It’s Lumberjack and Sam next to a tall blond with an amazing beard and long hair and Bucky thinks he’s even buffer than Jack (oh that works!) himself. In the background are a few other people, two real pretty girls and two guys sitting at a table.

His phone buzzes again as Jack sends him a new picture, it’s a cropped version of the one before, concentrated on the dude sitting left of the table in the background. Omg. It’s no one else than Bruce Banner. His face is contorted in anger and Bucky doesn’t know if he’s afraid of that look or if he wants to die laughing, he settles on something in between.

**Lumberjack:** Have you ever seen such a pissed face? (laughing emojis)

**Lumberjack:** He looks like he’s about to scream his head off and turn green or something (laughing emojis)

“Tony. Tony.” Bucky gasps in between laughs. “Look at this, oh God.”

Tony takes Bucky’s phone in confusion and joins his laughter immediately after. “You have to forward me that or so help me, Barnes!” he wipes away a tear from his eye.

Bucky does as he’s told, still trying to control his laughter before answering Jack.

**You:** sorry i had to show tony i think hes gonna use it as blackmail but its worth it (laughing emojis)

**Lumberjack:** I would be pissed, but I can understand

**Lumberjack:** Let’s hope Bruce won’t kill me for that (laughing emoji)

**You:** wish u good luck my friend (laughing emojis)

**You:** but really tho im glad u found something to draw

**Lumberjack:** Thanks, it really started to drive me crazy 

**Lumberjack:** Ah I almost forgot!

**Lumberjack:** Have fun! Savor the time you spend at Stark Industries by just remembering how jealous I am (smilie emoji)

**Lumberjack:** (heart emojis)

Bucky sighs pleased, ears going a bit red and stuffs his phone back into his pocket finally. The rest of the ride goes by with Tony and him leaving teasing voicemails on Bruce’s phone and Tony talking about the wonders of Stark Industries as they arrive at the airport, rims creaking on the asphalt as they come to a stop.

Bucky follows Tony with awe to their private jet. After almost six hours of Bucky gaping outside the window and making way too many videos and pictures they finally arrive in L.A. Bucky doesn’t feel like he deserves this.

“Tony, I can pay you back if-“

Tony doesn’t even let him finish. “My friend, my dad could probably afford to build a highway from here to New York that’d only take two hours to cross, so don’t even think about it.” He gives him a slap on the back and they leave the jet and are immediately welcomed by a sharp looking marine (Bucky isn’t even sure) guy and he suddenly feels underdressed in his jeans and plain shirt. He guides them to a shiny car and Bucky is back at gloating at the beautiful streets of Los Angeles.

Tony seems to be used to all of this and Bucky kinda assumes that he is, but it’s still weird and Tony isn’t even helping him accostumate, because, like everybody and his mom knows, as long as something is good with Tony he doesn’t care too much about others. Bucky isn’t actually bothered by that, he woud hate to be belittled, he’s just feeling really small and his excitement is transforming into nervousness really fast when he thinks that he has to meet Howard Stark the next day already.

They arrive at their loft pretty early because of the timezones and have enough time to unpack their things. Bucky is still looking at everything with wide eyes, wondering about the luxuries he’s allowed to use for a whole fucking week. Tony and him have separate rooms, there is a queen sized bed and a fucking huge TV in each room. On Bucky’s side is a balcony that shows the wonderfull skyline of L.A. the Stark Headquarters rising to an unbelieveable height, shining in the sunlight. Bucky’s stomach twists once and he leaves his room.  
The living room is practically made out of couches and Bucky has the urge to play the floor is lava on them except that a single cushion that lies on the sofas alone is probably worth all of Bucky’s belongings. When he goes to deposit his toothbrush he is overwhelmed all over for the billionth time that day. He’s never seen such a big bath tub or a mirror for that matter, there are a thousand different kinds of soaps in the cupboards and he’s pretty sure the pavement has an integrated heater. On top of that every room is decorated with exotic plants and especially little palm trees and put simple, it’s just a little too much. As he leaves the bathroom again Tony is standing in the middle of the lounge room, sipping at what looks like a cocktail and Bucky doesn’t even want to know where he got that from.

“So, Bucky. Howard just called, he wants me to remind you to be there at eight on the dot tomorrow. Just say your name to the receptionist.”

Bucky nods dumbfounded.

“And now let’s get this party started.”

Tony pulls him outside by the arm and they make their way down to and inside the elevator, they wave to the lobby boy in passing and head to the centre of the city where the life is at. They visit a lot of places Bucky has just ever heard of and he makes even more pictures. They grab something to eat on their way and at seven in the evening they start drinking going from pub to pub.   
When they come back to the suit Bucky is positively drunk but it’s still pretty early and he thinks he will draw the line here, because he would be mortified and just die on the spot if he has to meet Howard Stark hungover, like, what of a shitty first impression would that even make. He shudders at the thought alone.

He looks for Tony and he almost faints as he sees the bar that’s integrated in the kitchen. He’s not drinking anything more tonight. He’s not.

Tony seems to have other plans, though, and takes a big swing of something that looks like a Swimming Pool. Well, Bucky solved the mistery where he got his first cocktail from.

“You doing good, buddy?” Tony slurs and Bucky just nods feeling pretty shitfaced himself.

“Think ‘m gonna go sleep.” He tells him swaying a bit on his feet. It’s like ten pm but Bucky’s inner clock wants him to sleep and it’s probably a good idea.

“Suit yourself.” Tony says finishing off the blue liquid in his glass.

Bucky handles to brush his teeth before crawling under the covers of his bed. He even has a little settle back as he remembers how amazing this bed is but he’s too drunk to think too much about it and falls asleep as soon as he’s curled up onto his right side.

 

***

 

The next day he wakes up with a start taking a moment to understand where he is and why his bed is so soft. It’s 6 am and he kinda hates and loves himself for having set the alarm at such a shitty hour. He grabs his phone to silence the noise.

**Lumberjack:** Good luck, babe (kissing emoji)

**Lumberjack:** Tell me how it went

Bucky ignores the texts for a moment because his stomach grumbles at the thought of having to meet Howard in just a few hours. Or maybe that’s the hangover? Nah, Bucky doesn’t feel hangover, just very anxious.

He takes a shower first to freshen up and the thing has such amazing water pressure he wants to stay in there forever. He makes himself eggs with bacon for breakfast because his mom always says that a good breakfast is the recepe for havinga good day. It also explains Bucky’s shitty past since he normally just eats cheerios and only rarely with milk for breakfast.

He tries to look decent enough so he goes to wear black jeans with a fitting black button up shirt, he even puts on a red tie but loosens it up a little. He ruffles though his hair and decides this has to do. He feels a bit insecure about his boots and leather jacket but he puts them on anyway. Tony is still asleep that asshole, so he grabs his phone.

**You:** im so nervous im gonna throw up

He makes a quick selfie and sends that, too.

**You:** can i go like this?????

**You:** what am i thinking oh god

**You:** how can i go there???

**You:** i cant go there

**You:** can i ??????

His phone rings and he picks up before the fist ring even ends. He start pacing around in the enormous living room going through his hair with his left hand frantically.

“Hey there.” Jacks soothing voice greets him. “Calm down first.”

Bucky makes an apprupt halt in the middle of the room. “I cannot.”

There is a low chuckle and Bucky feels the giant knot in his stomach losing up a little. “You can do it, babe. You look stunning and you’re smart as hell. Just take it step by step, okay? Your project is amazing and he took interest in you first. He wants you to be there.”

Bucky takes a deep breath. He feels somewhat better. “You’re good at pep talking.”

“I know, that’s why my friends call me Cap.” He sound so smug.

“The man with a plan.” Bucky muses.

“Shut up.” There is a grin in his voice and Bucky aches so much to hug him. He shakes himself once.

“Thank you. I do feel less panicky.” He winces at the word but Jack doesn’t seem to mind. “I think I should leave now. I’m going by foot, I don’t know, feels like the right thing to do.”

“Alright. You’ll rock it. Have fun, babe.”

“Thanks, Jack.” He says and hangs up.

He spends a few seconds staring sappily at his screen before shaking himself once again and stepping out of the loft and into the big foreign streets of Los Angeles. Tony was right, he is kind of a drama queen.

The walk to the tower is pretty relaxing, the streets look beautiful even in these early hours and the sun is already peeking out between the clouds in the bright blue sky. Much sooner than Bucky needed he stands in front of the Stark tower. He hesitates a second before thinking back to Jack’s words. He braces himself and enters Stark Industries.

If it looks shiny and modern on the outside the inside will knock you out. Bucky doesn’t even understand how this building is holding up, it consist almost just out of glass and windows and only a few metal bars that climb and spin high up, up to the ceiling. Everyone looks so professional Bucky is glad he’s wearing his tie. He clears his throat and steps up to the reception and puts on his most devilish smile.

“Good Morning. My name is James Barnes. I’m supposed to state my arrival to you.” He winks at the cute girl who’s sitting on her bureau chair stiffly and he thinks he might has exaggerated it a bit but he’s nervous so whatever.

To his surprise she smiles back at him and turns even a bit red around the nose. It makes her look even cuter and Bucky feels a little more at ease.

“I was expecting you, Mr. Barnes.”

“Call me Bucky.” He says automatically and she smiles a little wider.

“Mr. Stark wants you to wait for him on the third floor. The last room on the right, just go up straight… Bucky.” She finishes and is now smiling her real smile Bucky guesses. He nods and gives his thanks before heading to the elevator.

Once he is in there a wave of panic washes over him once again, though. The people already in there are all talking into an almost invisible earpeace and look so competent and sharp, Bucky feels related to a trashcan. When the doors open to the third floor he stumbles out of there as fast as he can and walks to the door the friendly receptionist told him to go to and is relieved to see that the door is open and nobody is in the room yet. He sits down on the first chair next to the big table in the middle of the room.

After a while of sitting there he starts fiddling with his hands feeling way too small in the big, shiny room. Howard Stark is already over ten minutes late, but Bucky guesses that’s normal with busy people, or at least for the Stark family. His mouth is starting to get dry and again he remembers Jack’s kind words from this morning, feeling his pulse slow down.

When thirty minutes later Bucky is starting to get more bored than excited the door finally opens and he stands up from his chair at once. The man in the door can’t be anyone else but Howard Stark. For one, Bucky has seen pictures of him everywhere and also this close he looks a lot like Tony.

“Hello, Mr. Stark. I’m James Barnes.” He says holding out his hand.

“Hello, James.” He answers. His voice isn’t as deep as Bucky thought it would be and it’s kinda freaky. “I’m Howard Stark. It’s nice to meet you.” Bucky nods and wants to say he feels the same but the man kinda talks over him. “So Anthony told you to leave the arm today, that’s good. My assistant Atha will give you a tour today. She’ll be here in a few. Tomorrow we’ll talk about your project.” Then he leaves.

Well, Bucky thinks, now he knows where Tony got his manners from. He is kinda shocked with himself that he forgot about the arm altogether, but well, if it wasn’t necessary… Gosh, he feels so stupid and also a little angry about Tony having forgotten to tell him that little detail.

He sits down again and twiddles his thumbs waiting for whoever is Atha. Ten minutes later the door opens again and he’s confronted with a beautiful woman, her brown hair held back together in a high knot and wearing more bracelets than Bucky could have believed is possible.

She shakes his hand, jewellery jingling with the movement. “Atha Williams” she says.

“James Barnes.” Bucky says for the third time this day. He’s already getting tired of it.

“So, you’re the one who managed to impress Mr. Stark, well, let’s see if you’re worth it. Follow me.” She grins up to him and suddenly Bucky is hooked and follows her, mood getting better with every step.

They make a tour around the entire fucking building, from the basement to the wharf for the private helicopters. Bucky thinks Mrs. Williams is fucking with him a little but they speak the same language and they have a lot of fun. He runs his mouth forgetting all his anxiety around her and she does seem to deem him worthy at the end of the day. Stark Industries is as impressive as Bucky thought it would be, but running it down with such a charming person made the place much more approachable.

They didn’t stop to pause even once and Bucky was too insecure to ask for a rest but what he does ask himself is how Mrs. Williams isn’t so hungry she’s eating her bracelets. He sure is thinking of biting down on his jacket. It’s five in the evening when she sees him off in the lobby and wishes him a good evening. Howard doesn’t show even once anymore, so Bucky leaves the place with a little jump in his step and buys a kebab on the first booth he encounters on the street. He decides to call Nat then.

“Heyo, Natalia” He greets her.

“Hello, James” she answers. “So, are two Stark’s too much even for you? Is that why you need to call me?”

“To be honest I haven’t seen even one of them for long today.” He says biting down into his warm food and moans a little.

“You’re digusting. How come, though?”

“Ah, they just gave me a tour today, Howard’s assistant. I can understand why Tony doesn’t like his father much, though, he wasn’t very polite. But I had a good time and Stark industries _is_ impressive.”

“Did you faint?”

“Fuck you, I’m not that much of a nerd.”

“Says you.”

“How was your day?” he asks disgruntedly.

“Everything’s fine here. I think Clint just took over your room.”

“Ew, please tell him to take his socks off when he sleeps. Or that he’s paying rent. Oh god.” He says in horror. “Please promise me you won’t have sex in my room. Clint can even leave his socks on if you promise me that.”

“You should have mentioned that was a problem before, James. I can’t take back things that already happened.”

Bucky drops dead in his steps. “Natalia. No. What? No, That… no. Please tell me you’re kidding.” He pleads.

She laughs and Bucky wants to hit something. “Of course I am. I’d never undress in such a filthy bed as yours.”

“Okay, I deserved this.”

“You did.”

“Have a nice evening, Nat.”

“You, too. Strangle Stark if he’s too annoying, no one would blame you. Stark Jr. that is.”

“Thanks for the advice.” Bucky chuckles.

“Bye.” She hangs up and Bucky slowly makes his way back to the loft nibbling at the rest of his food until nothing remains. He greets the lobby boy and makes his way up to the loft. To his surprise Tony is nowhere to be found so he sits down on the balcony with his phone appreciating the view a little longer.

**You:** Thanks again for the call this morning it helped loads

**Lumberjack:** Nothing to thank me for (smilie face)

**You:** u got some time?

**You:** id love to call u

**Lumberjack:** Please do 

He calls him then and Jack picks up almost immediately.

“So, how was it?” Bucky can hear the eagerness and the curiosity in his voice and he smiles to himself.

“It was good. Amazing actually. Stark Industries is everything I could have wished for. I bet you’d go crazy for the architecture. I’ll send you some pics later.”

“That would be great. And how about Howard Stark? What did he say about your project?”

Bucky repeats what he told Nat before and how he was a little disappointed by it but that you shouldn’t expect anything if you’re dealing with a Stark. He tells him how excited he is about being able to talk about it with him tomorrow, though, and Jack informs him that he started drawing Bruce and that it’s somewhat harder to get his face right, because he doesn’t look as much as himself when he’s that angry.   
They talk a bit about the party after that and Bucky might be a selfish asshole but he’s glad Jack hasn’t kissed anyone there. Or well, at least Jack didn’t tell him and he feels like he would if it were the case.

“You know, after we meet we should definitely go to a Stark party together. Maybe the end of the semester party, everybody is invited anyway. Did you ever go? I promise you those are the best ones, if you want to know what a real party feels like, you have to go to a Stark party.”

“Watch out on how much you’re praising them. I will hold you accountable if it’s a flop.”

“Stark parties are never a flop.” Bucky feels like Tony in this moment, like he borrowed his mouth for a second or something. “So you haven’t been to one yet?”

“Nah, I know he invites everyone but I like smaller things with just my friends, you know? I mean, most of the time. And some of my friends think Tony’s parties are overrated so they don’t go and I’m not going to join them on my own.” Bucky can practically hear the shrug in his tone. It’s amazing how good he knows the guy without even having met him once.

“Well, I’m your friend and I’m going. Those parties are worth it. Trust _me_ , not your peasant friends. I live in a luxury five star loft, I know shit.”

Jack laughs something mocking. “If the royalty says so.” Bucky chuckles with him. “I’d love to go there with you, though. You can prove me wrong.”

“I will.” Bucky sounds confident but his heart rate is picking up again. Only thinking about meeting Jack, none the less go to a party with him, well... Fuck, Bucky needs to chill.

“Hey, One Armed Wonder.” There’s suddenly Tony’s voice behind him and he startles a little and hopes he doesn’t see the blush on his face. “How was your meeting with Daddy?”

Bucky raises the phone to let him know he is busy right now and hears a slightly breathless “Is that Tony Stark?” on the other end and he’s not jealous.

“That Nat?” Tony asks instead and sits down next to him on the balcony but doesn’t let his legs dangle from the edge like Bucky does.

“Nah it’s Lumberjack.” Bucky says offhanded.

“That’s why you called me Jack this morning? I meant to ask.” Jacks voice chimes in on the other side.

“Yeah exactly.” Bucky answers but Tony doesn’t seem to like being ignored so he steals Bucky’s phone away in one smooth motion.

“Hey there, Spangled Man.” Tony greats him and Bucky rolls his eyes but lets him do his thing. Jack’s probably happy to talk to him and who is he to interrupt.

Bucky can’t hear a thing but Tony’s face turns amused. “Yeah. Yeah, mhm. Nah, don’t worry.” He says before turning silent again. “Yeah, I know I’m amazing. However, enough of this flattery, I’ll give you your boyfriend back. I need a drink.” He hands Bucky his phone back and leaves.

Bucky is a bit perplexed but holds the speaker to his ear. “So, talking to Tony Stark the best thing that happened to you today?”

“Hmmm.” Jack muses. “Not really, no.”

Bucky rises an eyebrow in confusion, he thought he’d nailed it. “Then what is it?”

“You know, it’s two month we know each other today.” Bucky swallows. “And as much as I appreciate having talked to Tony Stark for the first time today, I think I prefer knowing you.”

 

***

 

The next day Bucky is lead to the same room as the day before and is instructed to wait for Howard’s arrival once again. This time he took his project with him and is now lazingly pushing button after button on the controls to change the movements of the prosthesis. He’s getting pretty annoyed of being punctual in these early morning hours when he still has to wait for the other party to arrive after twenty minutes. He understands that Mr. Stark is a busy man, but Bucky’s pretty sure that businessman should be able to keep up with their meetings. He huffs in frustration as the door opens and he straightens a bit in his seat.

Howard Stark himself walks into the room, followed by three secretaries or specialist, maybe one of each, Bucky doesn’t know and they don’t introduce themselves even as Bucky tries to shake their hands. Mr. Stark just walks between them and takes Bucky’s outstretched hand. “Good Morning, son.” Bucky hates that he calls him that. “My two friends here.” He pointys at the two men next to him. “Will show you our new technology for undersea researches now. At one am I’ll meet you again and we’ll grab lunch together. My son will join us. After that we’ll talk about your project.”

He sounds really authoritative and Bucky swallows before nodding dumbly. At this moment he realizes how old the man looks, his hairs are speckled with gray and the creases on his forehead and around the mouth are prominent.

“For now you can leave the arm with Professor Karlstein. It’s a hinderence for you right now either way.” The woman to his left steps forward and wants to take his prosthesis in hands but Bucky has a weird feeling about it.

“Uh, thanks it’s fine. It’s not that heavy.” He lies. “I’d prefer taking it with me.” He’s probably being kind of rude but he wants to keep his project close. It’s the only thing he has and it doesn’t feel right to hand it over to strangers who didn’t even bother to introduce themselves properly. Bucky squeezes the arm a little closer to his body.

A pretty forced smile goes over Howard’s face before he nods. “Okay, then take it with you. I’ll be off now.” He leaves and Professor Whatshername follows him.

The other two men look at each other once before finally revealing their names. Smith and King they call themselves respectively and Bucky kinda doubts those are their real names but it’s whatever. They walk him to the sixth floor and show him the new Stark submarine, explaining all the special features and a little bit of the research. The physician working on it bandys some words with him, too and Bucky feels like him and King made some real connection about the radar systems.

In the end he is pretty at ease with the two men who are showing him around and they even crack some jokes. On top of that he learned some cool stuff about submarines, like, who doesn’t want to do that. Especially in Stark Industries, the building still doesn’t cease to impress Bucky. In fact, the longer he wanders around the more interesting stuff he sees.

At one thirty Bucky is finally guided to the break area and only ten minutes later Howard Stark appears and they go to the buffet. Howard informs him that Tony isn’t coming and even looks relieved about it. Bucky doesn’t know what to say to that and doesn’t dare to ask why, so he keeps his mouth shut. They eat some kind of soup with bread and Bucky expected something a little fancier from a canteen under Stark property but it’s not disgusting and he is hungry and also happy to finally put down the heavy prosthesis if even for a little, so he doesn’t complain.

After lunch Howard guides him into a room on top of the building and it’s even fancier than any of the other planes Bucky has been on yet. He kinda suspects it’s Howard’s private floor because the room they’re in looks like a huge as fuck bureau. They sit down on a modern table in the middle of the room and the chairs are so comfortable and flexible Bucky has to take a moment to remember where he is and that he should really not try to find out how many sitting positions you can comfortably sit in in these chairs, but be a professional member of society.

“So” Howard starts. “Tell me about the prosthesis.”

Bucky puts the arm on the table.

It feels kinda puny in the shiny room and stylish table and he wets his lips once, feeling his mouth going dry. “Uhm. Yeah, so I thought that prosthesis are still kinda shitty these days.”

He winces inwardly, that’s not how you do professional. He clears his throat and tries again. “I mean. Well, they never really changed that much since they found out how to use them properly. Like, all engeeners are trying to build is something that looks more like a real limb than thinking about the functions it should have. Synthetical skin is nice and all and I understand that’s important for amputees to feel 'normal' about their missing bodypart. But the best way to ensure that would be to make a prosthesis that actually works like a real limb, or am I wrong?”   
He takes a breath, it feels weird and kinda amazing that Howard fucking Stark is hanging on his lips and he feels a little flustered. “So I thought it would be nice to have it connected to the brain. And the brain gives the impulses to move it like it’s supposed to do with the real thing. Making it flexible. Obviously this is just a prototype and I don’t know if it’s possible to connect it that thouroughly to the brain without permanent damage. It would be a risky intervention as well. But with the methods of medicine increasing every week I think it could be done in some years.” He looks up to Howard expectandly, his mouth is definitely dry now.

“Yeah, that’s an interesting vision.” Is all he says but there is a spark in his eyes. “So, how does it work for now?”

And Bucky explains to him how he build it and how it’s supposed to work on a real body. He shows him the flexibility he managed to create on the prototype and Howard even makes two or three suggestions on how to make the wireing on the inside easier. It’s amazing if Bucky can be free to say so himself. Howard is brilliant and it feels good to talk to someone who knows what they’re talking about and doesn’t look down on his work. 

Before he even notices it’s five in the evening and Howards secretary comes in to remind him of a meeting he has in half an hour. He excuses himself in front of Bucky and tells him to come at midday the next day, meeting him straightup in this room. Bucky thanks him and declines the proposition to leave the arm in his office overnight and leaves with a huge smile on his face weaving at the cute reception girl he met the day before.

He takes his time to walk back to the loft exploring a bit of the surroundings but heads back once his stomach starts to complain too hard. He lets himself in, Tony nowhere to be found once again. He sends him a text to ask if he got lost and when he’ll be back. Then he calls roomservice and orders pasta with salmon, because Stark is paying for it and he can.

Once the food arrives and Bucky sits down on the couch the loft suddenly feels a little too big, a little lonely. So he pulls out his phone realizing that he hasn’t talked to Jack today and hating how much he craves his company.

**You:** u free?

**Lumberjack:** Was waiting for you to be honest

Comes the answer, fast as lightning and Bucky smiles before dialing his number.

“Tell me everything.” Jack greets him and Bucky does as he’s asked.

Meanwhile he eats his food and Jack complains about his champing but Bucky couldn’t care less, he is hungry.

“Sounds great. I’m really happy for you. I know I’ve said it a few times now but it’s true.”

“It’s alright, sap.” Bucky answers swallowing the last bite of his food. “You wanna watch some F.R.I.E.N.D.S.? Or am I hindering you to do uniwork or something?”

“Nah. I’m procrastinating and feeling shit about it, make me forget.”

“I can make you forget about everything.” Bucky says, voice low.

“You can?” replies Jack, innocently.

“Everything but my name.”

Jack snorts at this. “I don’t even know your name.” he laughs.

“Okay, this one was bad.” Bucky muses but it’s sad actually thinking about it. So he tries not to.

“Not only bad, but painful.” From the sound of it, it seems Jack is suffering from a full belly laugh. “Sorry, it’s not funny, just so ironic.”

“It’s shit.” Bucky says tonelessly. Jack’s laugh dies down gradually. “Sorry.” Bucky winces.

There is a sigh. “No, you’re right, it sucks.”

They are silent for a while.

“Sooo, F.R.I.E.N.D.S.?” Bucky asks eventually.

“F.R.I.E.N.D.S.”

They start watching and the atmosphere is a lot lighter and they laugh and talk until it’s too late in New York and Jack has to go to bed. It’s still pretty early in L.A., though so Bucky surfs a little on the internet before shutting his laptop down. He’s becoming pretty worried about Tony still having to return and not replying to his texts and when he almost decides to call him for the forth time he finally hears someone coming in through the door.

“Tony, seriously, where have you been?” Bucky asks him once he sits down next to him.

He looks a little muddled. “Ah you know, went through the city, fought with my dad, let off some steam in a fitness studio.” Only now Bucky realizes that Tony is wet with swaet… and reeks. Ew.

“I’m sorry.” He sympathizes, though. Tony just shrugs. “Go take a shower or I’ll start calling you Reek.”

There’s a smile on Tony’s face when he rubs his disgustingly sweaty hand over Bucky’s neck before making a run for the bathroom. And even if Bucky has to endure the nasty film on his neck now, he’s glad he managed to make his friend smile when he felt down.

He uses the second bathroom to wash himself before heading to bed and reaches for his cellphone.

**Lumberjack:** Sleep tight, babe. I’m proud of you. (kissing emoji, heart emoji)

Bucky’s heart skips a beat before he types an answer. This once he accepts the nice feeling in his chest and stomach without questioning it and relaxes a little on the matress.

He is still lying there smiling like a loon when Tony comes in, smelling like a human being again, and lies down next to him. They spend the night talking and teasing one another before they doze off in the early morning hours, sharing the bed like little kids.

 

***

 

When Bucky wakes up the first thing he does is punch Tony in the face.

It’s not on purpose, it’s just that when he opens his eyes Tony’s face is like two cm away from his and he wasn’t expecting any person to be lying there, especially that close to him and it gave him such a scare his instincts reacted on their own.

“Ow, ow, ow!” Tony howls holding his nose in his hands, eyes screwed shut.

Bucky is sitting up in the bed, chest heaving, still looking at Tony like he saw a ghost.

“I hate you, Barnes.” The whining brings him back to earth and he realizes what he just did. Ups.

“You okay?” he asks hesitantly. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright, it’s good.” Tony says rubbing at his nose and checking if there’s blood. (Fortunately there isn’t.) “I love getting woken up by flying fists, it helps me stay alert.”

“Ugh, listen, I’m sorry. Your face startled me. It’s too ugly.” Bucky tries joking and makes a start to look up Tony’s nose as well but he waves him off.

“Just go get me breakfast, Barnes.”

And Bucky does as he’s told. He probably ows him that, with the punch and all.

 

This time they go to Stark Industries together. Bucky agrees to take a cab, but only because he feels bad about the shiner that’s gradually forming on Tony’s face (the diva didn’t even thank him for the frenchtoast he made him. But well, that’s Tony Stark for you.) They’re chatting away comfortably in the car when Tony tells him he’ll be coming with into the tower today. Bucky doesn’t know if he just decided it himself or not but is happy nonetheless. He’s here because of Tony and he spent way too less time with his friend already.   
He sends Jack a quick text that he won’t be able to text much this day and when he looks up again they’re already in front of Stark Industries.

Fortunately Tony pays for the ride and they enter the building. Every employee they pass greets Tony and some of them even stop to talk to him for a bit. Tony doesn’t look very thrilled about it and is pretty rude to all of them. Still nothing new to Bucky, he feels kinda like a third wheel, though.

When they finally arrive at the reception he feels smug about being able to greet someone himself. The cute blonde girl sitting there waves back how she always does and it occures to Bucky that he should really ask her for her name.

In the elevator on their way up Tony’s face suddenly lights up like whenever he has a shit idea as a man comes in at the third floor. He is the tallest man Bucky’s ever seen and his hair is going white, a big mustache covering his face. Tony makes a step in his direction and they shake hand like long lost friends, Bucky fears the worst.

“Hey, Tony long time no see.” The man greets him while they’re still shaking hands.

“It’s been a while, isn’t it?” Tony smiles back brightly, but Bucky knows that face and it means no good. “How’s your project going?”

“The arc reactor is going just fine.” The man responds with a matching grin, all teeth.

Bucky has obviously read the situation wrong in the beginning, those two are not friends, they are rivals all right. Or well, maybe not even that but Tony does in fact not like this man and the older one seems highly annoyed by Tony’s inqueries.

“Glad to hear that.” Tony says in a cadence that does not in any way convey that his words are the truth.

“Yeah, have a nice day.” The man replies as the elevator door opens and he moves out in a rush.

Tony grins at Bucky. “They’re hopeless. They’re trying to make a source of clean energy but they’re failing horribly for years. I just need to get to the papers...” the last part he murmurs to himself and as much as Bucky is interested in this reactor thingy he’s a little wary of Tony’s behavior, so he doesn’t ask further questions.

They open the door to Howard’s office and to Bucky’s surprise he’s already there, sitting at his desk and doing work, probably.

“Hey, Daaad!” Tony boasts walking past Bucky and Howard looks up to him with such an irritation Bucky wants to turn around and leave immediately. “You gave me house arrest yesterday, pop, but I know you just couldn’t wait to see my face, so here I am. I’ve got excellent suggestions for that arm.” He points at Bucky who just wishes he would shut his mouth.

He can practically see a vein pulsate furiously on Howard’s temple and when Tony takes a breath and his mouth is already halfway open again Howard interrupts him whith only half holded back anger and now Bucky wishes he could just completely disappear from this earth. “Anthony, I already told you, you would just be a neausiance. Please leave.” Bucky clutches the prosthesis a little tighter in his arms and looks at everything exept the two Stark’s.

To his surprise, Tony doesn’t even object. He had expected him to fight with his father and run his mouth like he always does. But all he does is nod. “We’re gonna have dinner tonight, though.” He adds after a whle, coolly. “Bucky and me.” He breathes in once. “We’re gonna celebrate, and you’ll be there, too. You owe it to him.” The last part comes out a bit pleadingly and Bucky is pretty sure his friends was not talking about him.

It’s silent for a while and Bucky is starring at the doorhandle like it’s the most interesting wonder on earth. He hears Tony swallow and Howard sigh.   
Then. “I’ll be joining you.” Howard allows. Bucky feels releaved despite of himself.

“And you’re paying. See you at seven.” Tony singsongs leaving the office and bumping into Bucky without looking back. Bucky watches him go with an uneasy feeling tugging at his gut and is tempted to follow but Howard clears his throat and he whirls around remembering where he is and why.

“Good morning, Mr. Barnes.” He greets him like nothing happened. So Bucky puts on an act, too. He can do that. He shakes Howards hand and they sit down on the same big table as the day before.

At first they discuss a little more of the topics they already covered yesterday. Bucky manages to forget about the awkward family fight he had to witness and he asks Howard about the brain wireing. He seems pretty positive that it will be archievable in the future and explains him some methods that would probably work. Bucky writes down everything that seems important or relevant but when they come to the issue of reinforcing the spine he comes to a halt, pencil skidding on the page.

“If you were to reinforce most of the body and attach this arm, you could create a supersoldier.”

Bucky’s head whips up and he stares Howard dead in the eyes. He would have laughed about the comment if Mr. Stark didn’t sound 100 precent serious about it and like he murmured it to himself in wonder as if it was an idea coming to him. “I beg your pardon?” he asks.

Howard tries a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Just a thought. That arm could be an amazing weapon.”

Bucky’s mind is filled with images of mind controlled ninja killers and he shakes himself once.

He knows that Stark Industries used to be the biggest manufacturer of weapons not that long ago, before they changed their policy after a scandal Bucky doesn’t know much about. He also knows he is fast with coming to conclusions, so he tries really hard not to see things that aren’t there.

“I want this arm to help disabled people.” _Not cause the army to have to disable healthy people just to bring it to use._ He thinks the last part to himself.

“I know, kid.” There is that forced, condescending smile again. After that he deviates from the subject.

They continue talking about the technical stuff, though. But the atmosphere has become uncomfortable and from time to time Howard asks questions once again that have less to do with a prosthesis and more with a distructive weapon. It’s like he’s trying to coax Bucky into appreciating his thought.   
Bucky ignores those questions or evades them with his own but it just irritates Howard more and more. As much as he tries to hide it, Bucky does notice the shift in his behavior that borders into hostility once he ignores question after question. He’s back to feeling really uncomfortable and wanting to go and shuts off almost completely.   
The conversation obviously dies down with it and Howard sighs, almost exactly the same sound from this morning when Tony was present.

“You can go now, we’ll pick this up where we left off tomorrow.”

Bucky stands up way too quickly and crams his stuff back into his bag taking the prosthesis back in his arms. “Thank you, Mr. Stark.” He says and is already at the door.

“See you at dinner.” He replies and Bucky just hears it before the door shuts close behind him.

His mom would scold him if she would see him, because really, where are his manners? But he can’t quite make himself calm down and practically ends up running out of the building, only stopping when he’s two blocks further, breathing a little quicker. He sends Tony a quick text to ask where he’s at before calling Jack, not even checking what texts he recieved during the day.

Bucky is about to hang up again when Jack finally answers, voice a bit hushed. “Hey I’m in drama class, I am honest to God stuffed in a closet right now so I won’t get scolded.”

Bucky cracks a smile but feels a little bad about it. Jack really shouldn’t have to do stuff like this just because of him. “Sorry, bad timing. I can wait until later, sorry, I didn’t even look at the time.”

There’s some shuffeling before Jack answers. “No. There must be a reason you’re calling now then, I’m here for you.” His voice is full of concern and really, how does Bucky deserve this guy? “Also I am already stuck in this closet, so I better didin’t go in here for nothing.”

He sits down on a bench at the road side before speaking. “Howard… I don’t know. I know I was super enthusiastic about him yesterday but I’m starting to understand why Tony doesn’t like him very much. He… he. I don’t know. Maybe I’m reading into things again, but I feel like he wants to make a weapon out of my project.” He cradles the prosthesis lying in his lap. “That’s not what it’s for.”

“You sure you got this right?”

“He said you could make super soldiers out of it. Who even says stuff like that?”

“You sure he wasn’t joking?”

“Pretty much.”

Jack humms. “So if there are armies of secret cyberly enhanced killers in the near future it’s you who brought it to us. The world will end because of you.”

“I hate you, I’m being serious.” Bucky whines but there is a smile in his voice that just amplifies when he hears Jack crack up a laugh. He huffs and rakes his fingers through his hair holding his bangs up. “You’re right I’m losing my mind over nothing once again. Now I feel like a jerk for calling you.”

“You _are_ a jerk. I’m probably gonna crack a rib because of you, this closet is crammed with way too much stuff.” There’s fondness in his voice, though and all of a sudden Bucky doesn’t feel bad about calling him anymore.

“How’s your day been?” he asks instead. He really doesn’t want to hang up anytime soon.

“The usual, uni was lame, drama club is somewhat better but Thor is missing today because of some family business with his brother, I don’t even know for sure. So, well, they’ve probably started looking for me.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry.” Bucky can’t stop the disappointment bleeding into his voice. It’s just that everything he does with Jack never seems enough, he always wants more.

He shakes his head once, these are exactly the thoughts he is not allowed to have anymore.

“Stop apologizing.” Jack scolds him. “We’ll talk later alright? And just forget about Howard. Enjoy your time in L.A.” It sounds like he wants to add something but doesn’t.

“Yeah, you’re right. Thank you.” Bucky says thruthfully.

“For you, always.” Jack replies before hanging up.

Bucky remains sitting on the bench for almost an hour. He observes the passing cars, the rushing people and marvels at the buildings around him and the beautiful blue sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes i think to myself "these lines are way too sappy, what is with u?" and then i leave them anyway.
> 
> Sorry for making Howard such an asshole!


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of uneasiness and something to make it all better.

It’s exactly seven pm when Bucky sits down on the table that is reserved under Stark's name in what seems like the most prestigious restaurant in Los Angeles. He feels out of place with his leather jacket and boots once again. But mostly he feels out of place because neither Tony nor Howard have appeared yet. So he’s sitting alone at the biggest round table in the hall, selfconciously picking at the napkin in front of him.   
He wants to reach for his phone, but that would probably be frowned upon in an ambiente like this so he refrains from it.

What did he even think? Being punctual on a meeting with two Starks? They’ll probably come in extra late because none of them wants to show up before the other. Oh God, what has he done? He’ll probably die of hunger before any of them arrives.

Before his panic reaches its peak, though, he sees the chair next to him being dragged a little from the corner of his eye. Bucky looks up from the napkin in his lap and is relieved to see Tony sitting down like he owns the place. He doesn’t know how he would have reacted if Howard was the first one to arrive.

“Yo, Barnes.” He greets him nonchalantly.

“Where have you been? I’ve been trying to reach you since I was out of Stark Industries.” Bucky complains. Tony didn’t even deem it necessary to answer one of his texts. Asshole. It feels like everything he’s done these past days is ask Tony where he’s been. Which is already annoying in itself.

“Been working on the reactor.” Tony grins losing his sunglasses and Bucky wants to ask him what exactly he means but then Howard arrives, interrupting their little chat.

Tony shuts his trap immediately.

Bucky smells trouble.

But most of all he wishes Tony would put his damn glasses back on, because the shiner he gave him has become pretty prominent around his right eye and he really doesn’t want Howard to ask about it. He never does, though, and maybe that bothers Bucky even more in the end. Who doesn’t ask about their son being injured?

Howard only greets them, formally shaking their hands, even Tony’s and sits down to Bucky’s left side. As soon as his buttcheeks have touched the seat two waiters come out of nowhere bringing breadsticks and handing out the menues. Must be nice to have so much money that no matter where you go people want to wipe you asss.

They order their food and Bucky is looking so forward to his duck with roasted potatoes he can almost ignore how much he doesn’t want to see Howard a second longer. It’s a little startling how easy his opinion of him changed, but, well, what’s he gonna do about it? It’s how it is. Howard hasn’t behaved that nicely the whole time actually and Tony has told him stuff before. His reputation preceded him and Bucky put him on a pedestal dispite Tony’s words because Tony likes to exaggerate and it’s not like he complained _that_ often.

But, well, now? Howard is just a man. And obviously a bad father.

All in all it’s the most awkward dinner Bucky has ever had to endure but it could have been worse. He ignores Howard as much as possible without coming off as rude and talks with Tony who runs his mouth even when their food arrives. Bucky will never understand how he manages to talk so clearly with his mouth stuffed. But it fills the awkward silence that would be there otherwise, so Bucky won’t complain.   
Howard for that matter doesn’t say much. He nods mostly and makes some handoff comments from time to time. It’s clear, though, that he doesn’t approve much of whatever Tony is doing or saying and Bucky’s adversion against him rises steadily.

At least he has to admit that he’s never eaten this good at any restaurant, so it’s not a complete disaster, he thinks.

And well, sometimes he’s just wrong.

 

While they’re studying the menue once more to decide on their desserts Howard receives a call. He excuses himself but has to take it, it is work. He makes to distance himself but stops in the movement of standing up. His expression changes from surprised to angry so fast it seems like an illusion. Huge eyes narrow the next second, skin becomes an impressive shade of red before he chooses to breathe again and manages to compose himself somewhat.

“Ups.” Mutters Tony to his right and Bucky has a really bad feeling about this. He is reminded about what Tony told him when he arrived at the restaurant and how fast he shut his mouth the moment Howard joined them.

They’re so fucked.

“What’s happening?” Bucky whispers exasperately but then he hears Howard thanking whoever he's on the phone with and hanging up. Tony’s eyes are fixed on his father.

“Anthony.” Howard says in a low voice but the repressed anger makes Bucky’s full stomach feel a little queasy. “How. How, on everything that’s dear to you, did you think it was a good idea to hack into Stark Industries files and override them?”

“I was just helping.” Comes Tony’s easy answer and for one more time today Bucky wishes the ground would just swallow him up. “Also they’re way too easy to hack into. You should look into it, I don’t even have a password, do you recall? I was in after twenty minutes, that’s not so good for security, is it?”

“Those were classified files. In the making for three years. And you decided you know better than the countless trained engeneers and doctors, who are working on them from the start, and deleted everything?” Bucky is impressed that he ignores the rest of Tony’s sentence, but somewhat thankful.

“I only deleted the unnecessary stuff.” Tony is now defending himself. “They were doing it wrong for all those years. They still have no idea how to build that reactor, do you know that? That’s what you have been paying them for. Meanwhile I di-“

But Howard interrupts him. “I don’t want to hear your excuses. This is it, Tony. You’re going back to New York. Right now. You’re never stepping into any Stark Industries tower ever again.” Tony makes to say something more. “No. Not a word. We’re going.”

Howard stands up and Tony follows. Bucky feels a little lost, he wants to help his friend but he doesn’t even understand the entire situation at hand and, well, it does seem like Tony _did_ overstep some boundries.

Tony and Howard fight some more in front of the car but Bucky keeps his distance and doesn’t hear much, exept for the fact that they finally did both raise their voice.

After a while Howard comes over to him. Bucky swallows.

“My son is flying home now.” The look on his face is still so stern Bucky doesn’t dare to say a word. “Here, take this money for the ride to the loft.” He drops a few dollars in his hands and Bucky looks up to him, confusion all over his face. He was sure he’ll be flying back with Tony?

Actually, he really wants to.

“But…” he licks over his lips. “I’ll fly back with him, right?”

“No. I want you back at my office at ten in the morning tomorrow.”

Bucky’s brow furrows in confusion. “I want to go with Tony.” He says.

“You won’t.” To his shock he hears the engine of the car Tony’s in go off.

“But I want to go.” Bucky doesn’t know where this courage is coming from, but it always seems to spark in him in situation where he should really keep his mouth shut.

“I don’t care. You’re staying.” Howard answers brusquely and enters the car, which drives off so fast Bucky can’t even take a last glance at his friend.

 

He stands there a little dumbfounded, bills in his hand and looking after the long gone car with wide eyes. After a while he snaps out of it and anger washes over him.

_What the fuck?_   
Who does the man think he is?

Bucky crams the money into his pocket and walks the way home instead, leaving off some steam (and also he doesn’t want to follow any other of Howard’s instructions anymore). He tries calling Tony but he doesn’t answer so he sends him a text to call him once he’s able to.

As he enters the loft some time later, he realizes that Tony isn’t even allowed to pick up his stuff, all his things are still spread around the rooms. Bucky is still worried and angry so he starts packing those things up. If Tony isn’t allowed to get them himself, he will bring them home for him. While he is at it he tries calling him another three times, but still there is no answer.   
He’s done packing Tony’s stuff so he starts packing his own. It takes even less time and he’s finished way too early. But if Tony is going he will leave tomorrow, he doesn’t care about Stark Industries one bit anymore. He understands that Tony didn’t act perfectly correct himself but Howard has no saying over Bucky. How can he deny him to stay with his friend?

He sits down on the bed with an angry huff, annoyed by how far he sinks into the soft matress and tries calling Tony once more. Still, nobody is picking up and Bucky is starting to become restless, he really needs to know that Tony is fine and what exactly is going on. He contemplates to call Jack once again, because that’s just where his mind goes, but he already annoyed him before and also he could miss a call from Tony. On top of that he’s way too angry right now to voice his thoughts like a normal person.

Almost twenty minutes later there’s a call coming in. Bucky looks at his phone and it’s an unknown number. He kinda expects it to be Howard and answers as hostile as he can.

“Hello, Barnes. What’s up with that tone?” Nobody else’s but Tony Stark’s amused voice meets him.

Bucky practically feels the load on his mind taking off and he relaxes a tad. “Tony. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s just a-ok, don’t worry. I’m calling from the heliphone. I saw you blowing up my mobile like you thought it was a dick.”

“Come on, Tony, what’s happening?” Bucky says, he clearly hasn’t the patience for him trying to make fun of the situation right now.

“I’m flying back to New York, I thought that was clear.”

“Yeah, I know, your dad didn’t make me come with.”

There’s a humm. “He wants something from you. Stay alert tomorrow.” He’s being serious and it makes Bucky feel uneasy.

“What did you do?” Bucky asks finally, with some vigor.

“I overrid the files for the arc reactor. They were doing it wrong, I left them some leads. Maybe they’ll understand if they’re smart enough.”

“Tony, that’s illegal.” Bucky is a little appalled, no matter how much he thinks they’re being treated unfairly.

“It’s not. It’s my company, too at the end of the day.”

“Yeah bu-“

“Aw, come on. Not you, too. I’ve had enough of this.” Tony interrupts him.

“Sorry.” Bucky sighs. He understands, he does.

“Also I know I am right. I built the reactor.”

Bucky’s jaw drops down to the pavement. "Come again?"

"I built the reactor."

“You did?” He breathes unbelieving.

“I can show you once you’re back.” Tony sounds real smug about it and Bucky can’t help but grin a little himself.

They spend the rest of Tony’s flight talking on the phone. Bucky isn’t tired, he’s way too worked up about everything that’s happened during the day.   
After they hang up, Bucky still doesn’t manage to shut his eyes and at seven in the morning he gives up on trying to fall asleep and takes a shower before having some breakfast to finally leave to meet with Howard. He purposefully leaves the arm in the loft this time.

He doesn’t even think about greeting the blonde receptionist today, doesn’t even care about her name anymore but goes straight up to Howard’s office and walks in without even knocking.

“Good Morning.” He says coolly.

Howard just nods and eyes him suspiciously once he sees his empty hands. “Where is your project?”

Bucky’s eyes narrow and he growls. “You’ve seen enough of it. I didn’t think it was relevant today.”

Howard’s nostrils flare once before he settles on that forced smile again. “I’d love to have your notes. You have an amazing project there. I would appreciate to operate and optimize it as a Stark product.”

Maybe a week ago he would have gone crazy about a notice like this one but right now it sounds laughable to his ears. “No. It’s my project. I want to keep it for myself a little bit longer.”

Howards smile drops and Bucky feels somewhat accomplished by it. “You’re waisting an opportunity.”

“Maybe I am. I won’t give you anything, though.”

“Are you sure? You’re making a mistake, son.”

Bucky cringes at the last word. “I think I am doing the right thing here.” He snarls but makes to shake Howard’s hand. Mrs. Barnes raised a good kid, ok?

Howard takes his outstretched hand and doesn’t try to peruade him anymore. “Since Tony had to head home earlier, the first fly I can provide for you will be tomorrow around 800.” He says brusquely.

Yeah and who’s fault is that? Bucky thinks but says, “That’s fine with me. Mr. Stark.”

He nods at him once and leaves right after that, talks to no one and doesn’t look back.

It was probably stupid not to accept Stark's offer. It will probably bite his ass for years to come. But right now, like this, he just couldn't.   
This trip didn’t go nearly the way he had planned.

 

***

 

Bucky just finished explaining everything to Nat and Clint, who have the house phone on speaker and already he feels a little calmer. At least both of them agree that Howard’s the biggest idiot they ever met. Or well, Bucky met.

“I know I said it was all right to shoot Tony, but I changed my mind we both think it’s okay for you to shoot Howard instead.” Nat tells him and it makes Bucky laugh in what feels like forever.

“I could kill him with my metal arm. It being a weapon and all.” He muses and that gives him a few chuckles.

“I’m sorry, Bucky.” Clint says and Nat makes a symathetic sound.

Bucky sighs. “It’s alright, I got some usefull notes out of it in the end, so I’ll manage.”

“Sure you will.” Nat says. “But we have to go now, Kate will be here in a few to pick us up.”

“Oh, where you going?”

“Playing darts in some bar.”

“Have fun then. See you tomorrow.”

“You, too. Take care.” Nat tells him before hanging up.

Yeah right. How the hell is Bucky supposed to have something resembling fun? He looks around and sighs.

He’s sprawled over that amazing couch in the living room but he feels hallow and can’t wait for it to be time to head back already. Bucky doesn’t even feel like exploring L.A. anymore and that’s saying something.   
He really misses Tony.

He already set up to meet him tomorrow around four in the evening, though. If everything goes by smoothly he’ll have enough time to shower and change clothes at home first. He really wants to see that reactor and also how his friend is doing. They’ve texted throughout the day and Tony seems to be doing fine but Bucky is still preoccupied. Also he stayed back for nothing really and it makes him restless and annoyed. He’s getting pissed off again so he turns on the TV to distract himself.

It doesn’t work at all. He starts pacing after a while and his phone buzzes announcing a new message coming in. Bucky is pretty sure it’s Jack, he’s been ignoring him since after their call the day before. It’s just that he’s never experienced him angry and Bucky is a little selfconscious about how furious he can get. And he kinda doesn’t want Jack’s picture of Howard Stark to crumble into dust because of him. He feels like he has a high profile of Howard like he did himself before the trip. So, well, he just doesn’t like being the one delivering bad news.

He chews on his lips but opens the text.

**Lumberjack:** Are you ignoring me? Did I do something wrong?

Ugh. Bucky feels like an ass. He calls him on the spot.

“Sorry.” He says as soon Jack answers the phone. “You didn’t do anything, you’re amazing actually.” Bucky winces, it kinda slipped but Jack giggles a little, so whatever. “Uh, it’s just. Things have been a bit messy around here lately.”

“What happened?” The residual laugh is out of his voice immediately, leaving nothing but concern. Bucky wants to roll his eyes at it, just a little.

“Uh. For one I was extremely right yesterday, Howard Stark wants to weaponize my project.”

“What?” Jack interrupts him in disdain before Bucky can add anything else.

“Yeah. At least it seems very likely at the moment. But let me start at the beginning. And I really don’t want to say I told you so but I told you so.” And he tells the whole story for the second time today, from start to finish. Jack is silent while Bucky talks only gasping from time to time or making some understanding noises or humms.

“I’m sorry. For both you and Tony.” He’s silent for some time again. “It’s amazing to hear something like that about a public figure. I never would have guessed…”

“Me neither, buddy.” Bucky agrees. “Also, if he really wants to make a weapon out of it... Even when I leave him nothing here, he’s probably smart enough to rebuild it either way, make it better even.” It leaves a bitter taste in Bucky’s mouth saying those words. Ugh. “Please, can we talk about something different? I’m losing my mind here. I have to wait until tomorrow morning before I can leave.” He sighs miserably. “What you’ve been up to?”

“I actually finished Bruce’s portrait. I’ll send it to you later.”

“Nice! I’m glad to hear that, Picasso. I’m sure it looks amazing.”

“It’s okay.” Jack allows with a small voice. Bucky huffs. “Hey, it’s Thursday. Nothing better to keep your mind distracted from Starks than a movie night, huh?”

“You know what? You’re fucking right.” Buck grins and moves to the bedroom to get his laptop out and sprawls himself over the duvet, changing location. “Wait, I’ll order something to eat first. To think about it I haven’t eaten yet.”

“The whole day?” Jack sounds so disbelieving Bucky barks a laugh.

“Yeah. It wasn’t on purpose, though.” Bucky groans stroppily.

“Food is important, babe. You can’t just forget about it.” He scolds him.

Bucky rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” He chooses to get a Cheeseburger with fries and tells Jack to wait a second while he makes the call. “So, what are we watching?” he asks once he’s back at his cellphone.

“I don’t know, your time to choose.”

Bucky thinks it over a little while turning on the laptop. “I think I’m more in the mood to just continue watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. if you don’t mind.”

“Sounds good.” Jack croons.

They watch for a little over two hours, Bucky finishes off his food and they have a nice evening, laughing and talking. Bucky manages to forget about all the impleasentries of the day but unfortunately all he thinks about now is Jack. He craves his company so badly. He wants to hear his voice in proximity, see him for real. He wants to hug him and make him laugh, see him laugh. Bucky wants to touch him.

An idea comes to him then. It crawls into his mind, unheard and unseen until it blooms and it takes over his brain. He’s staring off into nothing, the idea becoming clearer and clearer.

“You still there?” Jacks voice interrupts his flourishing thought after a while.

“Yes.” Bucky says sharply, suddenly excited. “Listen I’ve got an amazing idea!” Once it leaves his mouth he becomes aware of what he’s going to ask and a familiar weight settles in his stomach. He shuffles a little on his ass. “Maybe. I mean, I’d like to. I don’t know if you agree, though. And you don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to but-“

“Hey, calm down.” Jack laughs and Bucky realizes that he was rambling. “Just tell me.”

He takes a deep breath. All or nothing. “So, my residence over here has shortened down a few days, right? And I know you said starting next week you have to concentrate on uni stuff. But, well.” He clears his throat. “How about meeting tomorrow? I know you’ve got class until pretty late in the evening but I’ll be back in the afternoon anyway and I have to meet Tony first, too, so we could say around eight.” Bucky holds his breath, he’s way too hopefull about this.

He wishes Jack would just hurry up and say something.

“Wow.” Jack sounds overwhelmed. Bucky doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or not. He holds his breath until Jack speaks up once more. ”I would love to.”

Happiness and relief wash over Bucky like a fucking tsunami. He could cry really. He doesn’t care about his resolve right now, he’s so happy he could fucking cry. “Fuck.” He breathes. “Thank you.” Bucky doesn’t know what else to say. He accepts all this shit that happened at Stark Industries. If it lead right here, Bucky would accept about fucking everything.

“No, thank _you_. It didn’t even come to me. It’s the best idea you ever had, if I may say so.” Jack sounds happy, too and it just makes Bucky feel something in his stomach that’s too close to butterflies. But he’ll accept that, too right now.

“So it’s a deal? Eight in the evening. On the little market street in front of campus? Sounds good?”

“Yeah, amazing. There are a few pubs there, so we can get dinner fist.” Jack is smilig and it’s everything to Bucky. He tries really hard to ignore the 'first' at the end of his sentence.

With all the happiness washing away the anger he was feeling for almost a whole day he finally realizes how tired he is. He didn’t sleep past night either, so that's not surprising. He tells Jack, who seems really alarmed about his all nighter. Apparently not sleeping and not eating is a deadly sin to him, so Bucky has to endure a lecture first.

“Then stop keeping me awake and let me go to sleep now.” Bucky laughs at him stiftling a yawn.

“Uh.” He sounds dumbfounded. “Yeah, sorry.”

“Sleep well, Jack. See you tomorrow.” A fond smile spreads over Bucky’s face.

“See you tomorrow. I’m looking forward to you, babe.”

Jack’s voice is so warm. They hang up and Bucky repeats that warm sound in his head over and over while wrapping himself under the blankets and finally falling asleep feeling like he’s on cloud nine.

 

***

 

He’s looking outside of the window of the helicopter appreciating the shrinking view of Stark Industries, the building becoming smaller and smaller by the second. It’s a freeing feeling if he knows one.   
Howard tried to get his hands on Bucky’s project one last time, fruitlessly. Bucky’s got the arm still savely in his lap, doesn’t want to let go of it for whatever reason, while he’s still technically in Stark’s property.

However there isn’t that unsettling feeling in his stomach anymore.

Or well, there is a really unsettling feeling in his stomach but it’s not anger and annoyment directed at Howard, no, it’s excitement and happiness and some doubt, too. It’s all because of Jack and it’s so fucking unfair. How is Bucky supposed to not kiss him at sight? He’s pretty positive about that going to be his knee jerk reaction once he sees his face but that’s really no option. He’s getting ahead of himself.   
Not only that really, he’s completely out of it. Bucky’s alternating with scolding himself because he’s trying to get over his shitty crush and failing and being absorbed with dreamy thoughts until actually feeling a fluttering in his chest.

He kills the time in the helicopter chatting with his friends until he really needs to stop because his battery is low as fuck and he still needs to look up the arrivals of the train he needs to get. There’s no limousine and Tony this time around.

Finally they arrive at the airport and Bucky doesn’t even thank the pilot just cause he’s wearing a uniform with a Stark Industries logo and Bucky knows he’s being petty but he doesn’t care, it’s not as if they’ve exchanged a word during the flight either. He grabs his stuff being carefull about having a good grip on the metal arm and makes a run to the trainstation.

He takes a big breath, New York air. Smog, more smog and some oxygen mixed in there somewhere, that’s how it’s supposed to be. The train comes in and he’s standing in front of his and Nat’s appartment in no time.

“Ladies and Gentleman, I am back!” he shouts as he walks in, pushing the door open with one vigorous kick and throwing his keys on the counter.

“Hey, James.” Nat says, voice bored. She’s sitting on the couch reading like she does frequently not even looking up from her book once.

Bucky sits down on the backrest invading her personal space obnoxiously. “You could at least fake to be happy to see me.” He watches the corner of her mouth go up dangerously but it’s too late to act on the warning. She tugs at his shirt and he falls on top of her with a strangled noise. Bucky is just gratefull he deposited the arm on the ground beside his bags before going over to her. “You are a threat.” He tells her trying to find a comfortable position on the couch still sprawled halfway over her legs.

“You’re just stupid.” She tells him and gives him a quick peck on the cheek before resuming her book where she left off. Bucky smiles and rubs at the spot she touched with her lips, that’s her way of showing she is actually happy of seeing him again, he knows that. He swats at her book anyway until she puts it down and looks at him and his smile widens. Nat is so beautiful. He had underestimated how much he missed her face.

“Where’s Clint?” he asks. “I expected him to be here.”

“Yeah, he wanted to be but he had to take over a shift at Fury’s. Looks like they’re swamped.” She shrugs.

“You want to come with to Tony’s then? I just need to shower first, then I’m heading over. Wanna see how he’s doing. And I got to bring him some of the stuff he couldn’t pick up himself.”

“Sure, I’ll come.”

Bucky nods and stands up goes to grab his bags and the arm before turning back to Natasha once he’s almost out of the room. “Uhm.” He feels warmth crawling up his neck and he fights the blush off as best as he can. “I won’t stay too long, though, I’m supposed to meet Jack tonight." He expertedly doesn’t look into her eyes but he knows she rised an eyebrow because that’s like the one thing that ever moves on her face. He still feels her eyes on him. “You know, Ugly Naked Guy.” He murmurs ducking his head.

“Fucking finally.” She scoffs.

Bucky flips her the bird somehow without dropping any bags and heads off to grab a shower.

 

Almost an hour later they ring on Tony’s doorbell and he lets them in. Bucky will never accostum to how expensive everything looks and _is_ in there, he doesn’t even feel worthy to sit on the rug sometimes. It’s even more amazing that Howard lets his son live in here on his own considering how little he trusts or even likes him, Bucky thinks now that he knows what the man is like.

Tony’s sitting in the living room tapping away on his laptop probably working on Jarvis if Bucky could take a guess. When he turns to them Nat gives a tiny gasp and Bucky realizes she’s probably jumping to conclusions. Tony’s right eye and his nose have become a really nasty shade of blueish and Bucky, too flinches a little at the sight.

“It’s okay, Natalia, that was me.” He clarifies.

Nat looks at him in disbelief and Tony makes a few steps in their direction. “Aww, Nat, were you concerned about me?” he coons in a sweet tone. Bucky thinks he should shut his trap if he doesn’t want another shiner on his left, just to match.

“Shut up, Stark.”

“Chilly.” He says before turning to Bucky.

“I’m sorry.” He says again. The bruise looks even worse in this vicinity and Bucky does feel bad about it even if it was an accident.

“You did good.” Interrupts Nat and Tony gives her an offended look before turning back to Bucky once again. He looks at his feet.

“Nah. I deserved it for setting you up on that tip.” He sniffels once. It’s probably the nearest he’s ever come to an apology in his entire life and Bucky is stunned to be the chosen one on the receiving end.

“Hey, it’s all right.” He means it. “How you doing, though?” he lays a hand on his shoulder but Tony shrugs it off as he turns around digging up something from a shelf in the far corner of the room.

“I’m fine, Barnes. Stop motherhenning me. But come forward and look at this.” He turns around with an almost manic expression on his face and a tiny shining device in his hands.

“That the reactor?” Bucky wonders in awe.

Both he and Nat walk up to Tony and sit down on the floor next to him scrutinizing the little battery. It’s round and elegant, it holds a triangular shape in its middle and glows with a blue light making the three faces around it look slightly eerie.

“If my math is right, and it always is, this can generate three gigajoules per second.” Tony stage whispers just to do right by the atmosphere in the room.

“Tony, that’s fucking amazing this could run your houshold for fifty lifetimes!” Bucky is so amazed. How the fuck did Tony build this all by himself? He must be unchallenged like 90 precent of the day, no wonder his attitude is so nasty.

“Yeah, or something really big for fifteen minutes.”

“You got any plans?” Nat asks him and Bucky would bet it sounds weary but that could also just be projection.

“Not yet.” But there is a spark in his eyes Bucky’s never seen before.

He tells them a bit about the functions and about when he realized how it was supposed to be build but stops pretty soon when Nat orders him to shut his nerdy mouth and Bucky is really glad because his head has started fuming like half an hour ago.

 

They spend the rest of the afternoon playing videogames on Tony’s fucking huge TV that makes Bucky feel like he could jump right into it, no 3D needed, every time. They talk a lot and make fun of each other like it’s always been and Bucky is so glad Tony is actually doing well and not only putting on a façade.   
At seven thirty he excuses himself and leaves the house. Nat stays because she’s so close to finishing Tony in the game and he wishes them a nice evening before heading to the bus station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty short buuuut i'm finally giving you what you were waiting for.   
> So that's me saying sorry :)  
> See you next week!


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Denial and overthinking.

It’s not a far ride but Bucky wants to be punctual, so he prefers to take an early bus. He’s standing at the busstop when his heartrate spikes again and his body is overcome by a wave of adrenaline. He’s unpleasantly remembered of the Canterville Ghost play, even though today he feels at least somewhat put together. It’s probably because he can be sure about the meeting with Jack and maybe even stupidly so, because he knows what the other looks like this time around. This lifts the uncertainty, if only a little bit.

It doesn’t stop his hands from shaking, though. He grabs his phone, needs to get his excitement out somehow, move his fingers with purpose.

 **Lumberack:** Bruce hates me because I am not listening to the prof again but it’s so hard to concentrate on this stuff when I know I’m meeting you in only a few hours.

Bucky bites his lip to hide the smile spreading on his face.

 **You:** I am so nervous (monkey emojis)

 **You:** I put on my famous pants so u can recognize me

The bus arrives and Bucky gets in sitting down in the nearest seat. There aren’t many passengers in here so he greets the bus driver, who acts like he didn’t hear him at all. That’s a difference from Brooklyn he will never get used to. People are so unfriendly in this part of town. However, busdrivers will think of him as some crazy whackjob forever and he will continue greeting them nonetheless. It doesn’t matter that none of them answers, it’s how he’s been raised.

 **Lumberjack:** I know what you look like, dumbass.

 **You:** ups it kinda slipped my mind

 **You:** im too nervous to think straight sorry

 **You:** ill probably forget my own name (monkey emoji)

 **Lumberjack:** Bad idea

 **Lumberjack:** I don’t know that one yet

 **You:** shit

 **You:** u see

 **You:** im already turning into an airhead

 **You:** my brain isnt working

 **Lumberjack:** Just make sure you don’t shut it off completely

 **You:** i cannot promise that

 **You:** ill probably short circuit just by looking at u

 **Lumberjack:** I’m not that hot (innuendo emoji)

 **You:** says u

 **You:** also overheating s not the only way a short circuit can happen

 **Lumberjack:** Nerd

 **You:** punk

 **Lumberjack:** Jerk

Bucky gets off the bus and walks to the market street coming to a stop at the corner facing campus, between the bakery and a stationary supplies shop.

Ten minutes left.  
He takes a deep breath. He keeps looking up to the facilities, checking wether anybody is pacing towards him but the only few people walking around there are just crossing the lawn to get into the building. He sends Jack a quick text that he’s waiting for him and starts shuffling from one feet to the other.

It’s mortifying really because he can feel his heart beat in his throat and he’s afraid he’s going to sweat so hard he’ll start smelling by the time Jack will even arrive. He forces himself to calm down and tousles his hair a little. His heart seems to get the hang of it and relaxes somewhat after a while but he just can’t help the shuffeling.

When he looks up again he sees him.

A blond man is walking in his direction, havily built and taller than Bucky had imagined. He’s wearing jeans and a shirt-sweater combo that shouldn’t look so good on him but does. He carries his bag with the strap over one shoulder and scratches his nose. It’s undoubtingly Jack and Bucky’s knees feel a little weak and he panics at the momentous feeling of his legs giving out under him completely.

He’s still standing, though, when Jack closes the space between them in a few steps. He’s standing in front of Bucky and smiling at him warmly, all happiness, and Bucky smiles back just as warm.

“Hey, nice to meet you.” He says, voice so familiar but ten times better and a little smug. He stretches out a big hand. “My name is Steve. Steve Rogers.”

Bucky’s smile grows into a grin and he feels his eyes crinkling. He takes Steve hand, it’s as warm as his smile and wraps perfectly around his own.“Hello, Steve Rogers, name’s Bucky Barnes.” He intudruces himself and they shake hands, slowly. It feels almost intimate.

Then they let go of their hands and Bucky already misses the contact.

“Can I hug you?” asks Steve (Steve, _Steve_ , Bucky is so happy he could explode) and who is Bucky to say no to that. Once Bucky agreed, though, he doesn’t seem that shy anymore and tugs on his arm until Bucky falls flat against his chest. He winds his arms around him and leans against him hard, holding him tight. Bucky’s hands fly up and he hugs back, presses his hands against his shoulders. It feels so good and Steve smells so nice, Bucky never wants to let go. He’s afraid Steve can feel his heart slamming against his chest because it’s beating so loud Bucky thinks everybody in a radius of 20 meters can hear it. He allows himself to hide his face in the crook of Steve’s neck, just for a moment, just for the time being.

They let go eventually and Bucky takes a step back, somewhat awkwardly and rubbing at his neck. “I thought you were smaller.” He muses and Steve laughs a little. “I’m just used to being the tall guy.” Bucky continues.

“Sorry to disappoint.” Steve shrugs in return.

“Didn’t say it was a bad thing.” He smiles his meanest smile and something flickers up in Steve’s eyes. Or, well, that’s probably just wishfull thinking.

“I’m starving, can we go grab some food?” Steve sounds almost apologetic. “There’s this sweet American diner two blocks from here. The food there is amazing.”

“Ah, but there’s a rule, remember? You shouldn’t eat burgers on the first date, it’s disgusting.” Bucky repeats the words of his last date but turns in the direction Steve pointed to.

Steve laughs. “Wasn’t aware this was a date.”

Bucky just winks at him and they make their way to the diner walking side by side.

Steve was right. The diner is sweet. The saloon is decorated in an homage to the 80’s, the tables and chairs are made of dark wood and a lot of venyls are displayed on the walls, a slow jazz buzzing in the air. They sit down on a free table in the far back because Bucky wanted to see the old school motorcycle exhibited there.

“I’ve got one of those.” Steve says and Bucky looks at him with wide eyes.

“You serious?”

Steve half nods half shrugs. “I don’t use it much anymore. Don’t need it to get to uni. But maybe we can take a tour on it some day. Or I’ll just show you. Whatever you prefer.”

“Uh-hu, tour it is, pal!” Steve laughs again and the sound makes Bucky’s stomach flop, he’s almost used to it but it annoys him nonetheless. “Sooo... never took you for a Steve.” Bucky says then narrowing his eyes a tad.

“Fits me better than Jack.” Steve shrugs and he’s right really. “Thinking of it, what kind of name is Bucky?”

“ _Hey_ , it’s a nice name. Nickname.” He admits.

“Sure it’s nice, it’s yours. Still curious.” Steve says and Bucky opts to ignore the comment because if the latter made his stomach flop, this comment elicited an earthquake in it.

“It’s James Buchanan actually. Don’t you dare laugh.” He warns him. “Not everybody has the privilege of knowing that.” Steve puts a hand on his heart like he’s honored to his core and Bucky cracks a laugh. “I don’t even know when it became a thing but my mom said it was the only thing I reacted to when I was little.” He shrugs with one arm.

A waitress passes by then to take their order and Bucky realizes that he hasn’t even looked at the menue being so caught up in talking to Steve. He flushes a little. It doesn’t matter, though, because Steve orders what Bucky thinks must be his usual and tells the girl that Bucky will have the same. He doesn’t complain.

“Hope you like milkshake with your fries.” Steve tells him with a knowing smile and hell yeah he does.

Bucky shows Steve the photos he took of Stark Industries insides and outsides on his phone because even if the trip was shit per se he hadn’t come around on showing him the architecture yet and that’s just something different entirely. Bucky is glad he didn’t send him any pictures like he promised to do because seeing his reaction in person is a _much_  better for sure. Steve's eyes light up and become round as plates, the dark lashes bordering them beautifully. His mouth goes slack and his brow rises up to his hairline. While Steve looks through the pictures and points out some stuff Bucky knows nothing about, Bucky watches Steve.

They still come around to talk a bit about the trip in the end but before Bucky can get too worked up about the issue again the waitress brings their food and drinks. They thank her as she leaves with a smile, wishing them a good meal. It looks amazing and Bucky bites into his burger immediately moaning a little by the deliciousness hitting his tastebuds, God, he understands why Steve picked this diner. He gets a kick in the shin, though, and it kinda destroys the heavenly feeling the taste has brought with it.

“Ouch, what was that for?”

“Some manners, Bucky. It’s full house in here.” Steve lifts a hand to the other costumers. It takes Bucky some time to understand what he’s referring to and Steve has such a stern look on his face, it’s adorable really, so Buck can’t help but grin back at him cockily. They finish up their food without getting violent again but talk about everything that comes to mind. It doesn’t feel forced at all and Bucky feels so comfortable in his company it makes everything else just harder.

Two hours later they’ve long cleaned up their plates but are still sitting there talking away. Bucky is actually starting to cram his mind for every topic he can think of for them to discuss. Not cause there is no flow in their conversation but just because he really doesn’t want to leave the diner. He doesn’t want to leave Steve’s side and go home, not already, not right now after they have finally met. He doesn’t want to wait a whole month to see him again. So he draws out their chatter for as long as he can. The waitress is starting to look a little irritated in their general direction and Bucky can’t blame her but he’s selfish like that and ignores it.

“Bucky, I think they’re gonna throw us out if we don’t leave soon.” Steve says slowly almost twenty minutes later. “You wanna come to my place? We could watch a movie or something, if you wanna.” He’s blushing a little and Bucky wants to kiss him, he’s so smart.

“Fuck, you’re amazing. I was trayna make you talk about what’s possibly the best way to fold a fucking towel next, just so we didn’t have to leave.” Steve starts laughing then and it’s so amazing. It’s a full belly laugh and Bucky wants to die, Steve’s so beautiful, his breath hiches in his throat.

“So you’re taking my offer?” Steve manages once he’s done laughing, eyes shining as he looks up at him.

“I am. Told you once already, you’re stuck with me now.”

Steve smiles at him and goes to pay for the food. (No matter how hard Bucky argues with him there’s no way persuading him so he just settles on paying for both of them the next time around.) They walk back to Steve’s place in comfortable silence and bump into each other’s shoulder playfully from time to time.

Bucky follows Steve up the stairs to his dorm. It looks almost exactly like the student hall Nat and him reside in, except the walls are a different color; it’s piss yellow instead of moldy green. Bucky isn’t sure if that’s an improvement.

“How come you’re taking an apartment by yourself?”

“Eh, I don’t know. I didn’t know anyone when I came here to study and I didn’t want to have to live with a lunatic. You never know who you might end up with.” Steve shrugs. “Also I’m a cleanfreak and I wouldn’t wanna have to clean after my roomie.”

Bucky is glad he hasn’t seen his room yet. “That’s how I met Nat, though. And she’s my best friend now.” He grins sharply and almost walks into Steve as he takes a sudden halt in front of a door searching for his keys.

“Looks like you guys hit the jackpot then.”

“That’s what I tell her, too.”

Steve opens the door and it’s a little weird cause the structure of the apartment is the same as his and Nat's (and sure that’s normal in dorms) but like reverted and it’s a kinda freaky sensation. Bucky tells Steve so.

“I wanna see you walk around here in the dark then.” Steve says like it’s the best idea he’s ever had and Bucky pretty much loses it.

“You’d get charges for domestic violence. I’d bump into everything and come out of here bruised black and blue, man.”

“Should I take your hand then?” Steve offers.

Bucky flips him the bird.

Then he geniuenly starts looking around the room, Steve has decorated his walls with photos of friends and family if Bucky could take a guess and some paintings. It’s probably none of his own art if he’s actually so reserved about it, though. Bucky thinks that’s a pity, he’s so talented. The livingroom is cozy with a nice couch, some blankets and a small TV on top of an old school shelf. It looks homey. And clean. In comparison Nat’s and Bucky’s place looks like an actual student dorm, it’s like a patchwork of cheap secondhand stuff and nothing fits together or is a makeshift more than anything else. Bucky feels the fondness he has for Steve rise up once again and he pushes it down angrily. He decides to ask Steve something he’s been thinking over for some time in his head.

“Uhm, could I see your art? In person? Or is that too much to ask?” He looks back to him sheepishly and is a little surprised that Steve’s already looking at him and blinks once.

“I’d love for you to see it actually.” He sounds a little awkward himself and makes to kick of his shoes. “But please make yourself comfortable fist.”

Bucky laughs again. “You’re a mom.” he says but shrugs off his jacket and hangs it over the couch leaving his shoes back at the door.

“Here’s my study. Well, that’s what I call it but it’s just a normal room I draw in, uh.” Steve opens a door. He seems to be really nervous about this so Bucky tries to be supportive.

“Sometimes I call my bedroom a lab, so I kinda get it, don’t worry.” They both chuckle a little and walk inside the ‘study’ towards the table at the back, where some cloths are drapped over what Bucky supposes are the paintings. He never really understood why it is important to do so, but he has seen it enough on television to know that they must be under there.

Steve is still super nervous he’s fidgeting with his fingers and shifting a little on his feet. Too bad Bucky thinks it’s the most adorable thing he’s ever seen. Steve stutters a little when he starts speaking again. “So yeah, you’ve already seen them but, yeah.” He doesn’t finish much better.

When he removes the cloths, though, the paintings look something completetly different than what Bucky has already seen. Of course it’s the same subjects. He can objectively see that those are the same paintings he saw over the phone but the paint application is so much more gracefull than on screen. The dull light in the room casts shadows and creates lightning through the paint caked on the canvas with heavy strokes, Bucky has never seen anything like this. They look so alive. Steve captured the moment of his friends perfectly, Bucky expects them to move and finish the gesture. He looses himself a little in gazing over the paintings, admiration visible on his features while he explores the details.

“Steve, these are amazing.” His voice is a bit rough and maybe he’s biased but it’s just such a beautiful sight in the dim light. Even Sam’s shitty about-to-sneeze-look. He looks up to Steve and meets his eyes. “Really, they’re beautiful.” He smiles.

Steve’s ears turn a little red and he ducks his head, eyes evading Bucky’s glare. “Thanks.” He murmurs and Bucky’s smile stretches a little, Steve’s sight is a win for him really. He looks even better than the paintings, _God_ , Bucky is so weak.

“Just one to go.” He says lightheartedly to loosen up the mood a little.

“Yeah.” Steve’s voice suddenly sounds pondering and Bucky gives him a questioning look. “I. Uhm. Well, I meant to ask you, uh.” He looks back to Bucky and swallows once. “Would you… Could I draw you?”

Bucky’s face turns blank and he leans back a little in surprise. “Uh, you… actually mean that?” he points at himself, words sinking in. Suddenly it feels a little hot in the tiny room.

“Yeah. I mean, if you want to.” Steve’s scratching at his neck, voice small.

Bucky is back to feeling his heart pound in his chest like it wants to break out of it. “Uhm. No, yeah, sure. I-I’d like to.” He tries a smile but it’s wobbly he’s still too surprised and feeling everything at once. “How do you want me?”

Steve shakes his head at that. “I told you, you should be about to laugh. Since I haven’t drawn you yet I’d need to make some warmups first, though.” He respectively is back to not looking Bucky in the eye.

“Means what?”

“Well, it would be easier if you could pose for me. But I could also just use a picture.” He adds hurredly.

“Nah, it’s fine. I always wanted to try that. Thought I would get payed for it, though... but for you I'll do it for free.” He also really wants to spend as much time as possible with this guy.

“Aw, how sweet.” Steve answers sarcasticly, holding a hand to his heart as if he was touched by Bucky’s sentiment. “But really, are you sure? I’d probably need a picture for reference later on anyways.”

“It’s really fine.”

“Ok.” Steve rubs his neck once more. “Do you have time tomorrow? I’d like to get it done as soon as possible.”

“Sure. Tomorrow sounds good.” Bucky is just glad the light in the room is pretty thin because his blush hasn’t gone away completely yet. He’s also still trying really hard to calm down because that’s something. Steve drawing him. Oh God. _Steve drawing him._ He must be crazy to have agreed to it but it means so much to him and to Steve, too, probably. He’s absolutely going crazy. But happy and grateful (and also a teeny tiny bit nervous if he’s honest). He tries to play it cool, though.

In the end they wind up in front of the TV, sitting comfortably on the couch a blanket dropped over them watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. They have snacks and drinks spread around them because eating a burger with fries only a few hours ago doesn’t seem to be enough for someone as built as Steve. Bucky can’t even say anything against it, it seems pretty plausible.

It’s real nice like this. Watching the show (but in Bucky’s opinion it could be whatever, right now he’d probably enjoy Sharknado) together for the first time. Like really watching it together. It’s just a nice feeling. Hearing each other laugh or complain or just talk with one another, seeing the reaction on each others faces. It’s completely different than over phone or yet alone texting. Much more personal. There’s still some room between them on the couch but the proximity is enough.

“Babe, can you pass me the coke?” Steve asks after some time of watching and it doesn’t take long until he notices his mistake. It’s silent in the room except for the voices coming from the TV.

And, well, maybe the proximity is enough but Bucky is a greedy man and he takes his chances when they’re presented in front of him so willingly. Also he’s never above of making fun of his friends. He smiles sharklike and crashes down with the full weight of his body into Steve’s side. 

“Sure, sweetheart.” He croons taking Steve’s right arm between his own and nuzzles his shoulder. “You want me to make a sandwich for you, too?” He flutters his eyelashes at Steve a few times just for good measure.

Steve makes a rough movement with his arm as if to brush Bucky off but he doesn’t let go. “Come on.” He groans in annoyance stretching out the last word as his ears are turning pink again. “That was a reflex, don’t be a pain. That’s what I’ve been calling you for month now, don’t be so hard on me.”

Bucky winks at him. “Sorry, Jack. I know.” Steve swats at him with a scowl but Bucky laughs, removing himself to get the bottle Steve asked for. “Here you go.” He tells him and leans back on Steve’s side handing him the bottle. If he has a problem with it he’s gonna tell him, Bucky thinks when he feels his heartrate picking up _again_. Why is he like this?

Steve for one desn’t seem to care much, though. He drinks and leans back on the couch when he’s finished, wrapping one arm around Bucky’s shoulders instead of pushing him away. They stay like this for the rest of the night.

Later, Bucky is about to doze off his forehead pressed against Steve’s shoulder, which isn’t that comfortable he realizes when he hears his phone buzz in his pocket. He fishes it out lazily rubbing at his brow and reads Natashas text.

 **Nat:** You still coming home?

 **Nat:** or are you going to move in with your boyfriend already? ;)

Bucky rolls his eyes but startles slightly when he looks at the time. It’s a little past four in the morning and he rubs at his eyes in a weak attempt to feel somewhat more awake. He shifts a little on the couch and Steve starts moving as well lifting his arm from Bucky’s back. He tries not to miss the contact.

“It’s pretty late. Nat texted me.” He hides a yawn with the back of his hand. “I think I was about to fall asleep either way, I should probably head off.” He makes a gesture towards the door.

“Uh, yeah.” Steve sounds as tired as Bucky feels and his eyes widen a little when he checks on the time himself. “I didn’t even notice it was that late.”

“Me neither.” Bucky admits shrugging once.

Steve accompanies him to the door leaving the TV on, Netflix playing away happily for the empty living room.

“Told you I would keep you up all night.” Bucky grins while putting on back his leather jacket. “I always keep my promises.”

“I did forget your name once, though.” Steve grins back at him and Bucky shrugs. “When do you wanna come over tomorrow? I gotta visit Peggy in the morning but I’m free at like two... We could get lunch before I get drawing, if you want to.”

Bucky nods. “Sounds great, I’ll be here at around two then. I’ll get the food, too. Need to repay you for dinner today anyway.”

Steve agrees and gives him a little hug that lasts way too little for Bucky’s tastes and then Bucky turns to leave. Once he’s out in the cold morning air he takes a deep breath feeling lightheaded and calm. He shots Nat a text that he’s coming home now and changes Steve’s contact to his real name.

It feels good. Right, really.

Five minutes later he gets a text.

 **Steve:** It was great meeting you today, thank you for the evening.

Bucky smiles, if that feeling isn’t mutual.

 **You:** thank u

 **You:** i had fun m looking forward to tomorrow

 **Steve:** So am I (smilie emoji)

Bucky is home twenty minutes later, it isn’t really that far to Steve’s dorm, just a quick walk over campus and to the other side of the institutes. When he enters the appartment he’s carefull to be quiet, Nat probably already fell asleep immediately after sending the text. That’s how she is, she can fall sleep in every situation in a second but will wake up by the littlest noise. He changes clothes and brushes his teeth crawling under his blankets as quickly as possible. He pulls out his phone for one last time, just to tell Steve good night, because he’s used to it and because he wants to but there’s already another text waiting for him.

 **Steve:** You were right btw, those pants do make your ass look good

Bucky grins into the empty room liking the thought of Steve taking notice despite of himself.

 **You:** told u (winking emoji)

 **You:** Good Night, Steve (heart emoji)

He feels like it’s the right thing to captalize it, just this once.

 **Steve:** Good Night, Bucky (kissing emoji)

 

***

 

Steve is fucked. Steve is so royaly fucked.

He’s heading home from the retirement home Peggy resides in. It wasn’t a good day for her today, she slipped in and out of their conversations forgetting what was said about six times and suddenly went silent altogether. Then she seemed confused and started looking blankly at the wall in front of her right after. Steve left almost an hour earlier than usual because the nurses told him it was exhausting for Peggy to socialize on bad days almost a year ago. And don’t get him wrong, Peggy is always his priority on his visits, especially on bad days but today his lizard brain kinda went back on Bucky a lot.

And he feels bad about it but he just can’t stop it. It’s just that… he’s fucked. And pathetic. Because really? He is so confused.

He shouldn’t like Bucky as much as he does.

When they were just texting he could repress his feelings because, well, he’d never seen the guy and texting is something completely different than meeting someone in person and also he was pretty sure he was projecting stuff because, like Bucky, he feels alone and wants a relationhip. That’s also something he found out just when they were on the phone talking about his friend’s crisis. And it made him think. That was probably the reason he felt that way about Bucky, a projection of loneliness. He was so sure about it.

Thing is, when they met last night Bucky wasn’t different at all, he was the same guy he’s always been. Texting, calls and even on the more recent selfies. It’s all him. If Steve is honest with himself, when he'd hugged him the first time, it had overwhelmed him how much he wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss him so badly, fighting gravity felt like an easier task than resisting that. He still did, though, he still did. And to Steve, well, the urge came pretty much out of nowhere because Steve just isn’t a person to do stuff like that. He kicks a stone in frustration, groaning at nothing in particular.

And the meeting went perfectly. At least in Steve’s book. Ok, maybe for one exeption. Like, despite of his confusion, Steve is extremely happy to see Bucky again today but _what was he thinking asking him to pose for him?_  
The answer, naturally, is nothing because he was not thinking. But Bucky had laughed, and Steve objectively already knows the guy is so, _so_ gorgeous from all the selfies he received but he wasn’t prepared and Bucky laughed and seeing that too many times must have frayed Steve’s brain because he just blurted his question out without giving it much thought. And Bucky agreed and Steve is losing his shit because how is he supposed to look at him, actually study his features, without his brain hot wiring again?

However, the meeting went great, if not perfect. And Steve is pretty sure... well, the feeling in his gut just really feels extremely close to being in love. And he just can’t be, can he? He’d love to agree there but then again his heartrate already picks up just by thinking about his name. Because knowing his real name just feels like such a big thing.

It’s still wrong. He’s seen the guy once. They do not know each other for that long either. And most importantly Bucky told him he likes someone. And sure, there is a possibility that someone could be him, but it’s a slim chance all things considered.

In conclusion, Steve is fucked. And he’d really much like to push all these thoughts to the back of his mind but Bucky just keeps on resurfacing.

He arrives home and lets himself in, sitting down on the couch to relax a little. He needs to keep it together. He breathes a laugh, it feels like that's all he’s been telling himself for the past months.

After a while he gets up and cleans up the apartment a little. It’s already tidy in here but the activity always calms his nerves. A little before two o’clock he checks his reflection in the mirror and smoothes down his hair feeling pretty ridiculous while he does so. He thinks about scooping out his brushes and colors in preparation already but in that moment the bell rings. He stumbles to the door and opens up for his friend. He listens to Bucky making his way up and awkwardly fidgets with the doorknop in the meantime.

“Hey.” his voice greets him and Steve looks up with a smile, his chest tightening a tad when he takes in Bucky’s roguish appeareance and the grin plastered on his face. That grin is gonna be the death of him, he knows it, it’s breathtaking. He convinces himself that’s the artist in him speaking.

“Hey there.” Steve greets back and Bucky holds up the transparent bag that obviously withholds Chinese takeout if the smell alone is anything to go by.

“Hope you’re hungry.” He adds, hopping up the last step and coming to a halt right before Steve. His stomach growls as if in agreement and Bucky’s eyes crinkle at the sides as he chuckles at the noise. “I’ll give you the food if you let me in?” he jabs askingly after rising an eyebrow and Steve realizes he’s been to busy roaming his face to be a normal human being, so he’s standing there blocking the door.

He scambles to the side mumbling a quick sorry, finally letting the other in. Bucky shoots him a questioning look as he shuts the door a little too forcefully. “Sorry, ‘m just nervous about the drawing part later.” It’s not a complete lie and he scratches at the back of his head.

“And here I thought it was me.” Bucky purrs with half lidded eyes and Steve knows he is messing with him but it makes his throat go dry nonetheless.

“You wish.” He still teases back, because two people can play this game.

After Bucky has made himself comfortable they sit down on the couch to eat and Steve is a little impressed about how much food he actually bought. “You know it’s just us two.” He says slowly raising his eyes from the food boxes now spread on the little table in front of them.

“Okay, first of all, you eat a lot. And look at you, you need it, dude. Second, I didn’t fucking know what you like or not, so I got a little bit of everything.” He defends himself voice decreasing in volume at the end.

“Bucky. That’s Chinese takeout. I like everything.” He laughs a little at him and Bucky throws a chopstick at his face that he catches with his left hand. His counterpart looks annoyed at first but then his eyebrows rise in respect for the action and Steve laughs some more.

They take their time to eat and talk a little and Steve tries his best to not stare Bucky down for too long. He adores his company alone, don’t get him wrong, but the knowledge of having to draw him later just makes him hyper aware of his looks. At least he’s just concentrating on the guy’s face. Mostly.

“I am officially full.” Bucky claims after a while, leaning back on the couch and patting his stomach contently. “So, what do I haveta do?” he asks looking at Steve lazily.

Steve aches to draw him like this, he looks so comfortable. He thinks it over for a bit finishing off his own box. “Like I said yesterday. I’ve never drawn you so I get to warm up first. You know, get comfortable with your shapes like I did with Bruce’s, too. You can do basically whatever you want while I do that. You’d just have to change position whenever I tell you so I can get your face from a few angles. That’s all you have to do really… You don’t even need to actually pose.” He’s not imagining the soft blush creeping on Bucky’s cheeks and Steve is a little pleased Bucky is taking the thing seriously at least.

“Okay.” He nods. “And what about me laughing?” he sounds a little shaky and it’s adorable that someone as cocky as him can get jittery about a thing as simple as this.

“We’re gonna watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. later, I just need to get a shot of you in the right moment.” Steve smugly points to the camara laying beside the TV.

“Got that.” Bucky nods again before clapping his hands together. “Where to?”

Steve leads him back to his study and gets his stuff out and in place to start with the work.

Bucky awkwardly shifts around the room clutching at some book about physics Steve doesn’t understand how anyone would read voluntarly he brought with him, sensing he’d have some time to kill probably. “Can I just sit down here?” he asks finally pointing at the desk Steve displays his work on.

“Sure.” Steve allows. He really doesn’t care as long as he sees enough of his face to be able to draw it. Bucky hops on the desk and opens the book in his lap looking a bit tense. Meanwhile Steve grabs his charcoal and turns the page on his drawing pad revealing a new, untouched one. He feels a bit jittery himself but he knows once he starts drawing he’ll get in the zone fairly quickly. He’s just scared he’ll do something out of impulse again, something he’ll regret.

He hears Bucky turning a page and pushes the thought to the back of his head. Bucky looks a little more relaxed already, losing himself in the book. Steve smiles to himself, he’s so beautiful.

Now that he’s free to look his eyes immediately wander to the dip in his chin, he’d wanted to touch that since the first time he saw his face on a selfie. He lets his eyes roam over the sharp edge of his jawline up to his cheekbones. He watches his eyes move from side to side while they shoot over the lines in the book, the dark eyelashes casting a light shadow on his cheeks. Then Steve's gaze wanders over the straight line of his nose landing on his lips crooked in a devilish curve, and back to the dip on his chin. Bucky smiles softly at something he’s reading in the book, one side of his mouth moving upwards and Steve starts drawing like the action triggered him.

It feels like his hand is moving on its own. The charcoal flies over the milky paper leaving heavy strokes on the surface. Coming back to the drawn shapes to change a curve or an edge before leaving lighter strokes to add in the details. Steve looks back to Bucky from time to time, drinking in every new detail his face gives him when he scratches at his nose or furrows his brow as he needs to reread a paragraph that confused him. The lines on the paper are slowly taking shape and falling into place and Steve continues working, adding shadows and structure with smooth actions. He draws that beautiful chin and the visible stubble there and smears over the lines with his fingers to create shadows. He imagines really touching the spot and a shudder runs down his back.

He tuns the paper frantically once he’s done and asks Bucky to turn a little so he can draw his profile. He does so without even looking up from his book. The sunlight coming in from the window, draws heavy shadows over his features and highlights the countours of his face, bringing out his strong jaw and the line of his forhead, nose and lips. Steve’s breath hitches in his throat, he’s never seen anyone look so pretty. It’s like Bucky is made to be drawn. He’s already a piece of art without being captured on paper and still Steve’s fingers itch to do his best. And so he tries. He draws with determination and focus, and Bucky is so beautiful. He is.

The next time Steve looks up he startles a little because Bucky is looking back at him. His face is beet red and he looks flustered, the line of his back that was relaxed before, now contracted. “I’m happy I inspire you, but you really don’t have to keep telling me.” Bucky says hesitantly his eyes leaving Steve’s face halfway through the sentence.

“Uh?” Steve asks a little dumbfounded lowering the hand holding the pencil.

Bucky shifts a little on the table and grabs at the chain holding his dogtags running his fingers over it. “Well, you told me I’m beautiful for like the fifth time right now. I, uh, got it.”

Bucky still isn’t looking at him and Steve mimics a fish opening and closing his mouth a few times before feeling the hotness rise in his own face. Steve didn’t realize he said that out loud. He wasn’t aware he said anything out loud. _What had he said out loud?_

“I. Uh-“ He clears his throat and tries again. “I’m sorry. Just, uh, artistically you, uhm, look… aesthetically pleasing.” Steve turns an even darker shade of red feeling like a complete idiot. “I didn’t realize I was talking. Sorry.” He apologizes once more.

He sees Bucky chew at his lips and chuckle softly, still with a nervous undertone and without any humour. “Guess that’s good for your project.” He decides to look back at Steve who’s kinda standing there like he’s frozen for the last minutes.

“It’s true.” He makes himself say.

“Good.” Bucky repeats making a weak attempt on a smile.

Steve feels movement coming back to him. “Not that. I mean, that, too. But, like, you.” He makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat and then takes a step towards Bucky before stopping himself. “You are beautiful.” He repeats in a definite tone but hearing the blood rush in his veins.

Bucky’s rolls his eyes at that and but swallows visibly. “Thank you.” He says ducking his head to one side.

Steve smiles and goes back to his easel continuing on the drawing. He sees Bucky smile the tiniest bit to himsef from the corner of his eyes as well and feels a little better.

He finishes the drawing eventually and captures Bucky’s face from a three quarter angle and from a lower perspective as well. He flips over the pages once he’s done, being pretty satisfies with the results. He calls Bucky over to him if he cares about seeing the finished sketches. Bucky’s next to him in a second, discarding his book on the table with a curious spark in his eyes. Steve steps aside and leaves him to look over the drawings himself. He turns the pages so delicately like he’s being careful not to damage Steve’s works, taking his time to gaze over every line. Once he’s looked over all of them for the second time he meets Steve’s eyes again. “I look good.” He grins, but Steve can see that he’s touched.

He rolls his eyes at him anyway. “You’re unbelievable.”

Bucky bumps into his shoulder lightly. “Those look amazing, Steve.” His voice is meekly now and honest. “Thank you.”

Steve shakes his head. “No, thank you. Do you want one? I’d need most of them for reference but if you want to you can take one, you seem to like them.” He ducks his head, talking about his art isn’t a forte.

Bucky’s eyes flare up and widen. “Are you sure?” he asks in disbelieve and Steve’s back to blushing. He just nods. “Can I take this one?” he asks pointing at the one showing his profile. Steve had actually put most of the effort in that one, he just looked so gorgeous right there and he tried to get all the shadows right, immortalizing the moment.

He nods once more. “Be my guest.”

“Thank you.” Bucky repeats, smiling up at him and grabbing his shoulder before shaking it a little and putting the picture into the book, shutting it to keep the paper from wrinkling.

Eventually they go back to the couch to watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and Steve pulls out the camera. They end up making more selfies and pulling stupid faces than getting pictures of just Bucky. But he got a shot of him halfway on his way on a full belly laugh a few times so that should be enough. After a while Bucky takes a few selfies with his phone, too, explaining that it was impossible that they met the day before without even thinking about it. They end up paying more attention to each other than the show playing but neither of them seems to mind.

Around eight in the evening Bucky is practically spread all over the couch yawning every two seconds and rubbing at his eyes. “Sorry, pal. ‘M still a little fucked up from Los Angeles. You know, jetlag and all. And I didn’t sleep much tonight.” He throws Steve a dirty look, who presses a pillow softly on his head before releasing him again.

“Like that’s my fault.” He grins and Bucky manages to shrug while being pretty huddled against the armrest. Right on que Steve’s stomach growls again. Maybe Bucky was right, he does need a lot of food. “Make you a deal, you rest here while I make some dinner and you’ll feel much better afterwards.”

“Aww, that’s sweet, you’re making food for me. My servant.” Bucky grins.

“I can still change my mind.”

Bucky’s smile drops on the spot. “No. It’s a good idea, you’re the smartest, most generous, wonderful human being, Stevie. I’d be honored to follow this arrangement.”

“Where does that come from?”

“What? I know big words, you know, I’m not that stupid.”

“No, not that. Stevie.”

“Oh.” Bucky shrugs again. It’s still an impressive movement in that position to Steve. “I like nicknames.”

Steve shrugs back and stands up. “I like it.” He makes his way to the kitchen feeling Bucky’s eyes on him.

He really needs to go grocery shopping, he thinks while looking through the cupboards, finding nothing that could make an actual meal. He ends up preparing some sandwiches and cutting half a cucumber and a few carrots being careful about not leaving any charcoal on the food. Steve realizes he’s never going to have clean hands in his entire life if he continues drawing, because none of the colors budge against water and soap. He brings the plate with the food back to the living room and finds his friend actually honest to god sleeping in the same position he left him. He thinks about waking him up but stops in the movement when Bucky makes a soft sound, twitching a little in his sleep. Steve puts down the plate and goes to grab a sketchbook before sitting down on the carpet beside Bucky’s form.

He hesitates for the slightest moment before he begins to draw his face (because the hours he spent doing it didn’t seem to be enough somehow), a lot more confident about the strokes this time and still as determinated. It’s amazing how easy the lines flow to the page, almost like Bucky was his inspiration. He spends more time than before working on the creases on his forhead and the faint laughter lines around his mouth. He’s drawing the curve of his lips when Bucky stirs again but he continues sleeping and so Steve doesn’t stop dawing either. Half an hour later Steve is filling in the details feeling a little embarrassed about this at last. But what is he supposed to do? He looks so beautiful while he’s sleeping, peaceful really. And he just couldn’t resist it.

Once he hides the book again he slowly approaches Bucky and sits down at his side. He really wants to run his fingers through his hair but he stops himself once again shaking his shoulder instead. Bucky’s lids open a silver and the grey of his eyes find Steve’s face in seconds.

“Shit. Did I fall asleep?” he asks voice raspy from sleep.

Steve nods. “Didn’t wanna wake you up, but I’m getting too hungry now.”

He sits up a little. “Shit. How long was I gone?”

“Not even an hour, calm down.”

He makes a whiny noise in the back of his throat and rubs at his face. “Sorry.”

“Hey it’s alright.” Steve laughs. “Wanna watch something?”

Bucky nods. “The rescuers.” He says. Steve’s eyebrows rise. “What?”

“That was fast.”

“I like the movie.” Bucky whines again and Steve shakes his head but starts the movie at once.

It has become dark around them, the only lightsource being the TV, and Bucky barely finishes a sandwich before pushing the plate back to Steve and laying his head down on his lap. “’M still full from the takeout.” He mumbles rolling on the side.

Steve finishes the food on his own, eyes repeatedly dropping down to Bucky’s face seeing him smile at the jokes in the movie. Steve can’t help it anymore, not even halfway through the film his hand finds its way to Bucky’s hair, petting it lightly and running his fingers through it. Bucky sighs softly and Steve doesn’t think he ever wants to stop doing this.

He can feel his heart in his throat and scratches lightly at Bucky’s scalp having forgotten about the movie altogether and just regarding Bucky’s sleepy features instead. After a while Bucky turns on his back looking up at him and Steve doesn’t even startle away at being cought staring, he just continues stroking Bucky’s hair pushing the fringe up from his forhead, leaving a few hairs sticking up oddly at the sides. He looks stunning. Bucky is smiling at him contently, eyes droopy from the nice feeling of Steve’s hand and the sleepiness tugging at him.

“You’re comfortable.” He tells Steve voice low and still a little scratchy.

Steve smiles back and his other hand touches Bucky’s cheek tracing a line with two light fingers until it comes to a stop resting on Bucky’s clavicle. He feels a little before finding the chain pending on his neck. He moves the silver under his fingers. “Can I see it?” he whispers and Bucky nods almost imperceptively. He tugs at the chain easily to free it from under Bucky’s shirt before taking the tags in his hands. He brushes his thumb over the letters and numbers imprinted on the metal feeling the warm material in his hand.

Bucky’s fingers suddenly loop around his wrist moving it a bit so Steve can look into his eyes again. “They make me feel safe.” He whispers back squeezing a little at his wrist.

Steve’s hands move back to Bucky’s face on their own, letting the dogtags fall back onto his chest with a silent tinkle, cupping it between his digits. Bucky has to lean up a little on his side with the pull of Steve’s fingers. “I’m sure he’s looking after you.” Steve breathes and Bucky’s grip on his wrist losens, his hand moving up slowly over Steve’s bicep to his shoulder where he draws slow circles on the base of his neck.

Steve shudders feeling the thumb moving on his skin and finally he gives in to the urge, his knuckles trace Bucky’s jawline back over his scrubby chin until he finds that endearing dip. He presses down on the spot a little, lovingly, curling his other fingers under Bucky’s chin and lifting it slightly. He didn’t even realize that he leaned down until Bucky’s face is so, so close to his, noses almost touching. Grey pair of eyes search blue ones and they look so amazingly open, Steve could dive into them. He uses his other hand that’s still on Bucky’s cheek to run over the fine hairs of his brow before brushing over the cheekbone, just the faintest touch.

In retun Bucky’s hand finds its way up to his neck gripping into his hair before pulling Steve’s head down just as slowly, their noses now touching, sliding against each other and Steve can feel Bucky’s warm breath on his lips. Even if he can feel his heart slamming away in his chest, somehow he feels oddly calm as he leans in to close the space between them.

“Hey man, Riley is finally out!” Sam’s happy voice resounds in the silent room before a door shuts close and suddenly the boys jump away from each other like they got burned, Bucky almost falling off the couch altogether in an attempt to come into a sitting position in one abrupt movement. “Uh, did I interrupt something?” Sam asks looking from Steve to Bucky, his eyes still accustoming to the darkness. “Didn’t know you had someone over.”

Steve’s heart is now trying to escape his chest or maybe out of his mouth, he isn’t even sure, and he is extremely grateful it’s dark in the room because his face must be as red as a tomato. He takes a few seconds to breathe in and out and calm down before answering. Bucky for one seems to be doing worse than him, and he isn’t sure what to think about that because right now it’s kinda hard to think about anything at all. But he’s sure it must mean _something_. “Hey, no, it’s alright. It’s just Bucky. Come in. Stay.” He pretty much stumbles over his own words pointing at his friend on the other side of the couch.

Sam makes a few steps into the room and holds a hand up to Bucky. “Yeah, I’ve got no idea who you are, bro, sorry.” He says and Bucky takes his hand and shakes it still looking a little shocked. “Ah, no! You’re the phone guy, now I can see it! Your name’s Bucky?” he asks in a friendly tone and Bucky seems to catch up then.

“Yeah, that’s me.” He says, voice not even shaking. “You must be Sam.”

“Ah, I see my reputation exeedes me.” They both chuckle lightly and Steve finaly snaps out of it as well.

“Riley is out? From hospital?” he croaks and Sam nods enthusiastcally. “That’s fantastic news!”

“It is! He texted me, arrived home just this noon. I went to see him but he was pretty tired. So I had enough time to come over and tell you. I used the emergency keys you gave me.” He looks almost apologetic and Steve swats at him.

“Was a good call, don’t worry.”

Sam sits down on the couch between them then and tells a little about how Riley still needs to walk on crutches and see doctors every week for the next two months at least, but beside that he can restart his life like he was used to. He’ll continue uni next semester where he left off, until then he’s gonna stay at his parents’ to recover completely. He tells Steve that he invited them over in two weeks on a Sunday to eat lunch together and he accepts. Bucky is uncharacteristically quiet throughout the conversation but that could be because he doesn’t know Riley and doesn’t know what to say to any of it. They stoped the movie as Sam sat down and after recieving the good news they decide to resume it, Sam being excited about their choice. He’s a Disney-freak, too.

Steve, though, as much as he loves Disneymovies himself, just can’t concentrate on the last twenty minutes of it. Not that he’s caught much of the movie altogether but now it feels even harder to try and pay attention to it than it did before. He’s staring at the screen but looking through it, recapping the moment before Sam walked in on them. He loves Sam and he is extremely happy that Riley is out of danger and can go back to his life but a selfish part of him wishes Sam would have stayed gone or at least arrived later. If even for just a few minutes, that woud have been enough.

Because that right there, that moment he has shared with Bucky, that was going to be a kiss, wasn’t it?

They almost kissed.

He’s pretty positive about this. He worries at his lips almost releasing a broken sound but holding it in before it makes its way. Did Bucky want that to happen? He told him once he was a casual guy so maybe that meant nothing to him. Maybe he even regrets it already. Maybe it was just because he’s tired and was still sleepdrunken at the time. Steve’s mind is restless, working over question after question in his head. All he wants is to get up and press Bucky against his couch and kiss him sensless.

He should probably ask him about it later, though. Steve Rogers doesn’t back down from a fight, he will just straight out ask him. As soon as Sam isn’t around. It’s still a private matter in the end. At least he isn’t confused about his feelings anymore, just... still fucked.

When the movie ends, contrary to what Steve wished for, Bucky claims that he’s way too tired to stay any longer. He excuses himself and Steve tells him it’s alright, he understands. He did fall asleep in the evening after all. Sam says he’ll join him on his way back and is leaving with, so Steve accompanies both of them to the door. His treatorous heart skips a beat as he sees a smudge of charcoal on Bucky’s chin when he turns to open the door. Steve must have left it there accidently. He shakes himself as he waves them goodbye telling them to text him when they’ve arrived home safely and closes the door behind them.

Walking back to the living room to shut off the TV he finds Bucky forgot his book, which is still placed on the little table in front of the couch, Steve’s drawing of him bristling over the edges.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~You didn't think i'd let them kiss that early did you?~~  
>  They are such huge dorks, help them.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Bucky is really dumb.

Bucky is sitting in class trying to read the text their professor handed out to them and failing miserably to get any information stuck in his head. He’s almost finished with the text and only partly sure about it having something to do with global warming but he could be wrong. He rubs at his eyes contemplating if he should reread the article or just leave it. He decides to give up, he can’t concentrate on anything well these past weeks anyway. Bucky’s looking forward to next class, he’ll just have to fix the last details on his project, applying the few things he’d picked up being at Stark Industries two weeks ago. That will distract him, if just for a bit.

It’s been one and a half week since he has seen Steve and they have continued texting and calling every day and are still holding movie nights on thursdays, even when Steve, true to his words, hasn’t time to meet up again in the near future because last month is taboo time because of his work. As much as Bucky wants to see him again, he is kinda relieved about the same fact. He doesn’t think he’s ready to look him in the eye already.

Last time he’s seen Steve he almost kissed him. He told no one, not even Nat. He believes she’s suspicious of something, though, but he won’t tell. At least not at the moment because he still has to come to terms with it himself. Objectively speaking it’s not even such a weird thing. He’s kissed strangers and even friends before. He actually has a past with Nat and even kissed Clint on the lips once, when he was drunk and he’s had more one night stands than he remembers. But those times never meant anything. And this time around, the standard rule doesn’t apply. Their lips didn’t even touch and it meant more than any other escapade he had before ever has.

He’s tried to get over Steve for fucks sake and all he’s managed is falling deeper.

He knows he was the one anticipating it and he was also the one dragging Steve down. Steve was just coming along for the ride. And it would be all right if Bucky wasn’t head over heels for him. He feels like an ass _and_ an idiot because just the imagination of having to look Steve in the eyes and knowing that he didn’t even think about what happened twice makes his stomach knot together uncomfortably. At least they haven’t talked about it and Bucky is good at acting like everything’s just fine. He just has to get a grip, nothing easier than that.

The worst thing is that he can’t help but imagining how it would have turned out if Sam hadn’t interrupted. He could have at least had one night with Steve, maybe. But a kiss for sure, which would have been enough. Now he just has this half assed fling that will haunt him forever. He hates Sam a litte, even when he really doesn’t because the guy is charming and funny and an amazing friend to Steve. He just really got him on the wrong foot there.

He knows it’s wrong. He knows Steve doesn’t feel the same. And still, all he wants is to run up to Steve’s appartment and press him against that couch of his and kiss him sensless instead of just thinking about it. He sighs and tries to listen to the discussion that has started in the auditorium to ban all thoughts of wonderful, plush lips.

He has some time to kill before his next class starts, like always, so he turns to get some coffe in the cafeteria with Wanda. They invited T’Challa, too but he told them he had to go to the library and study for his finals. Wanda Maximoff is a sweet girl, a little younger than Bucky, who majors in IT. She’s pretty popular because of her brother Pietro, who is a racer in nationals and wins a lot of medals. Bucky doesn’t know much about him because he isn’t too interested in sports but he knows enough from rumors and stories his sister has told him in class. He still believes she’s much more badass than him, gold medals or not. They met on the second week of the semester when Bucky came in pretty late and there were so many students in the hall the only free place was next to hers. They hit it off pretty well, but aren’t really that tight. They do like to spend time together casually from time to time, though. Most Wednesdays they get coffe together when they both have to wait for their next classes. So now they’re heading to the cafeteria when they come to a halt in front of the door.

“What the?” Bucky caws turning the ‘out of order’ sign dangling at the door around in his hand.

“Think that’s legit?” Wanda asks right back. “Maybe some nerd just tried to pull a prank.”

Bucky shrugs and she shoves him to the side to open the door but as soon as she’s opened it, an angry male voice shouts at her and she slams it shut again.

“O-kay. Looks like it’s legit.” She says slowly turning to Bucky with wide eyes who laughs a little at her.

“What now?”

“Hm. I heard the pretzels at the language and arts facilities are the best. We could head over there, it’s not that far a walk.”

Bucky shrugs and so they go, Wanda leading the way. She obviously went there already and Bucky is glad about it because he would have gone lost without her for sure. You’d think if you go to university for almost two years you’d know where to find everything but no, at least not in Bucky’s case.

The façade of the building looks a lot nicer than any of their own facilites. Here everything has colors and does actually look friendly, Bucky is impressed and tells Wanda.

She chuckles. “It’s because tech people have no imagination.” She explains to Bucky wisely who cracks a laugh and puts an arm around her as they walk in.

They make their way to the cafeteria and Bucky is still caught by how much more welcoming this place looks and cranes his neck while walking through the corridors.

“You look like an idiot.” Wanda informs him sounding a lot like Nat.

He squeezes her lightly against his side and grins down to her. “And you’re the one walking around with said idiot.”

“Touché.” She agrees opening the door to the cafeteria and they queue in in the line. It even smells better in here than what Bucky is used to, damn, he’s gonna try that pretzel, fucking watch him.

Suddenly there is a hand on his shoulder that’s way too big to be Wanda’s and he whips his head around and is confronted with no one else than Steve Rogers.

Of course. His life hates him sometimes.

“Hey there.” He says in greeting, his voice always so warm, and prompts his hand from Bucky’s shoulder.

“Hey, Steve.” Bucky answers his lips slowly pulling up to a grin. He was not expecting this, he can not deal with this, abort mission, abort mission. He drops his own arm from around Wanda a little frenzied and makes a step to the side so they can reguard each other. “Steve, Wanda. Wanda, Steve.” He introduces them hand moving back and forth between them awkwardly. They shake hands.

“What are you doing here?” Bucky asks Steve because he needs to run his mouth right now or he’s gonna explode.

Steve laughs at him. “What am I doing here? Dude, this is the faculty I’m always in. _Art_ , remember?” he shakes his head a little in exasperation and now Bucky wants to agree with Wanda, he is actually an idiot.

It’s weird though, because he feels a little relieved that he had banned Steve-thoughts out of his head, if even for a while, when he was so obviously doing something that could reguard him. On the other hand he’s also embarrassed becaused it is still Steve we’re talking about here. “Uh. Yeah.” He states eloquently and now even Wanda laughs. “Our cafeteria is out of order. Didn’t even know a cafeteria could be out of order.” He recovers on his own.

“And here I thought you came to see me.” Steve replies pouting a little and Bucky rolls his eyes.

“I obvoulsy didn’t even think of you, or I wouldn’t have asked why you’d be here.”

“Okay, that’s low.” He laughs but Bucky just shrugs and turns to the lady at the counter who’s waiting to take their order. He pays for Wanda, too, and they follow Steve to a table next to the huge window at the side of the room where some people, probably his friends, are already sitting down chatting away happily.

“Guys, that’s Bucky and Wanda.” Steve announces their arrival before sitting down. Bucky mimics the movement and Wanda slips down next to him.

“Hey, man.” Sam greets him and Bucky bumpes his outstretched fist. He takes back everything mean he’s ever thought about the guy, he’s amazing.

Normally, Bucky is good with strangers but right now he feels so awkward. It’s just everything that’s happened with Steve and these are his friends and... he needs to chill.

Next to him, Wanda doesn’t seem to have the same problem, she is already deep into conversation with a beautiful brown haired girl with a heart shaped face and painted lips.

“How come this place is so fancy, though? Any of you ever been to the technic facilities?” he asks the group to break the ice and being honest to god curious.

The girl sitting next to the one talking to Wanda laughs bitterly. “I have been. Last semester I had a lot of classes over there and you’re right. This place is much brighter.”

“Yeah, it’s unfair. I’m gonna paint the halls myself when I go back.” Bucky murmurs thinking back at the ugly walls at his usual place.

This time he earns a laugh from most of them, the voice of the tall, buff blond sitting next to Steve booming over all the others. Bucky vaguely remembers having seen him in a photo or something.

“I could help.” Steve announces propping his chin on one hand.

“Yeah sure, so the credit goes to you artsy people again. I don’t think so.”

“Yeah, Steve. You don’t have to take the credit for everything. Dude.” Sam says shaking his head.

“Also, it would be vandalism.” Adds the girl who spoke to Bucky first.

Wanda leans to him and stage whispers. “I’d be in.” and they laugh again.

They spend a good part of an hour talking crossways with each other and Bucky begins to feel comfortable with them pretty easily in the end. They’re all nice people and he’s glad Steve has such a nice environment. He even learns Thor’s, Jane’s and Darcy’s name respectively throughout the time spend here.

Shortly before he and Wanda have to head back Steve nudges his feet under the table and he looks up. “Uhm, remember when you were over last time.” He asks him a little sheepishly and Bucky is aware that no one is listening to the two of them but he feels all eyes on him anyway and his mouth goes dry.

“Sure.” He nods slowly, how is he even supposed to forget?

Steve runs his tounge over his lips once before continuing and it’s torture. “You forgot your book. And the sketch.” He says finally and Bucky feels relief washing over him and his muscles relax, he barely represses a sigh. “I meant to tell you before but I kinda forgot.” Steve continues scratching at the back of his neck.

“Oh, I didn’t even realize.” Bucky answers truthfully and, wow, he’s such an idiot. “How did I forget? I really want that picture.” He furrows his brow adding some vigor to his words.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get both back.” He laughs and Bucky smiles back.

When Wanda and he are on their way back to their own facility Bucky’s phone buzzes and he views the messages curiously.

**Stevie:** Can I call you later?

**Stevie:** We need to talk

Bucky freezes in his movements for a second before covering up and following Wanda back inside the ugly grey building like nothing happened. His heart is pumping in his chest. Did he do something wrong? He was finally calming down again and now this, shit. Everything seemed fine in the cafeteria. He says goodbye to Wanda distractedly as she turns into another direction working up the nerves to answer the text when a new one comes in.

**Steve:** Sorry, that sounded bad

**Stevie:** It’s nothing bad

**Stevie:** Just need to ask some things

Bucky does not feel assured at all. He answers anyways.

**You:** sure call whenever u want pal

He enters the lecture hall and for once he’s glad Tony isn’t coming because holding up his happy-go-lucky demeanour would be too hard a task right now.

 

***

 

Bucky’s now in his room curled into a ball arms around his legs, chin propped on his knees. He’s been sitting like this for ten minutes now and it’s unfair because he just wants to not feel like this. How are there people who feel happy when they’re in love? Even when it’s unrequited, he’s heard of them. People always make love out to be such a nice feeling. And he’s not saying that he is, in love that is, because he isn’t. He just has a crush. A huge crush, but a crush still and nothing more and he will not get heartbroken over this.

It still feels like shit.

He spreads his toes and sighs miserably into the empty room. He’s done some thinking and Steve is either gonna tell him that the almost kiss they shared meant nothing to him or that he doesn’t want to see Bucky ever again, that’s what it comes down to. And Bucky doesn’t want him to say either. He really much hopes he is just assuming the worst without any prove like he loves doing from time to time.

He jolts when his phone finally rings and he sees Steve’s name flash on the screen. He whines shortly in the back of his throat before taking the call.

“Heyo, Stevie.” He says in a cheery tone he does absolutely not feel and starts to worry at his lip the next second.

“Hi.” Steve clears his throat. “Sorry I’m being so awkward to ask like this but I meant to talk to you for the past weeks now and I never got to it. So this was the only way to make myself talk about it.” He chuckles nervously and each sound is like a nail in Bucky’s coffin.

“Go ahead then.” He makes himself say but it sounds like a croak.

“Yeah. Sorry.” Steve is so nervous and it would be cute but right now it just isn’t. “So, on Saturday. Before Sam came in, you know? Were you, uhm, were you gonna kiss me?”

He just fucking drives it home and asks it straight out, what is wrong with the guy?

Bucky feels some things all at once that make him stop for a second. First of all it’s a fucking shock because who the heck asks something like that and then over the phone of all things? Also, and Bucky is known for being petty but, well, he’s pretty offended. Because really? Yeah, sure, he was about to do it but it’s not like Steve wasn’t gonna kiss back. He did not impose himself on Steve. And just ‘cause he regrets that it almost happened, doesn’t mean he has to blame everything on Bucky! But mostly he’s just glad Steve opened the conversation with a question because like this he can just fucking lie and save himself from words that will hurt him instead.

So he does what he does best and lies through his teeth.

“Yeah.” He confesses and hurries to go on before Steve can say a word. “But you know, I was tired and the atmosphere was what it was and you’re hot and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have, I know, is a habit probably.” He hates the words coming from his mouth but to save his friendship with Steve he’d say much worse things.

“Oh. Okay.” Steve’s voice is so measured Bucky doesn’t know what to do with it. “Good. Uhm, I just thought, you told me you liked someone and I just wanted to make sure, you know…” he trails off and Bucky’s stomach sinks to his fucking feet. To his ass, considered the position he is in really.

He swallows, this is bad. He can not know. Bucky tries not to think about the fact that he _assumed_ , though, for almost two weeks. Bucky wants to drop dead or melt through the floor or maybe just spontaneously combust into flames, he isn’t picky. He forces a short laugh instead. “No, don’t worry.” His mind is racing for something plausible. He needs to save this situation _right now_. “I can tell you who it is I like. You just had to ask. Uhm, it’s…” he’s stalling while his brain is working miles per hour. “It’s Tony. And I was just coming from that trip with him and I realized once again that I have zero chances with him. You know, guy’s straight and totally sweet on a friend of his…” Bucky wants to either start crying or laughing because this is so absurt. Of course he loves Tony, but not like this, never like this. A relationship with Tony Stark, oh god, not in a billion years. But it makes a good cover story he guesses, so he deals.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” There is sympathy in Steve’s voice and Bucky feels a little bad about it but it’s still better than the alternative. “Whenever you need to talk you can come to me, you know that, right?” Steve Rogers is a fucking angel and Bucky is going to hell.

“Yeah, thanks, pal, I know.” He sighs. “So yeah, I shouldn’t have tried kissing you, it was wrong. I’m sorry.” At least that’s the truth. At least most of it. Everything in him kinda wants to try again.

“Hey, it’s okay. I mean, yeah, maybe you shouldn’t have considered the circumstands but I didn’t mind, I mean, I was gonna-“ He makes a frustrated noise. “It’s alright.” He finishes.

“Mhm, I’m just tryna get over him, you know.” He’s not talking about Tony anymore but it helps backing up the story. He should shut his dirty mouth.

Steve just humms and Bucky doesn’t know what to do with that either.

“Sorry I made such a fuss about it.” Steve says finally.

“No, it’s alright I understand. Sorry. We should just forget about it.” Except he doesn’t want to. And probably can’t, even if he tried.

“Stop saying you’re sorry.”

“Sorry.” Bucky grins and he thinks Steve can hear it in his voice. “So, you’re ever gonna hang out with me again?”

“Hell yeah!”

“Good.” Bucky feels his eyes crinkle at the sides when he smiles, being happy he did in fact not lose his friend over a stupid almost kiss.

“Wanna come to drama class with me next Wednesday? Thor made the proposition to be honest. He remembered you from when I talked about you at the Canterville Ghost play. And you haven’t seen what I do there yet, so, if you want to you could come along and help.”

Bucky’s grins widens. “I’d love to.”

“Great, then it’s a deal.”

 

***

 

“James. If you don’t get out of there in three seconds I will personaly knock down this door or so help me.”

“Calm down, Nat. We need to leave in like half an hour you don’t need that long in the bathroom, you look stunning either way.”

“I know, but I have to pee.” Her growl sounds murderous through the door and Bucky knows better than to push his luck. He wastes another quick look into the mirrow before scrambling and rushing through the door. “Thanks!” He hears Natasha say before the door slams shut behind her.

Bucky takes his phone from the charger and sits down in the living room with a bowl of cheerios. It’s Saturday and the both of them have plans to meet with Clint in the park, no ping pong match this time, but just to laze around in the grass.

**You:** u got any plans today

**Stevie:** Why, you hitting me up? (winking emoji)

**You:** m trying since day one

**You:** honestly tho

**Stevie:** Nah, have to continue on my term paper and maybe make progress on your ugly mug

**You:** show me the results

**Stevie:** You know I won’t until it’s done

**Stevie:** I’m going back to work now

**Stevie:** How about you? Any plans?

**You:** just nat and clint

**You:** good luck on ur work

Bucky knows Steve isn’t gonna answer until way later anymore and that’s fine, he didn’t expect much, just wanted to hear something. The last days they haven’t talked over the phone anymore because Steve is so caught up in his work and it would be a good thing for Bucky’s mission to get over his enormously small crush but he’s weak and craves for any little interaction he can get. He’s trying, though.

On other news he still didn’t get his picture back either. Or his book. Because, as already mentioned, they haven’t seen each other since the cafeteria incident because of Steve’s time schedule. And Bucky really needs that picture because they shared an intimate moment then, no matter how awkward it got. And even when he’s still a little squirmish about it all together, he really does look beautiful on that sketch and Bucky likes to tell himself that that’s how Steve sees him. He did say so, at least…

Suddenly there is a hand in his field of vision and he focuses on it. Nat is waving about with her hand in front of Bucky’s face and he swats her hand away. “What?” he asks a little harshly.

“You’re staring off. Again. Are you sure there’s nothing you need to tell me?” She’s been nagging him since two whole weeks now and Bucky understands, he does, because they tell each other everything and he gave her nothing. He would do the same if their places where switched. Still, he couldn’t make himself confess the almost kiss yet. It is something he shares with Steve alone, like a secret, Bucky is sure not even Sam knew what was really about to happen at the time. Maybe now he does, Bucky is equally sure that Steve told him the next day. But if Bucky says it out loud it’s something in the past, something he can’t reach anymore. He comes to the realization that that’s actually something he should want to happen, how should he get over Steve if he doesn’t allow himself to process things?

He sighs and rolls his head to the side before pinching his nose between the eyes. He hates that he’s calling it “getting over Steve” when there was never anything going on between them anyway. It just makes thing harder. Maybe he should just refer to it as ‘uncrushing’. Yeah that’s it.

However, he wasn’t ready to talk about it. Until now. He realizes he really should.

“We still got some time?” he asks Nat dropping his hand and opening one eye.

Natasha purses her lips and sits down next to him. “You got 15 minutes.”

Bucky nods. “Okay.” He straightens his back. “You know when I went back to Steve’s on Saturday for his art project?” He makes a pause and Nat shifts her head a little that means she does remember it. “We kinda sort of possibly almost kissed.” He says the last part as fast as he can scrunching his face into a grimace.

He waits for Nat to say something, laugh at him maybe or kick him, just for any reaction really. She doesn’t even bat an eye. He opens his arms in a wide gesture. After some moments of silence she finally rolls her eyes. “Where’s the problem? Do it properly the next time if it bothers you so much.”

Bucky groans. “Come on, Nat.” Another harsh movement with his hands. “It’s a really huge problem. He didn’t want to. We talked about it.” He’s a little peeved, she was supposed to make him feel better.

Unexpectedly, both her eyebrows rise a little, though, like she wasn’t expecting this turn of events. “Are you sure you got that right, Barnes?”

“Yes. Very.”

They stare into each others eyes for a while before Nat seems satisfies and something like sympathy spreads over her features. “I’m sorry.” She says and lays a hand on Bucky’s knee.

He shrugs not wanting to be pitied. “Can’t change that. I bullshitted my way through it, though. Because he knows I like someone and given what happened he started suspecting it was him and Bucky Barnes does not let go of his last shred of dignity as easy as that so I told him some crap about having a crush on Tony.” He ducks his head and they lock eyes again. “On Tony.” He scoffs repeating his words.

She sounds and looks incredulous. “You call that keeping your dignity?”

“Eh.” They both laugh. “I am so fucked.” He falls back into the cushions of the couch.

“You are.” Nat responds clapping his knee once before rising. “We need to go now.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.” He takes her outstretched hand and they leave to meet with Clint.

 

There are a lot of people in the park and Clint, having been there a little earlier than Bucky and Nat, has found a small square of sunkissed grass where he displayed a picknick spread before laying down on it and taking over most of it with his lanky limps. Bucky, naturally, sits down on his stomach as way of greeting.

“Ugff. Bucky, get off me.” His voice comes out a little strangled, good.

“Aw, you like it.”

“I most definitely do not.” He croaks rolling over so Bucky dropps on his ass.

“Why am I friends with you two?” Nat sighs exasperatedly but elegantly slips into a crosslegged position next to Clint’s head and leans down to kiss him on his forhead.

“Because you love us.” Croons Bucky.

“She loves me better.” Comes Clint’s statement, fast as lightning, when he props himself on his elbows. He reminds Bucky of a happy puppy like this.

“Tell yourself that.” Bucky and Nat answer with one voice. Clint looks so appalled Bucky has to laugh at him, just a little. They both know Nat doesn’t mean it.

“You’ve got your Steve know, leave my girlfriend alone.”

Bucky makes to answer that he wasn’t the only one talking there but Nat is faster.

“He likes Tony now.”

Clint’s eyes widen in horror and shock. “What the hell? Really? Are you for real?” his voice is like six octaves higher than ususal, it sounds amazing.

“Yeah he’s my one and only.” Bucky says flatly but can’t hide a grin. “We got together in Los Angeles. Had some steamy nights.”

His friend takes a while to look between him and Nat, that horrified look still on his face. “Okay, you’re shitting me.”

Bucky finally lies down next to him scratching at his stomach under the shirt. “Yeah, no. I had to tell Steve, though…” he doesn’t care to clarify and thinks Nat will handle that for him later. Clint’s smart enough to get the gist of it on his own.

He starts laughing then, though, like actually losing his shit laughing. When he’s calmed down a bit he wipes a tear from his eye before turning back to Bucky. “You need to tell Tony.” A stupidly large grin is plastered on his face.

Bucky rises an eyebrow, he’s suddenly alert, as if his spider-senses had been tingling. “Is this a dare? You say he’s gonna react badly?”

He sees Nat shake her head in aggravation but his eyes are fixed on Clint who narrows his eyes. “What if it is?”

“Bet money on it.” Bucky’s voice is silky and persuasive. Clint is gonna take the bait.

He does.

“Twenty bucks he laughs at you and makes a big show out of it when he sees you.”

“Twenty bucks he doesn’t care and still makes a big show out of it when he sees me.”

“Deal.”

“Deal.”

They shake hands and give the money to Nat who looks like she’s pitying Clint a little, she knows Bucky knows Tony better than anyone. Except for Bruce maybe. But he would fight a comment like that, too.

“Here I go.” Bucky announces and pulls out his phone.

**You:** i told steve i have a crush on u so he doesn’t know its actually him

He shows the text to Nat and Clint respectively so they won’t call him on cheating and sure enough a message comes in a few moments later.

**Crazy Scientist:** ok

**Crazy Scientist:** always knew u had the hots for me barnes  <3

Bucky shoots a victorious smirk at Clint before showing him the answer. “That’s not clear enough, ask him.”

“Seriously?”

“Back me up here, Natasha, you’re the referee.” Clint whines.

Nat steals the phone and thinks about it. “Ask him, Barnes.” He gives Bucky the phone back who does, muttering something about her being biased under his breath.

**Crazy Scientist:** not as long as I dont have to kiss you to prove a point or something

“You see?” Bucky chimes in while texting his friend that, no, he won’t have to do such thing. Ew, thank you. “I was right. He doesn’t care. Give me the money.”

Clint grabs for the phone once more to stare at the texts opening and closing his mouth a few times without saying nothing but Nat hands him the money over his head. “Sorry, bro.” Bucky croons sniffing at the bills in his hand and leaning against his friend’s shoulder who finally gets a grip of himself and lets the phone fall into Bucky’s lap again.

“I almost had you.” He says defiantly.

“Sure you did.” Natasha reassures him stroking his hair a few times. Bucky just makes a show of putting away the prize into his wallet.

They spend the rest of the afternoon changing positions on the blanket, eating out of the lunchpacket Nat made this morning and playing cards. They even get some icecream from the crazy Italian man who’s only to be found around here with his little truck in the summer. It’s warm outside with the sun shining down and a fresh breeze whirling over them from time to time. Bucky really missed this, just the three of them having a good time. He’s even starting to get used to Nat and Clint being affectionate with each other ever so often without feeling the pang of jealousy in his chest and enjoys the day.

And still, he can’t help to wish for Steve to be there with them, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a little longer ! Real life is being hard on me but i'll do my best :)


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody loves piggyback rides!

Before Bucky knows it it’s Wednesday in the late noon and he’s waiting in the middle of campus on a bench for Steve to pick him up because he hasn’t remembered the way to the language and arts facilities. Steve had laughed at him but Bucky didn’t mind, he’s not good with directions, he can own that, he mostly just catalogues the escape routs in his head.

He’s in a relatively bad mood since he’s gotten extra homework this morning because, again, he hadn’t read the assigned text. This time the professor noticed, though. Then neither Wanda nor T’Challa had time to spend the break together so Bucky had actually started on his work only to stop in the mids of it to run to his project class arriving almost fifteen minutes late. The rest of class he had to endure Tony’s stupid comments and way off line flirtations. He was pretty obnoxious to be honest. And Bucky had expected that but it peeved him a lot more than he had assumed.

Maybe because it reminded him how far of reach Steve Rogers is to him... or just of how much of a shitty person he is.   
Who knows?  
Probably both.

Well, at least Tony had fun with it.

He tries really hard to look forward to drama class, because really, it’s pretty great and he adores theatre. When he was small he always wanted to be an actor and joined a drama class himself in high school, but then he put it aside in college to have more time to study. Not that he always did, study for that matter, but that had been the point. On top of that he would see Kate again, who he hadn’t spoken to in a while yet.

And Steve of course, but does he really have to mention that? He’s also pretty curious to know what Steve does there exactly, he’s guessing props, since that’s the only thing he hadn’t crossed out on the Canterville Ghost play, but you never know.

The buckle of his backpack almost snaps as he tugs at it a little too hard. He’d been twirling at it absentmindedly in his hands but snaps out of it with the last movement. Oops. Taking a closer look though, everything seems fine. When he looks up again suddenly there is Steve with his eyes, too, on his backpack a quizzical look on his face. “Did you break it?” He asks and Bucky grins a little, Steve’s really observant.

“Nah, you creep. Don’t know what you saw from afar but my hand just kinda slipped.” He squints a little against the sun and gets up, making a step towards his friend.

“You’re an ass.” Steve grins back and shoves him probably a little harder than he intended because Bucky almost flies back onto the bench and starts laughing hystericaly while Steve makes a fuss out of it touching at his arms and back repeatedly asking if he’s okay.

Bucky tries to swat him away. “I am fine. I am fine.” He gasps over and over between hickups. Steve catches his flying hands at the wrists to stop them in their movements and turns him towards him so he can reguard him better and see if he really is fine. Because, obviously, he’s too dense to understand it just by his friend’s assuring words and the occurrence that he’s actually laughing at the accident. “You don’t have your strength under control, do you?” Bucky jabs still having a hard time breathing. “Really, it’s okay, you just startled me.” He finishes once he has calmed down enough, turning his maniac laughter down to a dopey grin.

The moment he focuses on Steve’s face his breath catches in his throat once more, he’s looking down on him with such a fond expression, a little concern mixed in there, Bucky doesn’t know what to do with it. He’s suddenly aware that Steve has a grip on both his arms and is standing really close and it would be so, so easy to just lean in and kiss him. Unintentionally, his eyes drop down to Steve’s lips, just for the merest momet and then he makes himself shake out off his grip. He grabs his bag instead of pulling Steve closer. “Where to?”

The other seems to shake himself for a second before pointing over his shoulder with his thumb. “You sure I didn’t hurt you?” he asks unsurely on their way to the faculty.

“Very. Like I said, you just startled me.”

“Okay. I’m still sorry, though.”

Bucky rolls his eyes and takes a start. Then he determinately tackles Steve on the side sending him stumbling for a few meters. He grins, pleased with the distance he managed to move someone as heavy as Steve, while the other one laughs quietly. It’s nice.

The rest of the way is treated more like a battlefield and once Steve is actually trying to send Bucky flying he really has to watch out because the guy is a tank and managed to make him drop down on the lawn twice already. He’s never gonna get those grass stains out of his pants. The only way to not land on his ass again, is trying to straightout avoid Steve’s attacks and he is doing quite well with his evasion maneuvres when Steve surprises him.

It was his turn to get his revenge on Steve when the other decides he doesn’t need any rules or fairplay and straightout runs to assault Bucky for a second time in a row. So Bucky has to improvise. Before Steve’s shoulder touches his side he jumps into the air and leaches at Steve, holding on to dear life. He has his arms around the other's neck and his legs looped around his stomach, he fucking won! “Ha! Gotcha! What you gonna do now, Steeebeeee?” he chants, that’s what Steve gets for playing dirty.

“You really think that was a good idea?” Bucky is a little scared by this tone of voice and strengthens the grip on his friend’s torso. The next thing he knows, Steve is fucking running, fast, giving Bucky the most frightening piggypack ride ever whitnessed on this entire planet.

“No, no, no, nononononono!” Bucky whines pressing his eyes shut and hiding his face in the back of Steve’s neck. “Let me down, please! Pleaase!” He screams but he is also laughing and so is Steve.

The moron doesn’t even slow down, tough, he just runs up the few stairs to the entry of the faculty and jumps in spurting through the corridors. Bucky is vaguely impressed by how much Steve can carry but is a little more occupied with the mission to not fall off this horrible ride to give it further thought.

They must look like two fucking lunatics. One laughing and running, the other laughing and screaming while trying to not fall off. They probably look more like twelve year olds than people in their twenties but none of them seems to mind. Bucky is close to tears when Steve finally, finally, blessed be Virgin Mary, comes to a stop.

“Steve. Let me down, please. Come on.” He still feels Steve's shoulders shake under him while he laughs and Bucky just presses his nose deeper into the curve of his neck. “Please.” He whines in a really undignifying high pitched tone.

“Steve, is that you, my friend?” Bucky dares to open one eye and sees Thor, coming out of what looks like a broom closet from the outside. He’s curious to how Steve is gonna react to this. He sure as hell isn’t embarrassed, his friends have caught him doing worse. Also, as much as he wanted to get off of Steve’s back a moment before, now that they’re standing still, he doesn’t really mind feeling Steve’s body under his own. Sue him. He hangs on for a little bit longer.

Steve readjusts Bucky’s position on his back and makes a noncommitting noise in the back of his throat. “Yeah, hi, Thor.” He catches himself easily grinning back at the Norwegian. Good, he doesn’t seem to be ashamed either. “I won.” He declares instead.

Bucky hits him on the arm. “What the hell, no you didn’t. I win. Obviously. I’m on top of you.”

“Yeah, because you were totally the one in charge right now when you pleaded for me to let you down.”

Bucky pouts. “Yes.”

“Moron.” Steve just lets go of his legs without further notice and Bucky almost falls down on his ass for the third time this day but manages to get on his feet in the last moment, awkwardly grabbing at Steve’s jacket.

Thor seems amused when he greets Bucky at last, too. “Almost forgot you were coming today.”

“Yeah, I gotta check out what you guys do here, right? Kinda missed it on the Canterville Ghost play.” He ducks his head at the last sentence, still feeling a little stupid about it. Thor shares a quick look with Steve and Bucky doesn’t even try to understand what that’s about.

“I’m gonna look what they need today. If you want to show your guest around therewhile, feel free to do so.” Thor says to Steve smiling before he leaves in the direction of the stage and Bucky thinks he must be the friendliest guy he’s ever met, including Steve.

“So, _are_ you gonna show me around?” Bucky grins leaning into Steve’s personal space.

“Come with me.” The other says walking into the room Thor just came from. And Bucky must have been right, the both of them do the props. The room is filled with cardboards and stage settings, loads of manufacting tools spread around the room. He can even see a small buzzsaw in the corner in the back.

Bucky looks around the room before turning back to Steve but his words catch in his throat and his jaw almost drops to the floor. The guy is killing him. He lost the light jacket he was wearing (and honestly, he was probably feeling hot from all the running so Bucky can’t even blame him) but under that he’s just wearing one of his really too-tight shirts. Bucky only ever saw these in the selfies he got from his workout but he didn’t think he would wear them regularly in his normal day to day life. Steve must be crazy. Does he know those stick to him like fucking bodypaint? Is he just too poor to buy new clothes? How many people suffer from heart palpitations because of this? Steve can’t honestly believe these are his right size, can he? Also he doesn’t strike Bucky as someone who would display his physique on purpose like that, but than again Bucky could be wrong. It doesn’t even matter much at the moment because his eyes are pretty much glued to his back and, well, Bucky forgets to think for a second.

Still, he’s pretty intrigued and kinda wants to ask Steve about it but than again he would admit onto staring and he can’t make himself do that. He roams over this exquisite sight one last time before pulling himself together. “So, you the props and scenery guy? Together with Thor I assume?”

Steve turns around. “Exactly. 100 Points for Gryffindor.”

“Figured it out a little late.” Bucky drops his eyes to the ground smiling self-deprecatingly.

“Hey, come on, Buck.”

“Sorry.” Bucky sighs screwing up his face. He has a hard time forgiving himself for that. “I like it, though. Buck. Sounds nice.” He raises his brow.

Steve gives him a shiteating grin. “Well, you called me Stevie first and then Stebe right now so I had to think of _something_.”

Bucky shakes his head and snorts. “Way to make it sound like a task. I haven’t had a nickname since, uh, Bucky. But that doesn’t sound like a nickname anymore.” He shrugs.

“You just had to meet me, you see.” Steve bumbs against his shoulder in passing and steps to the far back of the room. Bucky turns and follows. They wind through a lot of stuff and Bucky is surprised by how much bigger the room is than it looked on the outside. “Thor will tell us what we need to absolutely finish today when he comes back but I know they need this piece of scenery ready for next time so we’re gonna start with this one either way.” He explains while pushing a broad blanket from a pretty huge cardboard. “It just needs to be painted. I’ll do the right side and you the left one.”

“What the hell?” Bucky squawks being momentary distracted by Steve’s biceps while he drags the scenery into the middle of the room where the paint is stored. “Listen Steve, there is no way I’m gonna paint this thing. I’ll fucking ruin it.”

Steve laughs like it’s the most absurd thing he’s ever heard in his life. “You won’t, come on, it’s just paint there’s nothing to ruin in the first place. Art is always art.”

“Says you! You’re talented, it’s easy for you.”

“Calm down.” Steve is still laughing but Bucky doesn’t think this is funny. “If it freaks you out so much you can just do the base color and I’ll fill in the detail, okay?”

“I’d rather just build the stuff. That’s not much different than using wires and metal... I could do with wood, too, I think.”

“Aw, no, than you’d spend the whole evening with Thor.”

“So, you just want me around?” Bucky raises an eyebrow, pleased.

“Of course, why would I invite you here if that wasn’t the objective? It’s not like the drama club needs a hand, right now they’re pretty low on work. You’re here for me.”

Sometimes Bucky can’t stand how honest Steve is about those kind of things. He rubs at his neck a little uncomfortable. “Okay.” He agrees weakly and Steve lights up.

They spend the most part of two hours painting three scenaries and contrary to Bucky’s reluctance in the beginning it is fun and he gets paint everywhere, even in his hair and they have a good time. It doesn’t need much to fill in the basecolor so he uses most of the time to watch Steve work instead. It’s a beautiful sight if he’s ever seen one. Sometimes he has to repeat what he said a few times because Steve was so lost in his work, but it’s endearing really, and also Thor is there all the time as well, answering himself when Steve is completely shut down.

Bucky learns that Thor always builds the stuff (he picked it off from his dad or something) while Steve uses his skills to paint it when it is done. It’s their routine in here and Bucky assumes they’re working well together if this day is anything to go by. Thor gets nicer by the second, always asking if they’re doing fine, then how they’re doing in general and telling pretty interesting stories about his family or adding to the conversation now and again. It’s cute really how much he cares and actively shows it. Coming from a guy like him is just surprising. He must be taller and bigger than Steve and wouldn’t even hurt a bug.

In the end they make their way to where the actors are practicing their lines, carrying the finished sceneries and props in there so they can use them immediately next week watching out for the drying paint. Only then Bucky realizes the size of Thor’s arms and wonders if he should maybe work out more himself. He has nice arms, don’t get him wrong but those two make him feel a little selfconscious, his arms look like noodles in comparison. A little disgruntedly he recognizes how little Thor’s arm affect him, though.

It’s horrible. Normally he would be all over someone as built as him but these months, if he’s honest to himself, he hasn’t even looked at someone twice who isn’t Steve. Great. However this isn’t the time or place to get upset about stuff like that, _get yourself together, Barnes_.

Once they’ve positioned all the stuff where it belongs they sit down in the back listening to the actors, some of them gaping at their lines in confusion from time to time and others delivering them like they were coming to them just like that. It feels a little like they’re spying on them and Bucky voices his concern chuckling lightly.

“I felt so, too in the beginning. But they like being watched that’s why they’re on a stage, right?” Steve tells him knowingly and Bucky agrees silently.

Then he spots Kate, she’s just stepping to the front with a weird hairpiece on her head and wearing something that looks like a toga. She walks into the spotlight and delivers her soliloquy. Bucky had realized how good she was at the Canterville Ghost play already but this is something on a whole other level. She emphasizes everything perfectly and it’s like she’s made to be on there talking. Her voice is loud, clear and precise, carrying the emotions through the aula and her bodylanguage emphasizes the meaning of each phrase. A lot of people, including Thor, applaude once she’s done and it seems to be the last part of practice today, so Steve and Bucky follow suit and applaude for her as well. All of them really, they deserve it.

“I’m just gonna say hello.” Bucky informs the other two guys before making his way to the front. “Hey there.” He grins once he’s in Kate’s space and she hugs him as a greeting.

“Long time no see, Barnes. What you doing here?”

“Steve dragged me along.” He points at the blond still sitting in the back.

“Ah, yeah, Nat told me something about that, I totally forgot.” She chuckles a little sheepishly but Bucky just shrugs. “You liked my performance?” she asks him then, fluttering her eyelashes.

“You know I hate flattery but I have to admit that you were pretty great. I just whitnessed the last soiloquy, though.”

“You’re telling me I could be worse than what you just saw?” She leans forward hands at her hips and Bucky can’t help but laugh a little.

“I already told you you were amazing back at the Canterville Ghost play. You know I like your acting.” He presses a finger againt her forehead with a grin.

She swats at his hands. “I just wanted to hear you say it again.” Comes her response and she flips her hair. “Need to change, see you around, Barnes.”

Bucky puts his hands into his pockets and winks at her when she risks a look behind her shoulder.

Someone clears his throat behind Bucky’s back. “I’d be going now, but if you wanna stay...” It’s Steve and Bucky turns around furrowing his brow once shortly.

“Nah, I’ll come with you... Sorry?” he isn’t sure what the problem is. If there is a problem even, but Steve is being weird. Maybe?

He shakes his head. “No. I just thought-. Nothing.” He sighs. “So, you coming?”

Bucky laughs. “Yeah, Stebe.” He claps at his ass in passing and hurries throught the door shouting a ‘goodbye’ to Thor who waves back. Fortunately Steve isn’t chasing him, just shaking his head in exasperation.

“You’re an ass.” He says.

“Yeah, and I have a nice one, too. Not as nice as yours, though. Could feel your ass-power.” He rises his right hand as if to prove his point.

Steve rolls his eyes and Bucky’s lip quirks up at the side.

They make their way outside and over campus to the street where they have to part ways. Bucky says so to Steve, who obviously didn’t know because he’s never been to Bucky’s and doesn’t know in which direction the apartment is located. So they come to a halt under a tree in front of the road and Steve shuffles a little from side to side.

“Can I walk you home?” he asks.

Bucky tries to explain to his shitty heart that Steve probably just doesn’t want to go back to work once he gets home so he procrastinates wherever he can but it picks up speed anyway. “You want me to ride you again?” he asks instead of saying something a lot more stupid and grins his meanest smile. It has an even better affection on Steve than what he had hoped for.

He’d expected a faint splutter maybe but the poor guy is trying really hard to fight off an enormous blush and is failing. Even his neck is turning red and Bucky wants to rip off his shirt right now to see it spread over his chest, too. However, it’s a glorious sight. He has his head tilted to one side and is obviously trying really hard to think of a smart remark but even that isn’t coming. Bucky makes a step closer to him and stops himself, he isn’t even sure what he wanted to do. “You’re killing me.” Breathes Steve then, a laugh shaking with his words.

“Sorry that was inappropriate.” Bucky agrees biting at his lip.

“You’re always inappropriate, Buck.” He looks down at him for a moment. “Come on, lead the way. I’ll get you home before you shock someone else with that terrible mouth of yours.”

Bucky curls his indexfinger around Steve’s pinky and drags him behind him. “Yeah, yeah, be my guest, big guy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brevity is the soul of wit.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A date is a date is a date is a date

It’s late when Steve finally puts down his brush. He eyes Bucky’s face he’s just put on the canvas with suspicion. He worries at his lip before sighing in defeat and putting the painting away, leaning it against the wall. It’s the second canvas he’s wasted already, not to think about his sketchbook, but he just can’t get his face right. Something always looks off, out of place. Of course he could use one of the two finished paintings for his due because they look fine if you don’t know about the real thing. He already finished the writing part, too, because there is nothing specific he would have to add even if he swaps one painting in the end.   
At least there’s that. But the artist in him just isn’t satisfied with the outcome.

Sam already told him that he’s way over his head, the first painting was good enough already, he said but Steve just agreed to disagree. He hasn’t told Sam about his second attempt though, since it's somewhat embarrassing. It’s not like he did the same with the other paintings. And he’s not absolutely content with those ones either, because, like it just is with art, there’s inevitably something that could have been executed better.

But Steve is sure he just can’t get them better with his skilllevel for the moment, it’s a different thing with Bucky’s portrait. Something is just missing. It’s like he’s not looking at Bucky at all when he glances at the painting. Maybe it’s because his face is still pretty new to him, but that would be a first or he wouldn’t have been able to draw Peter either. So when the first painting didn’t please him he’d started practicing in his sketchbook thinking that it would help. Those drawings always tuned out a lot better, they did look like Bucky and Steve feels like he knows his face better than his own by now.

Still, on the canvas it just won’t do. Maybe it’s the laughing part that makes it hard. Steve doesn’t know. He also doesn’t know what more he can do than practice but if he continues sketching Bucky’s face over and over he feels like it might get creepy. He thought that spending the whole day with him today in drama class would fix the problem, since he’s had enough time to stare, but here is Steve and the painting... still not quite right. He runs a hand through his hair.

Secretly, Steve is kinda afraid that it’s more of an emotional constipation than a creative one. In other words, it’s all in his head.

The thing is that he is really, absolutely and absurdly so in love with the guy. And once he had admitted it to himself there was no going back and when they almost shared a kiss, well, he had such high hopes. And then they were crushed by a little sentence. Still, every time Bucky flirts with him he feels like he’s flying once again before crash-landing the next moment as he sees him interact with somebody else the exact same way. And then of course there is Tony Stark, and really, what does Steve have on him? The answer is nothing. He can’t even compete. And all of it just messes with his head which turns into an artblock.

But Steve is a bullethead and he still wants to draw him. He just needs some more time to observe the subject, is what he tells himself. And he won’t give up on Bucky either, not that easily. Of course he felt like shit after their phonecall but he’s not getting heartbroken over this. Bucky is the one who’s getting hurt by Tony here and Steve will be there for him. And it’s enough to be his friend right now, especially until Bucky isn’t ready for something new and still has to get over his famous friend.   
But Steve will try. He’s raised a fighter and he sure as hell isn’t afraid of some rich kid.

His mom tought him well, the way to a man’s heart goes through his stomach.

 

***

 

New York is a fucking frying pan in the middle of May. Insides of the residential apartments it’s even worse, the air is stuffy and sticky and once Bucky arrives home he loses his pants and shirt and finally feels like he can breathe again. Normally Nat would lecture him that it’s disrespectful in front of her, which, honestly, not true. Bucky looks amazing and she knows it. He understands, though, because he would react pretty similar if Nat would walk around in just her underwear like it was nothing in front of him. However she’s picking up Clint from work later and passes the time being with her friend Matt so she won’t be here for a while and Bucky will exploit his freedom.

He throws the dirty clothes into the hamper and makes his way to his room before opening the window to a max. The smallest breeze washes through the room and Bucky sighs dropping down on his chair. He twirls around in it lazily for a few minutes before turning on his laptop. He needs to finish a term paper and study for the upcoming exams next week. But he’s done with most of the work so he doesn’t feel too stressed for once in his life. He should start studying, though. He really should.

Half an hour later when he just continued on the discourse his phone buzzes. He goes for it immediately just in case it’s Nat and she’s coming home earlier than expected and he needs to change into suffocating clothes before she opens the door. It’s not her, though.

**Stebe:** Are you at home?

Bucky frowns, maybe he wants to revoke the annulation for movie night later but he could just tell him?

**You** : yeah y

To his surprise the answer comes immediately, looks like Steve has some free time today.

**Stebe** : Stay where you are.

**You:** ???

Bucky frowns at the screen a little longer but there’s nothing more coming in so he puts the phone down with a shrug after a while. As soon as he turns around to face his laptop once more, though, the doorbell rings. Bucky has a really bad feeling about this. He grabs some pants in case it’s not just Nat or the mailman.

“Hello?” he asks cautiously through the speaker once he made his way to the entrance.

“It’s me, idiot. Open up.”

That’s Steve’s voice.

What the holy fuck?

Bucky blinks a few times, being completely baffled, before his brain catches up and he lets his friend in. A moment later he is smart enough to remember he’s still wearing no pants but just holding them in his left hand so he pulls them on as quickly as possible hiding behind the door. The second he peeks his head into the stairway he sees Steve coming up the last fly of stairs in all his glory, carrying a heavy looking plastic bag in each hand.

Amazing. Here he is. Opening up to Steve fucking Rogers in all his perfectness while he is wearing worn out sweats and no shirt. He’s also sweaty from the heat and needs a shower, this is just great. When will his life ever stop being so unfair to him?

“What are you doing here?” He asks, still too confused to realize how rude that sounds.

Steve is kind enough to remind him, though. “That’s rude.” He laughs and shrugs off his shoes at the entrance mat. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure, sorry, uh. I’m just-“

“Don’t overwork yourself, take one of these instead.” He is still grinning and holds out one of the bags for Bucky to take. His face goes blank the next second when he realized that Bucky is standing there topless, his eyes dropping down to his chest and trailing down his belly before snapping back up again.

Bucky is smiling at him smugly, ignoring the feeling of his heart beating in his throat. It’s nice to know that Steve is looking at least, even when he’s not interested, especially because he was just feeling so self-conscious about it. “Eyes up here, Rogers.” He purrs and Steve's ears turn pink. Bucky counts it as another win.

“You surprised me okay, I didn’t expect you to be half naked.” He slams the door shut behind him with his foot.

“Okay, first of all it’s really hot and I can walk around half naked in my own home when I’m being alone.” He defends himself finally taking one of the bags from Steve’s grasp. “And second, you’re the one surprising me. You just came here completely unannounced. And don’t get me wrong, it’s cool and all but why?” He takes a peek inside the bag and there are loads of vegetables in there so he goes to put it down in the kitchen and Steve follows.

There’s a bashful laugh behind him. “I’m gonna cook for you.”

Bucky turns around while Steve puts down his own bag. “Are you serious? You came here to make lunch for me?”

“No, I came to make dinner, it’s past five.” Steve furrows his brow. “Oh my God, haven’t you eaten lunch yet?” Bucky ducks his head and Steve opens his arms in desperation. “See, that’s why I’m here. You eat like crap.”

“Hey!” Bucky interrupts him but he just continues like it was nothing.

“Everytime we have eaten something together it was some kind of takeaway and you never told me you were eating anything but cereals, yet alone a vegetable in any of your texts.”

“Who cares?” Bucky makes to object but the look on Steve’s face makes him stop in his tracks.

“Bucky.” His tone is like right out of the movies, stolen from the one buzzkill mom-friend who only ever annoys the hell out of everybody, looking out that they’re safe and missing all the fun. “A balanced diet is important and keeps you fit and healthy.”

“I feel just fine.” Bucky growls quietly.

Steve rubs at his forehead. “Honestly, you should work on that.” There is a pause. “Actually, I have no idea how you manage to look like this when you only eat shit.” He pokes into Bucky’s stomach to prove his point.

“I go to the gym sometimes.” Bucky declares proudly sticking out his chest with his hands on his hips while Steve laughs at him, still pretty exasperately. Bucky falters the next second clearing his throat. “I, uh, should go grab a shirt. Sorry, I’ll be back in a flash.”

He hurries to his bedroom and grabs the first shirt he can find. He sniffs it once before putting it on, luckily it doesn’t stink. Despite being so surprised at first he’s now incredibly happy Steve is here. Admittedly, they have seen each other the day before, but Bucky can’t get enough of him. He also doesn’t know what to think about the fact that he came here just to make him dinner. No, to assure he eats right.   
He doesn’t know which makes the fluttering in his stomach worse. He knows Steve is very likely just one of those people who cares too much about a healthy lifestyle to see their friends do the opposite. So he tries not to read too much into it. He’s just being a good friend. Honestly, this is who Steve is, Bucky needs to fucking learn.

He’s back in the kitchen in no time and sees his friend scrutinizing the small variety of spices Nat has bought and displayed in the kitchen. As much as Bucky loves food, he has to admit that he’s too lazy to cook for himself or put any effort into controlling what finds its way into his stomach. It just needs to keep him going and taste somewhat okay. He only ever puts effort into it when he cooks for his friends or him and Nat are experimenting in the kitchen because they had enough of instand noodles in the end.

He smiles apologetically when Steve turns to him with a frown. “Salt, pepper, paprika and curry. That’s all you have. Honestly?”

The other scrunches up his face and shrugs once.

“I should have bought more.” He sighs and Bucky can’t help but laugh a little.

“You already took the whole store with you, Steve. I’m genuinely curious what you wanna cook. You planned on feeding me for an entire month?” He pulls out some of the articles in the bags not even able to recognize all of them. Oops.

Steve nudges him with his hip and follows suit, grabbing all the stuff in the bag and putting it in order before losing the plastic altogether. “I thought the only way to make you somehow interested in this was linking it to something you like.”

“You realize we’re talking about food. I do like food.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Yes, but I'm smart and that’s why we’re making ratatouille.” He beams up at Bucky and Jesus help him, it’s the most breathtaking view he’s ever seen.

It’s also infectiuos and the next instant he’s grinning back. “You _are_ smart.”

“Told you.”

“Ok, then tell me what to do, little chef.” He says smugly and Steve shoots him an amused look before doing as he’s told.

“First of all, we just need these.” He picks out a few of the vegetables, butter and a loaf of bread. “You can store the rest away in your refregirator.”

Bucky’s eyes widen. “Are you crazy?” He demands. “That’s like only half of the stuff, I won’t accept it.”

“Listen, my goal is to make you eat better in general not just today.”

“Then let me pay you back, come on.”

He clicks his tounge and shakes his head. “Nope. I’m doing this for me, not you. So no.”

“Steeeeeeebe” he whines furrowing his brow but it has no effect. “Okay.” He breathes out harshly through his nose. “Good. But next time we do something I’m fucking treating you.”

“Do as you must.” Steve shrugs nonchalantly and Bucky wants to punch him. He stacks the food away instead.

“Aw, come on. Don’t be grumpy, you’ll thank me in the end.”

“This is me thanking you.”

“That’s an aggressive way of showing it.” He rises one brow. Bucky just huffs which startles a laugh out of Steve in turn. “Okay, so first we need to wash these.”

Bucky observes him while he washes every item individually and stands there with crossed armes feeling a little sulky still. “So, now we need to cut, well, all of it.” He looks up to his friend. “You wanna do it the usual way or the fancy Disney-way?” Bucky wets his lips before they stretch into a knowing grin, his mood disappearing with it, and Steve mirrors it. “Thought so.”

While Steve finished the last sentence the lock on the entry door turns and it opens with its usual creak. “James, are you home?” Nat’s voice carries through the hall and two pairs of steps can be heared, making their way into the living room. “Is Tony with you? There are shoes outside.” She walks into the kitchen then, Clint at her heels, and her lip quirks up the slightest bit when she lays eyes on Steve.

“Not Tony then.” Her voice sounds way too conspiratory for Bucky’s tastes and she takes Steve’s outstretched hand. “I’m Natasha. We’ve talked over speakerphone once.”

Steve nods. “Nice to meet you in person. I remember.” He smiles. “I’m Steve. Just for the record. I think you got that, though.” He adds awkwardly and why does he have to be so cute?

“You know you could have told me you had company, it’s my apartment, too.” Natasha says then turning to Bucky.

Before he can answer Steve takes over once more. “Sorry. That’s my fault. I kinda surprised him.” He winces but Nat just raises a brow unimpressed, still looking at Bucky who doesn’t know what she’s exactly expecting from him.

“I’m Clint by the way.” Says the forth man in the back rising a hand in greeting.

“How was work?” Bucky asks.

Clint just shrugs. “Nah, too many annoying people. Fury fired Sitwell, though, so that’s a good thing at least.”

“Nice.” Agrees Bucky.

“So, what you boys up to?” Nat pipes up after a second.

“We’re making ratatouille. He actually stocked us with vegetables for at least a month. Natalia, he’s crazy.” Bucky stagewhispers pointing at Steve with his thumb.

“You did? Thank you.” Says Natasha, because she is a smart and a polite human being in contrary to Bucky Barnes.

“No problem.” Steve smiles shily, scratching at the back of his head. “You want to eat with us? It should be enough for four people.”

“We’re leaving in half an hour actually.” Says Clint who’s suspiciously eyeing the zucchini in his hands. Bucky can’t blame him, they have the same eating habits at the end of the day. “Kate, Wade and Matt are meeting us at the Irish pub, we just came to pick you up, Bucky.” He puts the vegetable back down on the counter, unimpressed.

“Uh.” Says Bucky eloquently. He’d love to go because he hasn’t seen any of the troop exept for Clint and Nat for a while now but here is Steve and he surprised him and came just for him to cook him dinner and he really, _really_ wants to rather stay here with him just the two of them.

Nat is faster than him, though, and talks over him. “But we didn’t know you were busy so we came here for nothing really.”

“I’m sorry.” Steve chimes in with his sincere apology. “I didn’t know, I’m sorry. We didn’t start yet so if you wanna go that’s okay, I don’t want to interrupt.”

“You could just come with.” Says Clint. “No one would mind.”

“I’d love to but I wasn’t gonna stay long anyway, I need to finish some stuff for class still, so.” He trails off. It’s apparent that he’s feeling extremely awkward and Bucky snaps out of it.

“Hey, it’s okay. I couldn’t go out like this anyway.” He points at his unwashed self. “Stay here with me and we’ll finish the meal like planned. You surprised me and I’m not bailing on my surprise dinner. _You’re_ not bailing on my surprise dinner.” This earns a smile from Steve and Bucky feels better at the sight. He turns to his other friends but before he opens his mouth Natasha speaks again.

“It’s alright. Just come next time, both of you. We’ll tell the others you’re busy.” She smiles her tiny smile and Bucky wants to kiss her. _Thank you,_ he mouths and the corner of her lip quirks up just a little more.

They leave the kitchen then so the boys have enough room to cook and Bucky goes back to the counter producing two knives and a breadboard. Steve instructs him on how to cut what in which exact shape and they chop and chop until everything is in little pieces.

When Bucky turns around, though, Steve has his lip pressed into a thin line and looks lost in thoughts as he stares into space. Bucky approaches him carefully and touches his shoulder. “Hey, Steve, you okay?”

“Hm?” He turns around with wide eyes, giving him something resembling a smile when he focuses on Bucky’s face. “Yeah, sorry. I just feel bad about ruining your evening with your friends.”

Bucky can’t help but laugh, what is this guy. He shakes his head. “Steve, you’re a fuckig moron. I’d rather be here cooking with you, okay? I wouldn’t have bailed on them if I didn’t want to stay here.” This is hitting a little too close to home so he lightens his words a little. “I mean, this is fucking Disney-ratatouille I’m getting here. Much more special than some Irish beer I’ve had way too many times.”

This earns another smile, an honest one this time, and Steve sighs, the tension leaving his shoulders. “Sorry. I know you wouldn’t lie about it. It still made me feel a little bad.”

Bucky punches his arm lightly. “It shouldn’t.”

A moment passes in which they just look into each others eyes, only Clint’s muffled, far away laughter filling the silence, before Bucky breaks the contact by lowering his head. Suddenly Steve makes a step forward and lifts his hand to Bucky’s face. Bucky is immediately reminded of the night on Steve’s couch and his heart starts slamming against his chest like he is back there exactly. Steve’s hand finds it’s way into Bucky’s hair and pulls at something.

Bucky yelps. “Ouch.”

Steve laughs. “Sorry, but you have like a hundred nuclei from the paprika in your hair. How did you even do that?” He shows him the one between his fingers he just tugged out of his hair. Bucky swats at his head trying to make the other stuff come out, too. It’s a little embarrassing really. “You’re making it worse, come on. Just let me do it.”

Bucky obliges reluctantly, lowering his head once again and letting Steve pull out the remaining nuclei. “I feel like you’re delousing me.” He grunts in a low voice and Steve just chuckles continuing his work.

He’s still at it when Nat and Clint come in once more saying their goodbyes. Clint looks at them strangely but doesn’t even ask and Bucky is grateful for that.

“Have fun.” Bucky calls. “Text me when you’re on your way home or need me to pick you up, Natalia.”

“Will do” comes the easy answer and the next moment they’re gone.

“Natalia and James. Here I thought it was Natasha and Bucky.” Says Steve picking at the stubborn last piece of vegetable sticking to Bucky’s hair.

“Gosh, yeah, she’s a moron and doesn’t understand that that’s not my name so I do the same with hers. Eye for an eye, and all that. Her given name is Natalia but here in America she wants to go by Natasha. It’s no difference since I call her Nat mostly either way.” Bucky shrugs and Steve reminds him to stay still. “It’s kinda grown on me. I’m the only one who can call her that, though, like she’s the only one who’s allowed to call me James. In case you need a reminder.”

Steve huffs. “Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten. Ha! Got it!” He suddenly roars obviously having detatched the last piece from his head.

“Thanks.” Bucky says, regarding both things and runs a hand through his hair for good measure. At least he planned to shower tonight anyway.

They finish the remainder of the recepe in no time and shove the food into the oven where it has to bake for half an hour now. Bucky claps his hands. “This was nice. You did good work, little chef.”

Steve flicks at his arm. “You, too, Linguini. I’m a little surprised you did so well, you didn’t even cut yourself.”

“Rude.” Steve tugs out his tounge in response and Bucky does the same, he’s not above this. “Come on, let’s wait in the living room. The smell is making me so hungry I’m gonna eat it raw if I don’t get out of here.”

They sit down on the couch in the living room setting a timer five minutes early just in case they forget to check in time. Not a faint possibility in Bucky’s case.

“You wanna watch something?” he asks not really knowing what to do.

Steve shakes his head. “If we start watching something we’re just gonna continue doing that for the rest of the day, it has already happened once. I wasn’t lying when I said that I have to go back home pretty early.”

“Yeah, I’m amazed you broke your rule in the first place...” They both sit down and Bucky tries not to show his disappointment about him leaving so early while Steve ducks his head.

“Just for you.” he smiles then, looking up to him through his lashes and Bucky’s heart stops for a millisecond. He’s so fucking weak. He doesn’t know what keeps him from just crawling into Steve’s lap and kissing him desperately but it must be a dark mystical force or something because he doesn’t think this is his self-restraint doing the job here, it wouldn’t be enough. He’s glad it’s working, though.

“Let’s play a game then. How about battleship? But every time you hit a target you have to answer a truth or dare. Usually you play it with shots but I think it’s too early and just not the time right now, uh.” He scratches at his head it’s the first game that came to his mind but he doesn’t know if it was a wise decision to suggest it.

Steve thinks it over before agreeing. “But we only play until the food is ready, doesn’t matter who’s winning.”

It’s a strange request but Bucky accepts. He goes to take a notepet and two pens before sitting back infront of Steve. They draw their respective battlefields and Bucky draws in his ships with the smartest tactic he worked out over the years and is ready to attack. He’s a gentleman, though. “Ok, you start.” He raises an eyebrow challengingly and something flashes up in Steve’s eyes.

“B4.” He shoots immediately but it’s a miss.

They continue like this for a while until Bucky finally hits one of Steve’s battalion. He triumphantly marks the spot on his paper with an x.

“So, truth or dare?” Steve asks him, voice silky.

“Hmm, truth.” He decides after a second.

“Do you shower with your dogtags?”

Bucky snorts a laugh, surprised by the question but nods. “Yeah, I do. I can’t even remember the last time I took them off.” He shrugs and Steve smiles at him warmly, eyes crinkling at the sides.

He misses the next shot but Steve hits bullseye on one of Bucky’s single ships, plunging it.

“Dare.” He announces while marking the strike on his sheet and Bucky looks him over humming.

“Down on the floor. Give me 25.”

“Give you what exactly?”

“Push ups. Come on.” He grins and his friend looks at him exasperately. Bucky just continues looking at him with that shiteating grin though, until Steve sighs and gets up from the couch. And then he’s just straight out showing off. He lets his body plunge forward, catching the fall with his hands and starts the push ups from right there. He goes for it in an incredible speed puffing out a heavy breath every time he lifts his weight.

“Ten.” He declares shortly, not stopping in his movements and nose almost touching the carpet with each push. Bucky can’t help but stare, what was he even thinking? He watches Steve’s back muscles flex under his shirt and is a little sad the sleeves are long because he would love to see those fucking arms right now. He sighs quietly despite himself and hopes Steve didn’t hear him under his own noises. “Twenty.” He’s started to slow down the pace a little, his way up taking a bit longer than before and Bucky just takes advantage of the situation raking his eyes ofer Steve’s form more patiently.

He counts the last ones down with him, though. “Four! Thre! Two! Come on, the last one!” He cheers when Steve pushes up one last time obviously somewhat strained but standing up right after, breathing a little heavier and his nostrils flaring while he breathes in. Oh God, he’s so hot and shit, is Bucky fucked. He bites at his lower lip involuntary before snapping out of it. “That was impressive.” He raises his brows. “Honestly. But you could have done more, couldn’t you?” He’s pretty sure Steve could have gone to at least forty given his performance.

But Steve doesn’t answer just smiles at him smugly, dropping back on the couch and folding his arms slowly over his chest with a brow rising to his hairline.

“You’re an ass.”

“You just made me work out when I came here surprising you with food.”

“Can you blame me?” Bucky slips up, throwing a hand in his direction. It’s not even what he was thinking in the first place, he was just genuinely curious if Steve could do it. But he just laughs, still a tad out of breath, and Bucky joins im pushing down the heat rising to his cheeks.

Then Bucky hits again with his next attack and he choses a dare as well. The devilish smile spreading on Steve’s face makes him gulp and he waits patiently for him to start talking only fidgeting a little with his fingers.

“Lose your shirt again.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

Bucky is fucking dying, what the hell? He laughs flustered, tilting his head to the side not being able to fight the flush this time. “Why?”

Steve shrugs. “Revenge.” He says nonchalantly. “You could also give up.”

It’s like he got struck with something. “You wish.” Bucky throws the shirt away with one swift movement, he is not gonna lose, pft. And, well, it’s a little funny what happens next because Steve who just commanded him to do exactly this with such confidence is now blushing a little himself and trying really hard to keep his glance on eyelevel. _This is hell on earth_ , thinks Bucky. All he wants is for Steve to touch him, oh God, he’s so pitiful. And Steve probably just wants to make him feel awkward as payment for the pushups and a reminder for the way he greeted him earlier. He feels like screaming. He clenches his jaw and breathes in and out slowly to calm down. It’s okay, it is.

They continue their game and Steve does look from time to time and it makes Bucky feel somewhat better. The next time he hits one of Steve’s ships he opts for truth, though. He plans on leaving his pants on, thank you, and who knows what Steve's scheme is.

“When was the last time you ate a vegetable?” They both laugh and Steve looks at him a little warily. “Be honest.”

“I think two weeks ago Nat made me eat a corncob ‘cause she couldn’t finish it.” Steve looks so done when he shakes his head before dropping it in his hands and Bucky laughs some more.

“Truth.” Steve declares when he lands the next hit.

“Okay. This is heavy. Are you ready?”

Steve nods all earnestness and Bucky takes a deep breath.

“Why are all your shirts so small?”

Steve cocks his head to the side in confusion. “What do you mean?” And Bucky loses it right there. Is he serious? This is just amazing.

“Really, God, Steve, are you for real?” He’s still chuckling and Steve looks at him quizzically. “Listen. Shit, you are being honest. Ok. So, I hate to break it to you, pal, but your shirts are at least a size too small for you. They’re probably like... my size, not yours. You see how my shirts fit me, then think about how your shirts fit you. Do you see a difference?”

“Uh.” Steve raises his eyes to the cealing obviously thinking about it. “The saleswoman told me they’d fit me just right.” He murmurs lost in thoughts and Bucky splutters into another laughing fit.

“Steve, she was lying. She just liked what she saw.” He can’t even blame her.

“Shit, is it so bad?” Steve asks sheepishly at last with an unsure whisper.

Bucky shakes his head. “She’s probably not the only one, so don’t worry. I was just curious if you did it on purpose or not.”

“Well, I wasn’t.” Steve admits timidly scratching at his ear. How this guy hasn’t killed him already Bucky doesn’t know but he feels close to a heartattack right now.

Suddenly a beep goes off, it’s the alarm announcing their food is almost done. Bucky silences it. “I won.” He declares bending down to grab his shirt lying on the floor. Steve kicks him softly with his outstretched foot.

“Nobody wins, we agreed on it before.”

“No you just said we’d stop the game no matter _who’s_ winning but I'm still the one winning.” He grins at Steve, shirt still in his hands.

“And you decided that exactly how?” Steve rises a brow and also his ass from the couch.

Bucky finally shrugs his shirt back on. “I hit more ships than you.”

“But I plunged one. It’s quality before quantity, Buck.”

“Yeah.” Bucky draws out the word. “You tell yourself that.”

The closer they come to the already close kitchen the more intense the smell of the dish becomes and Bucky’s mouth is watering before he even opens the door. He goes straight to the oven staring at the ratatouille inside it, pressing his nose to the glass and flinching away the next second because, yeah, it’s hot. He rubs at his nose and his stomach growls at the same time, he didn’t have lunch after all.

“Hey, Rudolph, it still needs two minutes. Help me cut the bread instead.”

Bucky pouts but makes his way to Steve, sitting down on the counter next to where he’s already cutting at the loaf. “How am I supposed to help you?”

“Moral support.” Bucky sees Steve’s lips curl to a tiny smile and he continues watching him work while wiggling his legs back and forth. When Steve is done he steps to the oven turning it off and getting the dish out of it. He looks it up and down before glowing at Bucky who returns the grin. “Looks like we did some good work.” He puts the baking sheet down to cool off and shrugs off the oven mit before stepping into Bucky’s space leaning against the counter with one arm, his grin turning smug while he narrows his eyes a little, something mischivious in them. “When was the ast time you cooked something in this kitchen?” He asks then and Bucky shoves at his chest playfully.

“I heat up loads of stuff.” He states decidedly but holding a laugh back as well. Steve isn’t so lucky and he grabs his stomach in a full body laugh, leaning back while he does so. Bucky watches him and probably looks like a lovesick puppy, gosh. He jumps down from the counter nudging Steve’s side as he gets out the plates. “Time to serve, little chef.”

As Steve devides the food into portions Bucky sets two glasses, cutlery, something to drink and the sliced bread on the little table in the living room. On a second thought he trails to the refregirator and holds up a beer shooting a questioning look to his friend.

“Sure.” Steve answers carrying the plates and Bucky follows him with the bottles clinking in his hands.

The ratatouille looks amazing and Bucky feels stupidly thrilled to sit here at his little table with just Steve, this wonderfull looking homemade dish and two bottles of beer between them. He tries really hard to not see this as a date, because it isn’t. But Bucky’s heart likes to fool him. Steve is smiling at him from the other side of the table telling him to enjoy the meal. It’s perfect really. They dig in and it tastes even better than it looks. Bucky feels strongly remainded of the flashback of Anton Ego himself, just like in the movie and it’s great. They clink their bottles and finish the dinner talking about this and that, having a genuinely good time. It’s always so easy being around Steve.

“I already feel healthier.” Bucky smirks when he’s satiated rubbing at his belly contently.

Steve laughs. “I feel like you’re a moron.”

So Bucky throws his napkin at him, he deserves it.

“I should really go.” Steve says a little later checking the time. “Sorry, it’s been really great but I need to get my stuff done.” He sounds regretful and scrunches up his nose and Bucky wants to kiss him for the hundredth time this evening.

“Hey, it’s okay. I know you’re busy and I’m glad you came.” He smiles somewhat shily. “Thank you. For the groceries, too. But especially for the ratatouille and… just coming over. Loved the surprise.” He touches the hairs on his neck awkwardly.

“I’m glad.” Steve’s voice is so warm, he’s always so warm, it’s torture. He makes a sudden sound in the back of his throat. “I just remembered!” He shuffles to the tote sack he left in the corridor when he came in and rummages around for a second before pulling out a book. Oh. “I forgot to bring it yesterday, sorry.”

Bucky stumbles to Steve as fast as he can and yanks the item out of his hands opening it up and revealing the sketch Steve did of him weeks before. He feels his face lighten up as he tracks the drawn lines with his eyes anew. “Fuck, Steve, you are amazing, I love you!”

“Do you now?” Steve says smugly crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the wall, all casual, the shit.

And, well, Bucky kind of starts stumbling over himself like the fucking moron he is, blushing furiously.

“You’re gonna strain something, it’s okay.” Steve gasps between laughs and Bucky just flushes darker. “Come here.” His voice is so gentle now that he’s stopped giggling and Bucky whines shortly before falling against him, squeezing Steve as close as he can while the other’s arms wind around him in return.

“Thanks for this, too.” Bucky mutters rising the book with the sketch in it a tad after they let go. He’s avoiding Steve’s eyes completely, he can’t do this right now still feeling way too awkward.

“No need to thank me, it’s yours.” Steve says hands in his pockets. “So.” He draws out the word. “I’ll be going now. Text you when I come home.” He smiles at him one last time pulling up his bag at the strap and then turns around to leave. Bucky follows his steps until he can’t see him anymore, he’s not good at watching Steve go.

 

***

 

The last two weeks of the semester go by in a blur. Bucky is super busy studying for his exams and finishing his papers. He spends most his nights and the weekends working on those things and only goes out with his squad one Friday evening after his oral exam. He obviously continues talking to Steve but they haven’t met up since the ratatouille dinner and have gone back to texting instead of calling. Steve is just really swamped, the art project still tugging on his nerves. On Wednesday before his due (and Bucky’s due also. He’s really nervous because he has to present his mechanical arm prosthesis in front of five professors, god) he’s still working at Bucky’s portrait and only at midnight he finally texts him that he’s done. It’s so cute how relieved he is of finishing in time. They end up talking for two more hours after that, Steve refusing to show him the painting per photography and Bucky trying to calm down because he’s just so nervous about the next day.

When Friday finally rolls up and Bucky writes his last exam he skips all the way home because, god, this feels good. He’s free! For three months, gosh! And all in all, he think he did fine with most things. His presentation was a blast and the rest went just fine, he thinks, exept for one exam maybe, but well, he definitely deserves his free time now. That’s for sure.

So when he comes home he heats up a huge portion of mashed potatoes with zucchini slices he and Nat had cooked the day before. Some of the groceries Steve bought are still lying untouched in the shelves. It was really a lot of stuff, but it’s fine. Bucky is actually eating a lot better and tells Steve whenever he ingests a vegetable or fruit.

He slips beside Natasha on the couch with the plate in his hands sighing contently. She’s been lounging here since Bucky left, being released from the torture called university yesterday already.

“How did your exam go?” She asks him rising her eyes from the laptop balanced on her knees.

Bucky shrugs. “Okay, I guess.” He takes a bite of his food. “So, you ready for Stark’s party tonight? Because I sure am.”

Nat rolls her eyes. “You always are.”

“Well, there’s booze.” Bucky grins.

“And Steve.” He throws her a stink eye and he knows she’s holding back a smirk, casually reading whatever she was at on her device. “You asked him to come, didn’t you?”

“Sure I did.” He says sullenly. “I should probably remind him, though.” He adds more to himself.

“You finally gonna make your move?”

Bucky puts down his plate with a clink and scowls up to his best friend. “Really?” Why does she have to rub salt in the wound? “You know how things are, why do you have to say stuff like that?”

“I...” Natasha sits up a little clapping her laptop shut. “James, are you serious?”

Bucky spreads his arms, widening his eyes at her. What is she even on about?

“Come on, you must have seen how he looked at you in the kitchen last time.”

Bucky just scowls deeper and deadpans. “He looked at me like he always does.” Natasha barks a laugh and looks at him incredulosly right after and Bucky pretty much loses it, because, seriously? She really should stop making fun of him, he’s trying, okay? He is. “Will you stop? Please?”

Even if he rised his voice a little Nat doesn’t look shaken, she just rises a brow unimpressed. “Barnes, he looked at you like a lovesick fool.”

“No. Stop that. You’re just being mean, Natalia.”

He makes to stand up but. “Bucky.” She says levelled and he stops because, well, Nat just doesn’t call him that. “Please listen.” His eyes move to the door but then back to her face, mouth still pressed together in an angry line. Natasha sighs. “I really think it’s worth a shot and you know I’m never wrong.”

“Nat, I told you. I had a conversation with him about this.”

“You probably just got something wrong.”

“Uh-hu. I’m pretty sure I didn’t. I was there.” He’s still very irritated.

“Okay, if you have to be so stubborn about this then good, don’t listen to me. I won’t bother anymore, but when the time comes just remember that I fucking told you so.” She pulls up her laptop once more concentrating on the screen. This conversation seems to be over so Bucky, the dramaqueen, just walks straight to his room leaving his plate there next to her on the table and shutting the door with more force than neccessary. He’s not hungry anymore.

After he’s calmed down some by shooting loads of fictional people on his playstation he takes his phone in hand. Even if Nat is wrong, oh so wrong, he really needs to call Steve because, well. He could have forgotten about the party, it’s been some time. And he needs him to be there. There are lots of reasons why. First of all, a Stark party is actually a must starter for summer break, it’s always an amazing night and Bucky is looking forward to spend it with his friends. All his friends, that includes Steve. Secondly he really needs to see the dude drunk, because he just fucking needs to after that one call he had with him once when he wasn’t totally sober. Then there is the fact that he hasn’t seen him for over two weeks and Bucky is still so fucking weak and, yeah, the anticipation of seeing him again maybe makes his spine tingle all the way down to his toes. Maybe it doesn’t. And on top of that there is also the possibility of seeing him dance, or sweaty, or both, or even of them dancing together. And he knows it won’t mean anything but at least he could have made the experience. Bucky sighs, he hates himself a little.

Shuffling on his bed he finally makes the call. He really, really needs him to come with. Excitedly he listens to the beeps before Steve accepts the call.

“Hey there.” He cheers and Bucky can hear the wind blowing into his speaker, he must be outside. Fuck, he missed his voice.

“Hey. So, how was the last day of uni?”

“Pretty good, I just finished my last exam. It went smoothly, if I may say so myself.”

Bucky chuckles lightly. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“So, how do I deserve this call? Or do you just miss me?”

Bucky rolls his eyes, but, eh, he does, doesn’t he? “Don’t overestimate yourself, Rogers. I’m just reminding you that tonight is Stark’s party.” He lets the words hang, hoping they make something click.

In fact, they do. “Sure, I remember. It starts at eight right?”

“I won’t be there before nine, though.”

Steve breathes a laugh. “Then I guess I’ll see you at nine. I’ll try coming fashionably late myself but I hate not being on time so we’ll see.” Bucky imagines him shrugging nonchalantly because he does that a lot. “Sam’s coming with.”

“Awesome. How about the others? Thor?”

“Nah, like I said, they don’t like those fancy parties much.”

“But Sam does?” He grins.

“Sam is a sucker for fancy shit. Don’t let yourself be deceived, he’s looking for the finer things in life.” They both laugh. “I didn’t forget by the way. If that’s why you’re calling.”

“Needed to make sure.” Now Bucky’s the one shrugging.

“Nah, I have to look out for you tonight, I wouldn’t forget that.”

Steve’s voice is so full of warmth but Bucky is just confused. “Uh, why?” he asks dumbfoundedly.

There’s a light pause. “Well, uhm… Tony will be there, right? It’s his house? So I have to help you distract yourself from him. That’s what friends are for.”

Ugh. Bucky is so stupid, he totally forgot his own lie over how badly he wants Steve to be there. Pathetic. That’s the word, right? “Oh. Yeah, thank you.” He manages after a while. “Isn’t that what the booze is there for, though?” Not that he’d mind Steve distracting him.

Steve chuckles. “That, too. See you then.” He hangs up leaving Bucky to stare a little worried at his phonescreen, guilt washing over him in a wave. He never thought Steve would take his so called heartproblems so seriously and wasn’t that stupid? Steve is the kind of friend who puts other’s needs before his own. Why is Bucky so incredibly stupid? Ugh.

 

At eight thirty Bucky is showered and waiting in the doorway of Nat’s room impatiently skipping his booted foot on the linoleum. They’re waiting on Clint, because the dude just has nothing to wear and went to pick them up with his working uniform still on. Nat looks fantastic in her heels and short, strapless black dress. And well, Bucky doesn’t blame her, she send Clint straight to the bathroom when she first laid eyes on him and told him to take a shower first while ordering Bucky to find him something to wear instead.

Bucky himself is wearing his famous black pants, because he can’t do much better than those and a white muscleshirt, because it’s still fucking hot around here and it’s a party for fucks sake. He had crammed out some jeans and a greenish tshirt for his friend and tossed it in Nat’s room, and yeah, now he’s waiting. He doesn’t want to be there later than nine because what if he misses Steve? What if he doesn’t see him? He’s so amazingly stupid, it’s stunning really. Because of course Steve will still be there if he’s five minutes late. Knowing that doesn’t help against his restlessness, though.

The good thing is that he and Nat never stay mad at each other and their fight, if you can even call it that, is already forgotten and they have joined forces into bullying Clint. They both want to go and he really needs to speed up.

Ten minutes later they’re finally on their way to Tony’s and Bucky glances at his phone the whole length of the busride, checking his messages like a madman and his friends are so kind to ignore it. When they do finally arrive at Tony’s mansion Bucky can’t make out Steve anywhere, but that could also be because there are a fuckton of people crowded in the front yard and Bucky can’t make out any of the people standing there. Not even Tony himself, annd that’s never a problem usually. 

“Let’s go in.” Nat nods to the entry after it becomes clear that they won’t find anyone right now and they walk in making their way to the living room, passing laughing and already drunk people in the hallway. Bucky doesn’t recognize anyone, but it’s nothing new really. Most of these people probably aren’t even at NYU. He looks around for either Tony or Steve anyway, he could be lucky.

“There are my finest guests.” Shouts a loud voice but it’s still somewhat muffled with the music playing. It’s Tony and he has both hands raised walking straight towards them, making his way through the crowd and he must be the only person people actually make room for while passing. It’s amazing to watch, like Moses deviding the waters and Bucky will never understand how he does that. A few people follow him, there is Pepper, of course, Happy and a black dude Bucky’s never seen before.

“Hey there.” Bucky greets them back and clasps his hand with Tony’s. He’s really glad he found some of his friends, because as much as he loves these partys he prefers a big crowd around him who are just his friends instead of strangers. “Who’s that?” He asks nudging his head to the man in the back. He has a big nose and tired eyes but he looks trustworthy and friendly.

Tony makes to answer but seems the dude doesn’t like people talking for him and he holds up a hand to Bucky. “I’m James Rhodes. I’m an aviation engineer in the making.” He smiles and Bucky can see how and why he’s apparently friends with Tony already. Nobody interrupts Tony, but here he is. Bucky already likes the guy.

“Call him Rhodey.” Adds Tony nonetheless and yeah, Rhodey (because James, nah, that would just be weird) rolls his eyes fondly. That’s something. “I’m Bucky.” He says finally shaking the guy’s hand.

While the others introduce themselves Bucky slips next to Pepper and she tells him how she was here way early today to arrange the decorations in the house and outside in the garden and she seems pretty upset because some people have already pulled down some of the stuff or ripped it to shreds. Bucky sympathizes, some people are just shitty like that. He tells her she did a nice job, and it’s true. It looks like a real houseparty around here. Lively, instead of the usual crude tones Tony’s home has naturally because he doesn’t care about decorations and she smiles at him.

After a while they move to the kitchen where first they take two shots each, waving goodbye to their stupid classes and work in general before everybody mixes themselves a drink in a big plastic cup respectively.

They laugh and talk and have a genuinely amazing time bobbing their heads to the music just like Bucky hoped they would. Still, there’s something big missing, like 109kg big, and that’s Steve. He looks around whenever they move location and cranes his neck when they’re staying put. He doesn’t see Steve anywhere, though, and has shot him three messages already to ask him where he is. Every single one didn’t get an answer yet. He’s starting to think that maybe he won’t come but why would he lie like that?

More than an hour after they arrived and another two shots later, Bucky is at his third cup of Drunken Toddler when some people add to their group. He lights up immediately at seeing blonde hair but turns out it’s just some girl he’s never seen before and two dudes he’s also never seen before. He thinks they introduce themselves but he’s got a buzz going already and the music is loud and he honestly doesn’t even care. He wants Steve. However the blonde girl turns to him with her pretty face and touches his arm.

“I must have missed your name.” She says her big eyes sparkling.

“’M Bucky.” He says and he’s pretty sure he’s starting to slur slightly. Maybe he should hold back on the alcohol a little, it’s still early.

“Hey, Bucky. I’m Naomi.” She smiles but Bucky is squinting over her head looking out for Steve once again. He shouldn’t be so hard to find in a crowd, he towers over most people. “I finished my last exam today, think it’s time to get real drunk.” She laughs somewhat squeaking and leans against Bucky’s side, hard.

“Mhm. Trying that myself, too.” Bucky answers with a smile rising his cup a little.

She must have taken it as an invitation because she pushes her own cup against his as to make a toast and Bucky didn’t expect it so it’s pretty awkward and some of the content spills. “You wanna dance with me, Bucky?” she asks anyway without even apologizing while Bucky is wiping his hand on his shirt before taking another sip.

“Sorry, not now.” He murmurs and her happy look falls a little. He’s searching for his phone in his pocket fucking again when she tugs at his elbow throwing her hair over the shoulder. “Come on, I love the song.” She laughs but Bucky shakes her off.

“Sorry, I just. Not now.” He huffs clasping the small device in his hands.

She huffs as well and lets go of his arm. “Okay. See you around, Bucky.” He waves when she leaves, the two dudes following her and when Bucky rises his eyes from his still messageless phone four pairs of eyes are starring at him incredously, only Rhodey looking from one at the other in confusion.

Bucky mimicks him. “What?” He asks and Tony starts laughing like a manic.

“She was flirting with you, Bucky.” Pepper tells him with a smile and he frowns in confusion. She wasn’t. Or did she…?

“No?” it’s more of a question but now there is Nat at his arm leaning er head against his shoulder.

“Yes she was.” She tells him quietly.

Tony finally stopped laughing. “I’ve never seen Barnes oblivious to a flirt, this is amazing.”

Clint grins at him, too. “Seriously, bro, how drunk are you?”

Bucky just shrugs, it’s starting to feel hot in here. He really didn’t notice. He was just thinking about Steve and, ugh, must have missed her tells. Oh God, he’s never stooped so low in his entire life. Before he knows it his face is burning and he’s avoiding to look at anyone of his friends. To his luck all of them are as tipsy (more like drunk) as himself and have found a better subject already. There’s just Nat’s presence beside him, firm and steady to give him some kind of comfort. She pets his hand and he steals a glance to her face. She’s smiling at him sympathetically.

“How about you try giving your boy a call?” She asks and Bucky sighs squeezing her hand.

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna try that.” He smiles back at her sadly.

Bucky makes a step away from his group of friends before calling Steve sticking a finger in his free ear to drown out the music. It beeps for an agonizingly long amount of time before going to voicemail. Bucky takes a deep breath and puts his phone back into his pocket. Here goes his intention to pull back with the booze. He drowns the drink in one go.

Fuck Steve. Fuck himself for crushing so hard. Fuck this party. Bucky is going to get plastred as fuck. Fucking watch him.

He goes back to his friends and tries having as much fun as he can have while ignoring his constricting chest. He ignores Natasha’s inquiring look and drinks everything he can get his hands on. Another hour later he’s coming back fom a piss he very much needed with the amount of liquid he’s gulped down and the first thing he sees is Nat making out with Clint in a manner he’s hoped he never had to see. He walks past them rapidly, leaving them to whatever privacy they have on the crowded dancefloor.

He’s amazed when he makes out Tony in his haze, so he makes a beeline to walk back to him but then his friend moves and he sees how he’s dancing with Pepper, both in an embrace and grinding at each other. It looks dirty and, okay, he gets it, he lets them to themselves, too. He honestly hopes they’re finally making a step forward in their, what everyone but them knows, is a relationship. Where are all his friends, goddamnit?

He walks around the rooms of the big mansion, trying to not look for tall, blond and handsome but just anyone he knows. And, fucking finally, when he squeezes past a group of jocks walking down the hall he sees Kate on top of the stairs laughing at something someone said. He hasn’t seen her at the party yet and it’s so nice to identify a familiar face around here so he walks straight up to her. The moment he has his foot on the firt step, though, someone pulls her close. It’s Wade, and golly gee, Bucky never imagined, they start making out.

What the fuck? Honestly, how does he deserve shit like this?

Bucky huffs in frustration, hurridly turning around on the spot and strides into the kitchen with determination. At least there’s booze waiting for him there. This is just great. Bucky is failing to drown his feelings in alcohol because although he didn’t even eat much today he is still in control of himself and clear enough. But at least his friends are happy. Good for them. He shouldn’t be so bitter, he knows. He _is_ glad they’re all doing well. It just feels so unfair, Steve never even showed up…

He suppresses the urge to pull out his phone once more and takes a beer in hand instead. He props himself on the counter and opens the bottle. His sight is a little blurred and he is past tipsy for a long time running now so he’s probably swaying in the spot. He laughs bitterly, here he is, sitting alone in the fucking gigantic Stark kitchen surrounded by empty bottles feeling sorry for himself and hella lazed. He sets down the beer beside him and lays his head in his hands. Maybe he should just go home.

“There you are. I thought you stood me up.”

Bucky straightens and looks up at the sudden sound, he can’t believe his fucking ears. When he sees the figure at the door he practically feels his face lighten up. “Steve.” He says. He looks amazing standing there all confident and grinning smugly. Bucky catches himself. “Wait. I’ve been waiting for hours. Where were you? I thought you weren’t coming anymore.” He takes Steve in, he’s so gorgous in his shitty tight shirt and fitting jeans. Bucky wants to climb him like a tree.

“I am here since nine.” Steve rises his hands and oops, Bucky must have sounded way more accusing than he meant.

“I tried calling you.”

“Yeah, that’s my fault. I forgot my phone at home. Wanted to call you with Sam’s but I didn’t know your number by heart.” Steve shrugs and Bucky’s pretty sure he’s slurring as well as he slowly makes a few steps towards Bucky, this is amazing. “Looks like we missed each other, it is huge in here…”

Bucky knows he’s right and all his anger dissolves at once. And really it’s hard to stay mad when Steve is smiling at him like that. He wants to say something else but all he can do is look at his friend in awe. He’s so glad he’s here, that he did come, god. And the exeptional thing is, Steve is looking right back at him, his glance trailing over Bucky’s form so he sticks out his chest a little, preening, because he feels good under Steve’s eyes.

Everything's just so intense in that moment and maybe it’s the alcohol and Bucky’s clouded judgement but they’re alone in this kitchen and looking each other over in earnest and Steve is taking his sweet time to walk up to Bucky before stopping right in front of him and Bucky’s a little scared he’s dreaming this because it feels so fucking perfect.

He takes the beer back in his hand offering it to Steve. “Want some?”

Steve shakes his head almost imperceptible. “I’m pretty drunk already.” And Bucky can see the shine in his eyes and the slight blush on top of his cheeks. Yeah, he’s drunk alright. The big smile just adds to it and it’s a sight for sore eyes.

Bucky swallows heavily. “Where did you leave Sam?”

“I honestly don’t know.” Steve laughs. “Went looking for him like twenty minutes ago. Found you instead.”

Bucky cocks his head to the side a grin plastered on his face as well. “Sorry to disappoint.”

Steve’s smile widens some more.“Nah, I’m okay. Why are you sitting here all alone, though?” He points to the empty room.

Bucky shrugs. “All my friends are on the dancefloor. Making out with each other.” He scrunches his nose.

Steve positions himself between Bucky’s legs in one swift movement. “Not all your friends.” He humms.

Bucky’s started breathing a little heavier his heart slamming away in his chest. But here’s the nice thing about being inebriated, the dread he’d normally feel isn’t there at all, he’s just feeling somewhat lightheaded. So when his eyes drop down to look at Steve lips he doesn’t fight it and rests them there for a bit. Those lips sure look incredible, plush and red and so soft.

“Looks like.” Bucky purrs eyes snapping back up.

“They could be.” Continues Steve and he props his hands on both sides of Bucky leaning against the counter and into Bucky’s space.

Their noses are almost touching and Bucky can feel Steve’s breath against his cheek, the warmth of his body at his sides. He shivers a little and licks over his lips, breath catching when he sees Steve’s eyes following the movement.

“Then do it.” Bucky whispers.

And that’s all of an invitation Steve needs apparently, he slowly closes the space between them brushing his lips against Bucky’s, just the faintest touch. Bucky closes his eyes and his hands fly up to grab at the front of Steve’s shirt.

Steve catches his upper lip between his own and sucks at it lightly his hands crawling up Bucky’s tighs and resting at his hips before he leans back again. Bucky’s eyes flutter open and they look at each other for some time just breathing in each other’s air, the music buzzing in the background.

Bucky pulls teasingly at Steve’s shirt. “That’s all you got, Rogers?”

The next thing he knows there’s the hard wood of the cuboards digging into his shoulderblades and he couldn’t care less because Steve is pushed up against him, hard, his hands digging into his sides and his mouth pressing against his own. It’s so hot and amazing and everything Bucky’s ever wished for and he kisses back with all he has.

Steve hooks his fingers into Bucky’s belt loops and pushes his hips forward so they are even closer. He licks over Bucky’s lips and Bucky can’t help but release a whine from the back of his throat. The moment Steve opens his mouth Bucky takes his bottom lip between his teeth and bites down. Steve groans and Bucky licks over the spot soothingly, inviting Steve into his mouth. He wants to hear that sound again, he wants to crawl under Steve’s skin and become everything he knows. They make out like horny teenagers and it’s sloppy and their teeth click but it’s also perfect and heated and Steve’s fingers find their way under Bucky’s light shirt. His calloused hands trail over his skin before he starts drawing circles with his thumbs on Bucky’s hipbones.

They continue to kiss desperately and when finally their tongues meet, Bucky loops his legs around Steve’s tighs to pull him half on top of him, his hands dragging up to his neck and tugging at his hair. Their tongues slide against each other and Bucky tastes alcohol and juice but also something that’s definitely Steve and he moans helplessly.

Steve reclines again but before Bucky can even protest he’s kissing at his chin, slowly trailing open mouthed kisses down to his neck and then up to his ear where he nibbles at his earlobe. “Buck.” He breathes and Bucky is a fucking goner. He clings at Steve’s body like a lifeline, feels like he’s burning up under his touch. Steve makes his way back down a little and sucks at the spot under his ear and Bucky is going fucking crazy. “Steve, fuck, Steve.” His voice comes out shaking and whiny and almost a whisper but he knows Steve heard it, he’s so close and he bites down on his skin the moment the words leave his lips.

Bucky yelps at the slight sting, a spike of heat going straight through his body and whips Steve’s head back up, his pupils completely blown, before he kisses him once more. And Steve kisses back instantly and it may be dirty and frenzied but oh so sweet. Bucky doesn’t know how long they continue like this but he has shrugged Steve’s shirt half the way up his chest when someone walks into the kitchen.

“Get a room, you two.” A rough voice barks and Steve jumps back like he got burned the exact same moment Bucky lets go of his shirt equally shocked.

They look at each other, eyes wide and breathing heavily and Bucky’s brain has stopped working a long time ago. Steve’s hair is stickigng up at all sides and he licks over his lips and Bucky feels his heart seizing up in his chest. He wants to pull him in and feel him close again. He wants to kiss him and never stop. But that isn’t an option, is it? He sees the shithead who interrupted them stumble out of the room from the corner of his eyes but his glance is locked on Steve.

Steve isn’t giving him anything though, just heaving his chest with every breath and looking back at Bucky. He closes his mouth and opens it again and Bucky swears he sees something flash up in his eyes before he makes a step back towards him when a familiar voice ruins the moment entirely.

“There you are, guys.” Clint singsongs. “I was looking for you, we’re playing Top Cards in Tony’s room. We even found Sam.”

Both the boys look at him before sharing a glance and Bucky conjures a smile from somewhere before he jumps down from the counter. He stumbles immediately, obviously having overestimated his sobriety and Steve catches him and why does everything have to be unfair? “We’re coming with.” He slurs and Steve has to practically drag him up the stairs to Tony’s room. Bucky hopes he won’t remember how humiliated he feels right now the next day but appreciates Steve’s solid form beside him nontheless. Humilation is not the worst part, though, not in a long shot. His heart is fucking breaking and it hurts so much. His vision is starting to blur (or was it already?) and he can’t cry, he won’t fucking cry, even if he wants to. How is he supposed to get over Steve now that he has tasted what it is like? He thought almost kissing him was worse but, oh no, was he wrong.

He releases himself from Steve’s grip once they’re up the stairs and takes a deep breath before following Clint into the bedroom. There are all his friends, plus Sam and Rhodel, Randel? What was his name again? Sitting in a circle on the ground, a lot of booze and cards displayed in their middle.

“I found the lost pawns.” Clint shouts and drops down next to Nat.

The group cheers at their arrival and Bucky rubs over his eyes before sitting down on Clint’s other side as Steve takes the place on his right when the others finally make room for the two additional players. They start the game and Bucky doesn’t even care anymore. He isn’t listening to what anybody is saying. All he wants is the bottle of vodka doing the rounds and he takes it whenever he can, drinking right out of it like all the others do but drowning a lot more of the content. He welcomes the burn in his throat as the liquid goes down. If he can’t have Steve like this again he’s gonna forget about it all together, that’s for sure.

Slowly everything’s getting fuzzy and dull at the edges and Bucky finally starts to calm down. This night has been a mess from start to finish and he’s tired. He really needs to sleep, he thinks. He blinks a few times. Before everything fades to black he remembers Tony with his arm around the new guy, both of them laughing, Nat nudging Clint at the side lovingly and Steve smiling at him bright and happy. His smile is so warm, like always, so warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The moment we have all been waiting for!   
> Even if Bucky is having a pity party...
> 
> Also you didn't think i forgot about Rhodey! Him and Tony are the real power couple!!


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots of thinking is done and something changes.

Steve is listening with half an ear to Nat and Sam talking about what’s the best breakfast to have when you’re hungover. Of course it’s eggs and bacon even if Sam still believes it’s doughnuts or other baked goods... but at least Nat seems to know what’s good. But Steve isn’t so eager to come to her help in the argumentation like he normaly would because his brain is kinda stuck on the events of last night.

He woke up feeling somewhat nauseated but still fine and with most memories of the party being intact. But it kinda came back to him slowly. In fact, only when he went into the living room weavering a bit in his steps, where Tony, Rhodey and Sam were already setting the table, it hit him. It hit him when he went to grab the milk in the kitchen and his eyes lingered on the counter next to the fridge. He almost dropped the item in his hands because not that many hours ago on exactly that spot something really big happened.

He even ignored Sam making fun of him for waking up after him (because that’s a rarity, alright). He was freaking out and screaming internaly and trying to keep it to himself really hard. At least he could act as if it was the hangover making him grumpy and Sam bought the excuse immediately. Since then Steve is slowly reliving everything that went down last night. He came with Sam and his idiot self had forgotten his phone, so they walked around this unbelievable enormous house on their own talking to a few people they knew and others they just met. Then he lost even Sam, but had found Bucky. In the kitchen. And they had kissed. Steve had _kissed_ him. He remembers the warm body under his own and pressing its weight against the counter and Bucky’s rough lips, hungry and heated against his mouth like everything Steve could ever want.

He’s so lost in the thought he doesn’t even notice Nat slipping on the chair at the end of the table right next to him. At least until he recalls Bucky biting down on his lip and he has to stifle a groan and, yeah, he should probably stop thinking about this before he embarrasses himself. So he talks a little with Nat (whome he had finally greeted) and Sam, telling them eggs and bacon are the only way to really fight off nausea in the mornings but losing himself again pretty soon after that.

He’s back in the kitchen and fighting off the feeling of Bucky’s skin under his hands and instead remembering Clint calling them up the stairs into the room he woke up in. They started playing some drinking game in there, he remembers having fun and liking Nat especially. She’s witty and smart and beautiful and it was fun seeing her interact with her friends. But that’s where everything’s starting to get fuzzy. He drank a lot, just Bucky’s solid presence next to him doesn’t leave his mind.

So yeah, here is, sitting between Sam and Nat and fruitlessly trying to listen to their words while his mind is stuck on the feeling of Bucky so, so close to him. He sighs unintentionally, welcoming the butterflies going crazy in his stomach. He’s just glad he hasn’t drunk that much over his limit because he’s fairly sure he would throw up if he had. The moment his miserable brain is recapping Bucky’s fingers pulling at his hair for the fifth time this morning said person comes into the living room himself. He looks, well, pretty worn out, honestly. His hair is plastered to his forehead and he has a hazy look in his eyes, his mouth pressed to a firm line. Bucky’s probably really hungover, he _did_ drink a lot.

Steve physically restrains to light up too much. He wants to shout it out and hug him and kiss him, but he knows he has to calm down. He has to talk to Bucky alone first. He doesn’t know if Bucky wants to try dating him just because they kissed once while they were drunk and well, it just hits him now, but maybe he even thinks it was a mistake. They both were pretty drunk and who knows what went through Bucky’s mind. Steve really has to keep his hopes down but it’s so hard to do when he’s the optimist he is and just looking at Bucky makes him feel all gooey inside.

Bucky sits down next to Nat, right infront of him and growls a “good morning” while doing so. Steve greets back in synch with Sam while Nat starts talking happily.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” She says.

“It scares me when you’re nice to me.” Bucky tells Natasha dragging a plate with toast on it in front of him. “But it normaly means you’re too hungover for your cold, cold heart, so I’ll accept it.” Steve hates that he doesn’t look at him. This is already not going like he had hoped. “Where’s Pepper? I don’t assume she’s the one snoring.” Sam laughs next to him. “And who’s that guy again?” Bucky lowers his voice and tilts his head towards Rhody who is talking to Tony on the other end of the table. Both of them don’t seem to realize that another person has entered the room. They’re talking about mechanics or something, Steve never even tried to understand.

And god, he has been so stupid. He _is_ so stupid. He is the stupidest person to ever stupid. Steve’s completely flabbergasted. Of course! Bucky probably kissed him because he saw Tony kissing someone else, he even told him. _All my friends are on the dancefloor. Making out with each other._ He had _told_ him. Bucky almost kissed him once out of frustration after his trip with Tony and even if he had felt guilty about it, yesterday he was fucking drunk, so why not do it again? This time for real and out of jelousy? And of course all he cares about _now_ is the guy talking to Tony.

Steve hates himself so much, how could he even think that it had meant anything when they both had been plastered and without inhibitions. Like that’s why he had dared kissing Bucky in the first place. He’s just so stupid.

 “No, she went home early in the morning already.” Sam answers Bucky’s first question.

“And his name is Rhodey.” Steve mutters unhappily, answering the second. If he is one thing, it’s a good friend. _And probably all he ever will be_ a nagging voice in the back of his mind whispers before he forcefully shuts it up.

“James, have you forgotten last night completely?” Nat chimes in right after and again Steve blinks in confusion. That would be even worse. _Bucky, please don’t do this to me_ , he pleads silently.

But Bucky makes a face and crushes the last bit of Steve’s hope with three simple words. “That obvious, huh?” Steve doesn’t believe his ears. He’s back to freaking out completely now. Just in a bad way now. Bucky doesn’t remember. _He doesn’t remember._ But he should still talk to him about it, right?  He needs a moment to himself but that’s not what he gets, because Bucky just continues. “But you know what, maybe you can help me out. You know who did that?” He pulls down the collar of his shirt and reveals a hickey blooming there, right under his left ear.

Steve’s head is spinning. _How_ could he forget? _Steve, fuck, Steve._ Bucky’s voice echos in his brain, a needy whisper, which had been for just his own ears to hear. He doesn’ know what to think, he honestly just wants to go home and cry into his pillow.

Suddenly three pairs of eyes snap to him and he’s marginally aware that Nat had told Bucky how maybe Steve knew who left the hickey, since she doesn't know and Steve's the last one he hung out with. And yeah, Steve knows who did it alright. _He_ did. Shit. He can’t do this, he just can’t. He forces his voice to be steady and his eyes to look directly into Bucky’s. “Sorry, Buck, I wouldn’t know.” He croaks and all his strength leaves him with the words, his eyes snapping back to his plate and he takes a huge bite from his forgotten toast, so nobody will expect him to say anything more than that.

“Whatever, can’t have been a good kisser if I don't even remember.” He hears Bucky’s response and it feels like an ice pick pierced straight through his heart or a nail to his coffin, or something a tad less dramatic but he isn’t up to find the right metaphor in this moment.

Bucky doesn’t remember. It doesn’t even matter if it’s true or not. Maybe he drunk all his brains out, maybe he just acts like it, both lead to the same conclusion. Bucky doesn’t want to know. He doesn’t care. He would probably only give a shit if Tony was involved in some way. Steve’s stomach churns and he feels like throwing up for the second time this morning, but for a very different reason. He fights off the tears threatening to rise in his eyes and takes a few deep breaths through the nose.

Everybody has started to fill Bucky in with the events from last night, even Rhodey and Tony have turned to the others now. Steve just adds a few things when he has to and focusses on calming down. This is not the end of the world. He still has the memory of kissing him and even if it hurts right now maybe in a few weeks it will be better. He’s still going to talk to Bucky about it and he will come to terms with it and it will be alright.   
Eventually, it will be.

He takes another deep breath and is ready to tell the others that he’s gonna leave now. He needs to be alone for a while before he’s ready to confront his friend, but in that moment Bucky, ever the drama queen, drops his head on the table vigorously and Steve really thinks that had to hurt. “I’m never gonna eat anything in my entire life again.” He whines miserabely.

“You remember that the next time you eat someone out.” Nat says like she was waiting for it and Tony snorts obnoxiously from the other side of the table.

“You’re just bitter ‘cause it won’t be you I’ll be eating out.” Bucky replies, sharp as ever.

“Watch your toungue, Barnes.”

“That’s not what you sa-“ Natasha hits him forcefully in the arm and Bucky starts giggling. It’s cute really, Steve’s brain adds unhelpfully. To his surprise Bucky doesn’t seem to be done and faces Nat a second time. “You know I’m good at it. You miss it.”

Steve furrows his brows. “Sometimes. But don’t tell Clint.” Natasha admits and they both start laughing. They are the only ones. Steve exchanges a confused look with Sam. He knows it’s irrational but he’s already not in a position where he can like Tony and this was an unmistakeable feeling of jealousy striking through his insides right now. He knows Nat is with Clint, but that isn’t helping at the moment.

Sam saves him from his misery. “You two?” He quirks a brow and his finger moves between them.

Nat rolls her eyes but Bucky answers. “When we got to know each other, well. We hit it off immediately, you know, and we were both single and look good.” He highfives Nat. “So we had something…”

“…Casual going on when we were bored. From time to time.” Nat finishes with a shrug.

“It died off pretty much as soon as we met Clint, though.” Bucky smirks and Nat flips him the bird.

While Bucky laughs Steve is still trying to process this. The jealousy has subsided at least. If they were just being casual that’s nothing for him to worry about but it lit up another bulb of doubt in the depth of his thoughts. If Bucky could be in a friends with benefits kind of relationship with someone he was and still is roommates with, even if Steve told him he was the one kissing him the past night, he still wouldn’t care. It just means nothing to him, he does it all the time. Or did, but it’s whatever. Probably still would, if the opportunity arrised and Steve doesn’t want to be anything like that to him. He wants it all.

Maybe it’s better if he keeps this secret to himself then, it will just spare him pain after all. “Fuck.” Bucky says and it’s exactly the word running up and down Steve’s head. “I need to go home.”

“I was gonna leave, too.” Steve welcomes the change of subject and is pretty relieved. He wanted to go anyway. This is good, he will be home in no time.

“Me, too.” Sam declares. “Need to head to the gym, I’m already late.”

“You’re crazy is what you are.” Bucky looks to Sam with shock and Sam laughs. Steve would normally join him but he just isn’t in the mood right now. He just wants to leave.

“Maybe, but at least I look better than you.” Sam shoots back. He’s wrong. He wishes he wouldn’t think that he was wrong. Steve sighs and gets up following his friend to the door not even bothering to tell anyone goodbye. He hasn’t been very social all morning anyway. If he was alone he would probably run all the way home without stopping even once.

When they’re out of the Stark mansion Sam turns to him a little concerned. “You okay?” He asks cautiously, voice low.

Steve sighs again shaking his head a little. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He doesn’t look at him but sees Sam nodding from the corner of his eyes. He loves Sam, he always knows how to help him when he needs it and when he has to step back, too.

When they arrive at the main street they come to a stop and Bucky catches up with them.

“I’m going that way.” Sam explains pointing to the right. Steve isn’t ready to be alone with Bucky at all, but even if he wants to, it’s not like he can just run away. “Bye, you guys.” Sam adds and fistbumbs both him and Bucky before turning them his back and going his way.

Steve and Bucky stand there a little lost before finally making their own way turning left. They walk in silence and Steve determinately looks straight ahead. He just wants to be at home and not talk to Bucky until he had some time to clear his head. It’s even too hard to look at him right now. Whenever he does his eyes snap to the hickey, making hotness pool in his stomach and something cold squeeze his lungs. It’s possessive, angry and it hurts and he doesn’t know how to handle this. Especially right now.

“Steve?” Bucky’s quiet voice breaks through his resolve, turning the hard front he build up into something mushy just like that.

Steve turns his head, slightly humming in affirmation that he heared him and is listening.

Bucky gulps before opening his mouth again. “I’m sorry.”

It hits Steve like a fucking train. He is sorry? For what? Nothing is his fault, even if Steve wants it to be right now. And it's not like he knows.

Before he can reply though, Bucky starts rambling, something definitely pleading in his voice. “I-I’m sorry I don’t remember what happened. I’m sorry I forced you to come to this party because you clearly didn't have any fun. And I’m sorry because I promised it was going to be amazing and I was so drunk I don’t even remember meeting you there. You're probably mad and I’m sorry because you'll never want to consume any alcohol with me ever again or even see me in the first place. Did I do something? Please tell me you’re still my friend.” He scrunches his nose when he’s done and Steve is somewhat overwhelmed.

He stops in his tracks and grabs Bucky’s shoulder turning him so he’s standing right in front of him. Bucky maybe doesn’t remember but of course he cares. He’s Steve’s friend and Bucky cares about him. While Steve was having his own mental breakdown Bucky was obviously panicing himself just because he wanted Steve to have a good party. Just because Steve had been in a bad mood all morning and ignoring him. It’s so ridiculous that he starts chuckling lighty shaking his head. “You’re an idiot, Buck.” He tells him the second Bucky finally decided to look him in the eyes. “Of couse I’m your friend. And I'm not angry at you." He takes a breath. " _And_ it was.. a little fun, i guess.”

He means it. It was an amazing party actually, he had kissed him for fucks sake. That’s all he could have wanted.

He just doesn’t know how to deal with the consequences yet. He looks into Bucky’s eyes fondly, and yeah, he really should have kept to his resolve and not look at him because when it seemed so hard before, it’s way too easy right now and he looses himself in the grey-blues staring back at him. Steve is so gone, it should be embarrassing. It is really.

“It was?”

Steve shrugs with one arm. “I’m kinda sorry you don’t remember anything but I've had some memory problems, too, today. I was pretty drunk myself, you know.” He somehow manages a grin. He really wishes Bucky would remember, it would be so much easier.

“Shit, and I missed it.” They both snort shortly.

“You really didn’t.” Steve adds then, without thinking and his eyes roam Bucky’s face before dropping down to his neck for a second. He wants to suck another hickey right under the one already on display. “We just have to get drunk again another time. Like, someday in the far future.” They laugh again. He really wants to. He want to do everything with Bucky. “I really like your friends.” Steve says after a while, because he needs to change the subject (before he falls into what Sam likes to call Buckyland) and begins walking again. Bucky follows him.

“I’m glad to hear that. I like Sam, too. But you already knew that.” Bucky continues.

“I did.” Steve nods and bumbs lightly into Bucky’s shoulder while they make their way. He wishes he wasn’t so in love with him.

 

***

 

Some hours later Steve is lounging on the couch. He fell asleep as soon as he lied down on it and has had some time to think about everything that happened since he woke up. He feels … okay. He’s still somewhat hungover and he hates to know that Bucky doesn’t remember their kiss, but he’s okay. He won’t be ready anytime soon to talk about it with his friend, there’s so much that could go wrong. Especially when he hasn’t had enough time to emotionally step back a little from the event.

He’s in love with Bucky, he has admitted that to himself already. And honestly, Steve falls fast and hard and it had to be expected. He just has to deal with it now. Bucky cares about him, he knows that. But even if he kissed Steve for the wrong reasons, what was done was done. It couldn’t be reversed and Steve doesn’t even wish for that. He enjoys thinking about it, even with the bitter aftertaste of it, and he would never forget how amazing it had felt. He doesn’t want to hear Bucky say how sorry he is about it, because Steve isn’t, all things considered. And it’s not like it was only Bucky’s fault. Steve had initiated the kiss and that only because he had been drunk. They both had been drunk, so it’s nobodys fault. Or both their faults.

What matters is that Bucky doesn’t have the memory while Steve does. When he’s ready he will tell him. And if he’s never ready, then he won’t. Bucky wouldn’t miss it either way. Again, he takes a deep breath.

He will be alright.

The rest of the day passes in a lazy haze, Steve eats a little and sleeps a little and lays on the couch for most of the time. He tries to watch some TV but his brain always comes back around to the memory of kissing Bucky. It feels like everytime he’s recapping the memory a new detail pops into his head and he can’t help hearing Bucky’s voice in his ear, over and over _Steve, fuck, Steve_. It’s torture honestly. He tries to shut his brain up but it just won’t work. He’s actually starting to feel a little hot and bothered by it and no. No.

He calls Sam then and is glad that he picks up the phone almost immediately.

“Hey, I know I said I wanted to talk tomorrow, but here’s the thing…” and he starts telling Sam what had happened, how he had felt this morning and how he’s feeling about it now, without even greeting him first.

Sam doesn’t say anything for a long time, he listened to Steve’s story without interrupting once. Not even when he told him about the kiss. Steve appreciates this trait of his but in this specific case he wishes Sam would just say _something_ or to at least be able to see his face, just to see the expressions change and make him feel less lonely.

“You know, I kinda figured.” Is what he says finally.

“What?”

“Yeah man, you were acting weird and so was he. I think he feels like there’s missing something important. I think you should tell him.”

“I told you that I’m not ready for that.”

Sam sighs a little exasperately. “I just believe you would like the turn of events.” He says the last three words pointedly, somewhat mocking.

“He likes Tony.”

“And I’ve seen how you act around each other a few times now.”

Steve doesn’t know what to say to that, Sam hasn’t been so blunt about the subject yet and Steve knows better, doesn’t he?

“Listen man, my head is killing me. It’s your decision after all. Just… you’re alright?”

“Yes, I am. Thank you, Sam.”

“No need to thank me.”  
  
They hang up and Steve feels a little lost. Today has been an emotional rollercoaster, he wants some peace and… he wants Bucky. It’s a little sad really how this morning all he wanted was to be alone and now that he had some time to contemplate his life he wants back into Bucky’s arms and hold him close. He groans at himself and dials the number without thinking twice.

“’lo?” Bucky croaks into the speaker, voice obviously rough from sleep.

Suddenly Steve is nervous, like he doesn’t talk to is friend at least once every three days. He swallows around the sudden tightness in his throat and speaks. “Hey, Buck. Sorry to bother you-“

Bucky cuts him off. “Steve.” There’s rustling in the background like he’s turning around in his sheets. Steve tries not to think about it. _Steve, fuck, Steve_. His brain provides helpfully. “You woke me up, buddy.” More rustling.

“Sorry.” Steve’s mouth is dry. This was a bad idea.

“So?” Bucky asks after a while, amusement in his voice. “Come on, I just managed to sleep for three hours without waking up every twenty minutes to throw up. What is it, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just, ugh, it sounds stupid.”

Bucky laughs quietly. Steve takes another breath.

“I don’t know.” I just wanted to talk to you. “I thought… are you free on Monday?” An idea comes to his mind suddenly.

Bucky takes a second to answer. “Sure, why?”

“Remember how I have a motorcycle? How about we take it for a drive?”

 

***

 

Monday rolls around in the blink of an eye and Steve may still be stuck on the events of Friday night but he has come to terms with it more or less. It doesn’t hurt so much anymore, his biggest problem is that he craves Bucky more than ever. And it’s not just his presence anymore, he wants to hold him close and kiss him with everything he has. He wants to hear his voice, needy and breathless. He wants his hands on his body and his taste on his tongue. He wants all of him.

Right now he’ll just get his company, though. And it has to be enough. It is, in some way. Steve can deal. He’s looking forward to his smile and his voice and the beautiful dip on his chin.

He comes to a stop in front of the dormitory Bucky and Nat reside in, the backwheel of his bike whiring and slithering a bit on the dry asphalt. He kills the engine and takes off his helmet but before he even reaches the door it’s thrown open and Bucky’s standing there. His eyes are big as marbles and the enormous smile plastered on his face shows all his teeth.

“I’m so excited.” He yelps jumping once on the spot and going straight past Steve to the motorcycle parked on the courtyard. He’s practically vibrating as he oogles the bike from every angle, even walking around it. Then, suddenly, he's running right back to Steve like he forgot something and jumps into his arms in a bearhug.

“Uff.” It escapes out of Steve’s mouth but he grabs his friend and hugs back just as tight. It’s a miracle his helmet is still safely in his left hand. Bucky releases him after a while and looks up to him sheepishly, his cheeks glowing with excitement and a spark in his eyes. Steve fights off the urge to just lean down by repositioning the grip he has on the helmet. “You ready?”

“I was born ready.” Bucky shoots grinning from ear to ear.

They walk back to the motorcycle and Steve fiddles with the rope he used to fix the second helmet to the vehicle.

“So, where are you going to take me?” Bucky challenges and Steve interrupts what he’s doing to shoot him a glance.

“It’s a surprise.”

“You like surprising your friends, huh?” Bucky jumps on the motorcycle bending one leg so he sits on it, observing Steve’s work.

He has finally managed to free the second helmet and flops it onto Bucky head. “Just you.” He grins back and hints that Bucky should sit down properly with his hands.

Bucky readjusts the helmet on his head before wielding one leg to the other side and slipping in the back of the saddle. Steve sits down in front of him and relishes into the feeling of Bucky’s warm body behind him for just a second. “Uh, I never drove with one.” Bucky’s voice resonates, a little unsure and muffled by both his own and Steve’s helmet.

Steve turns a little so he can see him from the corner of his eye and smiles at him. “Just hold on tight. Like the dames in the old movies.” He winks and accelerates with a swift movement of the wrist. Bucky’s arms immediately fly around his waist and Steve laughs making his way on the street.

Bucky’s iron grip loosens a little after some time and he even shouts that he’s getting the hang of it over the wind in their ears. But then Steve drives upon the motorway and shows his friend how fast his baby can go. The moment the motor roars under them Bucky’s arms find their way back around Steve’s stomach and he holds on to dear life, their helmets knocking together with the movement. Steve laughs again. “Relax, idiot.”

“I’m trying.” Bucky growls back but the grip never loosens again. It’s easy to drive with him, though. After a while he gets enthausiastic about the speed and he always leans into the curves just right in synch with Steve. After 45 minutes they come to a stop in a pretty deserted area, a lot of plants growing around them.

Bucky dismounts first, taking of his helmet and smiling as bright as he did this morning opening the door. His legs are shaking somewhat but Steve ignores it for his sake, he’s nice like that. “This was amazing!” His hairs are sticking to his forehead but also in _every direction_ and he looks a little crazy with the manic look on his face.

“You wanna try the way back?” Steve asks pulling off his own helmet and ruffling through his hair.

Bucky’s grin falls on the spot. “Uh, I don’t know, I don’t wanna break the bike. Or you.”

Steve laughs again, leaning back and holding his stomach. “I wouldn’t let you drive on the highway anyway.” He finishes and Bucky sticks out his tongue in defiance.

“Come on, I planned a nice noon here.” He goes through the bushes following a small path and Bucky follows him curiously. Not long after they arrive on a sandbank with a big river in the back and many ships and gutters floating on the surface.

“Where did you take me, Steve?” Bucky asks in wonder and Steve grabs his wrist since he can’t hold his hand and drags him to one of the gutters he knows for a fact are for the public.

“I like it here, it’s always serene. Especially when the weather is good.”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re tring to court me.” Bucky giggles and sits down on the margin of the woodplanks. He drops the helmet behind him and starts taking off his shoes.

Steve ignores the comment like a professional and mimics him, taking off his leatherjacket as well. Bucky whines. “That looked so good on you.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “I hate you.” He kicks him in the shin playfully.

“Yeah, yeah. Try telling yourself that. I’ve got you wrapped around my pinky, Rogers, you wouldn’t harm a hair on my head.” He leans down heavy on his left hand right into Steve’s space and flutters his eyelashes.

Steve hooks his foot around Bucky’s shin and leans right back into him. Bucky’s eyes widen when he gives him a forcefull shove and the next second drops of water splash over him and Bucky’s inside the lake. Steve laughs again and misses Bucky’s priceless grumpy face when he resurfaces glaring at his friend in hostility.

“Fucking watch yourself.” Bucky splutters and before he can do anything about it he pulls at his ankles and in falls Steve, too.

He comes up coughing and laughing not having had enough time to close his mouth by the surprise attack. Now Bucky is laughing, too, what a shithead. They start splashing each other with waves of water but stop pretty soon beause it’s hard to swim with clothes on. They agree to a ceasefire and swim back to the gutter.

“You know, I could have had my phone on me.” Bucky huffs once he heaves himself back on the wooden surface.

“I saw you putting it into your shoes, idiot.” They’re lying next to each other now, dripping wet on their backs and breathing heavily. “You almost choked me, you shouldn’t be the one complaining.”

“Aw, come on, a big guy like you.” Bucky grins and sits up, taking off his shirt. Steve can’t help but stare, it’s even worse than on their ratatouille dinner date. (Strictly, it wasn’t a date but Steve likes to pretend.) The dogtags shine in the sunlight right on his pecks and Steve just wants to drown in his misery. Before he can even recover from his shock, Bucky stands up and opens his fly. Steve’s eyes are probably bulging out of their sockets, what the heck?

Bucky stops in his movements and Steve reluctantly detaches his eyes from Bucky’s fingers on his fly and lets his gaze crawl up to his face, lazily taking in every detail. Bucky’s looking down on him with a carefull smirk playing on his lips and a cocked eyebrow and Steve just now realizes that he’s caught red-handed. He blushes furiously and finally sits up himself.

“You like what you see, Rogers? You know I’m just trying to let my clothes dry.”

“Har har.” Steve looses his own shirt and looks back to Bucky challengingly, clenching his jaw, even when the blush is still creeping on his cheeks. He’s mortified, god. “Don’t think I’m not noticing you looking all the time, too.”

Bucky seems taken aback for a second before he grins sharklike and slowly starts to take off his jeans. “Well, we both look good, what can I say?”

Steve is strangely reminded of Nat’s word. “Am I supposed to highfive you now?” he asks.

Bucky shrugs putting the pants next to his shirt and placing a shoe on each item. “If you want to.”

“I really don’t.”

They both snort and Steve takes off his own pants. He’s glad he’s wearing dark underwear honestly. He watches Bucky stuff his dogtags into a sock and slipping it back into the shoe before he traces around his neck, probably missing the chain there.

“Feels weird?”

“A little, yeah.” Bucky nods eyes locked on the shoe containing the tags. “But I don’t wanna lose them.” He shrugs and Steve smiles at him.

Only when Bucky turns Steve notices the hickey still displaying on his friends neck. It’s a little fainter than on Saturday morning but still prominent against his skin. Steve’s breath hiches in his throat and he looks away shaking his head. He’s not going down this road again. But it’s so hard. Bucky is standing in front of him dripping wet, wearing just his underwear and with a hickey displayed on his neck that Steve gave him. He can’t help but find the whole situation pretty ironic. _Steve, fuck, Steve_ it echoes in his head for the first time today and he shakes his head again muttering a swear.

“You alright?” Bucky turns back to him, concern displayed on his face.

Steve licks over his lips. This is the perfect opportunity. “You said you were born ready, Barnes, you still stand with that statement?”

Bucky’s brows contract in confusion. “Sure.” He says but it sounds more like a question.

Steve takes a run and rushes up to his friend. Before Bucky can move Steve loops an arm around his waist and heaves him onto his shoulder. Bucky is chanting ‘ _No_ ’s and ‘ _Steve, no_ ’s but it’s way too late, Steve is already jumping off the gutter and taking Bucky down with him.

They hit the water together and Bucky’s cries die down. While they’re under Bucky’s limbs coil around Steve’s body like an octopus and they come up both laughing stupidly.

“You really need to stop doing that.” Bucky declares once he’s stopped laughing and is looking at Steve chastising but fondly.

Steve can’t help but grin even wider. “You’re such an easy target, though.” Bucky answers him with a handful of water that finds its way right into Steve’s nose. He coughs and splutters once more and they go down a dozen centimeters, Bucky still refusing to let go of Steve in any way. 

It’s nice really. Steve can dream a little and pretend they are on a date and that Bucky wouldn’t mind kissing him right now. They’re floating lazily in front of the gutter and drifting with the current. After a short while Bucky bites down on his lip nervously and hesitates shortly before resting his forehead on Steve’s shoulder.

“Do you mind, if I stay like this for a little?” He asks silently his legs squeezing around Steve’s waist. Steve shakes his head too eagerly but Bucky doesn’t seem to notice.

He doesn’t know what to do with his hands really, so he just focusses on staying upon water, tightening the grip he has around his friend’s waist. He wouldn’t mind staying like this for some longer either.

“Sorry.” Bucky mutters eventually but way too soon, not looking at Steve and getting off him so suddenly the water around him feels like it’s freezing.

“I don’t mind.” Steve says truthfully but doesn’t push it. Sometimes Bucky craves vicinity and that’s fine. He loves those moments actually, how couldn’t he. They make their way back to their drying clothes and sit back down on the edge of the gutter, feets dangling playfully in the water. They talk and joke and savour the beautiful sight soaked in by sunlight.

“You thirsty?” Bucky asks some time later. “I forgot to take anything with me.”

Steve had totally forgotten, too. “Actually, I am.”

“Wait here, I’m gonna run to the kiosk I saw in the back and get something.” He rummages around kneeling in front of his clothes to fetch the money hidden in one of the shoes and makes his way only pausing once in his tracks to put his shirt back on. Steve blinks a few times looking at his form becoming smaller while he goes to the kiosk Steve only now realizes is even there. Then he lies back down on the gutter, arms under his head.

Sooner than he would have thought a shadow casts over his face but he keeps his eyes closed. “Took you long enough, Buck.” He jokes with a grin but instead of Bucky’s pleasent humming a loud giggling answers him and he opens his eyes on the spot sitting up somewhat hurredly. There is a heavy girl standing in front of him, with long beautiful locks and rosy cheeks. She’s really pretty and keeps smiling at him. Steve is a little confused, he’s fairly sure he doesn’t know her and neither does she look like some guard who is there to tell him to abandon the gutter immediately. He looks at her face in confusion.

“Can I help you?” he stutters.

“Well.” Her smile widens and the color on her cheeks darkens. “I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?”

Steve is so perplexed his mouth just opens in confusion. The next second the girl starts giggling again and she hides her face in her hands. “Sorry, that’s so stupid. My friend over there dared me to do it.” Only now Steve sees the blonde girl sitting on a bench in the back holding her stomach probably laughing silently to herself. Steve feels like a fucking fool, it’s like he only sees Bucky when he’s with him, what a loser. “I just wanted to say hi, honestly.” She lets her hands fall from her face and holds one up to Steve. “I’m Stephanie.”

Steve gets up on his feet before taking her hand and shaking it. “Steve.” He smiles back. He feels a little awkward, he’s still just in his underwear, but the girl has no problems to hold her gaze on eyelevel so he’s thankful for that. It actually makes him like her on the spot.

Stephanie rocks on her feet a few times still smiling sheepishly at him. “So.” She says when it’s clear that Steve is too surprised to say something himself. “Can I still get your number? Or did I fuck it up completely?”

Steve feels his ears burn in embarrassment, normally he would be glad for an opportunity like that but right now… with Bucky… he just doesn’t know what to do with it. It should come as a blessing if he’s honest with himself because it would be a good way to distract himself from going crazy for someone who doesn’t care about him in that way... but it would feel like taking adventage of her. She clearly looks interested. Steve scratches at the back of his head as awkward as ever.

“Uhm, I’m sorry. I don’t think that’s a good idea.” The smile on Stephanies face drops and Steve feels so bad about it. “I mean, sorry. Don’t get me wrong. You seem lovely and I feel extremely flattered, but... uh.” He stumbles over his own words. How can he put this? “I just. I don’t think... I’m not-“

But Stephanie interrupts him shaking her head the smile back on her beautiful face. “It’s okay. I’m sorry. I actually guessed it but I didn’t wanna assume. He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?”

“Who?” Steve asks way too fast.

She looks at him with her big eyes, amusement sparkling in them. “The guy you’re here with? Buck, you called him?” She cocks her head to the direction of the kiosk.

Steve flushes so rapidly he practically skips pink and is now displaying a nice brownish-red on his face. “I. What? No?” He tries feeling his skin burn with the heat.

Stephanie giggles again. “Okay. I wish you good luck then.” She winks at him and turns to go back to her friend. “Bye, Steve, it was nice meeting you.”

She leaves behind a dumbfounded Steve who’s doing a pretty good impression of a fish out of water. While he’s still gaping at the girl he sees Bucky returning with something in his hands and looking at Stephanie a little confused.

“Bye, Buck.” Stephanie’s voice carries to him and the confused look on Bucky’s face deepens.

“Bye?” He says and crosses the gutter to where Steve is standing, now a suspicious look on his face. “What did I miss?”

“Ugh.” Steve says helpfully because his brain is still under construction. Bucky snorts at him and sits down, feet back into the water. Steve shakes himself once and plants himself next to him. “Sorry, uh, she hit on me.”

“Oh.” Is all Bucky says, Steve thinks it sounds a little irritated. “She got you pretty worked up, huh?” he adds then.

“Yeah. Well, no.” Steve is very eloquent. “I didn’t even give her my number.”

Bucky’s head snaps up to him. “Why?”

“I just- I don’t know, didn’t want to.” He shrugs with one shoulder. Only then he sees what Bucky is holding in his hands. “You got icecream!”

“Yeah, I did.” Bucky looks down on the cones in his hands like he just now realizes they are there himself. Then he extends one hand to Steve. “That’s for you. I wasn’t sure what you’d like but I guessed you’re more of the fruity type. So I got you apple and mango, hope that’s fine. Also, there’s water.” He points to the bottles placed next to him.

Steve takes the cone with one hand and a bottle with the other. “Thanks, Buck, that’s more then fine.” He smiles at him and Bucky grins right back.

They sit there contendly licking at their scoops of ice cream in silence until Steve breaks it with an ugly snort.

“What’s up?” Bucky asks.

“Sorry, I just. That girl that went over here before, Stephanie. Her pick-up line was really good.”

“Yeah, what she say?” Bucky’s grin widens.

“She said ‘I seem to have lost my phone number, can I have yours?’” Steve laughs again.

“Aw, come on.” Bucky complains. “My pick-up lines are way better.”

Steve eyes his friend skeptically. “Try me.”

“Your ass is so nice that it’s a shame that you have to sit on it.”

Steve rolls his eyes but can’t restrain his ears from turning red. “I know you like my body, how about something actually nice for once?”

Bucky nudges him with his shoulder. He humms like he’s thinking about it before he leans his head against Steve. He meets his eyes and says. “There isn’t a pick-up line in the world that describes how amazing you are.”

Steve thinks he can actually hear his heart stutter, Bucky needs to stop doing this to him, it wasn’t even the shitty line but just feeling him so close.

“Pretty good, huh?” He says with a snort and rising his head from Steve’s shoulder. Steve shrugs, he can’t seem to find any words right now. “But I got an even better one.” Steve just swallows. “Wanna play ‘kite’?”

“What?”

“I lay down, you blow and we’ll see how high you can make me.”

A sudden rustling, a swear and Bucky’s back in the water.

 

***

 

Bucky streches his arms over his head stifling a yawn. Today has been the fist lazy day in amlost two weeks. Okay, all days have been lazy days really. But there has always been someone around since the terrible Saturday Bucky had cured out his hangover. Especially this week he has been around Nat and Clint almost too much and he has seen things he could have gone his whole life without seeing. It wasn’t their fault exactly but Bucky thinks they could at least be somewhat careful when they know well that Bucky is in the apartment, too (he was just going to get them popcorn but obvioulsy a lot can happen in two minutes).

He’s also spend a lot of time with Tony, which led to spending time with Rhodey as well. It seems like the guy is pracically living at Stark’s and he’s doing wonders to his friend’s attitude. So Bucky is welcoming. In addition, the guy’s funny and is the only person next to Pepper who can control Tony, if only just a little. They are working on a weird suit, that is somehow powered by that small battery Tony build when they were in L.A. Bucky is happy he doesn't know the details. Pepper has been around most of the times Bucky went over as well, which was more than pleasing. Bucky is slowly coaxing Tony to do something about his feelings for her. And he’s trying. It’s almost cute, if it wasn’t Tony Bucky’s talking about.

 He’s even been around town with Kate once because she needed to go shopping for her vacation in Spain. Nobody had the time but Bucky was bored so he went with. It was actually pretty great, considering that it was the first time they had passed their time together just the two of them. She’s a great girl and Bucky is glad he met her through Clint.

There had also been enough late nights with a group of different people every time, sometimes at their own place and other times they were invited over by those people and frankly, it’s been exhausting in some way, even if they were just hanging out most of the times. So Bucky saved this day for just himself and went to the park in the early morning hours. Since then he’s almost read through the entirety of The Martian. The sun is warm on his skin and thanks to a miracle there are only a few kids playing here, so it’s tranquil and quiet.

 It’s nice.

 But not great.   
  
After some hours Bucky had reluctantly realized that he’s not entirely satisfied with his special day. As much as he craved some alone time there is a really annoying part of his brain that is reminding him that the only person he hasn’t seen much of these past weeks is Steve. The last time they had seen each other they went on a motorcycle trip and it was an amazing day in Bucky’s book, but it’s been so long. Actually, it hasn’t been that long, but that’s what the earlier mentioned annoying brainpart likes to claim and Bucky can’t do much about it.

Bucky sighs and repositions himself on the bench. He flips his phone in his hand once, it’s been some time since they seriously messaged each other as well. Steve had been almost as busy as Bucky, it looks like. There had been the occasional ‘what you doing’s, some shitty photos of friends or even selfies and some good night texts from time to time, but that’s been it. Bucky hates how he hates it. What he hates even more is that his fucked up halfbrain is still stuck on the good night message Steve send him two days ago. So stuck actually, he hasn’t written anything back since then because he doesn’t know what to do with it. Steve had given him a petname again, and he hasn’t been called ‘babe’ since what feels like forever. Seeing the little word had made Bucky feel strangely hot and made his insides constrict and it just had been completely overwhelming, so he’s been ignoring it.

Bad luck, now that he really wants to talk to him. Bucky doesn’t make any sense, when it comes to Steve it’s like he has completely lost his footing. Up is down and down is up and all that shit. He sighs again. He looks at the little numerics on his phone telling him the time, it’s already five pm and all he’s eaten today is a bag of potato chips he took with him. He’s gonna go for a walk to clear his head now and then straight home to eat, he decides.

He strolls around with the book under one armpit and both hands deep in his pockets watching more at the asphalt under his feet than where he’s going. Before he knows it he comes to a halt, he isn’t on his way home. He curses himself and walks down the street to Steve’s apartment. What the hell, maybe Steve isn’t even there and if he is, well, it’s early in the evening and he needs to eat, too so they can eat together, there’s nothing weird about it. Instead of ringing the bell he’s just standing there like a post, though, something holding him back. He lets out a frustrated noise and his hand falls. If he’s honest he’s feeling a little guilty towards himself. He starts pacing, all he wanted was to get over Steve and his shitty crush on him but he hasn’t made any progress at all, he actually thinks he’s slipped a little further.

Suddenly his pacing is interrupted as some girl leaves the dorm and opens the door right in his face. Bucky rubs at his nose. “Ow.”

“Sorry.” The girl says in passing without even looking.

Bucky growls a little peeved by her shitty behaviour but before he can think about it he seizes the opportunity and squeezes his foot between the door and the lock and shimmies inside in a swift movement before the heavy door closes behind him. Now he’s standing in the hallway, so far so good, ugh. Steve’s appartment is two floors up to the right. He bites at his lips, it’s not too late to just turn back and leave, nobody has to know about his little detour. He fidgets on the spot for a while suppressing a whine trying to leave his mouth, then he just steps forward and rushes up the stairs his heart beating absuredly fast before he can change his mind. He’s just surprising a friend, for fucks sake, Steve surprised him more than once himself, so he’s just giving back what he owes him… or something like that. So his shitty body should really stop making such a big deal about it.

Bucky finds himself confronted with Steve’s entrance door (these doors are beginning to become bothersome). He takes a deep and somewhat displeased breath and knocks at the door twice, knuckles heavy on the wood. A few moments later he hears shuffeling on the other side and is pretty relieved that there isn’t any spyhole, if he wants to surprise Steve he shouldn’t know who’s there before seeing him standing there, right? 

Well, that was the thought at least. The one who’s actually surprised, though, is Bucky. Or maybe both of them, but Bucky thinks he hits the jackpot of revelations right this moment.

Steve opens the door and he doesn’t look much like the knight in shining armour he does look like most of the times. He’s probably been sitting around doing nothing all day. His hair is all messed up like he just woke up, he’s wearing some kind of sweatpants with no socks on and his (probably only) baggy shirt is laced with creases and there’s a stain there that looks like old crusted food. It should be disgusting, but it isn’t. Steve looks so soft and amazing and just like him. And Bucky loves everything about this sight.

He loves everything about Steve, he thinks, watching him for presumingly way too long with a warm smile, while Steve stares back with wide eyes, the surprise he’s feeling at seeing Bucky clear on his face.

Wait.

Bucky’s smile drops abpruptly.

He loves Steve?

He’s a fucking idiot is what he is. How could he not have realized it until now? How is his shitty brain choosing this exact moment to have the epiphany?

Fuck. _He’s in love with Steve_. He is.

He takes a small step back a suffocated noise leaving his mouth and he is still staring at Steve’s face. His friend isn’t displaying any surprise anymore, though, concern is now showing in his features and he instinctly takes a step forward.

Shit, he’s in love with Steve Rogers. And now what? Getting over him will be a lot harder than anticipated and it’s gonna hurt and be shitty and messy. His breath quickens. That’s not what was supposed to happen. It is all wrong, Bucky doesn’t want this.

He shakes his head almost interceptable but Steve immediately stops in his tracks. “Are you okay?” He asks and it squeezes at Bucky’s lungs.

“Yes. I am, sorry.” He manages after a while, taking deep breath after deep breath traing to snap out of it but his eyes are still fixed on Steve’s face, unblinking and seeing straight past him. He rakes a hand through his hair, messing it up and he lets out an exasperated feeble noise before he can stop it. “Fuck.”

“Are you sure?”

Bucky’s eyes focus and he looks back at Steve and nods. “Yeah, sorry. I-I don’t know what came over me.” He shakes his head vigorously with a shaky laugh. He’s the biggest moron on this planet, he wants a medal.

Steve must think that it’s okay again to take another step into Bucky’s direction and walks straight into his space. “You need a hug?” He murmurs. Bucky just nods without looking at Steve at all and the next moment he’s dragged into a warm hug and clings right back at his friend.

He can’t help but feel so incredibly stupid. How had he missed something so big? Thinking back, he has been in love with this guy for some months at least now, god. He starts giggling at the irony and absurdity of the whole thing right into Steve’s shoulder before the laughter is shaking his body so much he leans back and away from his friend having a somewhat mortifying fit that echoes in the stairwell.

When he’s finally done he rubs at his eyes a confused Steve standing in front of him with a quizzical brow lifted to his hairline. “Sorry, this is stupid. Let’s start over, huh?” Bucky clears his throat. “I just wanted to ask if you’d like to get some food. With me.” He pauses. “Or is that your dinner?” He points at the disgusting stain on Steve’s shirt with a shiteating grin.

Steve swats at Bucky’s outstretched finger but turns a little pink around the ears. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t act all high and mighty after your weird mental breakdown right now.”

He goes in and Bucky follows without being invited. He’s glad Steve knows when to step back and not ask any questions, he wouldn’t know how to get out of this. “Please just forget about it.” He winces but his voice is quite groggy also.

“Only if you forget about this T-shirt.” Steve answers and turns around tugging at the hem of the shirt once to make his point clear.

“Deal.”

Steve narrows his eyes and backs up backwards. “I’m gonna change. Then we can grab a bite at Fury’s. Sounds good?”

“Sounds really good.” Bucky agrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, how many times has Steve cried in this story?  
> I need guesses, it is for science!!
> 
> And as always, hope you enjoy :)


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reminiscence and lots of fish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry so much for the delay guys! I have a lot of exams atm so i had to prioritize them :/  
> However the worst is over and i should be able to post regularly again, real life can be hard!  
> As always, i hope you enjoy :))

It’s a few days later and Bucky is back in the park. This time he’s lying on a blanket in the middle of the lawn on his back, an arm drapped over his eyes to shield them from the sun glowing bright in the middle of the sky. He’s still contemplating a little about the relevation he had in Steve’s stairway but he feels calm about it. In fact, he is pretty okay with the thing itself, it is what it is and considering Steve Rogers it shouldn’t have been such a surprise to Bucky that it would eventually happen. The thing that gets him is that he didn’t realize it before it was too late and now he’s stuck. He hasn’t told anybody yet because not talking about it keeps the whole thing unreal. It’s a childish way of thinking maybe, but having admitted to it to only himself and refraining to let it out in the open transforms his feelings into a kind of Schrödingers cat. It is a consolation more than anything else because he still knows he’s fucked. However, it makes it easier to deal with.

The hours today are buzzing by so slowly sometimes Bucky thinks time has stopped completely, it’s probably because he’s bored and in a bad mood. He was supposed to meet up with Steve today but the guy had called him several hours ago to cancel. His mom had made a surprise visit and they were going some place a little out of town and he didn’t know how long it would take. Bucky had heared in his voice that he felt sorry for standing him up but he knows Steve loves his mother so much and was glad she was there. Bucky couldn’t even be angry or too disappointed really, Steve was so excited that he and his mom would go somewhere to have a nice walk and dinner. Bucky wishes he had such a good relationship with his mom. Don’t get him wrong, he loves her as much as he loves his sister and they get along well. It’s just that none of them makes any exception for the other or stay much in touch. In time they had just lived apart a bit, how it happens when you move out from home.

Anyhow, now Bucky doesn’t know what to do with his day. Nat and Clint are on a trip, just the two of them and he had felt bad to ask to come with when it was obviously a special date-day. So he hadn’t asked at all but went straight to the park. He didn’t feel like meeting up with anybody else anyway. These days the only company he really wants is either Nat’s, Clint’s or Steve’s, or all of their’s together. It’s a little weird maybe but thoey  _are_ his best friends in the end.

He still doesn’t know what to do with himself, he’s been at the park for a few hours now and finished his book. He rolls on his belly grabbing his phone he had thrown somewhere nearby regardlessly as he laid down this morning. He gets a little irritated by seeing that he has zero messages. He forgives Nat and Clint (he likes to refer to them as Clat by now because they’ve practically been sitting on each other since the vacation started) because they’re on a date but Tony could have thought of him at least once, even if he's still busy with that project he started with Rhodey. Even Wanda had stopped replying a few days ago without any reasons. Not that Bucky needs to absolutely talk to her every day but it still bugs him a little, especially now that he's feeling lonely. And then there is Steve. Bucky should probably be more considering because he is spending time with his mom, but he can’t help but think he should be texting him. In some way he _had_ stood Bucky up and Bucky would like to believe that he does think about him now and then. Ugh, he rolls his eyes at himself ignoring how stupid he feels.

Well, if he doesn’t think of him by himself Bucky will fucking make him.

**You:** Steve

**You:** Steeeeve

**You:** Steve

**You:** Steeeeeveeeeeeeee

**You** : Steveeeee

**You** : Stevie

He writes in short succession and thinks he does a nice impression of a little kid. He smiles somewhat smugly, he’s going to be the most annoying little shit, that’s how he wants to spend his day. He makes an ugly selfie in which he looks into the camera with a pout and sad big eyes and sends that, too.

**You:** Steeeevieeeeee

**You:** Talk to meeeeee

**You:** u having fun?

He waits a few moments before deciding to take another selfie. He almost touches the screen with his nose this time, puppyeyes taking in most of the picture. He sends it with the caption ‘u left me all alone today how could u’ grinning like an idiot while he does so. He leaves it at that for now, feeling satisfied with his work. Steve will probably feel bad about it and Bucky shouldn’t like the thought as much as he does but he never claimed to be a good person.

Sooner than expected a message makes his phone buzz. He unlocks the screen with a mischevious grin on his face curious to how Steve answerd.

**Stove:** You are a baby. Grow up.

Bucky’s grin freezes and makes way for an offended open mouthed reaction. That shit, how dare he?

**You:** u have the audacity

**You:** u left me all alone and arent even sorry

**You:** u r ugly and stupid and i hate u

**You:** ignoring my question isnt so mature urself u kno

**You:** u r bad and u should feel bad

**Stove:** Yes, I’m having fun.

**Stove:** I’d have more, if you wouldn’t send me stupid messages.

Bucky is now officially pouting for real. He doesn’t take a selfie this time.

**You:** Steve

**You:** u r mean

**You:** listen

**You:** u r making me cry

**You:** r u happy now

**You:** u big meanie

He sends another picture then, a screenshot this time. He changes Steve’s contact to ‘Big Meanie’, because it seemes the right thing to do.

**Big Meanie:** Ok.

**Big Meanie:** Bye, Buck.

If it wasn’t for the nickname Bucky would actually start wondering if Steve was being annoyed by him or not, but he’s still pretty sure his friend is writing all this with a shiteating grin. Knowing this strangely doesn’t help against the heavy feeling in his gut.

**You:** dont be like this pls I miss u (sad emoji)

There isn’t an immediate answer, so Bucky starts being his annoying self again.

**You:** Steveee

**You:** Steve

**You:** Creekri

**You:** Eargasm moron!!!

**You:** (that ones actually cringeworthy im sorry)

**You:** All American

**You:** (i feel like there is a beefcake missing but to my defense i didnt know by then)

**You:** Lumberjack!

**You:** Jack!!

**You:** there were others in between werent there (thinking emoji)

**You:** Rapunzel

**You:** (how could I forget omg)

**You:** also ugly naked guy omg and michelangelo u had that one for a while too

**You:** u were stove before big meanie btw

**You:** however

**You:** IF U R SOMEWHERE IN THERE PLS BE NICE TO ME

Only a few seconds after sending that message Bucky’s phone starts ringing and he accepts the call right away. The moment he has the speaker at his ear he hears suffocated laughter before Steve seems to explode and there is just the sound of obnoxious loud laughing in his ear. Bucky can’t help but grin, the weight on his stomach lifting at once.

“I swear to God, you’re such an idiot.” Steve manages after a while, still catching his breath. “I was already suffering but Stove made me lose it. And here I thought I could prank you right back.”

“Well, I can assure you, you were doing a pretty good job. You really got me thinking if you were actually pissed off.”

“I wasn’t.”

“You’re just the bigger ass and had to show it off.” Bucky grins.

“I always take the opportunities to show off my ass.”

Bucky clicks his tounge. “I can’t even blame you.” He lets his gaze wander a bit over the clouds in the sky. “I’m somewhat sorry I interrupted your trip with your mom, though.”

“Don’t worry. She’s been flirting with the cashier for almost half an hour, that’s when I first checked my phone. I was glad to see you texted me.” He’s silent for a short while. “I did expect better quality, though.”

“Your standarts are too high, pal.” Bucky shoots back offhandedly and Steve laughs a little.

“Or I just expected too much from you.”

“Same shit.”

“Listen, looks like my mom has finally gotten the chashier’s number or gave up so I gotta go. I’ll text you when I can.”

“Sure, have fun. Thanks for calling and say hi to your mom from me.”

Bucky is about to hang up when Steve speaks again. “Buck?” He hesitates a little. “I miss you, too.” And then the line goes dead. Bucky ignores the tingling feeling washing over his body but is suddenly in a really amazing mood for the rest of the day.

He heads back home after a while when he starts getting hungry. He’s spend the rest of the evening laying on the blanket lazily and texting back and forth with Steve even when the answers took a while sometimes. He even recieved a selfie with Steve next to his mom sitting at some fancy restaurant table with lots of food displayed before them. They both look happy and beautiful on it and Bucky can see how much they appreciate their time together.

All in all it’s been a nice day.

All in all he thinks he doesn’t want to keep his secret anymore.

The moment he gets home and drops his keys on the familiar spot, he steals into the kitchen being pretty relieved to see Nat at the table without Clint in sight. In spite of his intentions it’s easier to go through with it with just Nat present.

“Hi.” Her melodical voice greets him.

“Hi, Nat.” He walks into the room somewhat impatiently, if he doesn’t do this immediately he won’t do it at all. He comes to a halt right in front of her so he can look into her eyes. “I’m in love with Steve.” He says without missing a beat.

Nat just rises an eyebrow in amusement. “Took you long enough to figure out.”

Bucky huffs indignantly and turns around to get some food. He opens the fridge with a little smile playing at the corner of his mouth. Looks like Schrödinger’s cat is alive.

 

***

 

Since Bucky told Nat she and Clint are teasing him relentlessly, especially on the times he meets up with the man in question. It’s annoying but he has seen and been worse when the two of them were still trying to get their shit together and dancing around each other so he endures everything without talking back. Mostly. It’s almost two weeks later and they have tried to get him and Steve to hang out with them almost every day since then. Bucky actually liked the thought until Clint slipped and it turned out they were trying to lure them on a double date. He was able to avoid it for now because fortunately none of them have Steve’s number and so they were only able to ask him through Bucky, who, well, just didn’t.

Today he isn’t so lucky. Steve came to pick him up (honestly Bucky doesn’t know why because they could have met at the park but he likes how Steve does it sometimes so he’s not gonna complain) to just stroll around because they have made a habit to at least see each other once a day since Steve stood him up. They both don’t talk about the ‘I miss you’ thing but that’s probably why they’re doing it. However, the moment he rang the doorbell Clint and Nat both looked at Bucky like two starving meerkats and before he could run down the stairs and get rid of them Nat was already on her feet while Clint hold Bucky back.

They are shoving each other down the last fly of stairs and finally Bucky can make some space between him and Clint and gets out, the door closing so his friend runs against it. With a pleased grin he turns his attention back to the redhead-troublemaker in front of him. She’s looking at him with a small smile everybody could miss but Bucky sees the challenge in her eyes and he wants to strangle her.

“Hey, Buck. Hey, Clint.” Steve who’s standing next to Natasha greets them as Clint comes to a stop next to Bucky ramming him at the side as a revenge for the door trick. “Nat asked me if we wanted to go to the aquarium with her and Clint. We didn’t know what to do anyway so if you’re up to it.” He trails off with an open hand gesture.

Before Bucky can open his mouth Natasha is already replying. “He was whining about how he wanted to come with us a moment ago but he had plans with you, so i took matters at hand. He’s such a moron sometimes. He can’t see the easy way to solve things. Sometimes you just have to communicate.”

Bucky narrows his eyes, he knows what _she’s_ trying to communicate and he doesn’t like it one bit. In addition he didn’t know about any aquarium trip since right now this second, but that was part of Nat’s plan all along so he can’t say anything really. “Sorry, I should have just asked you.” He shrugs with one shoulder turning to Steve who has a weird smile on his face.

“Yeah you should have. I love aquariums.” He shrugs himself.

So does Bucky honestly. He should just be happy to spend the day with his three favourite people in the world in a place he likes being at but his hands are already starting to become sweaty. He wishes he didn’t notice Clint slip last week or see the obvious intent in Nat’s facial expression right now because he can’t start thinking about this as a date, he’s playing pretend too much already.

He sighs and walks infront of both his friends, just a few steps ahead, once he’s positioned so that Steve can’t see his face he mouths an ‘I hate you’ at Natasha and continues to walk straight to the busstation. Everybody follows suit and since Nat and Clint are trying to make this day hell for Bucky they interveine their hands and walk so close to each other Steve has no other choice than walk a little faster until he’s next to Bucky, being the considering person that he is.

Over the course of the twenty minutes ride to the aquarium it finally starts to become less awkward. It has much to do with Clat stopping to be a unity and they talk and joke all four of them and Bucky is happy to see that his friends get along so well. Actually Bucky hopes he never has to be the subject of one of Nat’s and Steve’s combined pranks. He feels like they could be the bestest of friends and make the worst kind of things happen to everybody around them. Even Clint throws him a worried glance when they start to talk pretty nastily about something including a tin can, watermelons and a helium bottle. Bucky acts like he didn’t hear and involves Clint in a really detailed discussion about the last episode of Stranger Things.

The bus station is almost in front of the aquarium so they queue in line for the tickets almost immediately after arriving. Now all of them have been involved with the discussion Bucky started and Nat is explaining to Clint her theory a second time because he didn’t understand a plot twist she was sure was about to be revealed in the next season. Bucky grins at Clint’s concentrated but still confused expression as Steve nudges his shoulder with his own.

Bucky looks up and is a little taken aback by the sheepish expression on Steve’s face. “I really wanna pay for you, is that alright?”

Where the heck is this coming from? “Uh, no, it isn’t, Steve.” Bucky is looking at him like he has gone crazy.

“But you payed for food the whole week and I still feel bad for standing you up recently. Please let me do this.”

“Your mom came over, Steve. That’s a pretty good reason to ‘stand me up’, Steve.”

“Stop saying my name so much.”

“Uhuh. Steve.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Listen, you’d save money and I’d feel better. It’s a win-win situation. Can you be reasonable for one single time?” He states impatiently.

“Excuse you, who’s talking about being reasonable? You have no reason to feel bad at all, yet here you are.”

“Sure, Mr. my-head-is-as-dense-as-a-fucking-brickwall.”

“Hey!”

“Two tickets?” The older lady in the booth asks them with a sweet smile.

Bucky’s head snaps to her, he hasn’t even realized they were already at the ticketbooth. And again, his reaction is too slow. Before he has even completely accessed the situation Steve is already handing the woman his money and receiving two entry tickets in return. Bucky makes a suffocated noise and Steve just grins at him all victorious, that little shit. Bucky turns back to the lady to ask for some cash change operation so he can give Steve his money back, but for the third time today someone is faster than him.

“Stick to him, boy. Men like him are hard to find.” The old lady says like it’s the simplest thing in the world. “Have fun you two.”

Bucky feels a heavy blush rush up his face and moves away quickly so he doesn’t have to answer and the other visitors can approach in peace. Steve hands him his ticket but he’s avoiding Bucky’s glance. He’s pretty pink himself and Bucky doesn’t know if he likes that he got nervous by the cashier’s words as well or if it’s just freaking him out even more. Luckily he doesn’t have to think about it for long because seeing Steve blush always makes him kinda slow and a mushy feeling spreads in his brain. He takes the ticket Steve is still holding up. “Thank you.” He murmurs and together they walk up to Nat and Clint who are already waiting at the entrance.

After that it’s easy. The four of them walk around the five entry rooms with the familiar fishes and the shark tanks. They pass every pane at least twice and look out for the rarest or funny looking fishes. They take a lot of pictures and Natasha gets especially excited about a shark fight that happened right in the middle of the first tank. Bucky doesn’t even realize how the time flies admiring the colors and forms of the underwater world, laughing with his friends and even learning stuff about fishes he will probably have forgotten by tomorrow already. He takes an amazing selfie of the four of them in front of a reef harbouring bluesky unicorn fishes and clown fishes and decides to set it as his phone background. The best part by far, though, is when Clint starts to imitate a globefish for almost five minutes and even follows the poor scared fish swimming its route. Nat films it on her phone without Clint even taking notice and Bucky could kiss her, this is some heavy bribe material after all.

When they mutually decide that they have seen enough of the common fish they go along to the next room. The corridor is small and pretty dark and Bucky is 99% sure that he saw Clint grinning at him mischiviously before he lays an arm around his girlfriend and walks a little faster so they withdraw from Steve and Bucky enough that it looks like it’s just the two of them. Bucky suppresses an eyeroll and only regards the signs telling them they’re walking to the ray room, never even glancing at Steve right next to him. He doesn’t really know what to expect from the exhibition until he walks inside.

The room is shaped like a pentagon and  is all closed up except for the two corridors leading to the docking rooms. It’s a lot smaller in here than the open-walled-five-room-combo they walked through before but the high walls around them are made of tanks and theymake a really impressing impact towering over the viewers. It’s still big enough to behold a wide bench in the middle of the room, though, and some visitors have sit down there to watch the scenery in peace. Clint and Nat are still being a homogeneous mass so he and Steve silently agree to walk around the room by themselves and leave the couple be.

They slowly pace next to the tank-walls and look at the rays and mantas and skates all put in there together, majestically liding through the water like they’re flying through thin air. It’s calming to watch the animals move around in unision or to opposing sides, a flying dance, almost a show. Bucky is completely transfixed into watching a really big ray avoiding the smaller creatures swimming next to it as well as the corals that he almost misses Steve talking.

“I always liked reys the best when I went to the aquarium as a kid. It’s nice to see they have a special room for them here.” He’s following the same enormous ray with his eyes now.

“They are something, huh?”

Steve humms. “It’s really calming to watch them, don’t you think?”

Bucky makes a noise of aprovement. It’s like being loud in here would interrupt the atmosphere of the room so both of them are whispering while watching the animal swim around peacefully.

“They alwas look so elegant. Like they’re flying.”

“They remind me a little of a hoverboard.”

Steve laughs a little too loud and nudges Bucky at the side cluching a hand over his mouth. “You’re a moron. They look beautiful. I believe the waves they create are a perfect sinus curve.” He says then, a little spiteful.

“Are you trying to talk methematically to me?” He grins leaning into Steve’s space. Steve just pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation. Bucky thinks he kinda destroyed the peacefull atmosphere, ops. He bites his tounge. “Sorry, I was kidding. I actually think they are calming, too.” He almost adds that Steve’s words were really cute but he refrains in the last moment. “I understand how you appreciate their form though. I can see it, even when I talk bullshit.” This time Steve gives him a genuine smile that Bucky is super extremely sure does in fact light up the room a notch and not in a figurative way of speaking. He’s so fucked, shit.

They see Clint and Nat still huddled at each other’s side at the other end of the room and since they both would like to look at the sea creatures some more they decide to sit on the bench and wait there until they are ready. They’re the only ones sitting there now and Bucky feels like he’s sitting too close for how large the bench is. He tries to distract himself and returns to look at the animals in awe. They really are beautiful.

“You know, this probably sounds really vain with all the shit I’ve said about rays right now, but I always thought that if I was a fish I would be one of those.” Steve says after a while nodding to a swarm of reys on his right side voice still quiet.

Bucky’s lip twitches but before answering he takes a while to think about it, following the shadows in the tanks and humming pensively. “I think you’re right.”

Steve blinks a few times and whips his head in Bucky’s direction who looks right back startled by the sudden movement. “I really thought you would disagree and tell me I was a shark or some shit.”

Bucky really fails at holding back a snort and transforms it into a cough that unfortunately still halls in the room. “What, cause you’re strong and dangerous?” He quirks a brow and relishes in the sight of Steve blushing slightly and squirming on his seat. “Listen, I know I tell you way too often how I think you look hot as fuck but contrary to popular believe I do appreciate you more for the rest of you, you know? And the rest fits. So take the compliment and shut up.” He looks away immediately after speaking but can feel Steve’s gaze on him. He continues babbling before he has the time to get embarrassed. “But I would be a shark.” He says, full of confidence and some mirth.

“Nah, you’d be a swordfish.”

Bucky looks back again. “Well, that was fast.”

Steve shrugs. “I know you.”

“Ass.” He says with a grin.

They sit on the bench for a while in silence admiring the view and feeling the calm emaning from the fishes and crawling into their own skin. After a while both look around again to search for Clat, but they can’t find them.

Steve shrugs. “Lets go then?” He has a funny look on his face like he thinks Nat and Clint are being a little impolite to just go ahead without telling them and Bucky would agree if he didn’t know why they’re doing it. Poor Steve, he’s so unsuspecting. Bucky wishes he was just as unaware because at times like these when it hits him again it just gets awkward and isn’t that the opposite of what they all want here? He sighs and points at Steve to follow him to the next room.

They follow an equally dark, constricted corridor as before that leads to the tortoise room. This time the hall is round and Bucky can’t help but think it cute, like they tried to mimic the shell of the animal. Before he can suggest to go looking for his lost friends Steve drags him to the right side of the room. Bucky glances at him and feels a mixture of amusement and concern by the maniac-gloating look on his friend’s face.

“Look at that!” he squeaks, voice suddenly so high and loud after the hushing in the rey-room. Bucky follows Steve’s gaze and sees a relatively big water case that is opened at the top. Inside reside a few water turtles that swim around happily. “You can pet them!” Steve continues with the same high-pitched voice and this time Bucky can’t refrain from a laugh.

“You’re a kid.”

Steve just turns around strengthening the grip he has on Bucky’s upper arm, maniac grin still intact on his face. “ _You can pet the turtles_.” He exults jerking his head to the sign next to the pool. This time Bucky snorts right into Steve’s face, his expression falters a tad and the look in his eyes becomes almost stern. “Like you don’t think that’s amazing.”

Bucky sighs and looks up to the ceiling before cocking his head to the side. “Yeah, okay, it’s pretty amazing.”

“Told you.” Declares Steve and turns around to give the tortoises all of his attention, kneeling down in front of the pool.

Bucky follows and slides next to Steve, cross-leged and bowing over the shallow railing. Four small tortoises have already gathered around Steve’s hand, who is making soft cooing noises and petting one reptile on the head.

“Steve, I think you are the turtle-whisperer.” Bucky breathes in fake amazement, not at all hiding the ugly smirk on his face. He sees how the corner of Steve’s mouth twitches up but there’s no other reaction so Bucky averts his eyes and holds his hand into the water as well, petting one of the guys still swimming around Steve’s hand that are all fighting for his attention. When its friends realize there is a second source of affection the other two neglected animals abandon Steve’s fingers for Bucky’s who swiftly puts his other hand inside as well. Now there are three little tortoises swimming between his hands and Bucky thinks he must look as foolish as Steve did before, his face almost hurting from grinning so much.

“And now, attack!” Steve stage-shouts at the turtles and Bucky is suddenly startled that he did react to his comment in the end that he starts laughing so much he has to withdraw one hand to hold it against his stomach.

“You’re such an idiot.”

“What? I have to abuse my turtle-powers in some way. You were stealing my minions.”

They are both still laughing when a group of kids runs into the room and immediately hastes to the petting-zone like Steve did before them. So the boys leave them the spot and continue to wander around the rest of the room. Bucky dries his hand on his throusers but Steve has to be an asshole and rubs it all over his neck. He yelps and swats at Steve’s arm feeling the hum of his silent laughter. Asshole.

They make their way through the place and stay a little longer on the opposite side of the tortoise-tank to read facts about the turtles living only on land. Those are big-ass turtles, Bucky thinks as he watches them and they even look a little scary if he’s honest, with their horns and sharp muzzle and all that. They oogle them for a while as they slowly move on the ground, lazily chewing on their food. When neither Bucky nor Steve have seen a sign of Nat or Clint they just continue to the next room, maybe they’ll find them there.

And well, there they are. They are pretty hard to miss actually. They are standing in the most exposed area of the room aggressively making out with each other. Bucky’s eyes almost start to water and he tries really hard not to look but here he stands, kinda frozen with his eyes glued to them. Steve doesn’t seem to have drawn a better lot. It’s not explicitly disgusting how they kiss but Bucky just doesn’t like seeing his best friends doing that, especially this vigorously in a public place and reminding him how much he wants to do exactly the same with the person standing next to him. Well, shit happens.

Steve is the first one to snap out of it. “You mind if we skip the room.”

Bucky shakes his head eagerly. “Not at all, I’m not a fan of icy stuff either way.”

Steve makes an approving sound in the back of his throat and they speed through the hall showing off penguins and seals as fast as they can. The corridor they reach on the other side of the room is even darker than the ones before, no lights being applied on the ceiling. Bucky looks at Steve who shrugs to the sign hanging next to the corridor.

“This is our special attraction. No kids under 12 years allowed without parental guidance. If that’s the case or you decide not to go, please take the elevator to your left.” Steve reads aloud and then looks up to make out the elevtor which is hidden pretty well on the left side of the wall. “You wanna go?” He looks at Bucky. Bucky nods. “Good, because I would have made you ride that elevator on your own, pal.” Bucky grabs at his chest in mock outrage before following his friend into the tunnel.

The moment they step inside, it’s like there is pressure on their ears, the sounds coming from the foreroom seem muffled and the farther they go in, the darker it gets. After progressing for a while Bucky can’t see a thing anymore and honestly, he isn’t sure if Steve is still next to him or way behind or somewhere else entirely.

“Steve? Where are you?” He whispers into the pitchblack corridor, the sound carring badly in the strangely compressing room, hands stretched out in front of him to make sure he doesn’t walk into a wall or person or who knows what else. There is no answer for a short while and Bucky thinks that maybe he hasn’t heared him. He comes to a stop but before he can make another attempt to locate Steve there’s a familiar snort in the dark that quickly transforms in what Bucky can picture as a pretty detailed full belly laugh in his head. “Har, har.”

“Sorry.” Steve squirms. “I kinda had to.” He takes a momet to calm down. “I’m right here, though.”

“I figured that much.” Bucky answers tonelessly.

“Aw, come on, don’t be like that, Buck.” Suddenly there is Steve’s hand on the crook of his arm, it slides down to his hand and Steve intervenes their fingers like it’s nothing. “You won’t lose me like this.” He murmurs. “And now let’s go. I’m excited to see where this leads to.”

Bucky ignores his betraying heart that pumps way too quickly in his chest and follows Steve further into the dark corridor. They walk and it finally starts to lighten a little around them, there are a few lanterns attached far apart from each other at the sides of the corridor and they both cautiously continue their way. And then, finally, it’s bright enough to see again. They stop to look around them. And yeah, the sound in here doesn’t carry because they are inside a fucking tank. The glass mural is all around them, like a big ark, even under their feet the seacreatures are swimming around happily. The lanterns are actually inside the tanks, Bucky can see now.

“Look at that.” Steve whispers next to him and Bucky sees the ugly sea-devil right above them on the other side of the glass. Inspecting more closely they see that all the fishes here are deep-sea creatures. They turn their heads in awe, almost in sync to stare at all the weird looking fishes and colorfull corals building strange shapes in the water.

“Come on.” Bucky says softly after a while. Steve’s head snaps to him and he grins a little bashfull before following Bucky further in. They finally meet a few people here but they are more interested in all the creatures swimming around them to take much notice. They slowly make their way through the remaining part of the corridor and take in the sight displaying around them.

“That looks amazing.” Bucky hears Steve whisper to himself. Bucky is starring at the same thing now. There is a swarm of fishes over and around them, glowing brightly in the dark water like fireflies in the night and it almost feels like they’re under a night sky filled with stars. Bucky’s eyes move to look at Steve almost automatically, they are so close. He can’t help but step into his space a little, shoulders touching over where their hands are still connected. He looks so beautiful, smiling faintly but happily, his eyes shining with the lights of the creatures around them. It’s so enthralling Bucky only reluctantly moves his glance back to the weird shining fishes. He sighs inadvertedly and Steve’s fingers tighten a little around his hand like he’s reassuring him.

Bucky is completely lost in the view displaying infront of him, until eventually they move on. After what feels way too soon, they arrive at the end of the corridor, which leads into the souvenir shop, then freedom.

“You want anything?” Bucky asks.

“Nah, I think I’ve got enough to remember this day by on my phone. You?”

“I’m good.” Bucky shrugs and they walk out of the store waving their good-byes to the guys sitting at the checkout. “Let’s just wait here.” Bucky drags Steve to a bench almost exactly in front of the exit and sits down with Steve at his side.

“You think they’re gonna be long?” Steve asks him.

“Well.” Bucky drags out the word. “If they continued on like we saw them...” He trails off giving Steve a worried look who laughs with a slow shake of his head.

They sit there silently waiting for another ten minutes, Bucky absentmindedly rubbing his thumb over Steve’s knuckeles until, well, he does finally realize. He stops aprubtly. They were holding hands this entire time.

“Uh.” His face starts to burn and it feels like the faint sound has woken up Steve, too. He steals a look at Bucky’s face and they both withdraw their hands as if they got burned. Before there is any time for Bucky to actually hyperventilate Clint and Nat are suddenly right there. How does he never notice them come up to him? He swears, they could be spies, which, in Clint’s case, should be impossible by how clumsy he is.

“Hey there, sorry we lost you. You had fun?” Nat’s melodic voice pierces the heavy atmosphere around them and Bucky leaches to it like a lifeline.

“Sure had. I liked the special corridor thingy best. How about you, Steve?”

Steve rises a brow but then a smirk appears on his lips like he understood. “Yeah, same.”

Bucky turns his head lightning fast to Nat and Clint, who aren’t even given the time to open their mouths. “I bet you preferred the penguin-seal-room-part-thingy, didn’t you?”

Clint at least has the modesty to turn a little pink around the nose but Nat smirks complacently. “I wouldn’t say so, no. Didn’t see that much of it.” She shrugs and Bucky must say, she’s always been quick. “So guys, I’m hungry. What do you say? Sushi?”

Steve snorts. “You just saw cute little fishes and now you want to eat their flesh? What is wrong with you?”

“They made me hungry.” She states and Bucky is trying not to die laughing when he sees Steve’s shocked expression. Everything gets even better when Clint’s opens his mouth, though.

“That’s why I love her.”

When Bucky is finally done Nat tries again. “So, Sushi or do you have too much empathy for fishes?”

“No, I’m in.” Steve agrees easily and Bucky swears he sees Na’ts lip twitch up in amusement. Clint and he agree as well and so they take the bus and disembark a station earlier to go to the campus market. They enter the sushi bar and since it’s pretty crowded they decide to get take away instead and head back to their apartment with the food.

Somehow Steve is chosen as the assigned bag-carrier and Clint whines a little about how he should be the one carrying them because he should lift stuff for his girlfriend or something like that. He calls it being the-strong-man-tm but Steve doesn’t budge and keeps the bags, he’s probably enjoying Clint’s stupid whining. Bucky rolls his eyes, the man is such a hypocrite sometimes. Everybody knows Nat is much stronger than him anyway.

“If you really want to show your really capable girlfriend that you are the man, my guy, you should proceed more like this.” Before Nat can say or do anything he sweeps her on his shoulder and carries her up the three steps to the door. Nat isn’t really obliging and starts pinching his ass until he is forced to drop her because he can’t really hold her still and look for the keys like this.

“You’re ungrateful.” He says rubbing his ass.

“You’re an idiot.” She’s amused, though, Bucky isn’t in real trouble. “And you did it wrong, you should do it bridalstyle if you really have to do that.” She bestowes Clint a meaningfull look.

“Yeah, yeah, you act like you’re complaining but I know you just wanted to touch my ass and this is your lousy excuse.”

“You got me.” She winks at him and sometimes Bucky just doesn’t believe she’s real.

“But, Bucky. I know she’s capable, I just like to do nice things for her.” Clint whines while he finally opens the door. “Also. How. Can you show Nat how you are the man, but not me?” Bucky knows what’s gonna happen but is to slow to react. The next second he suddenly has his hands full of Clint who’s clamping on him and trying to position himself in Bucky’s arms without any of his help. After a while Bucky accepts his fate, they will not manage to go up these stairs until he does what Clint asks of him.

“Of course, my dear.” He says with as much affection as he can and takes pity on his friend to finally hold him in his arms. Bridalstyle this time, they want to do it right after all.

“Do me the honors.” Clint mimics Bucky’s tone and tightens the grip around his shoulders.

Under a lot of strain he slowly manages the way up the stairs dropping Clint as soon as he can. He takes deep breaths and leans on his knees. “God, you’re heavy.”

“Are you telling me you think I’m fat?”

“Yes, I do.”

Clint closes the door in his face.

“I’m impressed you made it all the way up.” Steve teases behind him.

“Fuck you.”

He grins. “He looked heavy.” They both laugh a little. “You think they’re gonna open up soon?”

Bucky straightens his back again shrugging in Steve’s direction. “Yeah, you got the food.”

Steve makes a jerky movement with his head. “Right.” He grins again before speaking as loud as possible. “We could actually just leave and eat all the sushi on our own.”

The door opens immediately and Bucky and Steve share a superior glance before walking inside like they own the place. Of course, Bucky does actually own the place.

“We get the couch.” Clint says as soon as the door closes again.

“There is only the one couch.” Bucky retorts.

“Exactly.” Nat takes everything out of the bag that belongs to her and Clint before walking into the living room and waving them goodbye, closing that door the moment Clint slides inside. Bucky only just manages to throw them the stink eye. He knows why they’re behaving like assholes but they’re starting to actually come off as impolite shits to say the least.

“Sorry, I think they just wanted a day on their own, or something…”

“It’s alright.” Steve shrugs. “I don’t mind that much actually. My friends are worse.”

Bucky smiles not buying his words at all. “So.” He drags out the word. “We could either eat in my room or go outside.”

Steve hums. “We could watch a movie, if you’re up to it.”

“Bedroom it is.” Bucky announces, taking the rest of the sushi and the remaining pairs of chopsticks out of the bag before walking up to his room. Only now he realizes that Steve will see it for the first time and that Bucky did not clean up since, uh, way too long. “Sorry, it’s real messy…” he adds ruefully and opens the door with his elbow. “And I don’t have a TV in here, so we can just watch on the laptop.”

“Calm down, Buck. It’s fine.” He smiles obviously having picked up on the nervousness in Bucky’s tone and walks in after him, looking around. Bucky observes him but Steve looks pleased by the mess in here so he actually calms down pretty soon. “I don’t have a TV either in my room, I really don’t care.” He finishes with a shrug, dropping his eyes back to his friend.

Bucky positions the food on his bed and opens the laptop. “What you wanna watch?”

“Chose something.” Steve is already opening the first package filled with sushi goods and tearing the paper from his chopsticks.

“You suggested watching a movie now you tell me what it’s gonna be.” He whines and Steve rolls his eyes.

“Go with… American Hustle.”

“’Kay.” He invoces Netflix and starts the movie. “Is it alright to stay on the bed or do you want me to get you a chair?”

Steve looks at him like he’s grown two heads gesturing at himself, already leaning against the wall behind him and taking in half of the matress with his large body. “Bed. Much better. Now please, chill, I wanna watch this.”

Bucky wants to make a really immature remark about Netflix and chill but he just sticks out his tounge and leans heavily against Steve’s chest right between his legs, only being careful to not arm away the sushi he’s holding. That much for being mature. He snuggles up to him and starts eating paying attention to the movie starting on the laptop.

Halfway through they have all the empty plastic boxes sprawled around them and Bucky is petting his stomach happily. “That was good.”

Steve agrees with a hum still transfixed by the scene on the screen but winds his arms around Bucky’s form anyways, resting one on his stomach where he was just petting himself and the other on his knee. Bucky’s heart makes a jump nobody asked for and can’t help the way he’s too aware about all the places they are touching. His back suddenly feels a little too hot.

After a short while, way before Bucky can recover, Steve starts to lazily move his fingers. Up and down and up and down. So slowly, just barely grazing over Bucky’s tigh. It’s such an easy touch, Steve is probably not even realizing that he’s doing it and it’s driving Bucky insane. It’s torture really. Because to him the little movement is everything he is aware of, he’s going out of his mind, for fucks sake.   
He wants Steve to touch him everywhere. To really touch him. He wants to feel his strength, feel his hands on his body. He wants him to leave marks and claw into his skin.

He startles out of it abprubtly, the sequence in the movie being underlined by a loud dramatic music.

Shit, he needs to stop this train of thoughts like two hours ago. He takes a deep breath and tries to keep it even despite of his pulse continuing to spike. He can do this, he can. He ignores how hot it feels inside the room, on his bed with Steve pressed against his back and tries to concentrate on the movie. It feels like every time he watches something with Steve he has some problems actually following the plot. 

He’s doing well, though. He found his way back to the developments in the film (even if he believes he missed something important) and is only marginally aware of the fact that Steve’s hand is still moving, somewhat irregularly depending on how thic the plot on the screen is.

And the next moment life decides to fuck with Bucky Barnes once more, because why not, it’s nice seeing him squirm. Amy Adams says something funny on screen and Bucky laughs and so does Steve. And then Bucky stops again. Steve is leaning against him, his warm breath and lips touching his neck and Bucky can't help but shiver. His tiny gasp is masked just fine as residual laughter, though, so at least there is that. Bucky is an idiot, who has not calculated that Steve is a fucking full-body-laugher.

And just like that, he’s game over.

The movie is forgotten, he’s looking at it with glazed eyes, drooped eyelids. The feeling of Steve’s hand on his tigh lighting up lights in Bucky’s brain. His thin fingers find their way up, a lot closer to Bucky’s crotch, they continue their movement, up and down and up and down. If Bucky was going crazy before he feels like his body is burning up now. He’s pudding in Steve’s hands and he’s barely even touching him. Right then Bucky thinks that he would let Steve do everything to him. The thought is a little scary, even when it kinda isn’t.

He sighs contently, imagining the hand on his stomach to crawl under his shirt. Feeling the calluses on Steve’s artist hands making their gentle way up his body and grabbing his pecks. He thinks about Steve’s right hand that’s still somewhere between his tigh and his hipbone just moving a little further, right to-

No. _NO_.

Someone in heaven must have had mercy on him in the end, because like a miracle he returns to reality. He shuts down his train of thought immediately, being a little shocked with himself. He squirms a little on his ass, this could get really embarrassing really fast if he lets this go on and he will not. He just won’t.

Steve’s hand is still moving and he really needs to make it stop. He doesn’t know how else to do this because he doesn’t trust his voice to come out without shaking just yet so he lays his hand on top of Steve’s. He waits for his friend to say something, maybe being embarrassed for where his hand accidentally wandered to, but instead of anything like that he intervenes their fingers, exactly how he did at the aquarium. The movie continues playing and the two of them sit there cozily watching it, their hands conjoined until the end credids roll over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 'Stove' bc Steve is hot.  
> Also i have no idea what aqariums are like but this is fiction so roll with it!


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pool parties and hose fights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's winter but writing about summer keeps me warm and cozy.

“Hey, Buck. What’s up?”

“Nothing much.” Bucky yawns into the speaker and rubs at his eyes. He’s just woken up fifteen minutes ago and was already attacked and bullied by Tony into making this phonecall. It’s not the best thing to wake up to on a Saturday morning honestly. “Tony just asked me to invite you to his poolparty today. I don’t know why he didn’t just do that himself.” He murmors the last part distractedly. “But, yeah, so that’s why I’m calling.”

“Oh. Okay, when does it start?”

“At 1400. He also wants me to tell you that you have to bring as many of your friends as possible. Because he is a megalomaniac who wants to do a small poolparty with only his friends but to be Stark-standart there have to be as many people as possible.” He rolls his eyes even if Steve can’t see, his tone should be enough to carry it. " He makes no sense. I think he even demanded Nat to call her dancing group. I’m super sure she is not asking a single one of them to come, though.” He snorts undignified. “You don’t have to say yes, you know that, right? Only if you want to. I’m not forcing you to come to a Stark event ever again.”

Steve snorts in return. “I wanna come. There’s gonna be free booze and food, yeah? Do you really think I’d miss on that opportunity? Also Stark’s pool is gigantic. I’ve seen it at the party, there is a springboard, pal. I think I might actually be pumped about it.” The last part comes out almost disbelieving and Bucky laughs a little at him.

“And you’d see me in a bathing suit.”

“Oh, yeah, sure. And there’s that.” Steve answers in a toneless yet somehow still exasperated tone.

“You already saw me in my underwear, though. So I don’t know how much of an argument that is.” He continues pensively, totally ignoring Steve’s comment.

“I didn’t know seeing you half naked was an upside whatsoever.”

“Oh come on, it’s always an upside. I actually think you should tell your friends, that’ll help their decision.”

“You know, I think Darcy would actually agree with you.”

Bucky can practically see Steve shaking his head and can’t help but laugh again. “You see.”

“Yeah, yeah. I will ask them, though. I think most of them are suckers for free stuff from Tony Stark... who can blame them? Did you know Sam and Nat exchanged phone numbers at the party? Looks like they’ve become good friends by now.”

“What? Natalia never even told me!”

Steve makes a noise at the back of his throat. “Yeah, Sam was so kind to let me in on that secret only yesterday. We’ve got sneaky friends. But that aside, I actually want to ask you something, too. I meant to call later, though, thought you were still asleep.”

Bucky glances at the clock, it’s almost ten am. “Yeah, Tony woke me up. I think he somehow fucked with my phone, you know. I always have it on mute while I sleep but when he’s the one calling it somehow still plays music. I hate the guy.” He adds with a miserable voice, stifling another yawn. “What you wanna ask, though?”

“Well, I actually wanted to ask if you’d like to have another movie night but a poolparty sounds a lot better, uh. So, I don’t know, uhm, you could sleep over if you wanna. I mean, that’s what I wanted to ask. At my place.”

Bucky grins a little at the awkwardness of Steve’s words. “Sure.”

“Oh, cool.” Steve sounds almost surprised. “See you at two then. Tell Stark I’ll bring as many people as I can.”

“Thanks. See you.”

They hang up and Bucky falls back into the covers of his bed. His stomach makes a funny jump thinking about sleeping over at Steve’s. He feels like a fucking teenager but it doesn’t bother him too much anymore, he has to accept his pathetic self. He thinks about the last few times they spent together and it doesn’t matter how often he tries to tell himself otherwise, it just feels so much like they had been on a date. He knows it’s kind of Nat’s fault because she planted the idea in his head with the whole doubledate thing but they even held hands at the aquarium and he’s too weak to not feel all fuzzy about it. He doesn’t want to be too hopefull but for the whole week he had just kind of started to maybe think that not all was lost. It is stupid, he knows, but like so many things he just can’t help it.

 

***

 

Nat and Bucky arrive at Tony’s fashionabely late like always. Nat rings the doorbell and to Bucky’s surprise it’s Jarvis, the AI Tony built this sememster, who answers.

“Good Day, Mrs. Romanoff, Mr. Barnes.” The two of them exchange a glance, a mirrored eyebrow rised in astonishment. “Please head to the garden. Everybody has already rendevouz there.” The door opens and they walk through the long corridor to the parlor where a huge glassdoor is already opened wide to the garden section. As Jarvis told them, it looks like everybody's there.

Tony is standing at the grill in the far back, obviously trying to persuade Rhodey into taking the pincers for the meat. Bruce, Pepper, Happy and Jane are sitting with their legs dangling into the water, chatting away idly with each other. Clint, Sam, Steve, Thor, Darcy and Sharon are lounging on deck chairs and Bucky strenghtens the hold he has on his bag. Steve has an arm around Sharon’s hip, casually, like everything he does and she’s leaning against him her head on his shoulder. Bucky wants to hit himself. He knows Steve is an affectionate person and that he never means anything with his touches and why did he get so hung over stupid handholding. He fights off the jealousy rising in his chest and shakes himself once. He has done this until now, he can keep doing it. Steve's doing nothing wrong, just being kind to a friend. Sometimes he just forgets how everything can turn into a kick in the teeth.

“Hey there, Jarvis told me you were on your way in.” Tony calls from the other side of the pool handing a miserable Rhodey the pincers and walking to his guests, leaving him there on his own with the meat on the coals. A murmur of greetings goes around the place when the others notice their arrival as well. “You’re always late.”

Nat shrugs. “Your gatherings are never important enough that I have to be punctual.”

Tony narrows his eyes. “I don’t like you.”

Nat shrugs again and makes her way to her boyfriend. Tony turns to Bucky, face scrunched together in irritation by Nat’s comment. “Thanks for calling all those people. Honestly, everybody I know is on vacation it would have been just us seven.”

“That would have been the end of the world.”

“It would have!”

Bucky shakes his head with a grin and steals a look over to Pepper who is laughing about who knows what with Jane. “You never answered my last message. How’s that going?”

Tony follows his eyes and looks a little taken aback. “Don’t ask stupid questions, Barnes. I’m trying.”

“I know, buddy.” He grins and gives his friend a pat on the shoulder. Tony rolls his eyes but walks up to Pepper anyway, as if he’d known Bucky would tell him to do it next. Bucky follows him, not wanting to see Steve or Sharon up close right now because he is a prick. Instead he sits down next to Bruce. “Hey there.” He greets him and Bruce looks up, a worried expression dawning on his face that makes Bucky feel a little guilty. “Don’t worry I’m not gonna ask you anything about the human body today. I actually wanna apologize. Again. I still feel bad.”

The look on Bruce’s face changes and he smiles genuenly at him. “I told you it was alright.”

Bucky shrugs helplessly. They make some smalltalk and it’s nice. He learns a little about Bruce, which he never bothered to do before. Bruce wants to explore radiation one day because he thinks there is a way to use its properties to help diseased people refind their strength and recover. He’s currently telling Bucky about something he learned through his last research and it’s endearing because he’s never seen Bruce that lively, when suddenly someone comes from behind and pushes Bucky at the shoulders and in he falls into the pool with a big splash.

The moment he resurfaces he sees Sam grinning at him like he won a prize. “What was that for, asshole?” Bucky shouts at him but he’s grinning back.

“You’re the only person still wearing clothes unsuitable for swimming. I thought, why not punish you?”

Bucky crawls out of the water, heaving himself over the rim. “Thank you, Sam, that was really thoughtfull of you.” Before Sam can recognize the evil spark in his eyes Bucky is all over the guy holding him in a tight hug and making him as wet as possible with his drenched clothes.

“Aw, fuck, Barnes, I don’t like you like that.” Bucky wrings out his shirt over his feet and Sam jumps back. “Honestly, stop it.” He squawks.

Buck grins at him smugly and kicks of his shoes pulling off his shirt right after and throwing it somewhere in the general direction of his left shoe. “This better, your majesty?” he asks arms spread wide and Sam rolls his eyes bud nods defeatedly.

“This was definitely not worth it.” He says to himself and Bucky laughs at him.

“So, this calls for a hose fight, doesn’t it?” Darcy yells from where she’s sitting and the atmosphere shifts on the spot. Everybody slowly moves away a few steps from the people around them, eyes move everywhere, muscles tense. Everyone is waiting for an attack.

“Rules.” Steve says, voice loud in the stretched silence. “Minus one point for falling into the pool. Plus two for evey person you manage to push in.”

“So I’m already in the lead?” Sam gloats.

“Hey. That didn’t count!” Bucky retorts.

Bruce who hasn’t dared breathing since the fight was announced finally stands up. “Looks like you need a referee. I’ll count the points.” He looks relieved while he makes his way to the far back and grabs a college block from somewhere. He sits down again savely hidden on the bench next to the grill. “And, no Sam that didn’t count.”

“Ha!” Bucky sticks his tongue out to him but Sam, ridiculously, gives him the I’m-watching-you gesture.

“Good. I saw Stark already prepared water balloons everywhere.” A few people look around and only then register that there are in fact lots of water balloons placed in every part of the garden. “The garden hose is also allowed, as well as water pistols.” Steve continues. “Also everything else, get creative!”

The moment he stops talking everybody runs to the weapon closest to them and starts attacking the first person they get to. Soon enough the struggles around the pool start, a few people fall in, a few run away the winner. Eventually the first teams congregate. Bucky and Nat automatically come together fighting off all their attackers with swift cooperation and teamwork. They are a force to be reckoned with and their favourite victim becomes Clint, because honestly, he’s just so easy. He keeps whining and begging them to become a trio but they have no mercy and shove him into the pool over and over.

On the other hand Tony, Rhodey and Pepper have decided to do form a trio and they are pretty efficiently fighting against the Thor-Jane-Darcy barricade coming at them with a ton of water ballons. Sam and Steve have also come together as a team and are probably as dynamic as Nat and Bucky. Clint, Happy and Sharon are bravely holding their own but find themselves inside the water more often than not. Bucky tries not to be too pleased by seeing Sharon fall over the rim once again. He’s a bad person, okay.

In fact, the next second he gets what he deserves. It looks like Sam and Steve were not too happy to see him and Nat destroy everything in their way and want to finish their lucky streak. Bucky throws a water balloon at Steve and hits him at the shoulder but it doesn’t really stop him, not that he was counting on it. He sees Nat jumping at Sam from the corner of his eye and slowly pushing him closer to the pool. Meanwhile Steve rams him like a fucking train and Bucky slides back a few meters before he recovers the holding under his feet and tries to turn him and his attacker around, so his back is free from dangerous pools.

They struggle long enough and he’s pretty sure he heared Sam’s heavy form connect with the water but Steve is stronger and taller than him and he’s not as awesome as Nat to be able to make this work to his advantage.

“Man you’re a fucking brickwall.” He huffs at Steve when he feels his toes touching the rim of the pool. He groans and tries to push Steve back with his last strength but nothing much happens.

“Sorry, pal.” Steve singsongs and Bucky realizes how he’s losing footing.

“Well, if I’m going down you’re coming with me.” He growls back and winds a leg around Steve’s ankle making him trip and together they fall into the pool.

They don’t take much time to pull themselves together and out again but before either one of them can crawl out entirely their own teammates betray them and push them in once again. Bucky turns to Steve after resurfacing. “What the heck. I feel violated. I feel like Mufasa.”

 A sudden laugh escapes Steve, who was looking at him equally shocked just a moment before. “I was gonna swear eternal revenge and now you’ve made me laugh. How dare you.”

Bucky shrugs in amusement. “You can still do that.”

“I _am_ doing that.” Steve nods. “So, my brother, are you with me? Together we can make right how we’ve been wronged and cleanse our stained honor.” He holds his fist to Bucky who bites his lip to hide a laugh and not ruin the atmosphere again.

“I’m with you.” He claimes with a mighty voice and lays his hand over Steve’s fist where they shake on it once.

Then they get out of the pool having found new strength and start their search for the traitors, dodging all the others coming at them but unfortunately receiving a few water balloons in the face anyway. But then, they find the cowards, hiding behind the wall of Stark’s manor. They run and catch up pretty soon. The battle begins and soon they are back at the margin of the pool breathing hard from the fighting. None of them seems to have the upper hand.

Natasha is way too agile and hard to catch and whenever she comes dangerously close to the pool she somehow windes just so Bucky is the one cornered. Sam and Steve are having a pretty equal fight from what he can see but it’s not like he has much time to observe them, having all his hands full with Nat. The struggle goes on for some time and Bucky is honestly starting to be out of breath.

Suddenly Tony, Pepper and Rhodey appear out of nowhere and meddle into their battle. It’s even worse than before. He somehow manages to push Rhodey in after a pretty short struggle and is now attacked by Nat again. There are way too many people and Bucky has to be careful of his footing if he doesn’t want to accidentially fall into the pool on his owm. Gosh, this is honestly going on for too long.

Sam falls in too and Tony follows right after. And then, before Bucky can make another move suddenly everybody else is gathering in front of the pool with a battle cry and if Bucky thought it was a fight before now it’s war territory.

“Last one, Bruce.” Tony calls mercyfully from inside the water, where he swam to the back of the pool and is now watching the others with a satisfied grin leaning against the ladder.

Nat pushes in Happy, who disturbed her and Bucky’s fight and he follows the trail of the heavier boy plunging in with his eyes. Before he can turn back to the traitorous redhead Thor hits him and it’s worse than having Steve run at him with full speed. He honestly thinks he could have a concussion, ugh. He stumbles back and feels the impact of the water before even realizing he’s falling in, there’s nothing he can do.

He quickly swims to the other side, not wanting to be surprised by someone falling on top of him, directly to where Tony is lounging at and sits down on the rim beside him feet dangling next to the host’s head.

“Who do you got your money on?” Tony asks him lowering his sunglasses to look at him better.

Bucky thinks about it as someone else drops into the pool losing the fight. “Thor.” He says and they shake hands on it.

“Twenty bucks on Steve.” Answers Tony.

Turns out Steve went down while they were talking, though, and is now swimming to safety where Bucky is sitting with Tony. He looks a little reluctant to come over but maybe he’s just pissed to have lost this particularly important battle.

“At least you revenged yourself.” Bucky encourages his friend who sits down next to him with a pout.

“Nah, Pepper threw Sam in.” He scowls.

“Natalia’s still fighting.” He cocks his head to the scene and Steve _does_ look like he feels a little better then. Asshole.

“Another time, my brother.”

“Another time.” Bucky agrees and they do that weird fist-palm-handshake once more.

“Okay, I’m leaving.” Tony eyes them, scrunching up his nose judgementally and swims to Pepper in a beeline. Bucky watches him pleased.

They hear a big splash and Bruce’s voice rises over the place. “The match has concluded. I will now elect the winner.” He clears his throat. “On third place, Steve Rogers.” Bucky glances to the man in question next to him, who is smiling contedly at himself. Dork.“On second, we have Thor Odinson.” Bucky and Tony exchange a brief glance and Bucky shrugs. No money then. “The winner is Natasha Romanoff.”

“Well, I should have known.” Bucky says to himself before turning to Steve. “Had my money on Thor.” Steve grasps at his chest like he’s offended. “Oh come on. You may come in like a train but he’s more of a… I don’t know, high speed…thingy.” He finishes lamely.“It’s brutal.”

Steve shrugs. “Yeah, you’re right.” He says reluctantly.

“Who came last?” Darcy shouts over the place and everybody watches Bruce again.

He fiddles with the list. “It’s Clint.”

Clint punches the air like he just won a prize and Bucky laughs. “What an idiot.”

Nat goes over to loserboy and takes him by the hands he’s still making victory signs with for everybody who cares to watch and together they come over to where Bucky and Steve are sitting. “Oh.” A surprised sound leaves Nat’s mouth while she lowers herself on the margin of the pool and before she can say anything else Bucky follows her eyes. Tony and Pepper are in the middle of the water making out like their life depends on it.

Bucky’s eyes widen and he practically exults in joy. Steve looks at him in concern at the sound, placing a hand on his shoulder but Bucky doesn’t even realize it he’s just so excited for his friends on display. “Thank God!” He shouts totally interrupting the semi-sweet moment Tony and Pepper were sharing. He doesn’t care. “Fucking finally, you two! I’m so glad! All my hard work, it finally pays off.”

A few people applaud and somebody (probably Darcy) even whistles. Pepper smiles bashfully at them, completely red in the face before she turns to Bucky who is still grinning at her unapologizingly sharklike. “I know what you did, Bucky and I’m grateful.” She says and Tony looks a little offended, like he's thinking he deserves more recognition.

“This is so great.” Bucky turns to Nat a wide grin still on his face. Tony and Pepper are probably back at it, considering how long they had it coming. Nat looks at him a little funny, though. Shouldn’t she be a little more excited as well? They talked so many times about how much those two deserved to finally get together.

“I think you’ve got some explaining to do.” She’s straightout not able to hold back a smug smile anymore and it scares Bucky and he’s confused at first but then it clicks, when her eyes hush to something next to Bucky’s head before resting on him again.

His eyes widen in return. Fuck. She was looking at Steve. Steve is sitting right next to Bucky. Steve, who thinks Bucky has a gigantic crush on Tony Stark. But he made a way too big scene right now for this to look like he was just hiding pain or some shit. Didn’t he? Can he still fix this? He swallows. Steve has the most adorable confused look on his face but there’s also something else. And Bucky realizes that, _no_ , there’s no fucking way he can fix this. Bucky’s so _fucked_.

He feebly whines in the back of his throat, he messed up so bad. He is still looking at Steve who is just giving him that confused-concerned-quizzical look. Sometimes Bucky wishes Steve wasn’t so easy to read but his emotions are always right there, literally on his face. Sam's kinda smirking in the back, though, and Bucky wants to hit him with whatever he can get his hands on but right now just isn’t the time. Maybe later. Why is _he_ so easy to read? Looks like all his friends have figured him out anyway, except for the one who should. Since when does he think of Sam as his friend? And all the other people gathering here as well? He shakes his head from the distracting thoughts, he has something more important to do now.

“Buck?” Steve asks. “Are you sure yo-“

Bucky rises a hand to interrupt him. “Uh, come with me for a sec?” he asks pretty unsure about all of this. There is so much doubt running through every cell of his body but then again he can’t continue the lie, make it bigger even, he would be digging his own grave. He’s such an idiot, fuck. They get up and Nat wishes him luck with a glance and Bucky is so thankful even when it doesn’t reasure him much.

He’s gonna tell Steve now.  
He’s gonna confess to him. Like you do in highschool or something.  
_Ugh_.

He reconsiders lying for a second. He’s persuasive, it could work. But he kinda doesn’t want to, which adds to the fact that it would be wrong and slim his chances down to zero. He’s trying to get over Steve for way too long. At least like this it will be easy. He will face him and know for sure, it’s better than the constant misery he is in otherwise. Also, Bucky doesn’t think Steve will cut him off... probably just notch everything down a lot and, well, Bucky pretended long enough.

They go over to the side of the garden that faces the back of the house. It’s just around the corner to the pool but Bucky won’t get anything more private than this. Except for inside the house maybe but he’s starting to feel a little claustrophobic so he thought better of it.

“Sorry I’m dragging you here but I don’t feel too comfortable telling you this around other people.” He finishes with an uneasy laugh. He has a hard time looking at Steve but he forces himself to do it nonetheless. His stomach is practically killing itself and his heart is back at beating like crazy in his chest. Maybe he’ll just drop dead, he’d be okay with it all things considered. Then again it’s not like he isn’t used to these kind of things when it comes to Steve but normally it feels at least kind of good and right now it just really doesn’t. He wants to run away or maybe be swallowed up by the ground.

“It’s alright.” Steve’s voice is small and unconvinced and he still has that mixed look on his face and Bucky needs it to fade away from his features.

He takes a deep breath. He’s doing it _now_.

“Steve.” He plays with his dogtags nervously, a habit he never got totally rid off. “I may have lied to you about having a crush on Tony. I actually never had, have or will ever have a crush on him, because, honestly, just no." He takes a breath. "But.” His voice falters a little and he clears his throat once, trying to keep his gaze locked on Steve. “I’m, well, really stupidly in love with you and I’m sorry.” He presses his lips together as soon as he’s done talking and feels dread wash over him like a wave, his mouth suddenly dry.

Steve’s brows furrow and he looks even more confused than before. Bucky doesn’t want to hear the words leaving his mouth next, he wants to spontaneously go deaf but he has no other choice than listening. “I don’t… why would you… say that?” he manages and something inside Bucky breaks.

Bucky blinks away the tears rising in his eyes. He had known, hadn't he? “I’m sorry, Steve. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to tell you, that’s why I lied, I-.” He trails off.

“No, Buck.” Suddenly Steve looks exasperated but not so tense anymore. “I mean, why did you lie in the first place?”

“What?” A single tear rolls down his cheek and he furiously brushes it away with the back of his hand. What’s Steve talking about?

“You moron.” Steve laughs and Bucky has a tiny moment to be hurt before the next thing he knows is Steve grabbing his hip and pulling him into his arms, and okay, Bucky’s still confused but he can live with that. They are so close and Steve just looks at him, shakes his head with a sad smile and then suddenly he’s kissing Bucky. In a matter of second it gets angry and desperate like Steve was waiting for this a long time. Bucky, still overwhelmed, can't help but whine into his mouth and grabs at his shoulders feeling the muscles tense under his skin. It doesn't take long until he's completely melted into it. He knows nothing but Steve, breathes him in, feels him move under his fingers, tastes him in his mouth and it’s the best damn feeling he’s ever felt. Way too soon, it stops when Steve takes a step back. He’s breathing hard and he’d almost look a little upset if his eyes weren’t so soft and warm. “ I’m so ridiculously in love with you, Buck. I love how you find something worth it in every situation. I love how you can make me laugh even when your jokes are horrible. I love how you stand up for your friends and how much you care about every single one of them and I love how you know exactly how to manipulate people with a single smile. I love how you’re the biggest fucking dramaqueen on this planet and how unapologetic you are about your unhealthy lifestyle. Buck.” He takes a breath, aggravated and almost tired.“I love everything about you.”

“But you said you didn’t like anyone.” Bucky whispers still having to process everything. It’s a bit much and his skin is buzzing with Steve’s words. He stares at his friend in front of him and it just feels so unreal. Steve _likes_ him? Steve Rogers actually likes him back? What are the chances? He’s probably suffering from brain damage because he drowned in the pool or something.

“That’s months ago. And I wasn’t sure, for fucks sake, Buck, I only knew you in person for what, two weeks then? How dense are you?” Bucky ducks his head, the happy feeling slowly spreading in his body. “Do you know how much I hated Stark until now? You’re a horrible person.”

Bucky laughs silently before walking back up to Steve, invading his space once more. This time, with confidence. “You know, I was thinking how I hated doing this with us half naked but now I changed my mind.”

“Idiot.” Steve smiles at him, warm and happy, how he did so many times and only now Bucky realizes what it means and his stomach flops a little because of it. He curls a hand over Steve’s neck und pulls him down. They kiss again, deep and slow this time, indulging in the feeling. It’s even better now that he knew what was coming, his whole body tingles and there are lights going off in his brain like fireworks.

And again, way too soon Steve pulls away, what’s his deal? Bucky makes to protest and tell him to come right back when Steve nuzzles his jaw and starts to kiss down his neck.

“Steve, fuck.” Bucky moans grabbing into Steve’s hair who sucks greedily at the spot under his ear before biting it for good measure. He resurfaces and grins into Bucky’s face, pupils wide. Bucky smiles back equly flusterd. “What was that for?” He rubs at the manhandled spot with light fingers.

“Well, you didn’t remember last time and I was dying to do it again.” Steve’s voice is low but he turns a little pink as well and Bucky’s jaw dislocates and hits the ground while his heart stutters in his chest.

“It was you? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Steve looks unimpressed. “Would you have?”

He hesitates. “No...”

Steve takes Bucky’s hand in his. “So.” He draws out the word. “You gonna be my boyfriend?”

He looks so hopefull Bucky wants to die. “I definitely want to, yeah.” He answers way too quickly. “Shouldn’t I be the one asking though? I kinda started this conversation.”

“Shut up.”

They walk back to the others hand in hand. Bucky feels positively excited as they turn the corner, grinning from ear to ear and feeing lighter than he has in months. The second they are back in the field of vision Nat spots them and turns to Sam. They highfive.

“Told you, they were traitors.” Steve mutters and Bucky agrees.

“So, another couple finally found each other today?” Clint shouts over the pool and Bucky flushes even if he knew he had it coming in some way. Bucky flips him the bird.

“Yeah, we did,” Grins back Steve, though and Bucky rolls his eyes at the glee in his voice.

“You’re already embarrassing me.” He tells Steve who makes an offended sound at the back of his throat.

The rest of the evening passes by perfectly. But that may be because right now Bucky feels kinda unstoppable. They swim in the pool, peacefully this time and eat the delicious grilled goods Bruce finally consented making. They laugh and drink a little and when the night falls they play cards inside of Stark’s mansion due to the fresh night air. When it’s starting to become early morning Steve and Bucky decide to go home. They aren’t the first to leave but neither the last ones by all means. They say their goodbyes and take the first bus of the day back to Steve’s apartment.

Slowly, they walk up the stairs, tired out by the activities of the day. “You wanna do something? A movie?” Steve asks him in a hushed tone while opening the door, not wanting to disturb the other residents of the house.

Bucky shakes his head. “I’m tired, I just wanna go to sleep if that’s okay with you.” As if he was emphasizing his words he yawns and follows Steve inside.

“That’s totally okay with me.”

They go to Steve’s bedroom and Steve tells him to make himself comfortable. While he is in the bathroom Bucky changes into his pyjamas and looks around the room. It’s super tidy in here but Bucky would have guessed that much either way. He’s seen the rest of the house before. There are some art pieces at the walls that actually look like Steve’s in contrary to the ones displayed in the rest of the apartment and Bucky is glad that he at least proudly exhibits them here in the safety of his own room. There is a huge clock on the wall and countless books in the shelves. His desk is coverd with art utensils and unlike Bucky he has a queensized bed. The covers are soft and Bucky just wants to fall on top of them and sleep but he still has to brush his teeth. The room feels so much like Steve it’s embarrassing how familiar and cozy he feels in here already.

Shortly after Steve comes out of the bathroom Bucky goes in. He hurries and is done in no time. He runs back to the bed and hesitates just a second before crawling under the blankets and snuggling up to his boyfriend. His _boyfriend_. Look at this turn of events. Adrenaline washes over him and he grins to himself before sliding one arm over Steve’s chest and resting his head in the crook of his neck. He still can’t believe that he’s allowed to just do this, he’s been wanting it for god knows how long. “Is that alright or am I overstepping any boundries here?” He asks anyway just to be sure and then hums softly when Steve runs his hand through his hair.

“It’s more than alright, babe.” Steve kisses him on the forehead and Bucky scrunches up his nose.

“You’re disgusting. I like it when you call me that, though. I know you were just kidding back then when you started it at first but it was nice hearing it all the time.” Bucky confesses, voice slow with sleep.

“I may have not been kidding that much.”

“Huh?”

“Well, your contact might just still be 'babe'. I always kept changing it back to it.”

Bucky laughs softly and even in the dim light he can see the color rise in Steve’s face as it darkens.

“What an idiot.” Bucky repositions himself on his elbows before leaning down and they kiss. It’s lazy and sweet and Bucky’s head starts spinning because it. He could do this forever. In fact, the kiss goes on for a while. It deepens a little from time to time but they always come back to their lazy rhythm, hands drawing slow circles and running over skin exploringly.

Eventually Bucky lies back down half on top of his boyfriend, hooking a leg around his ankle while an arm vines around his middle. “I love you, Stevie.” he mumbles after a while, eyelids dropping shut and feeling happiness spread through his limbs while sleep washes over him.

“I love you, too, Buck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guyyys, here we are! I am so excited for your reactions, they finally got their shit together!  
> This has been such a ride :)
> 
> (((((Tony said twenty bucks on Steve, but we all know it's just one Buck on Steve. HA! Sometimes i think i'm funny, pls laugh)))))))))))))))))


	16. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birthdays are hard to get right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter then!   
> I hope you enjoy :)

~ a year and like a month later~

Bucky lays down the book and scratches his stomach. It’s 12 o’clock on the dot on the fourth of july and Steve probably just picked up his mom at the airport. Like every birthday she comes to visit him, it’s cute really. Steve got a little embarrassed last year when he told him that it’s still part of their tradition but Bucky thinks it amazing. His mom moved a little further south to a quiter quarter a few years ago and still, they meet up at least on his birthday every year and eat her incredible apple pie Bucky had the honors of tasting last time. He fondly remembers how nervous he had been to meet Sarah, feeling like an intruder since he and Steve hadn’t been together for long at the time, but Mrs. Rogers had received him with open arms. His own mom still lives in Brooklyn and he’s seen her last two years ago at Christmas dinner, so he understands how precious these moments are for Steve and Sarah. They cherish the time especially because she has been his best and at times the only friend Steve had when he was a sickly kid.

Bucky has seen Mrs. Rogers twice since then and she’s an awesome woman, feisty despite of her age and sharp like a fox. He really likes her and thinks that he did a pretty good impression on her himself. However, she lays the bars pretty high on this special day because she’s the best thing on Steve’s birthday. Which, honestly, is more than alright, but Bucky really wants to make something special this time, too. It’s a two parter. Steve’ll get the first gift as soon as they’re alone and the second one on the weekend when they’ll go to the city together. He’s gonna tell Steve that he’s taking him out to dinner tonight, though. The others (mostly Tony) have decided to throw Steve a birthday party and Sam and Bucky tried to protest but talking to Tony is like talking to a fucking brickwall. He just does whatever he wants. So they both decided that it was better if they just rolled with it and stood by the birthday boy before Tony exceeded himself and tried out something like a life threatening surprise.They maybe had to give in to Tony’s demands but at least they’ll stay in control. Mostly. Steve likes laying low on his birthday but one of the disadvantages of being friends with Tony is that he always has to make it big.

Bucky hasn’t seen his boyfriend yet, he had to leave early to get to the airport in time and Bucky had slept in his own apartment last night because Nat needed help with her dancing. So there had just been a phonecall, which wasn’t sufficient even in the slightest. And since Bucky is a really annoying person, right now he’s lounging on Steve’s couch and waiting for him to congratulate him properly. He let himself in with the spare keys Steve gave him a few month ago when he forgot his project at his’ and had no way to get to it because Steve was nowhere to be found. His professor didn’t like his excuse very much. Since then Bucky is using it frequently, surprising Steve by coming in unannounced or leaving (or stealing) leftover food from time to time.

However, Bucky let himself in and is waiting for Steve and Mrs. Rogers to arrive. Maybe it’s rude to interrupt their time together but he just wants to congratulate Steve in private and in person. He hopes his mom doesn’t mind too much. He’ll leave right after. Apart from that he really likes being in Steve’s apartment even when he’s on his own. It’s so much nicer than his own and he just feels comfortable… probably because it’s tidy in here and not a dump like the one Nat and Bucky love to live in. Or maybe it’s just because he can feel Steve’s presence everywhere. It feels a litlle more like home.

His thoughts are suddenly interrupted when the lock clicks. It’s a little early for it to be Steve with his mom already. Maybe it’s Sam? But then a form comes around the corner and, yeah, it is Steve. He looks a little shocked to see Bucky there, he probably expected to be alone. Bucky would laugh at the astonished look on his face but he feels concern wash over him when he realizes the condition Steve’s in. His eyes are rimmed red, almost bloodshot, and his mouth presses into a small line as soon as the feeling of surprise subsiedes.

“Why are you here?” he croaks. It’s rude really, but Bucky doesn’t take it personally. Obviously something is very much not alright.

He stands up immediately. “Hey, sorry, I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.” He crosses the room in a swift movement and takes Steve’s face in his hands. “You okay? What happened? Where’s your mom?”

Steve looks miserable and his mouth twitches with the last question. “She can’t make it, they couldn't even embark on the plane because of technical errors.” He sighs a little shakily. “There are no surrogate flights.”

“Hey, it’s okay, come here.” He hugs Steve who  just kinda stands there for a bit before he hides his face in Bucky’s shoulder, squeezing the smaller frame to his own, arms tight around Bucky’s upper body.

“Sorry, I just… I’m not used to her not being with me today.”

“It’s okay, Stevie, I understand.” He does. It must suck and he really wants to help. “Come on, big guy. I can’t have you all miserable on your birthday. Let me do something for you.”

Steve laughs voice still wavering a little. “Like what?”

“Whatever you want.” He gives him an encouraging smile. “Listen, on the weekend I’ll borrow Clint’s car and we’ll drive there. It’s a long ride but who cares, we’ll visit her, okay?”

“Okay.” Steve is smiling a small smile now, head cocked to the side sheepishly.

“And today we’ll do something fun. I know she can’t be here but you have me. I can be a good consolation prize when I want to.”

“You are not a consolation prize.” Steve sounds a little offended and Bucky laughs.

“So, what you want to do? You can chose whatever. It’s part zero of my present.” He grins all charms, the smile he knows makes Steve’s knees go weak.

“ _Part zero_?”

“Well it was a two step plan but now I have to improvise. I wanted to start with number one of course but now isn’t the time really.” He gives Steve a meaningful look. “And part two is to take you out to dinner at eight. But we’ve got like seven hours left until then.”

“I see.” He humms, then furrows his brows. “Cuddle with me.” Bucky huffs a laugh. Then he leads Steve to the couch, who makes himself comfortable on most of Bucky’s body once they lie down. He starts running his hand through the short blond strands and Steve smiles contently. It’s almost unbelievable sometimes how something easy like this still makes Bucky’s heart race or his stomach churn, it’d be almost disgusting if it didn’t feel so good.

Steve rests his head on Bucky’s lap and Bucky continues running his hands through his hair until Steve feels a little better. Eventually he makes a sound in the back of his throat. “You know, my mom actually told me it’s not so bad, because like this I would finally see that I should spend the day just with you. She said I had her for long enough and I should start getting used to you.” He doesn’t look at Bucky while he says it, just stares at the table and presses his face against Bucky’s upper leg as if to hide in it. Bucky still sees his ears go red, though, and he starts feeling a little warm as well.

“Really? I thought she’d rather say something in the lines of ‘ _be careful of that Barnes boy, he’s trouble_ ’. She should be warning you.” He overplays his nervousnes and Steve turns so he’s looking up to Bucky now.

“Well, looks like she truts you.” He sits up. “But she’s mistaken, she should be wary of you.”

Bucky cocks up a brow. “You think I’m trouble?”

“Oh, no. I know it.” He grins. “In fact, what was that about the first part of my birthday present?” He asks all innocent, resting heavily on his ellbow big eyes blinking like he has no idea.

Bucky shakes his head, what a total asshole, but winds one leg over Steve’s form anyways, straddling him. He lays his hands on top of Steve’s shoulders giving him a onceover. “You see, part one requires way less clothing.”

“Does it now?” Steve replies, still with his sanctimonious demeanor.

Bucky just nods and runs his hands down Steve’s chest before hooking his fingers over the hem of the shirt and pushing it up, up over Steve’s head and dropping it behind the couch. He bites his lip, it’s more for show but it seems to work by the glazed look hushing over Steve’s features. “Aren’t you pretty?” He purrs continuing to map out every perfect dip on Steve’s skin feeling the muscles jump under his touch. He slides his hands up Steve’s neck pulling a little at the hairs in the back and leans down on top of him, bodies flush, lips so close to each others’. “You’re gorgous, sweetheart.” He tells him and Steve’s lids droop, a heavy breath leaving his lips. Bucky learned pretty fast how much Steve likes being praised like this, even if he would deny it until the end of days outside of the privacy of a bedroom. Or a couch, in this case. It’s a good thing Bucky doesn’t have to fake anything, only looking at his boyfriend’s bare chest sends electricity down his spine.

He leans down the rest of the way and kisses Steve open-mouthed and leaving him breathless. Not that he’s doing much better himself. He rocks his hips once and swallows the sound leaving Steve’s lips. Steve is coming awake under him and slides his hands up Bucky’s tighs, to his ass and then tries to shrug off the offending shirt Bucky’s still wearing.

He leans back to get enough room between them so Steve can take it off before rolling his hips again, hard and slow and Steve moans so sweet Bucky leans right back to suck at his lip. He bites down, then leaves for his neglected clavicle and kisses up his jaw right to his ear where he runs his nose against the shell. Steve shivers and digs his fingers in Bucky’s hip.

Bucky giggles. “So, gorgeous, what do you want me to do to you?”

Steve hums. “What could you do?” His voice is low and breathless and Bucky has to restrain to grind down a third time.

“Well, I could suck you off. Or make you come with my hands, I know you like that.” He nibbles a little at his ear, then continues. “Do you want to fuck me, sweetheart?” He licks over the shell sucking in the earlobe.

“Buck.” Steve groans. “What do you want to do to me?”

And Bucky can’t help it, it’s like Steve knows, and he grinds down rolling his hips and they moan together. “I want to ride you, please, Stevie, do you want me to ride you? I can make you feel so good.” Bucky is aware that he’s whining, pleading, but Steve is looking at him pupils dark and blown and nodding eagerly.

 

***

 

Bucky is waiting for Steve to come down. Due to his mother not being able to be here he changed part two of his present as well and prepared something special which he had to run home to for. It was tricky to leave Steve alone at five pm because he first of all didn’t want to and it was mean considering he told him he would be there with him instead of his mom. However he had texted Sam to come over and acted surprised once he did as asked. He invented a stupid excuse to leave and Steve seemed a little sad but Sam distracted him well enough and it looks like they’re having fun since they’re taking way too long to come down the flight of stairs. Stark is gonna be pissed if they’re too late.

He checks the watch on his phone and shoulders the bag he has his own surprise in. At least the party isn’t far away, Tony booked out one of the small restaurants around campus. Bucky shudders at the thought of how much money that must have costed.

Finally Sam and Steve come out of the door and walk up to him all smiles. Bucky is pleased to see that Sam successfully managed to persuade his boyfriend into wearing nothing too classy. Sam had messaged him that he was about to wear a tuxedo, as if Bucky would ever be able to treat him to such an expensive restaurant, let alone that they’re actually going out for a surprise party and not a dinner date.

“Come on, guys.” He pushes making his way to the campus shopping promenade.

Only when they’re already around the corner ready to just walk into this mess of a party Steve turns to Sam. He ducks his head. “Uhm, I don’t mean to be rude, but are you coming with?”

Sam and Bucky share a surprised look, how could they have been so stupid to oversee a simple thing like this?

“Well…” Bucky starts but finishes right there as well.

Sam speaks up instead, a mirror of Bucky’s confusion. “Man, I don’t know. Yeah, I’m coming with, trust me.”

Steve gives Bucky a quizzical look, it’s slowly dawning on him that something has to be going on. Sam did the right thing, though, they should just entertain Steve or this is going to end even worse than it potentially will anyways. Bucky takes Steve’s hand in his.

“I meant to tell you before, Steve.” He hesitates.“I’m into polygamy.” He couldn’t resist and grins stupidly as soon as Steve whips his head around in confusion. Sam holds up his hands as if to say that he has nothing to do with it but he’s chuckling as well. Steve rolls his eyes.

“Come on, Buck, honestly.”

“Ehy, Rogers, I wouldn’t be a bad choice!” Sam protests.

Steve winks at him. “Never said so.”

Meanwhile they’ve almost arrived at the front door of the little restaurant where all of Steve’s friends (and probably aquintancies as well) are hiding from the birthday boy. Bucky sighs. “Okay, Steve.” Steve turns to look at him. “I’m really sorry. We tried our best to stop it.”

Steve’s eyes widen slightly and Bucky pushes the door open. He is sorry, but there isn’t much he can do until this is over and at least he and Sam were able to warn him beforehand. The exact moment the doors open, lights suddenly fly on in the dark room, music starts playing from huge speakers and balloons as well as confetti fly wild into every direction. Everybody Steve knows stands there shouting their version of a ‘happy birthday’. All of them are smiling and happy and Stark stands right at the front, an arm around Pepper and raising his glass in Steve’s direction. “On Steve Rogers.” He says, voice miracously carrying over the turmoil and Steve, Sam and Bucky are being pulled inside.

Everyone starts to congratulate Steve and there’s no way for Bucky to stay by his side with all those people scrambling to come there first to hug him or shake his hand, so he walks to the wardrobe to bring his fragile bag to safety before heading back to the mass still gathering around Steve at the front doors.

“Hey, Bucky.” It’s Clint and Bucky makes a beeline to walk over to him. Clint hands him a beer. “How did he take it?” Bucky had told him and Nat about every doubt he had as he agreed to this and both of them were actually really concerned for their friend as well. Especially because back then nobody knew how much time Steve wanted to spend with his mom, so there was no concept of when he would be free. At least now they don’t have to think about that, Bucky realizes bitterly.

“I don’t know for sure.” Bucky sighs opening the bottle and taking another for his boyfriend and opening that, too. “I’m gonna try get to him and find out. See you later, okay?”

He makes his way through the crowd that has finally lifted up a tad and eventually reaches Steve through the pandemonium that has broken loose around them since they openened the front door. Steve looks taken by surprise for sure but it doesn’t seem too bad. He steps up to him shoving the open beerbottle into his hand.

“You alright?”

Steve gives him a weak smile. “Yeah, Sam just told me how hard you two tried to make Tony forget about this.” He shrugs helplessly. “I mean, I love all these people and they have gathered here just for me. That’s nice. I like surprises.” He shrugs helplessly.

“Okay.” Bucky smiles back squeezing his shoulder once and they mix into the crowd.

The party is actually loads of fun. He is mostly sepperated from Steve because there are so many people who want to talk to him for a while and Bucky’s friends drag him away every time Steve has to stay back to socialize. But he checks up on him from time to time and Steve seems to enjoy himself as well, so it’s fine. Bucky has a great time with his friends, dances with Steve and is careful not to drink too much. He needs a clear head.

A few hours later Steve is sitting next to him and they are playing cards on a small table with Nat, Tony and Darcy. Steve is actually starting to look somewhat drained and as soon as Bucky loses his hand he quits the game. He gives Steve a sign with his head who understands and follows him  to the end of the bar where the loud music doesn’t carry so much.

He grabs Steve by the collar and kisses him until a bright smile reappears on Steve’s tired face. “Still hanging in there?” The clock at the wall tells him it’s almost quarter past eleven and Bucky thinks it’s okay to start with part two of his present now. If he’s reading this right and Steve actually wants to leave, that is.

“Yeah. I’m actually starting to feel tired. It’s, well, a little much.” He ducks his head. “But like I said, I like surprises.” He shrugs.

“But right now just wasn’t the right time, was it?”

Steve looks at him widening his nostrils almost menacing but then he sighs and it looks like he’s shrinking with the air leaving his lungs. “Yeah. With my mom and all. I just… this is a little much.” He says again.

Bucky smiles softly. “Means it’s time to go.” He takes Steve by the hand.

“But this is my party, Buck. I can’t just leave.” Steve looks scandalized by Bucky’s proposition.

“Sure you can. You didn’t organize it and you stayed long enough for it to be okay to leave. It’s really Tony’s party, don’t you think? As long as you had a little fun and you were able to celebrate with your friends the party managed to do what it wanted to do, right?” His smile widens into a grin and he sees Steve’s resolve falter. “Trust me?”

“Okay, okay.” He squeezes Bucky’s hand. “But you have to explain why we’re leaving.”

Bucky shrugs. “Whatever you want, birthday boy.”

Bucky goes to grab his bag from the depth of the wardrobe before hurrying back to his boyfriend and together they say goodbye to their closest friends, Bucky reciting their excuse over and over until even Tony has to accept that they’re leaving. It’s later than Bucky had intended to when they’re finally out of the doors but they should be able to make it in time nonetheless.

“So, part two?” Steve asks suddenly awake and Bucky shakes his head fondly.

“Yeah, I told you it was a two-parter. Of course you wouldn’t miss it. We have to hurry up a little, though.”

Bucky leads Steve into side street after side street until they are confronted with an old, humble building sporting a rusty fireflight at the back.

“Up here.” He gestures for Steve to climb up the flight but Steve just stands there looking at him unbelievingly.

“Is that even legal?”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “Come on, you pooper, I’ve been up there since I found the place.” He reasons. “And I know you have done worse tha-“

Steve crosses his arms. “If I’m going to jail because of you on my birthday-“

Bucky cuts him off in return. “Steven Grant Rogers, you are going up this ladder or I’ll heave you up there myself or so help me!”

There is a laugh. “You didn’t just actually call me that, did you, James?”

Bucky swats at his arms. “I hate you.” He whines. “Please don’t be so hard on me and just go up those fucking stairs.” Steve laughs again but finally does as he is told and Bucky follows him to the roof satisfied. “Sit down.” He commands and Steve rises his hands but does as he’s told.

“You’re pretty bossy tonight, aren’t you?”

“You’re just hard to handle.”

“I like a firm hand.”

Bucky rolls his eyes but leans his head against Steve’s shoulder once he sat down next to him. Steve kisses him on the forehead and Bucky looks up. “So, I’ve got something for you… Please don’t laugh.”

And before the last word even left Buck’s mouth the show starts. There are explosions filling the air and a second later they are drowned in bright, shining colors. Steve and Bucky turn their heads almost in unison, watching the fireworks go off in the dark night sky. painting it beautifully. Bucky has one forgotten hand in the depth of his bagpack and he stays like this for some time while they watch the lights go off above them.

Eventually Bucky shakes himself out of it and he clears his throat to gain Steve’s attention back. “I’ve got something for you.” He repeats and takes the small apple pie out of his bag, a pastry freshly baked only a few hours ago. It had still been warm when he pushed it into the gear but now it’s cooled down. He hands the sheet into Steve’s arms shuffling a little on his ass suddenly feeling embarrassed. “You were so sad your mom didn’t make it and I thought back to the story you told me way back and I thought, well, maybe you’d feel better if I-“

But he never finishes the sentence. Steve has pulled him close with a fistful of his shirt and is kissing him like his life depends on it. Bucky is so surprised it takes some time until he reciprocates but he takes in all the gratitude Steve is conveying. They come apart and Steve’s eyes look a little wet and Bucky doesn’t know what to do with it.

“I- I forgot plates. I just remembered when we were at the party. Shit, I could have stolen some… However, I’ve got two forks.” He crams in his bag and gives Steve the cutlery who is still looking at him, smiling so warmly. Bucky feels his skin tingle and his face flush under the attentive gaze.

“Thank you, Buck.” Steve whispers. “This means a lot.”

Bucky swallows and shrugs. “Taste it first. It was my first time baking apple pie and let me tell you, it is really hard.” He finishes a little miserably and Steve laughs.

“I’ll be the judge of that.” He takes a huge fork out of the pie and stuffs the pastry into his mouth. Bucky watches him warily and in fact, Steve seems to struggle a little before being able to swallows. “It tastes… like food.” Steve concludes and Bucky loses it.

“I’m sorry.” He jelps between giggles not able to hold his fit back. He presses his face into Steve’s shoulder who is gagging a little because of the awefull taste in his mouth and Bucky laughs into the soft material of the shirt continuing to apologize furiously.

When he finally gets himself back under control he takes a bite himself, and yeah, it tastes like shit. “I’m sorry.” He’s laughing again, but so is Steve. “I did try my best, really, I swear.”

Steve rubs at his watering eyes, this time from the laughter. “Don’t worry, babe. You are amazing and I love it.” He kisses Bucky again, chaste and hard to make sure that Bucky understands that he means it. “Thank you.”

Bucky shrugs. “I just wish it turned out better.”

“Next time we’ll ask my mom for the recepe.”

“You are a genius, Stevie. We’ll ask her as soon as we get there this weekend. It’s a deal.” They giggle some more and Bucky pushes away the disgusting pie shuffling a little closer to his boyfriend instead.

Steve wraps an arm around him and Bucky rests his head on his shoulder. They intervene their fingers and continue to watch the lightshow in the sky in silence. It’s beautiful and serene despite of the noise every shot makes and they enjoy the view huddled together on top of the roof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guyyys this is it. I am a little overwhelmed that it's over, i had a lot of fun writing this and i hope you had fun as well.  
> Thank you to everyone who followed this story with me, to everyone who left comments and kudos and really ancouraged me to work on this :)  
> You were great, thank you so much!  
> Also thanks to everyone who'll still find interest in this and read to the end :)  
> Bye guys, see you next time (arm emojis and a heart emoji)

**Author's Note:**

> I'll try to post a chapter every week.  
> Also keep in mind to be kind, this is my first fanfiction ever and english isn't my first language, but constructive criticism is always welcome!


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